OH! OH! OH! Natalie, this is quite brilliant. I love the background to Rita (Ritalina). The way you've written this, it all makes sense. From her childhood as a poor girl obsessed with beetles, to that eleven year old stuck on the carriage door (I wanted to hex those girls so badly) and her metamorphosis as the hard-nosed unscrupulous journalist. I've picked one line (amongst many) that really stood out for me Her own metamorphosis into a woman she donned rather than was? Brilliant.

The one thing I would have liked to see is her becoming an Animagus - I'm guessing that you'd written that and had to cut it. You know something, I didn't notice that this was a long story because it flowed so well and was really well plotted.

Great job! ~Carole~

Author's Response: Wow, Carole! That's exactly the kind of energetic review which leaves me glowing. : D



As for the Animagus episode, sadly, it never even made it to the original draft. I thought about adding it, but it didnlt have much to contribute to the storyline I had in mind, so I left it out. But THANKS for the lovely review. I;m glad you liked it.

Ahh, BB, good story. I have to confess I saw the second person and mny heart dropped a bit, because I'm not keen on it for oneshots. And initially I was struggling to overcome my prejudice because it did start to feel a bit preachy as in you're telling me what I should be thinking ... that said, once I got onto the main part of the story, I was really interested and I forgot it was second person. (Sorry, I'm being fussy today). The interraction between the conductor, Kamatchi and Parvati was wonderful. They were both warm-hearted and I think she needed a bit of companionship.

I think what I would have liked at the beginning, is a bit more story. So some scenes why she left everyone behind, and there was no mention of Padma - would she have forgotten her twin so quickly ... or Lavender, her best friend?

I did like the story, and would love to read some more in a similar vein, because it is such a different world from the Potterverse (and UK). Write More - NOW!

Carole

*cute*

Okay, not sure why I never read this before because it has Sirius in it and it's by you. I think I'm just dreadfully slow on the uptake.

I like this. I like the simple reflective tone of the piece and how the song connects Regulus to Sirius and their terrible history. I wish they'd been reconciled because they were far more similar than they realised.

I did feel that Regulus' thoughts in places were rather formal, but then again, he is reflecting solemnly and has been indoctrinated by the Blacks and the DE's so I think he would have that type of tone. (Ignore me, I'm just pretending I should be in SPEW)

Very well thought out story, Natalie. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Croll!

This is an interesting story providing an insight into Hermione that we really don't see in the books (but do seem to see in fanfiction - and the films)The writing is very sensual and the imagery is startling, but I can't help feeling that Hermione is OOC. I can imagine her wanting to come up to the Astronomy tower and be alone, perhaps indulge in a dance and fantasise, but knowing that Draco AND Harry are watching her doesn't really work - unless (and forgive me, 'cause I could well be wrong) she's imagining the whole thing and it's part of some deeper fantasy of hers. I think I would have enjoyed the story more if that had been the case, or it had been about another girl (Lavender or Hannah, perhaps)

The other thing that always strikes me about stories set in the Astronomy Tower is that it's the last place anyone would want to go for a moonlight dance/assignation. At night, Professor Sinistra holds all her classes - you can't study Astronomy during the day. In truth, Hermione, Draco and Harry would have bumped into groups of first years being herded up to their lessons.

Draco/Hermione is a powerful fanfiction subject and I think you tackled the very 'verboten' ness of it well. And, as I said, the writing and imagery were beautiful. ~Carole~

Author's Response: It's absolutely the case that Hermione is imagining the whole thing - none of the story is 'real' except the last three lines. Is Hermione out of character, from what we know about her? Perhaps, but maybe we're all a little out of character in our fantasies. That's what a fantasy is, after all - where you imagine you're something you aren't. So for Hermione, to imagine herself desired by two(!) boys and to be brave enough to reveal a deeply sexual side of herself to them... she'd never actually do that in a million years, but she might be able to imagine doing so.

I set this story in the Astronomy Tower for exactly that reason - it's a fanfiction trope for couples to sneak up there to have their trysts, but nothing of the sort is ever mentioned in the books (students are more likely to duck into an unused classroom), and as you say, there's lots of traffic up there because of the Astronomy classes. However, if there was maybe a part of you that wanted to get caught...

Draco/Hermione is one of the pairings I have a very hard time wrapping my head around, so I guess that's one of the reasons I kind of made fun of it with this story, given that Draco's just a prop (Harry too, for that matter) - Hermione's not even really thinking about Draco himself, per se, but rather the effect she's having on him in her fantasy. I've skimmed over more than enough stories where Hermione becomes captivated with the fanon leather-pants version of Draco (often despite how much she hates him) before descending into lurid purple prose - I just wanted to put the shoe on the other foot for a little while.

I promised you a review once class was over and I never delivered. I am a bad person. So, I’m here now. This story was superb, Natalie. I loved how you tied it all to each person. Six perspectives ... and all so very different. Wonderful!

James His perspective – the guilt that he couldn’t catch her but also the fear that it could have been him coupled with the realisation that life isn’t forever.

Snape They had been convening for the past one year, gathering information and sharing them, and yet they hadn’t got any closer. Not sure you mean ‘them’ here. Perhaps sharing thoughts or ideas. I do love the way this is set out. James’ reaction juxtaposed with Snape’s reaction. But it’s other bits in this particular passage that stand out. The young wannabe DE’s who can’t get to see Voldemort – I laughed at that – and Snape knowing that Voldey wouldn’t be bothered about them ... not yet. When he starts to analyse her near-death and use it for his own ends – well *shudder*

Sirius I expect him to be the most selfish and the least affected – unsure why - and this sort of follows that pattern. Except Sirius isn’t selfish, he’s just more concerned about James and Peter and where they are. I found it very interesting that he doesn’t like the change that’s happening. He is the one most fearful of their group fragmenting. Brilliantly done.

Peter Peter Marauder stories are usually heavily ironic. This isn’t. This is a simple portrayal, yet rather telling. Peter’s afraid of death. The others are afraid of dying – in their own way – but he is simply afraid of death and of not being around anymore.

Lily This I think was just amazing. Lily’s reaction and her memory of that first fall from the swing. The magic breaking through. OOOOH! Superb writing. (I really am running out of adjectives to use for this fic.) I may just have to randomly squeeee for ....

Remus So ... why has she left him to last, I thought. He’s bottling things up. He’s going to break. No one can be that controlled. Now, Remus’ analytical reaction shocked me a bit, but it was perfectly IC. He’s thinking of others, but he was also the only one who had the instinct to look to Dumbledore – the man that made his life bearable by giving him a chance at normality. And Remus at the end, smiling because, after all, he knows the girl is all right and he knows his friends will be too ... well, Natalie, my dear. THAT. BLEW. ME. AWAY.

I must stop fangirling. It’s getting embarrassing.

~Carole~

Author's Response: EGAD!



I thought I had responded to this. o.O



Well, thank you so much for your kind words, Professor. :) I am particularly glad you liked Remus' part as he gave me so much trouble, he did. And the others as well.



~Natalie.

Oh My Word. BB, this story gets better every time I read it. I love the beginning lines about the rain etching the tattoo, and the way you weave this image throughout the story and Draco's state of mind is just brilliant. Honestly, you are such a good writer of imagery - scarily good.

Ughh! I was going to write a joke review from the POV of Voldypants or something - but I can't because this is too dark and too good for that.

Amazing ~Carole~

Yay! jamessssssss. This is fun and you encapsualted James so brilliantly, both before and during the match. I love his determination to carry on regardless, and not even the Bludger can stop him.

JAMES POTTER BELONGS TO NATALIE

will that do? ~Carole~ (12)

Author's Response: Yes, that will do just fine, Croll. Hehehehe. Unless Gina sees it and chases us. eep! I don't know why I don't write more James. :( Thanks thanks thanks!!

Gina, Oh, my. I really like this story. I honestly don't read a lot of D/A - it just ain't my cup of tea, but this caught my eye.

I've not heard the term - wand rape - before (I must be very naive) but the full horror of what was happening - and what could have happened - was brilliantly written. As someone who's written Crabbe as thoroughly evil, I can relate to Goyle being of the same mould.

I so agree with the Malfoys not just being handed a pardon. Okay, they didn't fight at the battle (although they probably did in the early parts, just not when they were screeching for Draco) but they were still culpable of murder, torture and endless suffering. I'm annoyed that JK said Harry spoke up for them, and feel they probably bribed their way out. /rant.

Anyway, my favourite part of the fic is Hermione Obliviating Draco's memory. He's so dumb, and she is far, far too smart for him.

UGHH! I have to add a nit pick (well a Britpick) Jackass is a bit American, but I actually didn't notice from the first read through, it was only when I re-read that it struck me. She's probably say 'Prat' or something. (I am a horrible brit-picker)

Ending on a positive note, the final scene when she sobs at the black lake, made tears well in my eyes (honestly). I loved it. She's been so strong and finally, in solitude, she collapses.

Brilliant. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Ack! I can't believe I didn't respond to this last month! I think it was one of those things were I thought it all in my head but apparently never typed it. Sorry! My belated thanks for the lovely review. I appreciate the support. :D And I really appreciate the positive comments, it reaffirms my confidence in the piece. As for the term wand-rape, I hadn't heard it either, it just popped out of Goyle's filthy mouth. It's not literal, but magical. Equally terrifying, as far as I'm concerned. And I'm glad you agree about the Malfoys. I think JKR has said they got off, but at this point in the timeline, Draco should definitely be worried, stupid git. Oh, and thanks for the Brit-pick. 'Prat' just didn't seem strong enough, is there a stronger word I can use in the future? Thanks again for reading this story! ~Gina :)

Gina, I don't know why you said it might not meet the requirements of the prompt - I think that story is just about darn perfect. Incredibly touching from the first sentence (mind you I'm a sucker for anything about Remus and Tonks). The story is beautiful and original. I love the friendship between him and Snape (I take it that is Snape). I do have a really, really miserly quibble which is that the apothacary's eyes are dark green and Snape's eyes are coal black, so at first I thought this was an illegitamate son of Snape and Lily (LOL). Then I wondered if the snake bite had changed his eye colour. However that was, as I said, really miserly.

I enjoyed this story very much. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Hey! I think we were reading each other's stories at the same time, lol!! As for the prompt . . . well, it's supposed to be canon, isn't it? Therefore, I plead silence on answering the Snape question, since technically he is dead. But if he were alive, it certainly seems possible he would have scars on his throat and run an apothecary, wouldn't it? And I think if he wanted to be left alone he'd probably change his appearance a bit, otherwise everyone would recognize him. Green eyes in honor of the woman he once loved would be nice . . . but all theorhetical, of course. Since it's really just some former Death Eater would went to school with Lupin, worked with him, and turned on Voldemort. LOLOL. Anyway! Thanks for reading this! I really appreciate the review. I'm glad you liked it, it was almost easy to write because it was just one of those stories that appeared full-written and I really just had to transcribe it, you know? And it was a neat prompt. Thanks again and good luck! ~Gina :)

You should write more Ted and Andromeda because you write them so well. I hadn;t read this before although I have heard a lot about it. I think I was put off because I didn't know the song that well, but having listened to Darren Kriss - ha ha - I can relate to it now.

Small nit-pick I asked. I accepted. I ran away. I didn;t quite get this. I was thinking it should be 'I asked. She accepted ... because I was assuming the asking was a marriage proposal. If that's not the case then I'm not totally sure what Ted was asking or accepting. (although I'm possibly being very very thick and it's to do with the dance.) You need to put me out of my misery, here.
,br> Lovely oneshot. I love his POV. ~Carole~

Author's Response: You have read this. You voted for it in the first HP Couples Remix activity heeheehee. (Yes, I remember all this >.>) About that crit, I think I meant that he asked for her hand, accepted their fate and ran away. Kind of very vague, though. I mean, now that I look at it this way, it does sound a tad confusing. <.< Thanks for pointing it out, I shall look into this. And thanks for the review as wellllll! <33