What can I say. I live in London and am obsessed with a teenage wizard and his friends. Am I mad? Probably Do I care? Hell no!
EDIT: Grown? Um, probably not
For my first foray into the realms of fanfiction I've chosen to write about the Marauders. I'll always stick fairly closely to canon as I think JK knows best. Although I've enjoyed reading about other ships I, personally, don't think I could write with conviction about Ginny/Crabbe or Hermione/Mclaggan relationships.
EDIT: ha ha ha ha ha - How I have changed! I'm now firmly in the rare-pair, SSP, and things that aren't quite conventional camp, although I still loves me some James/Lily.
My second chaptered fic (Apparently Asleep) has started a love affair with Tonks/Remus and confirmed my obsession for all things Sirius. *sigh*
I am indebted to Terri (mudbloodproud) for being a great beta and all round amazing person. If it hadn't been for her encouragement I would have thrown in the towel many months ago.
EDIT: I have made a lot of wonderful friends during my past three years on MNFF, including (in no particular order) Natalie, Kara, Hannah/Bob, Jess, Gina, Lea, Lori, Julia, Minna, Emmahhhh, and the fantabulous BB.
I hope Mugglenet and you enjoy reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Huge thank-you to my niece, Amanda, for being one of the first to catch the Harry Potter bug and nagging me into reading them.
I’ve written a variety of stories, so here is them arranged in categories. Some are cross- referenced. So a James/Lily may appear in Marauder or Canon Romance
EDIT: I haven't written much Harry Potter fanfiction for a while. It is unlikely I'll update the two chaptered fics I first started as they became a little too long and unwieldy. Sorry about that.
A Second Chance
First Date Disaster
Flying, Fair Play and the Need for a Firm Hand
It Takes a Wolf to Prank a Dog
Learning to Fly
O.W.L.s, Quidditch and the Added Distraction of Sirius Black
Peace in Heaven
Ribbons, not Strings
Sixth Time's the Charm
Thank you for your time, Professor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Sum of the Whole
Who's That Girl?
Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express
'i'before 'e' (Percy/Audrey)
A Prize Above Rubies (Isla Black/Bob Hitchens)
Apparently Asleep (Remus/Tonks)
Birthday Girl (George/Angelina)
Bound in the Beating of Each Other’s Hearts (Narcissa/Lucius)
Coup de Foudre (Bill/Fleur)
Dancing Queen (James/Lily)
First Date Disaster (James/Lily)
Five weeks (Remus/Tonks)
Forces of Nature (Ron/Hermione)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
In The Stars (Draco/Astoria)
Key of the Door (Ron/Hermione)
Kissing the Joy as it Flies (Seamus/Lavender)
March Madness (James/Lily)
Not Quite Perfect (Bill/Fleur)
Sixth Time’s the Charm (James/Lily)
Snowball Fights (Teddy/Victoire)
Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part (Draco/Astoria)
You Dance Divinely (George/Angelina)
Non (or rather tweaked) Canon (apart from one story, these don’t break any canon.)
Better than Chocolate (Charlie/Tonks)
Heat of Life (Harry/Katie)
Her Tomorrows (Harry/Parvati)
Lavender, blue- A Gryffindor True (Lavender/Blaise)
Love At First Strike (Angelina/Terry)
Orphans of the Storm (Seamus/Parvati/Dean)
Passion Among the Primroses (Arthur/Mafalda)
Predictions of Love (Gilderoy/Sybil)
Ribbons, not Strings (Remus/Rosmerta)
Stars or Carousels (James/Dominique)
Summer’s Heat (Sirius/OC)
Teenage Witch (Charity/Myron Wagtail )
The Happy Couple (Harry/Ginny, Blaise/Lavender)
The Only One (Lavender/Blaise Teddy/Victoire)
The Untrodden Path (Draco/Hannah)
Where We Started From (Dean/Ginny)
Same sex Pairings
Apple-bobbing ( Lisa/Susan)
Close Your Eyes (Hermione/Lavender)
Drowning, not Waving (Oliver/Cedric)
Eyes That Know Me (Scorpius/Hugo)
Forbidden Colours (Tracey/Demelza)
The Dance We Do (Bellatrix/Amelia)
The Hat that Thinks it’s a Chair (Justin/Theo)
Truth Or Dare (Cormac/Zacharias)
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
Lockhart, Sprout and Two Smoking Goblets
Passion Among the Primroses
Predictions of Love
The Bacchus Book
Vampire - Ghost Child!
A Prize Above Rubies
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
An Outstretched Hand
Others (General, D/A, Post Hogwarts, Next Gen)
A Tangled Web (D/A)
All in the Genes (NG)
Chasing the Scoop! (Post Hogwarts)
Christmas on the Outside (General/Trio era)
Dean Thomas and the Reiver Curse (Post Hogwarts)
Diavol (Remus Trio Era)
Every Breath You Take (Post Hogwarts/Next Gen)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
Friends in Unlikely Places (Post Hog. Hermione)
Growing Old Disgracefully (Post Hog)
Lavender, blue (Trio Era)
Mere Wisps of Light (Post Hog. Draco fic)
Muggles, Magic and Misconceptions (Next Gen)
My Funny Valentine (Post Hogwarts)
Staring into the Fire (Trio Era)
The Waiting Game (D/A)
Whispers from the Past (Next Gen)
The Foolhardy Boys and Parvati, too
Who’s that Girl?
As They Watch
Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 1
Fairytale of Hogwarts
I Believed in Lily Evans
Master Barty Regrets
Queen of My Heart
The Daydream Pedlar's Song
The Labyrinth Mind
This is an original idea. I like the reinforcement of the rules over and over again to Narcissa. Through Bellatrix's eyes we see a sister who was given very little choice about her way forward, but appeared to want her way of life anyway.
I have a bit of a quibble about your time line and ages. Narcissa was born in 1955 (according to JKR's Black family tree). Sirius was born in 1960, so when Cissy was seven, he would have been two. I doubt whether they'd have been able to deduce from that age that he wan't following rules. Also you say that Lucius was several years old than Narcissa, but he was a prefect when Snape and the others were Sorted, so at the most was only two years older than Narcissa. I'm also pretty sure that Narcissa was never a Death Eater. She supported them, but didn't have the Dark Mark on her arm.
I think you captured both sisters well in this fic. Bellatrix isn't totally over-the-top mad, but has a wry way with words. The bit where she's facing the Potters and exclaims that Potter was always too fast, made me smile slightly.
Author's Response: Thank you for your response. The Black Family Tree is not my strong point-- for more details, see my long work "Marauders to the End." I've gone round and round with mods about it and have finally given up since I can't add anyways. It never says in the book whether or not Narcissa was a Death Eater. That's another thing I argued with the mods about, since the Lexicon has her listed as a supporter. I thought she was and it works either way. Thank you for reviewing!
Oh, great reasoning, Terri. I hope this cleared a few things up in your mind. It all makes a lot of sense now - LOL.
Ah, Marauders and Sirius, you really do write them with flair. Sirius is great in this, as are the others. I liked Remus' flash of anger, especially. Peter was great. I'm glad you resisted the urge to have him overly sneaky. He was unobtrusive as he should be. I'm not convinced by the better Charms grade than Sirius, though. I'm still of the opinion that his grades weren't that brilliant - his value to the group being something other than brains - his sheer ordinariness being a foil for James and Sirius for one thing. No, I don't think he was a dunce, but I can't see Sirius getting less than an E for Charms and Peter getting an O ... no, I can't see it, or Flitwick would have eulogised over him when they were in the Three Broomsticks. - Sorry, that's minor, it was just a little pick.
Anyway, I loved the story, and am honoured my prompt set you back to writing again. I hope this continues.
Author's Response: My dear Carole,
We have spent numerous hours discussing the Marauders. In my mind, and I guess I should have explained it in the story, was that the only reason Sirius got a lower grade was because he was cocky, overconfident and goofing off as that is just the way he is.
hmmm, perhaps this won't be just a two-shot as muse just had an idea for a final chapter tying this one and Remus' together. hmmmm
Anyway, if you like Remus' flash of anger in this, wait until I put up his chapter. hehehe
Thanks hon for taking the time to give me your thoughts and for the prompt that brought the muse back.
You know how much I adore this, but I had to give you a review because it is just a perfect story. I love your Dominique and Lakshmi is just wonderful. You've created a wonderful character there. Full of life, laughing yet so blind to what her friend feels for her. I feel so badly for poor Dominique.
The plot of getting her hair cut is so simple yet it's rich in symbolism. Gah, what can I say - I'm not a Spew-er. Just wonderful. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks! I am happy the hair-plot worked out. :) Also, they might return for a happier sequel!
Oh Lori, this is utter, utter love. I adore this story. It's a wonderful romance, but not too fluffy. Yes, there's some, but this is a canon couple who are just so right for each other (Damn ... what have I done with Shrouds!)
Youreally write so well, so wonderfully descriptive about this pair and you capture Hermione and Ron's relationship so wonderfully.
Must stop gushing now. I can't say anymore than I already have ... but I loved it.
Author's Response: Aw, Carole, thanks so much. I have a seriously unhealthy attachment to these two, which is why I have been avoiding Shrouds for now. *insert embarrassed smiley here* It's so ridiculous, but even though I know it will be wonderfully plausible and well-written, it will also bum me out for days. LOL. And things are just starting to look up around my life. Hehe. Thanks so much for reading this angst-fest and leaving me such lovely comments. I'm so glad you thought it worked. :)
Far too scary!
Great poem, Natalie. You've managed to encapsulate their story in a marvellous set of haikus that are really atmospheric. I love the last haiku the most - the line 'Ghosts for angels.' is spine-tinglingly good.
Great job. I know what a hard task this was. Good luck in the triathlon. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Ooh! I am happy to hear it scared you. It was meant to create some sort of a horrific effect on the readers. The last one is my favourite as well. :D:D Thanks for the review!
What can I say? A James/Lily written impeccably by Gina. I'm in canon ship heaven.
What I particularly like about this story is that you have an actual plot goingon and it's not just about James and Lily in a will they/won't they scenario (although I'm pleased to see that happening as well - hee hee.)
Great first chapter and I can't wait for the rest.
Author's Response: Carole, you KNOW what happens next, lol. I might not have sent this off for the ficfest if you hadn't assured me it wasn't as uneven as I thought it was. I'm actually starting to like it quite a bit now. :) And I'm glad you liked it. Yes - a plot, imagine that. Er. what does that say about my other J/L story where the plot IS just about them getting together? Eep! ;) Well, I'll put up the rest of this one (and hopefully that other one) soon. Thanks again for your help and thank you so much for the lovely review! ~Gina :)
This is my poetic representation of her thoughts throughout the year.
This is rather good. I think you've captured Ginny pretty well in her resilience and her understanding that she too can aid the cause by restarting Dumbledore's army. Your first line 'Don't tell me not to cry' had me twitching a bit because I think of Ginny as a character who doesn't cry ... unless she's by herself. However I was reassured byt your second line where she's belligerently assuring us that we won;t see her cry.
I loved the lines where she's talking to her mum. I felt a little tear form in my eyes at that point.
Hmm, I think I'd have preferred the poem to end at that point and not have the last two lines. Ending with her worries about Molly made it more poignant, although ending with Harry makes the poem more hopeful, so it's very much a personal choice.
Anyway, I like this very much and hope you write more poems. Have you checked out Poetry Anyone, yet? ~Carole~
Author's Response: Carole,
My goodness, you thought it was good? Well, then, thank you. I do not claim to be a poet in the least. I thought it was fair, but not that good... So, thank you.
With the first line, I imagined Ginny looking out a window or something, and Neville thinks she's crying, and he, being the sweet awkward soul that he is, tries to comfort her, telling her not to cry. Of course, in my mind, Ginny doesn't react well, because she isn't crying, no matter how much she might like to.
The lines about Molly were rather spur of the moment, actually. I thought of them right before I submitted the poem.
And lastly, yeah, I've looked at Poetry Anyone, but, like I said, I'm no poet. I don't know where this poem came from. I can count the poems I've written in my life on one hand...
Anyway, thank you very much for reviewing, Carole. I'm glad you enjoyed my first HP poem.
After it was all said and done, Harry wanted a sandwich. However, Ron knew that what he wanted was far deeper and complex and maddening and insufferable. But could Hermione ever forgive him for leaving her behind? Could he ever forgive himself?
This story was nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Canon Romance.
Awww, Jess, this is lovely. Just the type of fic I need to read when I have a teenage daughter shouting at me. *sigh*.
Steps back ... wow, you're writing Romione/Heron - heh heh. Seriously, I like this very much and think the characterisation is so good. I'm not entirely convinced by Ron's real reason for leaving Harry and Hermione, but that's my personal opinion and you've made an exceptionally good case for him leaving them. What I would have preferred, I think, is if he'd said it wasn't the entire reason because I do think the Horcrux had a large part to do with it. Anyway, that's by the by and we can debate that until the Nargles fly home.
Ron effing Weasley, slayer of Horcruxes and champion of the elves - ha ha ha ha. Best line ever.
Damn, this makes my rather drunk poetry look even shabbier ... sorry Bob ~Carole~
Hellooooo, Madam Caroleeee. :D
I'm glad you like the characterisation, considering it's a pairing that I've never written before. I just wanted a sweet little moment that gave Bob warm fuzzies, but also could have ACTUALLY happened. Plus, Ron from the Epilogue has a sort of swagger to him, so that had to start somewhere. lol
Glad you enjoyed it and that it didn't suck for something I wrote in no time flat and read through maybe once. Then again, those seem to be my most popular fics these days. >.<
Ah! Perfection in free verse. Natalie, you excel in this type of poetry. Not just free verse, but the D/A kind that wrenches at my guts. Just wonderful.
Okay, I guess I need some sort of concrit here, well, there's no crit, but just a total wonder at some of the lines you've used:
Fed the victual of rancour
As I fragment/Drinking in my faults.
Merlin, I'm in bits, here. You've captured Regulus so affectively in these words. I am not at all worthy, and I think you've won this stage.
Lord, I think I need to stop gushing ... but I can't.
One crit - Not enough dialogue for my taste *snort* ~Carole~
Author's Response: Hahaha!
I was worried you may have noticed a slip-up or something. Dialogue? I'll just have to make do with this monosyllabic answer: Hmmmm.
Glad to hear you liked it. :) The poem gave me trouble for some time. One fine day, I'll post the abominable first draft for all to see...provided I haven't deleted it yet. Heehee!
Thanks for the review!
Oh! This is really very touching and so sad. Poor Harry, at this age not realising that the dream is true and not knowing how his life will change.
I like the way you structure this poem. These lines: Spits my name with so much Bitterness; to the recollections of my previous dream I clutch. stand out for me, because of the juxtaposition of 'bitterness;' with the dream he desperately needs to remember.
Lovely poem. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Hello Carole! Thanks so much for the review! I'm really glad you like the poem:D And yes, you noticed my intentions with relevance to the structuring! :D I've always wondered about those ten years that Harry spent as a child with the Dursleys, and how he actually managed to grow into such a fine young man despite all that neglect and abuse he received.
Gina, this flows so effortlessly, and evokes so much. There's no faltering or clunky rhymes - it's perfect.
One crit: where's the dialogue? (runs away)
Um, seriously, explain why you don't have a thread in PA. Your poetry is so good, you should join us. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks, Carole! I don't know about perfect, but I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out, I suppose, mostly because it was just so unexpected! Sorry there was no dialogue, is that even possible in a poem? LOL! *runs away from PA question* Thanks for reading this, I really appreciate the lovely review! ~Gina :)
Aww, poor Ron.
Megan, this is sad. (I mean the sentiments and not the poem - lol). You've managed to capture Ron's feelings of utter worthlessness so well and I wonder whether he ever managed to escape the feeling that he was overshadowed. (I hope so)
I like your poetry. It flows well, but isn't over-flowery, so well done.
Oh and finally ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Author's Response: Oooh, thanks so much!! This was a fantastic birthday gift. I really appreciate it. :D Thank you! And I'm not all that fond of Ron . . . all the more reason I wrote this poem. :) I ship Harmony! Thanks again!!
Albus Potter had what some would call a fascinating job -- working for the Magical Law Enforcement's intelligence department. But when suspicious activity caused the Ministry to think the infamous Knights of Walpurgis were up to something, their leading expert was called into action.
In disguise and out of his mind, Albus embarked on an impossible task, but when things started turning for the worse, why were his only thoughts about the one person he would hurt along the way?
This story was nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Next-Generation Story AND Best Same-Sex Pairing Story
YAY! Scorpius is getting a shag! It's been a while, poor love. And now I feel desperately sorry for him, and annoyed with Albus because this looks as if it's all going to end badly.
Jess, this is so original, incredibly funny, but also rather poignant. The plot is wonderful, too. Great job!
Get the man to stop thinking with his pud This confused me. I take it that 'pud' is slang for ... uhm ... penis, but to me it's short for 'pudding' - ha ha - Can you see why I was so confused?
Sorry I've taken so long to catch up. I lubs it (and you) really. ~Carole~
I love writing things that are on the lines of bizarre, and this will definitely be the most whacked out thing I'll ever write. I just... wanted to step outside of the box. Sure, it gave me all sorts of aggravation, but ultimately, it was worth it. Especially since the end is open-ended, which gives me the chance to write a sequel down the line if I so choose.
Hmm, I should really stop trawling Briticism websites for words, but it was in the evening for me, which is about 3am GST, so I didn't have anyone's brain to pick and I was running low on patience. I should probably pick a different word, but I could also assume that, since the word does exist over here, that by 2038, it will have migrated over there, but I'm too lazy to even do that. :D
I'm glad you liked the story. It was aggravating, nerve-wracking, a source of constant self-doubt, but totally worth it. Plus, it gave me an excuse to get another BB banner.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. One of these decades when I stop trying to write a million things at once, I need to lurk your author page. I hear tell a non-ridiculous Dramione story does in fact exist, despite the ship's dodo bird-like history.
OOOOH FABULOSA! *ends review in the hope of a sporky*
Comes back. jess, this is borderline insane ... but brilliantly so. I enjoyed this first chapter ridiculously. The predicament is hilarious, and the plot amazing, but my favourite part of this chapter is Scorpius. It would have been easy to make him a one dimensional lech, but you've given him layers. I'm really rather hoping they both turn out to love each other when Albus is Albus, and that's despite me loving Scorpius/Lily with a passion.
Great first chapter. ~Carole~
Psycho scale >>>> You've passed the Palin level and have reached Tom Cruise.
Hehe, now you can see why this story drove me spare. It was eating me alive, but I still wasn't sure whether it was good or complete crap. So far so good, and everything is about to take some even stranger turns, lol. I'm glad you like it. XD
It is rather insane, isn't it?
Noooooooooooooooooooo, poor Scorpius, I'm in love with him all over again. By the way, have I ever mentioned that I'm five foot ... just like Melinda *sigh*.
Jess, brilliant chapter with an intriguing plot and great characters. I LOVE Draco ... but did want to know who he was screwing. Couldn't you have told us? (Kinda hoping it's Hermione - ha ha JOKE)
Seriously, though, I think apart from Scorpius the best part of this chapter is the scene with harry. It felt very natural, and the conversation flowed perfectly.
Loving this ~Carole~
Poor Albus. I put him through so much, hence the strange, strange crisis of conscience. I know Harry wouldn't mock him about having a conscience, but even the nicest of people would make fun of Albus for having to play a society princess. I especially wanted him to suffer through all the heinous things women do to make themselves beautiful.
And there was nothing sinister about Draco's dipsy doodle at the party. He's really just a dirty old man, and his 'recipient' was indeed a serving girl who was hoping for better pay. XD
P. S. -- Smut is on the horizon. :D
AGHHHH! Jess, I'm officially in love with Scorpius ... and Albus ... except I hate Albus for what he's done to Scorpius ... except Albus is as upset as I am. Oh, I'm confused now. Wow! Just think how Albus feels!
Can I just say here that you write sex deliciously well. Absolutely mindblowing the way you sustained the tension over eleven paragraphs - just wow. What I thought was done particularly well was Albus' sexual feelings because he's experienceing this for the first time as a woman. Amazing.
Oh, and the the surprise with Greengrass. Nicely played. I did not see that one coming at all. This story is twisting and turning like a twisty-turny thing. (sorry, I'm giggling and I should be more serious.) I need to read on, but I'm not sure I can bear Scorpius' broken heart. I can't see this ending well for either of them and that makes me sad (even though I think Scorpius belongs with Lily).
Wonderful story, Jess, just wonderful. ~Carole~
Haha, you have no idea how easy it was to write eleven paragraphs of sex. The hard part was chopping out any reference to body parts to make it archive acceptable. This is how it went down, lol.
I needed a good reason for Greengrass to be so weird toward Albus and evidence that the Ministry isn't stupid enough not to have long term intelligence gathering efforts on the largest potential threat to public safety. Plus, it shows just how bad Albus is at his job, lol. Not everyone is cut out for spywork. XD
Things get a bit weird from here, hehe.
This is where I fell in love with Scorpius. It takes a superior kind of person to put aside his own feelings and at least acknowledge Albus's personal trauma. He just remembered who he was talking to and how they weren't so very different from the people they were when they were Scorpius and Melinda.
And then comes the super action sequence. *Disapparates*
Oh, hmm, yes strange and darn compelling. I got a bit lost with the Jenkins part of the plot, but then I was always more interested in the smut (Don't tell me you're surprised at that!).
The action was well done. The duels and the curses had me on the edge of my seat (well, bed actually), and the tension held up very well.
I'm a bit iffy about the end. Whilst I did want them to have a happy ending, I'm not totally convinced they would have had - or at least not that easily. Also James/Harry/Ginny's acceptance of their now 'outed' son does seem a bit too rushed. I realise that you were tying up the story and probably they were just extremely pleased he'd survived everything, but it did come over as just a touch too pat.
Okay, that's probably a bit too negative because I did love this story. The whole thing was a masterpiece of insanity, breathlessly good writing, sexual tension, raw emotion and just utter utter love. Amazing that you thought of this. Amazing that you dared to enter the insanity of it. Brilliantly devised plot and perfectly executed. Wonderful! ~Carole~
Well, I think you hit the crux of it: the story had to END. It was already twice as long as I'd intended and it needed to come to a close. Gina had mentioned it felt a bit rushed, the action, but since it was from Albus's POV, it almost had to be. As pointed out, the reason he was picked by Jenkins for this 'operation' (a front to get someone prosecuted for Knight activity so the rest of them would be free to plot away) was that Albus really wasn't a very good intelligence agent. He basically got the job because of who he was, and it didn't take him long to get behind a desk, which wasn't because he should've been running the place. Then again, not many people could go against 3+ blokes and actually come out of it standing. Scorpius was only able to knock them off because he had the element of surprise.
I think the moment they started talking in the last chapter, Scorpius started to care about Albus for Albus. He was still deservedly miffed, but it became apparent that when Albus said that he truly cared for Scorpius, he was being truthful. And of course he couldn't let someone be killed by rampaging bad guys, so he went after him. He really is too nice for his own good.
I think what I wanted was for Scorpius to see Albus prone and in mortal peril and realise that it really bothered him. And being there during the recovery was supposed to be time for him to think and to come to terms with what he could and couldn't bring himself to try. He gave himself a pep talk to rack up the nerve to kiss Albus and was surprised to find that the attraction was still there, even if it was buried within the taste of a different set of lips.
There is a crapload of alternate POV backstory in this fic, but having limited this to Albus's POV and needing the bloody thing to end finally left me with little of it that I could actually show. I hope this is a bit enlightening. :D
One thing I was thinking all through this was that I hoped to Merlin that Jen wasn't going to hate it. She asked for Albus/Scorpius with a masquerade prompt. I don't think she was expecting to get this, but then here we are, with my almost 25K mutant plot baby. This was one of my favourite stories to write, and even though it caused me a ridiculous amount of angst, I would do it all over again.
Thanks for following the story, and I'm glad you liked it. It was damned difficult, but so very worth it.
This is an original poem. Hardly anyone writes anything about Molly, and poetry about a subject that is essentially very real, but also mundane, is very rare indeed, but you've written this well. You've caught the essential Molly here, the wife and mother who has so much to worry about, yet her core values remain.
I particularly like the structure of the poem and the way everything leads to that tightening squeeze in the middle and then pans out. Very clever.
There were a few lines that I thought didn;t flow quite as well as the others. The second line, for instance, I don't think 'trying pay bills' works because it seems as if you've missed out a word like 'yo', so perhaps you could change it to 'try to pay bills'
I was also a little confused as to whether there was a rhyming scheme because there is some repetition with the sounds find, mind, resigned and also time. So part of this seemed to be a free verse poem whereas other parts followed a definite rhyme and rhythm scheme. It did, however, seem to give a clear indication of the stress Molly was under and the same thoughts kept running around her head.
I love the last stanza; the line about the shuffle of papers gave a very real atmosphere to the poem as Molly tries so hard to juggle everything.
I enjoyed reading this poem very much. You tackled a hard subject very well. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review. I have to admit that this came from a day when I was very much feeling as I imagine Molly feels. I also love to rhyme, but couldn't make it work the entire way through. I think that it just added to the stress feeling... and I intentionally combined structured work with free verse. I'm glad you could get the feelings as I was truly feeling them when I wrote it! :) Cyns
Can you stop making this plausible, please?
*giggle* - I enjoyed this story, surprisingly. Well, not surprisingly because you wrote it, but because of the pairing. You gave enough of a hint that this pair could work as a couple, and yet they stopped because of Ron. I'm sort of discounting Ginny because Harry was single at the time.
I really enjoyed that this was a reminiscence. Harry as an old man being patronised by his kids was very well written. Great job. ~Carole~ (5)
Author's Response: Heeheehee. I think that's the last time I'm writing Harmony. Really ... Ahem. I am glad you liked Harry being patronised by the kids. I don't want to get old, though. >.< Thanks for the review! <3333