What can I say. I live in London and am obsessed with a teenage wizard and his friends. Am I mad? Probably Do I care? Hell no!
EDIT: Grown? Um, probably not
For my first foray into the realms of fanfiction I've chosen to write about the Marauders. I'll always stick fairly closely to canon as I think JK knows best. Although I've enjoyed reading about other ships I, personally, don't think I could write with conviction about Ginny/Crabbe or Hermione/Mclaggan relationships.
EDIT: ha ha ha ha ha - How I have changed! I'm now firmly in the rare-pair, SSP, and things that aren't quite conventional camp, although I still loves me some James/Lily.
My second chaptered fic (Apparently Asleep) has started a love affair with Tonks/Remus and confirmed my obsession for all things Sirius. *sigh*
I am indebted to Terri (mudbloodproud) for being a great beta and all round amazing person. If it hadn't been for her encouragement I would have thrown in the towel many months ago.
EDIT: I have made a lot of wonderful friends during my past three years on MNFF, including (in no particular order) Natalie, Kara, Hannah/Bob, Jess, Gina, Lea, Lori, Julia, Minna, Emmahhhh, and the fantabulous BB.
I hope Mugglenet and you enjoy reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Huge thank-you to my niece, Amanda, for being one of the first to catch the Harry Potter bug and nagging me into reading them.
I’ve written a variety of stories, so here is them arranged in categories. Some are cross- referenced. So a James/Lily may appear in Marauder or Canon Romance
EDIT: I haven't written much Harry Potter fanfiction for a while. It is unlikely I'll update the two chaptered fics I first started as they became a little too long and unwieldy. Sorry about that.
A Second Chance
First Date Disaster
Flying, Fair Play and the Need for a Firm Hand
It Takes a Wolf to Prank a Dog
Learning to Fly
O.W.L.s, Quidditch and the Added Distraction of Sirius Black
Peace in Heaven
Ribbons, not Strings
Sixth Time's the Charm
Thank you for your time, Professor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Sum of the Whole
Who's That Girl?
Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express
'i'before 'e' (Percy/Audrey)
A Prize Above Rubies (Isla Black/Bob Hitchens)
Apparently Asleep (Remus/Tonks)
Birthday Girl (George/Angelina)
Bound in the Beating of Each Other’s Hearts (Narcissa/Lucius)
Coup de Foudre (Bill/Fleur)
Dancing Queen (James/Lily)
First Date Disaster (James/Lily)
Five weeks (Remus/Tonks)
Forces of Nature (Ron/Hermione)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
In The Stars (Draco/Astoria)
Key of the Door (Ron/Hermione)
Kissing the Joy as it Flies (Seamus/Lavender)
March Madness (James/Lily)
Not Quite Perfect (Bill/Fleur)
Sixth Time’s the Charm (James/Lily)
Snowball Fights (Teddy/Victoire)
Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part (Draco/Astoria)
You Dance Divinely (George/Angelina)
Non (or rather tweaked) Canon (apart from one story, these don’t break any canon.)
Better than Chocolate (Charlie/Tonks)
Heat of Life (Harry/Katie)
Her Tomorrows (Harry/Parvati)
Lavender, blue- A Gryffindor True (Lavender/Blaise)
Love At First Strike (Angelina/Terry)
Orphans of the Storm (Seamus/Parvati/Dean)
Passion Among the Primroses (Arthur/Mafalda)
Predictions of Love (Gilderoy/Sybil)
Ribbons, not Strings (Remus/Rosmerta)
Stars or Carousels (James/Dominique)
Summer’s Heat (Sirius/OC)
Teenage Witch (Charity/Myron Wagtail )
The Happy Couple (Harry/Ginny, Blaise/Lavender)
The Only One (Lavender/Blaise Teddy/Victoire)
The Untrodden Path (Draco/Hannah)
Where We Started From (Dean/Ginny)
Same sex Pairings
Apple-bobbing ( Lisa/Susan)
Close Your Eyes (Hermione/Lavender)
Drowning, not Waving (Oliver/Cedric)
Eyes That Know Me (Scorpius/Hugo)
Forbidden Colours (Tracey/Demelza)
The Dance We Do (Bellatrix/Amelia)
The Hat that Thinks it’s a Chair (Justin/Theo)
Truth Or Dare (Cormac/Zacharias)
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
Lockhart, Sprout and Two Smoking Goblets
Passion Among the Primroses
Predictions of Love
The Bacchus Book
Vampire - Ghost Child!
A Prize Above Rubies
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
An Outstretched Hand
Others (General, D/A, Post Hogwarts, Next Gen)
A Tangled Web (D/A)
All in the Genes (NG)
Chasing the Scoop! (Post Hogwarts)
Christmas on the Outside (General/Trio era)
Dean Thomas and the Reiver Curse (Post Hogwarts)
Diavol (Remus Trio Era)
Every Breath You Take (Post Hogwarts/Next Gen)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
Friends in Unlikely Places (Post Hog. Hermione)
Growing Old Disgracefully (Post Hog)
Lavender, blue (Trio Era)
Mere Wisps of Light (Post Hog. Draco fic)
Muggles, Magic and Misconceptions (Next Gen)
My Funny Valentine (Post Hogwarts)
Staring into the Fire (Trio Era)
The Waiting Game (D/A)
Whispers from the Past (Next Gen)
The Foolhardy Boys and Parvati, too
Who’s that Girl?
As They Watch
Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 1
Fairytale of Hogwarts
I Believed in Lily Evans
Master Barty Regrets
Queen of My Heart
The Daydream Pedlar's Song
The Labyrinth Mind
Ahh, very convincing story, Terri. Poor Remus with his box of memories (and even the box was given to him by Lily). He gets scant comfort from them ... but at least it's some comfort. I loved the Sirius/Lily picture. It was actually so obvious that it was just a natureal moment between the pair of them ... but Remus is clutching at any reason.
I loved the way you inter-wove Dumbledore's request into Remus remembering all the good and bad times. Dumbledore certainly knew his man, and knew how to persuade (or manouvre) him into accepting the post.
Lovely story - Remus was perfect. ~Carole~
Okay, not sure why I never read this before because it has Sirius in it and it's by you. I think I'm just dreadfully slow on the uptake.
I like this. I like the simple reflective tone of the piece and how the song connects Regulus to Sirius and their terrible history. I wish they'd been reconciled because they were far more similar than they realised.
I did feel that Regulus' thoughts in places were rather formal, but then again, he is reflecting solemnly and has been indoctrinated by the Blacks and the DE's so I think he would have that type of tone. (Ignore me, I'm just pretending I should be in SPEW)
Very well thought out story, Natalie. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Croll!
So lets' see, I nominated this for 2 QSQ's last year, and yet didn;t leave a review. I have to be the dumbest dumb dumbo in the world. This will be barely coherent (it's been a long afternoon), but I do think this was an incredibly well written story. Merope is such a tragic character. Badly treated by everyone, and yet she wants so much to be loved for who she is. *sob*. Her prayer at the end is just really sad and horribly prophetic, but not in the way she wanted. *sigh* ~Carole~ (14)
Author's Response: It's been a long afternoon? Really? Really? Hehehe. This is one of my favourite stories written by me, if I may say so lol. I didn't think I'd finish it off in time but I did (although I'm still a bit annoyed we never got our finals points <.<) Merope's story is so sad, though. :'( Thanks for the reviewwwww! And the noms, as well. <333
This is an interesting story providing an insight into Hermione that we really don't see in the books (but do seem to see in fanfiction - and the films)The writing is very sensual and the imagery is startling, but I can't help feeling that Hermione is OOC. I can imagine her wanting to come up to the Astronomy tower and be alone, perhaps indulge in a dance and fantasise, but knowing that Draco AND Harry are watching her doesn't really work - unless (and forgive me, 'cause I could well be wrong) she's imagining the whole thing and it's part of some deeper fantasy of hers. I think I would have enjoyed the story more if that had been the case, or it had been about another girl (Lavender or Hannah, perhaps)
The other thing that always strikes me about stories set in the Astronomy Tower is that it's the last place anyone would want to go for a moonlight dance/assignation. At night, Professor Sinistra holds all her classes - you can't study Astronomy during the day. In truth, Hermione, Draco and Harry would have bumped into groups of first years being herded up to their lessons.
Draco/Hermione is a powerful fanfiction subject and I think you tackled the very 'verboten' ness of it well. And, as I said, the writing and imagery were beautiful. ~Carole~
Author's Response: It's absolutely the case that Hermione is imagining the whole thing - none of the story is 'real' except the last three lines. Is Hermione out of character, from what we know about her? Perhaps, but maybe we're all a little out of character in our fantasies. That's what a fantasy is, after all - where you imagine you're something you aren't. So for Hermione, to imagine herself desired by two(!) boys and to be brave enough to reveal a deeply sexual side of herself to them... she'd never actually do that in a million years, but she might be able to imagine doing so.
I set this story in the Astronomy Tower for exactly that reason - it's a fanfiction trope for couples to sneak up there to have their trysts, but nothing of the sort is ever mentioned in the books (students are more likely to duck into an unused classroom), and as you say, there's lots of traffic up there because of the Astronomy classes. However, if there was maybe a part of you that wanted to get caught...
Draco/Hermione is one of the pairings I have a very hard time wrapping my head around, so I guess that's one of the reasons I kind of made fun of it with this story, given that Draco's just a prop (Harry too, for that matter) - Hermione's not even really thinking about Draco himself, per se, but rather the effect she's having on him in her fantasy. I've skimmed over more than enough stories where Hermione becomes captivated with the fanon leather-pants version of Draco (often despite how much she hates him) before descending into lurid purple prose - I just wanted to put the shoe on the other foot for a little while.
Ahhh! well that makes more sense. In that case, I applaud you. I don't think it OOC that Hermione would fantasise, however I would have thought she'd be more likely to fantasise about Ron or Lockhart (which is icky, but is possible)
Mind you, now you've explained that you were taking the mick out of the poor Tom Felton in leather trousers fans out there, and the Harmony lovers - then I get it. (I was wondering why you'd written Dramione - very OOC for you)
Fantasies about getting caught are common, I guess, but getting caught on the off chance by one professor (or Filch) is one thing - getting discovered by a group of snot-nosed first years is too hideous to contemplate.
I thought the end lines were after she'd returned to bed for the night and was sighing because her overlooked dance was over.
Tell me, did it alter your perception of Draco as a possible love object (not just for Hermione) or are you of the opinion that he won't love anyone but will make a safe marriage for dynastic purposes? (Not sure what you vp is on Draco in general - just that you dislike the Draco is 'hawt' line that runs free in fanfiction. ~Carole~
Author's Response: I'm not a big fan of the pairing labels people use all the time - Dramione, H/Hr, those ones - because I find it narrows the kind of stories you can tell. If, for example, you write something that puts Hermione and Draco together in any context, you're automatically in favour of them being together, even if the story you've written is being critical of the pairing. The fandom - most fandoms, really - is so focused on pairing characters up... I was more trying to say that's the silly part, rather than pick on one specific pairing (although Draco/Hermione is the low-hanging fruit, if I wanted to). Like... in the end, Hermione isn't paired with anyone. What she's imagining is inconsequential. When she's done, she just turns over and goes to sleep. Tha's kind of how I feel about character pairings in general - fun to play with, but nothing to lose sleep over.
About Draco... I think his attractiveness and his aristocracy both are played up too often. I think he's a very pitiable character - there's a person buried deep inside the baggage from his father, it's just that we (via Harry's perspective) rarely get to see any of it. I'm quite interested with the relationship he has with Pansy, especially with the extra-canon knowledge that she's not the woman in the epilogue. I'm not adverse to Draco finding love - I just think it's better if he's a human with vulnerabilities, rather than a perfect love god straight from the pages of a cheap romance paperback.
I promised you a review once class was over and I never delivered. I am a bad person. So, I’m here now. This story was superb, Natalie. I loved how you tied it all to each person. Six perspectives ... and all so very different. Wonderful!
James His perspective – the guilt that he couldn’t catch her but also the fear that it could have been him coupled with the realisation that life isn’t forever.
Snape They had been convening for the past one year, gathering information and sharing them, and yet they hadn’t got any closer. Not sure you mean ‘them’ here. Perhaps sharing thoughts or ideas. I do love the way this is set out. James’ reaction juxtaposed with Snape’s reaction. But it’s other bits in this particular passage that stand out. The young wannabe DE’s who can’t get to see Voldemort – I laughed at that – and Snape knowing that Voldey wouldn’t be bothered about them ... not yet. When he starts to analyse her near-death and use it for his own ends – well *shudder*
Sirius I expect him to be the most selfish and the least affected – unsure why - and this sort of follows that pattern. Except Sirius isn’t selfish, he’s just more concerned about James and Peter and where they are. I found it very interesting that he doesn’t like the change that’s happening. He is the one most fearful of their group fragmenting. Brilliantly done.
Peter Peter Marauder stories are usually heavily ironic. This isn’t. This is a simple portrayal, yet rather telling. Peter’s afraid of death. The others are afraid of dying – in their own way – but he is simply afraid of death and of not being around anymore.
Lily This I think was just amazing. Lily’s reaction and her memory of that first fall from the swing. The magic breaking through. OOOOH! Superb writing. (I really am running out of adjectives to use for this fic.) I may just have to randomly squeeee for ....
Remus So ... why has she left him to last, I thought. He’s bottling things up. He’s going to break. No one can be that controlled. Now, Remus’ analytical reaction shocked me a bit, but it was perfectly IC. He’s thinking of others, but he was also the only one who had the instinct to look to Dumbledore – the man that made his life bearable by giving him a chance at normality. And Remus at the end, smiling because, after all, he knows the girl is all right and he knows his friends will be too ... well, Natalie, my dear. THAT. BLEW. ME. AWAY.
I must stop fangirling. It’s getting embarrassing.
Author's Response: EGAD!
I thought I had responded to this. o.O
Well, thank you so much for your kind words, Professor. :) I am particularly glad you liked Remus' part as he gave me so much trouble, he did. And the others as well.
I swear I did actually review this, but obviously not. Ah well, I have the recording somewhere, that must be why I got confused.
Lovely story. I would say that Ted/Andromeda are your strong point, but you write everything else so well, that I don't think that would be fair. However your Ted and Andromeda are fresh and original, and there's a distinct lack of angst which I love about them. As Tonks was such a chirpy creature, I imagine her with fun parents. Great job. ~Carole~ (13 ... possibly)
Author's Response: Hahaha! Yess. Oh I have that somewhere, too. Thanks for that, and this review! I enjoy writing these two so much. And yes, Tonks's mischievousness has to come from somewhere.
"So many people say that they were pushed off that cliff; that they fell, or never saw it coming. I've been sitting here my entire life, taking pictures of the rocks I could hit on the way down. I suppose it's always been a choice and I've just been teetering here, waiting to decide. Turn around or jump?"
[dark one shot feat. Draco Malfoy]
Oh My Word. BB, this story gets better every time I read it. I love the beginning lines about the rain etching the tattoo, and the way you weave this image throughout the story and Draco's state of mind is just brilliant. Honestly, you are such a good writer of imagery - scarily good.
Ughh! I was going to write a joke review from the POV of Voldypants or something - but I can't because this is too dark and too good for that.
It's Christmas time in magic land! A look at the Christmas celebrated in two very different households.
[poem. two very different homes]
Awww, this is lovely and fills me with my own festive cheer (although that might also be down to the presents I received LOL). Seriously, though, this is a wonderful poem that highlights very nicely whay we love the Weasleys so much and why the Malfoys are so lacking despite their wealth.
This poem flows very well and the rhymes aren't at all forced, so well done for that. My only quibble is with this line:
A rather very happy family.
It reads a bit awkwardly and I think you should take out either 'rather' or 'very'.
That's the only nit pick I have. Great job, BB. ~Carole ~
Thank you! It really does show we hate those loathsome Malfoys, and like the Weasleys doesn't it? I'm glad you noticed that =D
And I see what you mean about that line, I shall change it. Thanks for the review, Carole!
Yay! jamessssssss. This is fun and you encapsualted James so brilliantly, both before and during the match. I love his determination to carry on regardless, and not even the Bludger can stop him.
JAMES POTTER BELONGS TO NATALIE
will that do? ~Carole~ (12)
Author's Response: Yes, that will do just fine, Croll. Hehehehe. Unless Gina sees it and chases us. eep! I don't know why I don't write more James. :( Thanks thanks thanks!!
Ha ha ha ha - Dumbledore chose him because of his hair. Oh yes, I'd forgotten that line. Really quite giggly at that point when reading, but then got straight back to the fic.
I love Bill in this. I love the way he is as a boy and how we see his progression to manhood. It's a good contrast to Ron who really seems bitter about the lack of money. Bill is upset, but shoulders it anyway because he knows his parents are doing their best.
Charlie is love, too. Ahhh, my Charlie ... what would I do without you.
Beatriz is a well developed OC - and evil, sending the poor boy that hat (giggle).
This was fun but also sweet. Yay to Bill. ~Carole~ (who thinks this is 11)
Author's Response: Heehee! I had so much fun writing this. Aww Bill! Must get back to Trooming. It's great that you mentioned the contrast between the two brothers, but I also think that's why Bill is so understanding towards Ron, you know. Ron isn't like the twins who can make themselves happy, or Percy who's so obsessed with books. I love Beatriz. Thanks for the reviewwww! <333
Oh, my. I really like this story. I honestly don't read a lot of D/A - it just ain't my cup of tea, but this caught my eye.
I've not heard the term - wand rape - before (I must be very naive) but the full horror of what was happening - and what could have happened - was brilliantly written. As someone who's written Crabbe as thoroughly evil, I can relate to Goyle being of the same mould.
I so agree with the Malfoys not just being handed a pardon. Okay, they didn't fight at the battle (although they probably did in the early parts, just not when they were screeching for Draco) but they were still culpable of murder, torture and endless suffering. I'm annoyed that JK said Harry spoke up for them, and feel they probably bribed their way out. /rant.
Anyway, my favourite part of the fic is Hermione Obliviating Draco's memory. He's so dumb, and she is far, far too smart for him.
UGHH! I have to add a nit pick (well a Britpick) Jackass is a bit American, but I actually didn't notice from the first read through, it was only when I re-read that it struck me. She's probably say 'Prat' or something. (I am a horrible brit-picker)
Ending on a positive note, the final scene when she sobs at the black lake, made tears well in my eyes (honestly). I loved it. She's been so strong and finally, in solitude, she collapses.
Author's Response: Ack! I can't believe I didn't respond to this last month! I think it was one of those things were I thought it all in my head but apparently never typed it. Sorry! My belated thanks for the lovely review. I appreciate the support. :D And I really appreciate the positive comments, it reaffirms my confidence in the piece. As for the term wand-rape, I hadn't heard it either, it just popped out of Goyle's filthy mouth. It's not literal, but magical. Equally terrifying, as far as I'm concerned. And I'm glad you agree about the Malfoys. I think JKR has said they got off, but at this point in the timeline, Draco should definitely be worried, stupid git. Oh, and thanks for the Brit-pick. 'Prat' just didn't seem strong enough, is there a stronger word I can use in the future? Thanks again for reading this story! ~Gina :)
This is a gorgeous story, Natalie. You've taken a much underused character and given him a back story, plus you've created a fully-fleshed OC in the shape of Andrew Carlton.
But my definition and exemplification were wrong; these are fluid traits, and Houses cannot claim them for their own.
You never fail to have a line that makes me gasp and wish I'd written it. Pure brilliance, and so true. ~Carole~
Author's Response: I've decided to become Champion of Micro-Characters. lol! And I rather like Andrew Carlton as a character. In fact, I think he might just beat Dean to becoming Daphne's boyfriend.
That line was my favourite in the entire one-shot. :D Thank you so much for the review.
Gina, I don't know why you said it might not meet the requirements of the prompt - I think that story is just about darn perfect. Incredibly touching from the first sentence (mind you I'm a sucker for anything about Remus and Tonks). The story is beautiful and original. I love the friendship between him and Snape (I take it that is Snape). I do have a really, really miserly quibble which is that the apothacary's eyes are dark green and Snape's eyes are coal black, so at first I thought this was an illegitamate son of Snape and Lily (LOL). Then I wondered if the snake bite had changed his eye colour. However that was, as I said, really miserly.
I enjoyed this story very much. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Hey! I think we were reading each other's stories at the same time, lol!! As for the prompt . . . well, it's supposed to be canon, isn't it? Therefore, I plead silence on answering the Snape question, since technically he is dead. But if he were alive, it certainly seems possible he would have scars on his throat and run an apothecary, wouldn't it? And I think if he wanted to be left alone he'd probably change his appearance a bit, otherwise everyone would recognize him. Green eyes in honor of the woman he once loved would be nice . . . but all theorhetical, of course. Since it's really just some former Death Eater would went to school with Lupin, worked with him, and turned on Voldemort. LOLOL. Anyway! Thanks for reading this! I really appreciate the review. I'm glad you liked it, it was almost easy to write because it was just one of those stories that appeared full-written and I really just had to transcribe it, you know? And it was a neat prompt. Thanks again and good luck! ~Gina :)
The aftermath of the Battle marked some of the darkest hours for Charlie Weasley and his family. But just when he can't possibly think of how to find happiness again, a chance encounter might light the way.
This is Karaley Dargen from Gryffindor, writing for the Winter Snows ’09 prompt Stirring.
From the prompt: “Stirring (a column with a self-stirring cauldron as an icon) is the Sunday edition’s main feature. In it, readers can contribute their own inspiring anecdotes.”
Thank you, Emma (Amortentia x), for betaing this story for me :)
Also, I'm not JKR. GASP!
OOOH! Damn, I need to rewrite my Aberforth to something much, much better now. I LOVE this story. There's so few Charlie-centric fics out there, and this is very touching.
OOOH, a little hint for me about my lovely Oliver too ... what are you tryingto tell me?
You know one of the things I like about this is that the friendship between them is so natural, and the way they met again after all the years isn't at all forced. You've portrayed Oliver as a much lighter personality than usual and that's also a delight (Personally I think his heart was broken after ... well you know .. so he deserves some fun).
And now I have to get on with my Oliver sequel. Tarnation, Kara, I feel guilty now!
Author's Response: Oooh thank you, Carole! I've been looking forward to your review, lol :D Ah, but then there are even less Aberforth-centric fics out there from what I've seen, and yours was heart-breaking (though I should leave that for another review)! I'm glad you liked Oliver here. I see him as much less grim in his adult life; now that Quidditch IS his life, he's much more relaxed about everything else. Also, yes, he does deserve some fun, and a happy long term relationship, doesn't he ;) YES! Write a sequel! :D Again, thank you very much. I hope I can put up the next chapter soon... Kara
You should write more Ted and Andromeda because you write them so well. I hadn;t read this before although I have heard a lot about it. I think I was put off because I didn't know the song that well, but having listened to Darren Kriss - ha ha - I can relate to it now.
Small nit-pick I asked. I accepted. I ran away. I didn;t quite get this. I was thinking it should be 'I asked. She accepted ... because I was assuming the asking was a marriage proposal. If that's not the case then I'm not totally sure what Ted was asking or accepting. (although I'm possibly being very very thick and it's to do with the dance.) You need to put me out of my misery, here.
,br> Lovely oneshot. I love his POV. ~Carole~
Author's Response: You have read this. You voted for it in the first HP Couples Remix activity heeheehee. (Yes, I remember all this >.>) About that crit, I think I meant that he asked for her hand, accepted their fate and ran away. Kind of very vague, though. I mean, now that I look at it this way, it does sound a tad confusing. <.< Thanks for pointing it out, I shall look into this. And thanks for the review as wellllll! <33
Dominique Weasley took a summer job at Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes with the hope to stake her first claim of independence. All she really wanted was to be able to pay for her Yule Ball gown on her own, but one fateful day, someone strolled into the shop and turned her world upside down.
Scorpius Malfoy was sweet, confident, and completely gorgeous, but Dominique knew that he was off-limits as her cousin’s ex-boyfriend. The more she tried to push him away, though, the more she questioned her resolve to do the right thing.
This is ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor of Ravenclaw House, and this is my submission for the Fiction Junction ‘I Challenge Thee’ prompt
I love it ... but you've split up my new OTP so I also hate it. *sigh* Sorry this won't be a particulalrly cohesive review (for one thing, I keep getting interrupted on AIM). I want to pick out some great lines, but there are honestly too many. I LOVE their kisses and the feeling he evokes in her. His arrogance at the beginning is pretty darn close to perfect. And I could not stop grinning at Merlin's knotted Knickers - ha ha.
I would, though, have liked to see a bit more of her insecurity about Victoire. It came as a bit of a surprise to have that part of the story at the end, so maybe a bit of foreshadowing as she's examining her reflection or something?
However that's minor and only because you asked for crit. I'm so pleased that my challenge has provided such a good story - Well Done ~Carole~
I find myself enamoured with this pairing, now. I was actually kind of upset on their behalf that they weren't together in the end, even though it was my story, and I could have, theoretically, written it any way I chose. However, my little muse told me that they couldn't be together, because it wasn't right, and I didn't have the necessary word count left to make it happen, lol, so I had them dance the night away, enjoying one last time together before they both realised that it was just not meant to be.
Damn you Brits and your insidious alternate spelling. I'm way too in character with the WIP at the moment. :D
Ronnie, this is a sweety poem and nicely encapsulates what Hermione would have been going through. It flows well and the rhymes aren't forced. Suggestion - write more and from Ron's POV, there's a lot going on between this pair. Lovely poem. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Carole, thank you so much for leaving a review! Hmm, and I might try writing one from Ron's POV. Let's see what I can come up with later. Thanks again! :D -Ronnie Xxx
Ahhh, I like this. Sorry, I'm not good at reviews, but this was very enjoyable. I especially liked the kiss between Neville and Ginny, and then the kiss at the end. I'm probably alone in fandom in thinking Neville and Hannah are a lovely couple and I adore the fact that she's a landlady. (But then I like pubs and have worked in one or two)
I thought the three wizards discussing Hannah'a 'ahem' attributes was very funny. Made me LOL - typical men! Nevilles' response was spot on.
Amusing and entertaining. I liked it very much. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks. I agree with you about Neville and Hannah. I keep trying to write Harry/Ginny stories, but Neville and Hannah keep appearing. Being an English male I'm a big fan of pubs. Neville has a sly, self-depreciating sense of humour in my opinion. Neil
What could possibly be a higher form of madness than falling in love with someone who does not share your feelings? Well, for starters, if that person happens to be your best friend, then that certainly qualifies.
Albus Potter has fallen prey to this quandary, and through a self-exploratory journey, he learns much about what it’s like to love and what it’s like to lose himself.
This placed second in the February Great Hall Month of Love Challenge - First Love.
This fic was nominated for a 2010 Quicksilver Quill Award - Best Same-Sex Pairing.
Right, let me kick off this review by being honest with you. When I first read this fic, whilst I enjoyed it, I did find the first person POV rather ponderous and introspective(We,, derr, Carole, First person is introspective). I'm not a huge fan of first person and that counted against this fic for me. I did recognise that it was well-written and also very touching. Now then, I've re-read it because I felt a bit guilty about not reviewing and .... I don't find it at all ponderous now. I really like the style of the piece and the way we see Scorpius through Albus' eyes is great. The detail about the way he eats, his clothes, his hair is wonderful and he comes over as a proper character rather than a name.
I do have a bit of an issue with Albus being a Slytherin. It's your story and your portrayal so obviously you can do what you want, but you didn't convince me in this fic why he should have been put there. I don't think it would have been enough that he wanted to be a Slytherin, I do think he'd have had to show some Slyth qualities (cunning, ambition, ebilness *snort*) - he didn't seem to have that. He did actually seem far more Puff than anything else as he wasn't brave, or wildly intellectual either. That's minor, btw, but I just wanted to share it with you.
Albus' growing feelings towards Scorpius are very well drawn and I am VERY pleased that you ended it with being unrequited. To me this made it more real (and also heartbreaking) . Scorpius' reaction was astoundingly good. He didn't reject him out of hand because he owed Albus so much. I thought that was wonderful (I'm starting to think that Scorpius should be a Puff as well!).
Something I would have liked to see was a scene with James because he seemed to have sussed that Albus was gay, yet as they were in diff houses I'm not sure they'd spend that much time together. See - I wanted you to write more - ha ha.
Jess, I'm impressed with your first slash fic - which is actually much less about slash and sex than real feelings and unrequited love. Well Done. ~Carole~
Well hello there!
I get what you mean about first person. It is not my favourite POV, either. But, after starting this fic in third person and getting about one quarter the way through it, I knew that it was all wrong and that it had to be in first person. I wanted it to feel like Albus, not someone talking about him. Had I known that there was going to be a character clinic thing when I wrote this, I would've saved it for that.
I also get the on the fence-ishness about being a Slytherin, but to be honest, when I was writing this, I was more worried about it being too long and not fitting into a one-shot, so I never went back to add details after I knew that I had the word count to allow it. I also didn't want it to be rambly, which can happen in intense internal dialogue.
I knew how I wanted to end this story before I put one word into it. I knew that it wasn't going to be a happy ending, but I also knew that Scorpius really was his friend through and through. It's hard to fall in love with someone who doesn't possess qualities that make them, well...loveable, lol. I thought that the kiss would probably be the best way to go, because I didn't want Albus to have any 'what if's.
Truthfully, I never thought of putting a scene in with James. Now that you mention it, it makes more sense than him having a chat with Harry. However, being a daddy's girl myself, I talk about everything with my dad. I didn't see any reason why Albus couldn't trust his dad with that sort of secret (well, at least he thought that it was one).
The reason I wrote this one the way that I did is because I wanted to break the mould on what bothered me about most slash/SSP stories. Instead of it being about 'hawt sex', it's about love and hurt and rejection. That is what love is about most of the time anyway. That's what the title means, by the way; his secret is that he loves his best friend, his hell is that Scorpius doesn't love him back, and his burden in dealing with that rejection. I'm sure that not a few people thought that one of his issues was being gay, but I don't see it that way. I even tried to make sure that the reader knew that he didn't have a problem with being gay once he figured it out.
For my SPEW 007, I'm actually embarking on a journey with Albus. I'm going to make that story about him, but he's going to be a Gryffindor (though after bickering with the Hat). I'm keeping some of the aspects of this story, such as Albus crushing on Scorpius, but Harry's not going to know about it. I have future ebil plans for that, as this story is going to be VoJP compliant. It'll end up being a million pages long, but I want to do it right. This story was almost like a preview/snapshot of it.
Thanks for reviewing, and thanks for getting this far in my rambly responses, as I am wont to do. I'm glad that you changed your mind about the POV, because after trial and error, I'm sure that this was the only way that if could have been done.
Take care and happy writing!