What can I say. I live in London and am obsessed with a teenage wizard and his friends. Am I mad? Probably Do I care? Hell no!
EDIT: Grown? Um, probably not
For my first foray into the realms of fanfiction I've chosen to write about the Marauders. I'll always stick fairly closely to canon as I think JK knows best. Although I've enjoyed reading about other ships I, personally, don't think I could write with conviction about Ginny/Crabbe or Hermione/Mclaggan relationships.
EDIT: ha ha ha ha ha - How I have changed! I'm now firmly in the rare-pair, SSP, and things that aren't quite conventional camp, although I still loves me some James/Lily.
My second chaptered fic (Apparently Asleep) has started a love affair with Tonks/Remus and confirmed my obsession for all things Sirius. *sigh*
I am indebted to Terri (mudbloodproud) for being a great beta and all round amazing person. If it hadn't been for her encouragement I would have thrown in the towel many months ago.
EDIT: I have made a lot of wonderful friends during my past three years on MNFF, including (in no particular order) Natalie, Kara, Hannah/Bob, Jess, Gina, Lea, Lori, Julia, Minna, Emmahhhh, and the fantabulous BB.
I hope Mugglenet and you enjoy reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Huge thank-you to my niece, Amanda, for being one of the first to catch the Harry Potter bug and nagging me into reading them.
I’ve written a variety of stories, so here is them arranged in categories. Some are cross- referenced. So a James/Lily may appear in Marauder or Canon Romance
EDIT: I haven't written much Harry Potter fanfiction for a while. It is unlikely I'll update the two chaptered fics I first started as they became a little too long and unwieldy. Sorry about that.
A Second Chance
First Date Disaster
Flying, Fair Play and the Need for a Firm Hand
It Takes a Wolf to Prank a Dog
Learning to Fly
O.W.L.s, Quidditch and the Added Distraction of Sirius Black
Peace in Heaven
Ribbons, not Strings
Sixth Time's the Charm
Thank you for your time, Professor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Sum of the Whole
Who's That Girl?
Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express
'i'before 'e' (Percy/Audrey)
A Prize Above Rubies (Isla Black/Bob Hitchens)
Apparently Asleep (Remus/Tonks)
Birthday Girl (George/Angelina)
Bound in the Beating of Each Other’s Hearts (Narcissa/Lucius)
Coup de Foudre (Bill/Fleur)
Dancing Queen (James/Lily)
First Date Disaster (James/Lily)
Five weeks (Remus/Tonks)
Forces of Nature (Ron/Hermione)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
In The Stars (Draco/Astoria)
Key of the Door (Ron/Hermione)
Kissing the Joy as it Flies (Seamus/Lavender)
March Madness (James/Lily)
Not Quite Perfect (Bill/Fleur)
Sixth Time’s the Charm (James/Lily)
Snowball Fights (Teddy/Victoire)
Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part (Draco/Astoria)
You Dance Divinely (George/Angelina)
Non (or rather tweaked) Canon (apart from one story, these don’t break any canon.)
Better than Chocolate (Charlie/Tonks)
Heat of Life (Harry/Katie)
Her Tomorrows (Harry/Parvati)
Lavender, blue- A Gryffindor True (Lavender/Blaise)
Love At First Strike (Angelina/Terry)
Orphans of the Storm (Seamus/Parvati/Dean)
Passion Among the Primroses (Arthur/Mafalda)
Predictions of Love (Gilderoy/Sybil)
Ribbons, not Strings (Remus/Rosmerta)
Stars or Carousels (James/Dominique)
Summer’s Heat (Sirius/OC)
Teenage Witch (Charity/Myron Wagtail )
The Happy Couple (Harry/Ginny, Blaise/Lavender)
The Only One (Lavender/Blaise Teddy/Victoire)
The Untrodden Path (Draco/Hannah)
Where We Started From (Dean/Ginny)
Same sex Pairings
Apple-bobbing ( Lisa/Susan)
Close Your Eyes (Hermione/Lavender)
Drowning, not Waving (Oliver/Cedric)
Eyes That Know Me (Scorpius/Hugo)
Forbidden Colours (Tracey/Demelza)
The Dance We Do (Bellatrix/Amelia)
The Hat that Thinks it’s a Chair (Justin/Theo)
Truth Or Dare (Cormac/Zacharias)
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
Lockhart, Sprout and Two Smoking Goblets
Passion Among the Primroses
Predictions of Love
The Bacchus Book
Vampire - Ghost Child!
A Prize Above Rubies
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
An Outstretched Hand
Others (General, D/A, Post Hogwarts, Next Gen)
A Tangled Web (D/A)
All in the Genes (NG)
Chasing the Scoop! (Post Hogwarts)
Christmas on the Outside (General/Trio era)
Dean Thomas and the Reiver Curse (Post Hogwarts)
Diavol (Remus Trio Era)
Every Breath You Take (Post Hogwarts/Next Gen)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
Friends in Unlikely Places (Post Hog. Hermione)
Growing Old Disgracefully (Post Hog)
Lavender, blue (Trio Era)
Mere Wisps of Light (Post Hog. Draco fic)
Muggles, Magic and Misconceptions (Next Gen)
My Funny Valentine (Post Hogwarts)
Staring into the Fire (Trio Era)
The Waiting Game (D/A)
Whispers from the Past (Next Gen)
The Foolhardy Boys and Parvati, too
Who’s that Girl?
As They Watch
Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 1
Fairytale of Hogwarts
I Believed in Lily Evans
Master Barty Regrets
Queen of My Heart
The Daydream Pedlar's Song
The Labyrinth Mind
Well done, Sandy. This is an interesting and original story. There's not a lot of Charlie Weasley fics out there, and the world needs more!
Your thought processes about the injuries and the remedy were flawless, and you have spun a good tale.
Enjoyed this a lot. Carole xxx
Author's Response: G'day, Carole. You always leave me smiling with your kind reviews. I like Charlie, he seems cool, hell, he works with dragons, how can he not be cool. And I got this idea. I'm glad you liked it and found it interesting and original. I'm also glad you liked the injuries and remedy good. I put a lot of thought into it. I had to make sure it was painful... I'm mean that way, but Prue was nice at least. LOL ...xXxLove SandyxXx...
Well there, Natalie (hestiajones the reviewer below me) told me to read this, and wow, I'm glad I listened to her. This is an absolute gem. I was totally enthralled by James, and his utter confidence in himself and also the fact that he's so smitten by her.
Lily is great, not the total stick in the mud who's obsessed by rules all the time, but a girl who's really quite witty. (After all James wouldn't have liked a dour misery, would he?)
Brilliantly drawn story, a great snapshot. ~Carole~
Hey, Molly. I really enjoyed this story. James' fear is very well realised. I think childhood fears stay with us a lot longer than we like to admit, and his was a very frightening experience for a five-year-old. You're so right that by giving him a fear - he comes over as much more human and far less arrogant.
I particularly enjoyed Remus at the end. The fact that he's the one who comes out of the water to be with his friend. And James' reaction to Remus is brilliant. They're spending all their time helping Remus, they forget that he can help them. Your characterisation of both of them is superb and the last line made me sigh (a happy sigh).
Great one-shot, Molly.
Author's Response: Well, I do have to thank you for suggesting this fear as well, and being so cool about allowing me to use it. And I also glad you loved the story so much!
I find it very hard to believe that this is your first story, Amanda, because you write incredibly well and with an assured touch.
I'm not a huge fan of Trio stories or of AU fics, but this is so interesting that I needed to keep reading. I loved all the touches you added to bring them back to the Potter world. George appearing to aid Charlie, the broomsticks, the polyjuice potion that did work on half-giants - very clever. I found it difficult to recognise the prompts you used in the fic until I re-read it. I only did that because I was wondering if you had the same prompts as me (you did, I think LOL) but you wrote them in seamlessly - there is nothing at all clunky about this tale.
Well done. Carole xxx
Author's Response: Thank you! I found myself doing much more research than I anticipated while writing this story (for example, Ron's question of "Does Polyjuice Potion work on half-giants?" was one of my own questions, and couldn't be answered anywhere. I gave myself an answer to fit my story.) You addressed some of my biggest concerns, and I appreciate the read and the review!
Hmm, well I can't follow that spectacular review (I take it that's from a fellow Spewer) but I'll leave you a review, Afifa, my love.
This is interesting. I really like the background to this and the way James is escaping the press, not because he's famous, but because his dad is. I felt sorry for him at first because he obviously wanted to be a Quidditch player, but then he happened to find his niche with dragons. Ahhh, James Sirius, I hope you're living up to your namesakes.
Not much more to say except that I enjoyed it and I can't wait for the rest (except I know I'll have to. Carole xxx
Author's Response: Carole! :D
James Sirius, I'm sorry to say, won't live up to his namesakes. ;p Not about everything i.e. because I have to keep him have his own personality. But, there will be bits here and there which may seem Sirius-like or James-like. :)
Hehe. I'm sorry for the wait. I'll be putting the second chapter in the queue in a few minutes though, but for the rest you'll will have to be patient. :)
Thank you for the review, dear, and I'm glad that you liked it. :D
P.S. The other review is by James and he is a fellow SPEWer but your review is as precious as his. <3
Hi there, OOH, I do like this, Whit. Rosier/McKinnon - that is an interesting pairing and you've put them together well. I couldn't work out how the pairing would work, but somehow the heat of the battle and the fact that they're trapped with each other just leant to the overall intensity of their emotions.
I particularly liked how you interspersed the fighting/mating dragons with the scenes of them together. And the scene at the gravestone was touching. Hmm, I'm intrigued now, is Marlene alive, or is it her ghost saving him?
Minor -eensy nit pick These burns had healed so much quicker than the last, but this just spurned Rosier on to greater attempts at increasing his suffering. I think you mean spurred and not spurned.
Enjoyed the story very much. Carole xxx
Ahh, you're back, you're back and I'm delighted. (Now go and finish Light Up my Life!). You know something, yours was the first fanfiction I read on this site, and I still rave over it. You have a wonderful lyrical quality to your writing. I love this story and Lily is a joy. Not at all stuffy, or rulebound and I LOVED it when she kissed him (the first time).
I have to agree though, that it seemed a very abrupt ending. I had to go and check whether the story was completed and was then puzzled because it is. Hmmm, I don't know. I sure hope he's not going to let Moony down.
Great story though. Carole xxx
Hmmm, *frowns*. Not sure what to say really... you've 'outed' my two favourite men. Not sure I can ever talk to you again. Okay, jokes over, it's a good story and you've portrayed their relationship very well - the adolescent romance born out of his stays in the hospital wing is very touching. I like that Remus had someone there for him. Talking about James and Lily is a wonderful moment. Sirius' guilt is heartbreaking and the tension when they both think of Lily is rather lovely - as if one of them felt more for her than they should have. (I have my theory)
Where I have a bit of a problem, is the end, because he's confessed his feelings for Tonks, yet still wants a fling with Sirius (and yes, I know it's one last time). I'm also wondering why Sirius would give his blessing to a relationship when Remus is being rather unfaithful already (okay that's a bit harsh as Remus isn't with Tonks at the moment). Mind you, that kinda speaks volumes about Sirius' morals - ha ha.
I have a few nitpics:
‘Nothing better? Then to kill a friend?’ I think that should be 'than'. and there was somewhere else where you wrote 'hand threw his hair' I think you mean through - although that could be an American spelling, I'm not sure.
Good story, but I think this means you've forfeited any rights to Mr Black and he can return to Remus and me. *snort*
Featuring Anrdomeda Tonks (née Black), Druella Black (née Rosier) and an argument. [dialogue-only oneshot]
This is Sainyn Swiftfoot of Hufflepuff house submitting for the Gift of Gab challenge.
Curse you, Sainyn Swiftfoot, for your accurate portrayal of that final conversation with my daughter. You captured her very rebellious and scornful essence in that conversation.
How I truly wish I'd kept her locked up for longer in that cellar. Alas, she escaped, (I have no idea how, but strongly suspect that useless husband of mine accidently let her out when he went down there for some more Firewhisky (there was a spelling error, by the way, no 'e' in whisky).
However, I am pleased you made my feelings plain and presented my point of view in your story. Really, I couldn't have put it better myself. Mudbloods are trash, after all, and she does deserve to be with the rats.
I have to say if I'd heard her answer to the question about Utler the Unsane, then I would have locked her up sooner - impudent child always thinking she knew best.
Thank you for at least mentioning my two 'worthy' daughters, although I'm not sure my darling Cissa was betrothed/married to Lucius at this point. She was only 15 after all.
You show some talent, Mr Swiftfoot, but I strongly suspect you to be a Muggle so I cannot allow you to write anymore about me.
Cruc... What do you mean I'm not allowed to use an Unforgiveable on a Muggle? Well, really, Cygnus, that is quite ridiculous. You are free to leave, Swiftfoot, but do not use your quill against me again. ~Druella Black~
hahahahaha I LOVED that review! xD It made my day all over again when I read it just now...
Was Cissa really that young, Mrs Black? I apologise for my mistake. I shall try to amend it. For now, I shall make this excuse: in your times, Mrs Black, people married young. Incest was rampant and so was marriage at ridiculously young ages. Is it not plausible that Narcissa was betrothed to Lucius already?
AND MUAHAHAHAHAHA. You take your unforgiveables and stick them where the sun doesn't shine, honey. PFFFFT.
I like this story; it's very melancholy, but in keeping with everything that's going on at Hogwarts at this moment in time. I love the way they decided to start up the DA again, and Neville's characterisation is perfect. I'm not quite as keen on Ginny's characterisation as I'm unsure she'd be crying quite so much. I know she'd be very upset and concerned about Harry, but he does say one of the things he loves about Ginny is that she doesn't cry. Perhaps a line saying that at last she could release the tears she'd never been able to shed in front of him - or something - would be in place here.
Apart from that, there were a few minor nitpicks that I noticed:
I already asked Luna; she’s deliberated starting it of her own already. This doesn't quite make sense, and I think it should be. I already asked Luna; she's deliberated starting it up again of her own accord.
But only because this Edgecombe girl sold us to her. I think it would be better if you put 'the' Edgecombe girl, or 'that' etc etc.
Anyway, that was just me being ultra picky. Small slips in no way detract from the overall feel of the piece and it is a beautiful story about finding strength in difficult times.
Well done. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your comments, hon. I appreciate them and will take such things into account in future stories. :)
And when he called me 'Mudblood' today, that's what made me start thinking. If, even for a moment, he was able to think me as worthless as the dirt beneath his feet...well, that's the last straw, really. The last little puzzle piece. Some combination of his family, his nature and his friends has turned him from a dear friend whose flaws I can overlook to a person I just can't see myself being able to keep in my life.
Minna, what a great set of lines, here. I love the way she's sitting, unable to concentrate, trying to work all of this out in her head. It wasn't just that one insult - it was a step too far, and why the heck should she forgive him - yet again? You give a very good insight into their friendship, the reasons they stuck by each other, and finally the reasons it all went wrong. Great job.
I'm not so sure about the parts when she's describing her about turn in regard to the Marauders. I truly like the bits where she's describing James and his ego, but I felt that maybe we didn't need the references to Remus and the others being like brothers. It seems a bit too explanatory to me (not sure if that makes sense), but it in no way detracts from a rather good fic about a moment in time. Wow! I can feel Lily squaring her shoulders to deal with Severus.
The ending is terrific. James looking like a dog who has done something wrong, is a lovely image, and Lily's nervouseness for what is a momentous shift in their relationship is well-written.
Good story, Minna.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the story and thought it was reasonable. Thanks for reading and reviewing. -hugs-
This is such a simple poem, Julia, and yet it conveys so much. Of course, it helps that you've used such a powerful scene from the book and you've interspersed your stanza's with JKR's words, but the tie her words bring to your poem and vice versa, make this a very emotive poem.
I think the most successful stanza here is the fourth one because when he mentions the word 'Loved', it ties in very well with not only the recurring theme of the series, but at that particular moment with Narcissa. She is terrified for Draco, so that's why she lies and defies Voldemort. Love saved Harry so many times.
Author's Response: Thanks, Carole! That moment in the book is just so intense that it lends itself to poetry very well. There is so much emotion in there. It's good to see that the simplicity of the poem still manages to convey that emotion. I like that you picked up on the 'loved' stanza. We all know how love is a crucial part of the series in terms of the immediate plot and characters, but I love the depth to which JKR goes to instill the importance of love in all parts of the narrative. As you said, love saved Harry so many times. That would be an interesting point of discussion in the SBBC... Again, thanks for the review and I am very excited to see what inspiration you take from it :D
I am ron lover of Gryffindor writing for the Gift of Gab challenge.
Hello, there. I like your take on this prompt and think it's an excellent choice to use two Death Eaters as they try to explain their beliefs and actions. You kept the tension going throughout the piece and I was half-hoping that someone would discover them (I know, I know that couldn't have happened). Right, I do have a few nit-picks (sorry). There are some missing punctuation marks (commas mainly) - For instance Don’t get your want in a knot Malfoy. - you need a comma after knot. There's another instance when he mentions Macnair, that needs a comma too.
'muggle lover' Muggle should be capitalized.
You choose this. I think you mean chose - although choose could work, chose sounds better, in my opinion.
You will not loose. This should be lose - loose is when something isn't tight.
The other issue I have is when Macnair is talking to Lucius about his family. I don't think he'd dare call Narcissa a bitch - Lucius would have hexed him out of existence because Macnair just is not as important as Malfoy in the DE ranks. Also, there was a flawed logic in Macnair suggesting Draco was a coward so should have been in Gryffindor - although I guess Macnair could just be inconsistant. I was rather confused about when this was set. If Draco has the Dark Mark, and Arthur's in Diagon Alley with his family I presume it's just before the term starts in HBP. But ... Lucius was in Azkaban at the time. He doesn't get out until much later (I think he's still inside by the end of HBP when Draco's trying to kill Dumbledore)
I'm not sure Lucius would use the word 'guy' either. He's far too formal - and 'guy' is a modernish Americanism. Having said that, I did like that part of the fic, when he's warning Macnair about the danger of having a loose tongue.
Sorry, that was rather a lot of nit-picks. I did enjoy reading it, and certainly thought the interaction between the pair was good. The story flowed well, and the tension held throughout.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The reason Lucius didn't hex Macnair was because he knew it would ruin the plan. He would rather have him call his wife names than ruin the Dark Lords plan. He could get back at him later. Thanks for pointing out that I don't have my times right. I guess I forgot to add the AU warning... Oh yeah, thatnks for your little nit-pics. They helped.
Hello. This is a sweet story. I do like reading stories about Lily's childhood that aren't all about Snape. These moments with her father are very touching.
I did spot a typo that you may wish to change. Whene they are wading into the river, you've put 'willies'. I hope you mean 'wellies' because otherwise Lily appears to have changed gender *giggles*
That was all. Overall I really enjoyed this. It's a nice moment in time (or a few actually) and sad at the end.
Author's Response: Haha, thanks Carole! I went back to fix that. I didn't even notice that! Peace, Gen :)
It's refreshing to see an Oliver fic and also one where Percy gets his revenge on the twins. As someone who has just written a whole fic about Oliver (albeit with a very different partner) I was intrigued at the set up.
First off, your characterisation was good. The twins, of course because you know them so well, were great, and so were the girls. I liked your OC - she was very strong. I'm very pleased they got together in the end.
I do have a few little nit-picks *sorry*
What have you gotten yourself into now?” This, unfortunately is a pet peeve of mine. 'Gotten' is an American word and Percy wouldn't use it. You could possibly get away with Teddy Lupin saying it as it's more modern but not Percy - or any Trio characters *crawls back into Brit pick hole*
narcissus the plural is narcissi
Rent Sorry, timeline error, they couldn't have seen this before 1993 (which is when your fic is set) because it didn't come out on Broadway in America until 1994.
But, they're all very minor, and it is good to see a fic where Percy gets revenge.
Author's Response: G'day Thanks for the review, Carole. I'm actually writting an Oliver fic too, that's why I wrote a one-shot. To see if I could get his characterisation right. I'll have to take a look at yours. LOL, I am good at the twins characterisation, cause I love George and Fred is just a more extreme George in a way. The brit-pick is fine, no idea what I'll change it too, although I could always be a Smart-Alec (LOL, that's my nephew's name) and say he picked it up from Antoinette, since Aussies say it too. Damn about the Rent... I have no idea what to turn it to... hopefully no one will mind. That section was based on someone I know. Go, Percy, get your revenge! LOL ...xXxLove SandyxXx...
Ahhh, Heather, this is fantastic. I'm ashamed to say I haven't reviewed before and this won't be wildly comprehensive now, but I love how Percy comes into this story and how Morticia is Audrey!
The passages I liked the best were him struggling not to kiss her ... I mean it is kind of degenerate ... and he was really fighting the spell ... but oh, wow, you wrote that superbly. And the mention of Amortentia - BRILLIANT!.
Incredibly original story, and I do hope it wins the QSQ.
Author's Response: Thanks! Glad to be nominated for the QSQ. :)
This story is lovely, Bine. I truly like the way you've written a tentative friendship between the pair of them. The first line had me in stitches. Sirius sums up Lily very accurately, and in speaking that line, we see how perceptive he is.
It is the simple things that make this good. A pumpkin plant, both of them liking the feel of dirt on their hands. You've successfully stopped Lily being a Mary Sue by that one line. I also liked the comparisons between their two families, and the realisation that perhaps they have something in common. Sirius last few lines to Lily, about giving James a chance are obviously heartfelt - so well done.
I have a nit-pick over the use of the bark-like laugh - simply because since MWPP I'm hyper sensitive to any dog references regarding Sirius. But it in no way detracted from the fic, and other readers would probably find it valid (and it is canon). I did like it when his laugh changed from not being 'bark-like'.
Lovely tale, especially from someone who professes not to write Marauder.
Author's Response: Thanks, my dear. And I do write Marauder - from time to time. True, not all the time like you *wink* but in my opinion often enough. And I love reading a good Marauder story. The characters are fantastic to explore and read about. So this one-shot in a way was my exploring of Sirius and Lily and how their friendship might have started. The comparisons between their families I never saw like this; it developed while writing. While having Sirius and Lily talk about their siblings, I realised that, indeed, they have quite some similarities in regard to their brother and sister respectively.
Thank you for reading and leaving such a lovely review.
She only now understands that a hospital holds secrets, a husband holds secrets, and yes, she would have to hold secrets-- this secret and every other one till her very last breath, not telling a soul.
[one-shot. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.]
This is Sainyn Swiftfoot of Hufflepuff house submitting for the Bookbasilisk summer challenge (Extra Credit: One Floo Over the Fwooper's Nest)
What can I say? This is a wonderful oneshot. Oh, the arrogance of Lucius Malfoy. I just want to stick his wand where the sun don't shine! Why do these women put up with him?
Fangirling aside, this is excellent, BB. I love the way you drew attention to their 'near-albino' hair and when Narcissa walks in on them ... that thump sent shivers down my spine.
Umm, small nit-pick:
distraught wrought upon her face, visible in her every crease. I don't think you mean distraught - possibly distress or distraction.
But, that's it. I really did like the story, so well done. Carole xxx
Hahahahahahahahaha - Julia, I've never seen this before. That's the great thing about SBBC, you get to seek out new life forms ... uh stories ... and even though this doesn;t have much to do with Lily so not suitable for this month, I couldn;t resist reading.
Petunia Evans! What a sneaky girl you are. I enjoyed this. I liked the differing POVs throughout and the way Vernon and Petunia are so obviously made for each other.
Well done ~Carole~
Author's Response: Oh dear I am kind of embarrassed that you read this! I have very often considered taking this down but there is a certain nostalgia attached to this fic that has always stopped me. Possibly because it was my first foray into Dursley fic and we all know how potty I am about those silly Muggles. However, I am glad it amused you and thank you for the review XD
Well, what a surprise this was. I was convinced the story was about Sirius Black after James' death - or perhaps Regulus' disappearence, but then you pulled the magic carpet from under my feet and revealed who Mr Angry actually was. This is so good, becayse we rarely see Snape lose it, but when he does it's spectacular. Perhaps if the man hadn't repressed his emotions so much - believeing it to be mastery - he'd have had more success as a human being. /end Snape rant.
Seriously, Terri, this oneshot is amazing. You can feel his grief and anger through every shattered glass and every broken room. No wonder he hated Sirius so much - I wonder how he managed to control himself when he had to work with Pettigrew. *shudders*
Albus was lovely. I go a very real sense that he cared - ye we know that he was manipulative, but I think in your piece he was genuinely concerned for the barely-a-man in front of him.
Extremely good job of showing the shattered dreams of a barely stable man.
Author's Response: Carole,
Thank you hon for your review. It started out as a very different man in my mind, but my muse had another idea. I am glad you were surprised by who it was. That was my intention to surprise the reader.