What can I say. I'm a grown woman living in London but I'm obsessed with a teenage wizard and his friends. Am I mad? Probably Do I care? Hell no!
EDIT: Grown? Um, probably not
For my first foray into the realms of fanfiction I've chosen to write about the Marauders. I'll always stick fairly closely to canon as I think JK knows best. Although I've enjoyed reading about other ships I, personally, don't think I could write with conviction about Ginny/Crabbe or Hermione/Mclaggan relationships.
EDIT: ha ha ha ha ha - How I have changed! I'm now firmly in the rare-pair, SSP, and things that aren't quite conventional camp, although I still loves me some James/Lily.
My second chaptered fic (Apparently Asleep) has started a love affair with Tonks/Remus and confirmed my obsession for all things Sirius. *sigh*
I am indebted to Terri (mudbloodproud) for being a great beta and all round amazing person. If it hadn't been for her encouragement I would have thrown in the towel many months ago.
EDIT: I have made a lot of wonderful friends during my past three years on MNFF, including (in no particular order) Natalie, Kara, Hannah/Bob, Jess, Gina, Lea, Lori, Julia, Minna, Emmahhhh, and the fantabulous BB.
I hope Mugglenet and you enjoy reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Huge thank-you to my niece, Amanda, for being one of the first to catch the Harry Potter bug and nagging me into reading them.
I’ve written a variety of stories, so here is them arranged in categories. Some are cross- referenced. So a James/Lily may appear in Marauder or Canon Romance
A Second Chance
First Date Disaster
Flying, Fair Play and the Need for a Firm Hand
It Takes a Wolf to Prank a Dog
Learning to Fly
O.W.L.s, Quidditch and the Added Distraction of Sirius Black
Peace in Heaven
Ribbons, not Strings
Sixth Time's the Charm
Thank you for your time, Professor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Sum of the Whole
Who's That Girl?
Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express
'i'before 'e' (Percy/Audrey)
A Prize Above Rubies (Isla Black/Bob Hitchens)
Apparently Asleep (Remus/Tonks)
Birthday Girl (George/Angelina)
Bound in the Beating of Each Other’s Hearts (Narcissa/Lucius)
Coup de Foudre (Bill/Fleur)
Dancing Queen (James/Lily)
First Date Disaster (James/Lily)
Five weeks (Remus/Tonks)
Forces of Nature (Ron/Hermione)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
In The Stars (Draco/Astoria)
Key of the Door (Ron/Hermione)
Kissing the Joy as it Flies (Seamus/Lavender)
March Madness (James/Lily)
Not Quite Perfect (Bill/Fleur)
Sixth Time’s the Charm (James/Lily)
Snowball Fights (Teddy/Victoire)
Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part (Draco/Astoria)
You Dance Divinely (George/Angelina)
Non (or rather tweaked) Canon (apart from one story, these don’t break any canon.)
Better than Chocolate (Charlie/Tonks)
Heat of Life (Harry/Katie)
Her Tomorrows (Harry/Parvati)
Lavender, blue- A Gryffindor True (Lavender/Blaise)
Love At First Strike (Angelina/Terry)
Orphans of the Storm (Seamus/Parvati/Dean)
Passion Among the Primroses (Arthur/Mafalda)
Predictions of Love (Gilderoy/Sybil)
Ribbons, not Strings (Remus/Rosmerta)
Stars or Carousels (James/Dominique)
Summer’s Heat (Sirius/OC)
Teenage Witch (Charity/Myron Wagtail )
The Happy Couple (Harry/Ginny, Blaise/Lavender)
The Only One (Lavender/Blaise Teddy/Victoire)
The Untrodden Path (Draco/Hannah)
Where We Started From (Dean/Ginny)
Same sex Pairings
Apple-bobbing ( Lisa/Susan)
Close Your Eyes (Hermione/Lavender)
Drowning, not Waving (Oliver/Cedric)
Eyes That Know Me (Scorpius/Hugo)
Forbidden Colours (Tracey/Demelza)
The Dance We Do (Bellatrix/Amelia)
The Hat that Thinks it’s a Chair (Justin/Theo)
Truth Or Dare (Cormac/Zacharias)
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
Lockhart, Sprout and Two Smoking Goblets
Passion Among the Primroses
Predictions of Love
The Bacchus Book
Vampire - Ghost Child!
A Prize Above Rubies
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
An Outstretched Hand
Others (General, D/A, Post Hogwarts, Next Gen)
A Tangled Web (D/A)
All in the Genes (NG)
Chasing the Scoop! (Post Hogwarts)
Christmas on the Outside (General/Trio era)
Dean Thomas and the Reiver Curse (Post Hogwarts)
Diavol (Remus Trio Era)
Every Breath You Take (Post Hogwarts/Next Gen)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
Friends in Unlikely Places (Post Hog. Hermione)
Growing Old Disgracefully (Post Hog)
Lavender, blue (Trio Era)
Mere Wisps of Light (Post Hog. Draco fic)
Muggles, Magic and Misconceptions (Next Gen)
My Funny Valentine (Post Hogwarts)
Staring into the Fire (Trio Era)
The Waiting Game (D/A)
Whispers from the Past (Next Gen)
The Foolhardy Boys and Parvati, too
Who’s that Girl?
As They Watch
Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 1
Fairytale of Hogwarts
I Believed in Lily Evans
Master Barty Regrets
Queen of My Heart
The Daydream Pedlar's Song
The Labyrinth Mind
She only now understands that a hospital holds secrets, a husband holds secrets, and yes, she would have to hold secrets-- this secret and every other one till her very last breath, not telling a soul.
[one-shot. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.]
This is Sainyn Swiftfoot of Hufflepuff house submitting for the Bookbasilisk summer challenge (Extra Credit: One Floo Over the Fwooper's Nest)
What can I say? This is a wonderful oneshot. Oh, the arrogance of Lucius Malfoy. I just want to stick his wand where the sun don't shine! Why do these women put up with him?
Fangirling aside, this is excellent, BB. I love the way you drew attention to their 'near-albino' hair and when Narcissa walks in on them ... that thump sent shivers down my spine.
Umm, small nit-pick:
distraught wrought upon her face, visible in her every crease. I don't think you mean distraught - possibly distress or distraction.
But, that's it. I really did like the story, so well done. Carole xxx
Petunia, Vernon and possibly a little Polyjuice Potion by the opaleye
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]
Summary: All Petunia Evans wants is to find a husband and settle down into her dream role as a suburban housewife. So when Lucinda Rubble brings her new beau, Vernon Dursley, back to the nurse dormitory one evening, Petunia knows he is the one. But she must enlist the help of her magical sister, Lily, if she is to succeed in catching the man of her dreams.
Hahahahahahahahaha - Julia, I've never seen this before. That's the great thing about SBBC, you get to seek out new life forms ... uh stories ... and even though this doesn;t have much to do with Lily so not suitable for this month, I couldn;t resist reading.
Petunia Evans! What a sneaky girl you are. I enjoyed this. I liked the differing POVs throughout and the way Vernon and Petunia are so obviously made for each other.
Well done ~Carole~
Author's Response: Oh dear I am kind of embarrassed that you read this! I have very often considered taking this down but there is a certain nostalgia attached to this fic that has always stopped me. Possibly because it was my first foray into Dursley fic and we all know how potty I am about those silly Muggles. However, I am glad it amused you and thank you for the review XD
Summary: A death, and a man racked by grief. Is it even possible to survive a grief that goes beyond soul deep? Is it even worth surviving when you know in your heart, everything good in your life is gone?
I do not own anything you recognise. It all belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am just thankful to play in her world for a little while.
Well, what a surprise this was. I was convinced the story was about Sirius Black after James' death - or perhaps Regulus' disappearence, but then you pulled the magic carpet from under my feet and revealed who Mr Angry actually was. This is so good, becayse we rarely see Snape lose it, but when he does it's spectacular. Perhaps if the man hadn't repressed his emotions so much - believeing it to be mastery - he'd have had more success as a human being. /end Snape rant.
Seriously, Terri, this oneshot is amazing. You can feel his grief and anger through every shattered glass and every broken room. No wonder he hated Sirius so much - I wonder how he managed to control himself when he had to work with Pettigrew. *shudders*
Albus was lovely. I go a very real sense that he cared - ye we know that he was manipulative, but I think in your piece he was genuinely concerned for the barely-a-man in front of him.
Extremely good job of showing the shattered dreams of a barely stable man.
Author's Response: Carole,
Thank you hon for your review. It started out as a very different man in my mind, but my muse had another idea. I am glad you were surprised by who it was. That was my intention to surprise the reader.
Summary: After facing ten Death Eaters alone, where else would a man go but to his best friend? However, instead of the man, he got the wife. Better for him? Maybe...
How do you comfort your husband’s best friend when he has come close to death? Over a cup of tea, of course.
I do not own anything you recognise. It all belongs to J.K. Rowling. I am just thankful to be able to escape to her world for a little while.
How do you do this? How do you, so effortlessly, manage to make me smile and then weep within the space of a sentence. I'm grinning at Superhero Sirius, laughing along with Lily when James walks in and interrupts them and then my heart drops when you say he told James the real story. It drops even furthur when it sinks in that James and Lily haven't got much longer to live.
I love little snapshot stories like this. They make the characters come even more alive and adds a poignancy to the tale when you know what happens to them all.
Hmm, I bet Peter wasn't visiting him mummy. I bet he was being all sneaky and Death Eatery. *snarls at Pettigrew*
Small nit-pick. I am his best girl - not Lily.
Much love ~Carole ~
Author's Response: Carole,
Thank you for your review. However, wipe your tears and shake off your confusion. I am his best girl, this is Sirius not Remus. Of course, our Mr Black may use that line quite a bit. Thanks again honey.
Today is the day Molly Weasley must bury her child. What thoughts are on her mind as she faces this nightmare?
I do not own anything you recognise in this story. It all belongs to J.K. Rowling. I am just thankful to escape to her world for a time.
Even without knowing your situation, this is an extremely poignant story. No mother should have to bury her child, yet Molly has to face that. You have written this superbly. It would be easy to become melodramatic - to be honest I wouldn't blame you - but you haven't, and because of that it's even sadder. I love the way you've interweaved happier days into the story. They would have so many glorious memories of Fred. Of course it in no way makes up for his death, but at least they have something.
It's taken me a few days to write this review because I was crying too much the first few times I read it. I don't cry easily with fanfiction. You and Pallas have managed it. Beautiful! ~Carole~
Summary: What made Vernon and Petunia Dursley take Harry in when they found him on their doorstep? Their conversation after they find him....
This is LuNaLoVeGoOdLoVeR of Griffindor writing for the 'Gift of Gab' challenge
Hello, I enjoyed this fic. I thought it was a good idea and Petunia and Vernon were very well portrayed. The conversation they have when Harry is dumped upon them must have been horrifying as well as funny.
There were a few spelling mistakes and some occasional places where I thought the characterisation slipped (for instance, I'm not sure Vernon would call Petunia 'honey' - it seems too nice for him , or Tuney which was Lily's pet name for her - Petunia would not have wanted Vernon to call her that.)
and then lodes of people in odd cloaks, it should be loads not lodes.
‘Thank you Vernon, you sweetie’ There should be a comma after you and a full stop after sweetie.
‘ And through away these disgusting things… It should be throw not through.
There were also a few capitalization mistakes (Loony - loony. Wizarding School - wizarding school) and some missing apostrophes in a few places (sisters surname/ sister's surname).
I have a little Brit-pick as well, which is very minor - but 'public' schools in Britain are actually 'private' and you have to pay for them. Odd, I know, but that's Britain for you. You could change to 'state school'
Finally, you introduced another character in the dialogue (Mary) and the challenge is supposed to be a conversation between two people.
Sorry if I sound harsh; I feel that this was such a good idea and the conversation flowed very well, but I was rather too aware of the punctuation and spelling mistakes at times.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review! And thanks for the corrections, I'll fix them as soon as I get home. Thanks again!
Summary: In an act of sheer desperation, Albus Dumbledore attends a book signing and invites Gilderoy Lockhart, the heroic adventurer and celebrated author, to fill a final teaching position at Hogwarts.
This is Racing Co of Gryffindor submitting for the Gift of Gab challenge.
Oh, very funny! You have captured both the pomposity of Lockhart and the very cleverness of Dumbledore in this conversation. I love how he beats Lockhart into submission with flattery and the hint of a chocolate frog card.
~ Carole ~
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Lockhart and Dumbledore conversations must have been very interesting (before Lockhart lost his mind, that is). Probably the funniest part is that Lockhart somehow feels he is on the same level as Dumbledore.
This is a very interesting take on not only life in Azkaban but on the relationship between the two Lestrange brothers - so well done for that. It's hard in this particular category to sustain the tension, purely through dialogue, but you've managed this very well.
There were one or two places where, to my rather annoying Brit-picky ears, the dialogue sounded a little too American and casual. For instance:
You’re going nuts, Rolph.
Personally, I think this pair would say 'crazy' or 'mad'. And a later reply of Rodolphus' 'As if.' strikes me as too modern for someone who is in the rest of his dialogue rather formal.
The moments where they slipped from adult speech to the language of children "You're mean." were well placed and helped to add interest to the setting. I particularly liked how you gave Rabastan a bit of a conscience regarding the Longbottoms. Mind you, killing them would probably have been a blessing for them.
Well done ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks, hon. I probably should have given the story to you for Brit-picking before submitting it. lol. But I'm glad you liked it. :)
Summary: Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin have always tried to mend their friendship. But will this be the end? An all dialogue one-shot of the possible conversation between these two eternal enemies.
A Gryffindor Challenge Entry For The Summer Challenge
WOW! This is fabulous. I read through the whole thing with nit-picky eyes, trying to see whether the language would become too modern ... but it doesn't. Your phraseology is brilliant. What I think I particularly enjoyed is that when they veered off to talk about other things (the school history, languages etc) their main difference was never far away and kept re-emerging. Both arguments were presented very well. We may disagree with Salazar but his point of view becomes somehow valid, because Muggles did persecute them.
The only bit I got slightly confused with was Hengist and the train. Trains weren't invented until many centuries later, so I doubt the Founders would have had puplis arrive there by that mode of transport. I did wonder whether Hengist was seeing a vision of the future - but it wasn't that clear to me.
However that was a very, very minor quibble and in no way ruined my enjoyment of the fic. Carole xxx
Author's Response: Wow my first review ever! Thank you so much Carole, you just made my entire day! =) To be totally honest, I didn't even realise that bit with the train *headdesk*, but at least their language never faltered. =P
Summary: Draco Malfoy is and always will be a fighter. It's when we're put on the battlefield with our own demons that fighting becomes a challenge.
Blimey! THis is a powerful piece, Ari. I don't read a lot about the bouncing ferret, but you may have me converted. His whole outlook is very refreshing. He wasn't self-pitying, snivelling, or unbearably proud - he was just someone who wanted it to be over. When he jumped I was in shock. The whole flashback scenes as he was dying were handled superbly. You could have laid it on thick, but this was subtle and so it worked.
What I think I'm most pleased about is that he saved himself. For one moment I thought Harry had turned up and was pulling him out of the ocean. At that point I was pulling a face like this >.< , but then you showed it was a hallucination and so instead I was like this :-) . (Sorry, it's been a long weekend and I've gone a bit crazy!)
I had a minor nitpick over the use of the word gotten, but it's my pet Britpick peeve so ignore me.
Great story. Well done. ~Carole~
Summary: Harry and Hermione meet in secret to discuss Ron's birthday surprise. But plans formulated under the influence of Firewhisky are not always the easiest to fulfill...
Very clever idea. I can picture these two in that shed plotting Ron's surprise very clearly. I especially liked the parts where they were reminiscing over life at Hogwarts and I was giggling over Hermione being 'forced' into McLaggans arms - hee hee.
I do think there were one or two places where Hermione's characterisation slipped. For instance, I don't think she'd use the word 'bloke' - it's a bit too slangy for Hermione (but then I've always seen her as being rather posh)
I love the last line - Victor Krum embossed panties indeed. Hermione, what are you thinking?!
Well done. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I love writing Harry/Hermione interactions, this was inspired by the conversation in HBP when Harry and Hermione are outside the Great Hall having a wee argument/banter about the fact Harry pretended to spike Ron's drink with Felix and Hermione confunded McLaggen during Quidditch try-outs. I can see what you mean about Hermione, though, not saying 'bloke' and that you picture her as posh. I always pictured her as down-to-earth but bookish rather than posh, but that's the beauty of Jo's world and her characters, we each have our own slightly different view of them. As for the last line, I could not resist putting that in. My own cheeky indulgence :) But thanks for reviewing, I'm glad I amused you.
Summary: Hermione is struggling to keep S.P.E.W afloat after a nasty and public incident involving a house-elf, rolling pin and Muggle now recovering in St. Mungo's. George is slowly drowning in a sea of financial strain and grief over Fred's death. When the two of them join forces one Christmas, will they overcome their troubles and perhaps find solace in the unexpected? But can these two very different personalities reside in one place at one time?
Why haven't I read this before? I really like this opening chapter. You've set the scene well, and everything seems very plausible (Poor Ron!). I love how you've shown this from two different POVs as well.
In particular, I liked the fact that you included some glimmers of humour (the rogue house elf had me snorting), and George saying he'd give up his other ear to see Fred again brought a wry smile to my face. Poor George ... and Fred.
Author's Response: Oh hey, Carole! It's a surprise to see you here. Well, I'm glad you like it :) Originally I was going to write it from only Hermione's perspective but I realised that I wanted to show George as well and what he is going through, how it parallels with Hermione's own struggles etc. I hope you keep reading. Thanks for the review!
OOOOH, interesting. Hmm, I can see why they're drawn to each other ... or rather George to Hermione ... I don't think she realises it yet. I am enjoying this rather different pairing rather a lot, Julia, and you;ve clearly worked hard at getting the characterisation right, and fitting it into canon (despite Ron being dead)
I have a bit of a nit-pick, but it may just be a Britpick Only Percy could find interest in beaurocratic legislation. It's bureaucratic - well it is in the UK, Merlin knows how you halflings spell it (snort). One more thing, I hope you explain about the ghosts/voices thing. Hermione and Ron had always struck me as the least fanciful people in the books - neither could hear any voices beyond the Veil (Ginny, Luna, Neville and Harry were affected in some way, that pair were not) - so I'm wondering why she's hearing them now. I'm guessing it's because she lost her other 'half' in the same way that George has.
Anyway, I have to go now, so I shall read the other chapters later. This really is a bloody good story, Julia. Touching, original and well characterised. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Oh you're back already! You're right. They are both drawn to each other but George is more aware of it. For now :) I wanted the two of them to be drawn together for reasons other than romance, however. It's more of an emotional understanding at the moment, as well as for practical purposes. Hahahaha beaurocratic is wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. I will have to go change that... I actually just re-read the first two chapters and there are so many mistakes in there! I'll have to do a mass edit this weekend. As for the voices, it's not actually a 'physical' phenomenon they're experiencing. I think it's more of a mind thing - they're conscious of Ron and Fred's presence in the house (or rather in their hearts) and it feels as if the two are still there. The voices aren't intended to be some sort of magical phenomenon like the voices behind the veil. They're just a sort of manifestation of George and Hermione's grief. I imagine the rest of the Weasley clan and Harry all feel Ron and Fred with them but George and Hermione seem to have the short straw and as you said, have lost their other halves. Thanks so much for the review! -Julia XD
Summary: In Hannah Abbott’s life plan, when she is twenty-nine, she is married and has two children. But of course, life doesn’t always go according to plan. On her twenty-ninth birthday, Hannah receives a shock that will change her life forever, and will maybe just set her back on the track of her life plan.
Awwww, this is just love! I adore the twist on the 'Forty' prompt. I could not work out what you were going to do at all. I like Neville/Hannah fics - there's not that many around because people don't seem to like the pairing, but why can't they be happy? Russia, Hannah is lovely and comes to life in the fic and the relationship with Neville is very believable - he is also adorable and I'm pleased he wanted to get back with her before she told him she was pregnant.
Really good. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Caroleeeee, how did I not respond to this before? Thankyou so much! I loved the idea of a twist, I thought everyone woudl do the "fortieth birthday" and I do hate to follow the crowd :-p I am so glad you like my Hannah! I never even really thought about it... she just kind of flowed onto the paper :-D I really wanted Neville to want to get together with her before she told him about the baby, I didn't want anyone thinking he was getting back with her just because she was pregnant, that isnt at all romantic, is it? Thanks again Caroleee! Russia xxxxx
Summary: On a lazy Saturday afternoon in their fifth year, two of the Marauders are staying inside talking – while the other two are outside and get an idea. Why not make a map of Hogwarts? It would certainly make their nightly wanderings easier, and who knows what could be done with a piece of parchment...
This is Karaley Dargen of Gryffindor writing for the final in the MWPP class on the beta boards.
OOOh, interesting. I like the notion that it's Peter's idea to start the map, and then James expands on it (most brilliantly - ahh, you have to love Prongs). I would like you to expand on this because I think you've left a lot unanswered - Remus and the books for instance - there's a lot of potential there. Also James just starting to be interested in Lily, nicely worked into the story. Great job, Kara.
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to make some important confessions to Hermione has come.Inspired by the Ludo song, "Streetlights." A part of the "Moments" series.
Here to do my Puff duty - although it isn't a duty - it's an absolute joy. Okay, I don't read a lot of Ron/Hermione because too often he's portrayed as some stupid buffoon and people forget that in DH he really started to mature when Harry was becoming all flakey. So, I love that in your fic he is mature, warm and not at all idiotic.
I adore the Lavender references and I'm pleased you've shied away from making Lavender out to be a total mush head. (I'm protective of Lavender at the moment).
The fact that he could count how many kisses they'de had is really sweet and sad. It shows that not everything fell into place straight away.
Your fic, my love, shows a great deal of talent. I adore your style and you write romance well without becoming cheesy or at all fluffy. It is honest.
Lovely story. ~Carole~
Oh, it seems that our view on post-Hogwarts Ron is quite similar. And Lavender, oddly enough, though we've never discussed it. I didn't even plan on writing that part about her, it just happened. Hermione kind of took over.
Thank you so so much for the read, and thank you even more for taking the time to leave wonderful words of encouragement. It means the world.
Summary: Remus and Tonks have been told to simply live. But what will that life be? Some short stories of the Lupin Family set in the Post Epilogue Portalverse established for A Little More Time.
YES!!!! Oh My Word! I am so happy you're writing more about the lovely Lupins. My only regret at the end of ALMT was that Tonks wasn't pregnant. You must have read my mind.
I can't think of anything to criticise, so will just say that from the beginning I was smiling. Remus' utter contentment with his life, the details when he laughed at Spindleshaft saying he was barking; it is all so beautifully set. Ah, and how nice to see Tonks as a quivering wreck full of doubts - so unlike her normal self - yet in perfect keeping given her story throughout Half-Blood Prince.
So pleased to see your stories on the board. And please forgive the fangirling.
At the bottom of the lake
Where the sun doesn't shine,
Among the many weeds
And between the slime,
You can find... someone.
Very clever. You start off giving us some lovely lines about the hot August day, and Hogwarts having fun. (Summer holidays, I bet those teachers are living it up without those pesky children) You give us some lovely description, la la la , all is pleasant in the worls and then WHAM! There's a dead girl at the bottom of the lake. And now I need to know her story. I need to know what Emily did that so upset Tom Riddle. The imagery is qyuite frightening, BB. You've described the skeleton not graphically, but still gruesomely ... I've read this through several times now, and a few times aloud, and it flows very well and the rhythm does not seem forced.
Great job, BB. ~Carole~
Summary: Regulus is respected and feared by the Slytherins, but his disenchantment has already begun. Along comes a young Barty Crouch Junior, who is every bit the embodiment of Regulus’ own doubts about the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters…
This story won second place in the Gift of Gab Challenge.
This has just made me rethink Regulus and his timeline. Not your story, I'm just wondering how old was he when he died? Was he still underage and at school ... no, probably not. Hmmm.
Okay, I shall get to the proper review. I know what a bloody hard challenge this was. It is incredibly hard to write just dialogue and keep two distinct voices, especially when the two characters are basically OC's. You managed to make them distinct, though and it was easy to follow who was saying what. I did have a bit of an issue with Regulus who soundedrather formal at times - 'Indeed! You are only fifteen, and you are prepared to live a double life?' But that's a minor point because it does make his speech pattern easy to follow.
That's the only crit I have. All in all, I enjoyed this story and the delving into two Death Eater's minds. ~Carole~
Author's Response: I remember working out Regulus' timeline ... Have forgotten what conclusions I reached at. Lol. Yes, I had to keep the speech patterns distinct because of the challenge, and because I always saw Regulus as the opposite of Sirius that way, compensating for his brother's misdemeanors and all that. Thanks for the review, though! Hahaha! That was such a crazy night, but I really appreciated every single one of it. <33
Hmm, interesting. Not quite how I envisaged the whole Whomping Willow incident (in my mind Siriius readily admits it) but of course we don't actually know. Ohh, Sirius is Cain, James is Abel ... except Abel is murdered by Cain, and Peter - in effect murders James ... so that leaves Sirius as ... I dunno - God?
Let me get a bit more serious about this. First off, I did say this wasn't quite how I saw this incident, but that's purely my opinion. I can't see Sirius hiding the fact from James that he told Snape about the Willow, or blaming Peter. I think he'd be proud of the fact that he played this so-called prank. His justification for playing the trick (when he finally admits to it) is believable, he loathes Snape and wouldn't necessrily think of the consequences - but why does he refer to Snape as a traitor? I'm not sure that's a word he'd use, for who has Snape betrayed?
I liked the setting and they all spoke very authentically (teenage boys have potty mouths!), but I was a bit confused as to when this was set. You mention it being a September evening, then James comes in with snow on his robes. Snow in September is very rare - even for Scotland. I think you'd be better making it December.
What worked particularly well here was James' characterisation. He seems so much more mature than Sirius. When he hits him ... and then apologises ... and then argues some more, I got a very real image of a person that know he has to stand up to his friend ... he has to drum some sense into him, and of course he's very, very angry.
Peter was interesting. The peacemaker who wasn't siding with either one, unwilling to be caught in the middle, yet knowing he will be. Good bit of foreshadowing at the end.
One last thing ... I wanted this to be longer. Good story, BB. ~Carole~