What can I say. I'm a grown woman living in London but I'm obsessed with a teenage wizard and his friends. Am I mad? Probably Do I care? Hell no!
EDIT: Grown? Um, probably not
For my first foray into the realms of fanfiction I've chosen to write about the Marauders. I'll always stick fairly closely to canon as I think JK knows best. Although I've enjoyed reading about other ships I, personally, don't think I could write with conviction about Ginny/Crabbe or Hermione/Mclaggan relationships.
EDIT: ha ha ha ha ha - How I have changed! I'm now firmly in the rare-pair, SSP, and things that aren't quite conventional camp, although I still loves me some James/Lily.
My second chaptered fic (Apparently Asleep) has started a love affair with Tonks/Remus and confirmed my obsession for all things Sirius. *sigh*
I am indebted to Terri (mudbloodproud) for being a great beta and all round amazing person. If it hadn't been for her encouragement I would have thrown in the towel many months ago.
EDIT: I have made a lot of wonderful friends during my past three years on MNFF, including (in no particular order) Natalie, Kara, Hannah/Bob, Jess, Gina, Lea, Lori, Julia, Minna, Emmahhhh, and the fantabulous BB.
I hope Mugglenet and you enjoy reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Huge thank-you to my niece, Amanda, for being one of the first to catch the Harry Potter bug and nagging me into reading them.
I’ve written a variety of stories, so here is them arranged in categories. Some are cross- referenced. So a James/Lily may appear in Marauder or Canon Romance
A Second Chance
First Date Disaster
Flying, Fair Play and the Need for a Firm Hand
It Takes a Wolf to Prank a Dog
Learning to Fly
O.W.L.s, Quidditch and the Added Distraction of Sirius Black
Peace in Heaven
Ribbons, not Strings
Sixth Time's the Charm
Thank you for your time, Professor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Sum of the Whole
Who's That Girl?
Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express
'i'before 'e' (Percy/Audrey)
A Prize Above Rubies (Isla Black/Bob Hitchens)
Apparently Asleep (Remus/Tonks)
Birthday Girl (George/Angelina)
Bound in the Beating of Each Other’s Hearts (Narcissa/Lucius)
Coup de Foudre (Bill/Fleur)
Dancing Queen (James/Lily)
First Date Disaster (James/Lily)
Five weeks (Remus/Tonks)
Forces of Nature (Ron/Hermione)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
In The Stars (Draco/Astoria)
Key of the Door (Ron/Hermione)
Kissing the Joy as it Flies (Seamus/Lavender)
March Madness (James/Lily)
Not Quite Perfect (Bill/Fleur)
Sixth Time’s the Charm (James/Lily)
Snowball Fights (Teddy/Victoire)
Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part (Draco/Astoria)
You Dance Divinely (George/Angelina)
Non (or rather tweaked) Canon (apart from one story, these don’t break any canon.)
Better than Chocolate (Charlie/Tonks)
Heat of Life (Harry/Katie)
Her Tomorrows (Harry/Parvati)
Lavender, blue- A Gryffindor True (Lavender/Blaise)
Love At First Strike (Angelina/Terry)
Orphans of the Storm (Seamus/Parvati/Dean)
Passion Among the Primroses (Arthur/Mafalda)
Predictions of Love (Gilderoy/Sybil)
Ribbons, not Strings (Remus/Rosmerta)
Stars or Carousels (James/Dominique)
Summer’s Heat (Sirius/OC)
Teenage Witch (Charity/Myron Wagtail )
The Happy Couple (Harry/Ginny, Blaise/Lavender)
The Only One (Lavender/Blaise Teddy/Victoire)
The Untrodden Path (Draco/Hannah)
Where We Started From (Dean/Ginny)
Same sex Pairings
Apple-bobbing ( Lisa/Susan)
Close Your Eyes (Hermione/Lavender)
Drowning, not Waving (Oliver/Cedric)
Eyes That Know Me (Scorpius/Hugo)
Forbidden Colours (Tracey/Demelza)
The Dance We Do (Bellatrix/Amelia)
The Hat that Thinks it’s a Chair (Justin/Theo)
Truth Or Dare (Cormac/Zacharias)
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
Lockhart, Sprout and Two Smoking Goblets
Passion Among the Primroses
Predictions of Love
The Bacchus Book
Vampire - Ghost Child!
A Prize Above Rubies
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
An Outstretched Hand
Others (General, D/A, Post Hogwarts, Next Gen)
A Tangled Web (D/A)
All in the Genes (NG)
Chasing the Scoop! (Post Hogwarts)
Christmas on the Outside (General/Trio era)
Dean Thomas and the Reiver Curse (Post Hogwarts)
Diavol (Remus Trio Era)
Every Breath You Take (Post Hogwarts/Next Gen)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
Friends in Unlikely Places (Post Hog. Hermione)
Growing Old Disgracefully (Post Hog)
Lavender, blue (Trio Era)
Mere Wisps of Light (Post Hog. Draco fic)
Muggles, Magic and Misconceptions (Next Gen)
My Funny Valentine (Post Hogwarts)
Staring into the Fire (Trio Era)
The Waiting Game (D/A)
Whispers from the Past (Next Gen)
The Foolhardy Boys and Parvati, too
Who’s that Girl?
As They Watch
Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 1
Fairytale of Hogwarts
I Believed in Lily Evans
Master Barty Regrets
Queen of My Heart
The Daydream Pedlar's Song
The Labyrinth Mind
Summary: There were things Lily wondered about. There was another prefect spending the Christmas holidays in Gryffindor Tower. How far will her curiosity take her?
Remus was minding his own business. Suddenly, Lily Evans was his buisness. How long would it stay that way?
Written as something of a gift to a mod who has had to read a mountain of marauder era in recent years.
*Laughs rather a lot and very loudly.* Ah, this is a good chapter. That delicious awkwardness after the deed is done. For one moment I wasn't sure if it was slash or onanism he was indulging in, and then I realised it was both - ha ha. Having lived opposite a boys' boarding school for my formative teenage years, it certainly rang very true.
Enjoyed the chapter, had a giggle and am looking forward to the rest.
Nice one, Thea.
love Carole xxx
YAY! A new chapter. This was interesting and I loved the introduction of the two new characters. Remus and Lily see to go so well togther - darn that James he'll get in the way, but at least he can console himself with Tonks in years to come.
One particular paragraph had me sighing (unable to speak for her sweetness) and then giggling like mad. He couldn’t help it, they were in sight of the library doors, but he couldn’t help himself, he pulled her in close and held her tightly against him, unable to speak for her sweetness. Thus it was that McGonagall, coming up behind him, didn’t see Lily’s smaller form in front until she was upon them, and calling, “Mr. Lupin, do you know where I can find Miss – oh, I can see that you do.” Poor Remus, he's always so embarrassed
I do love the way you write, Thea. It's very natural and fun. Carole xxx .
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I am quite gratified to see that my two OC's are well received. Poor things, there is much tragedy in store for them, I will say no more. I felt that Remus and Lily needed a bit of a community that was not their norm, and also, that they will need friends in the future... I think Remus is a sweet soul, and responds to the sweetness in Lily. And I just could not resist giving McGonagall that line. I can hear Maggie Smith saying it in my head. He just has no experience in these things, and a rather skewed view of what people like McGonagall will think. This chapter has actually been written and beta'd for over a month - it was held up by a sock in progress. In my defense, it was a Gryffindor sock I owed to another HP fan and I couldn't in good conscience post this till I got it done. However, my knitting calender is cleared, and hopefully the next chapter will not take as long! Thanks again,especially for the general comment about my writing!
Summary: Ebony Burkes, a skillful seventh year Hogwarts student has come across a book in the Restricted Section of the library. It is an old, tattered book, long abandoned, shoved behind several books. The passages are filled by hand, not print, and images in the margins depict peaceful characters, all consumed with what looks like glee.
As Ebony does not know Latin, she does not understand what the writings say. When she sees, in the very back, a picture of all seven characters depicted in the pictures, she unknowingly casts the incantation written beneath.
What Ebony Burke does not know is that she has unleashed the seven deadliest, most powerful curses onto a few choice students of Hogwarts. Those affected are those who have already felt the fire of these sins, for the sins seek out their most comfortable homes. And unless these seven can defeat their sin, overcome its pull, they will, without question, be destroyed by its fire.
OOOh, Ari, this is such an intriguing story. I love the idea - it's so original. First off, your summary compelled me to read and then the chapters are forcing me to add this to my favourites. Pride - for Harry? Mmm, can't wait to see who gets envy and gluttony. OOOH, and Lust will be fun.
Well done. Carole xxx
Summary: My daddy’s been acting strange. He won’t tell me why he’s so worried about Harry Potter. He won’t tell me who my mum is. He won’t tell me anything anymore.
Told from the POV of Felicity, Draco Malfoy’s daughter. Disregards the Epilogue. Contains slash, though nothing graphic.
This is intriguing. I do like the set up you've established. Draco comes across as a caring father. I disagree with Felicity being too 'precious' for a nine year old. I've known seven-year olds far more precious :=]. Also I think she's in charatcer as she seems to be an only child being raised solely by her father, so probably doesn't see many other children.
Hmm, small nit-pick: distence - it's distance. I would also pick at the word 'gotten' because it's a very American word but that's me being a picky-picky Brit.
The only other thing I would say, and this isn't really a criticsm merely an observation, is that it does seem a bit dialogue heavy in places. You set this chapter up beautifully with the peacocks and I was enthralled so I'd have liked to see your obvious talent for scene setting carry on to a description of their home. That's just my personal opinion. I look out for stuff like that because I'm actually too fond of dialogue myself. Looking forward to reading the rest. Carole xxx
Author's Response: I never thought of 'gotten' as American -- I'll have to look out for that. And thank you for the spell check. ;)
I love dialogue -- it is my friend. :) I'll try to keep it balenced with description, though. Thank you so much for reviewing! *huggles*
Summary: I hate Lucy.
And who the hell am I? I'm Tim, Assistant Reporter... What you should be asking is what in the world I am. And the answer to that would be a White-headed Capuchin. Yes, a fricking monkey.
Watch me as I, fuelled by the thirst for anger and revenge, ruin Lucy's day completely while she tries to interview people for some stupid Triwizard tournament.
I am Sainyn Swiftfoot of Hufflepuff, and this is my entry for the Second Task of the Triwizard tournament.
Awwww, sweet ending.
This is very funny, BB. I'm hard pressed to find a favourite part because it is all good. Tim's voice and character shine through and I found myself constantly grinning or giggling.
I hate Apparation; it makes me feel like how I felt after throwing up an undigested rat that, for some crazy reason, I decided to eat. Ha ha, I love this line because, although unnecessary to the plot, it says reams about Tim.
I have a small nit pick, and I could well be wrong. just you wait, this only the starting, bitch! I think this would read better if you said 'this is only the start, bitch!'
The ending was good and totally unexpected. I thought he would ruin her day, so when that Durmstrang student got hold of Tim I was taken aback. Shocking behaviour and brilliantly done.
Great story. Carole xxx
Hee hee, who knew us girls were so frickin' terrifying! Nice, job with the poem, BB. It was a very funny part of Goblet of Fire and you've carried on the fun with your poem. Well done. Carole xxx
Author's Response: GACK! A GIRL! *pulls out cootie shot* :D
GoF? Hmm, I meant it to be any generic Triwizard champion, so it isn't exactly GoF, but I suppose you can assume it to be Harry. :D
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. :D
Summary: Harold Curtis is the newly instated feature journalist for the Daily Prophet and his first job? The Triwizard Tournament of course. A poem about how one person's nightmare is another person's dream come true...
I am padfootsgirl1981 of Hufflepuff submitting for the Second Task of the Mugglenet Triwizard Tournament.
Hey, Whit, I like your poem and it suits the challenge very well. I particularly enjoyed this set of lines:
Fleeing, panicking, shrieking, disbelieving,
An attack remembered as gory;
Leaping, laughing, whooping, grinning,
You’re the reporter with all the glory!
Curtis will have such a good scoop - despicable journo that he is. Great poem and a good slant on that particular Triwizard Tournament.
Summary: As kids, they were best friends. Practically inseperable, climbing trees every day at the Potters. It was always them. Teddy and Victoire.
But things change. And so do people. They grow up, move on. Make new friends, and forget all about lazy summers spent sitting in treetops. For a while.
But it doesn't take much to bring the memories back. And Teddy is determined to do just that.
Oh, Jenny. This is utterly, utterly beautiful. I adore the way you've portrayed these two. Victoire as a fearless child not bothered by the scratches on her arms (seems very Weasley, although perhaps that's unfair to Fleur) and Teddy so fiercely protective like his father.
Your idea about how they drifted apart when they both went to Hogwarts is totally believeable and makes their eventual reconciliation all the more realistic.
My favourite moment, in a fic full of perfect moments, is this She caught him watching her, and their eyes locked. Only for a second. But that one second was perfectly long enough to bring the memories flooding back from where he had locked them all those years ago. The smell of the tall pine trees. The feel of his sticky hands after eating watermelon. The sound of her laugh. The view from the treetops, and how they had thought they could see to the end of the world. Wonderful!
Hmm, I can't do SPEW-style reviews, I just wanted to comment and leave you some well-deserved gushing praise. Carole xxx
Author's Response: This review was truly what I needed right now, Carole. :) Thank you so, so much. I'm really proud of this fic - it's the first Teddy/Victoire I've written, and it gave me an obsession with the pairing, haha. The section you pointed out is one of my favourites, too. I am just so glad you enjoyed it, and so grateful for your review. Thanks again, dear.
Summary: Harry Potter's children are at Hogwarts and the TriWizard Tournament has been reinstated again. But this time, the Tournament will take place at Beauxbatons Academy of Magic.
That obviously means thrilling Tasks, but also the Yule Ball.
Read this reporter's article to see how the socialising event went off.
P.S. There are also a couple of good looking, single boys in it.
*Bustles in* Lavender Brown here - reporter for the Prophet - you may have read about me in Chasing the Scoop. Now then, your writing style. PAH! You're no Skeeter are you! Where's the scandal! Instead you focus on all this description - Rita would be turning in her grave - if she were dead. *seethes with jealousy*
I have to say your feature piece is really rather good, my dear - the descriptions came alive and it sounded like a real journalistic piece (Don't you DARE go after my job at The Prophet).
Lavender - go away! Afifa - wonderful job. I agree with Lavender that your description is excellent and your characters came alive in very simple ways. Nicole blasting the sculpture, James being worried about people only liking him for his name - lovely touch. He would be in his dad's shadow, wouldn't he. Great Story, Afifa. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Heya, Lav Lav! :D Nice of you to drop by, hon. :) Glad you liked it.
Carole! :D Thanks for the review, dearest. :p
This is an interesting take on the prompt, Afifa. I enjoyed finding out about the champions and their dates. Ah, James Sirius Potter - he really does sound very eligible *adds to list*. Seriously, I enjoyed this and hope you write some more about this particular bunch of Next Gen kids. I want to know more about Alice Dante and Sandra Niran, for instance.
I adore your description; it is very evocative.
Nice job! Carole xxx
Author's Response: Carole! :D
He he, yeah. James Sirius Potter is after his namesakes. He's James Sirius Potter. xD
Um, yeah. Well, I do feel like writing some Post-Hogwarts stuff, let's see. RL is a problem, but after the exams I'll see if I'll write Post-Hogwarts or not. >.> I'm glad that you liked it though. :D Thank you for the review, hon. :)
Summary: The Triwizard Tournament is being reopened again, ten years after the last try. Rita Skeeter is still on the reporting scene, much to the unhappiness of Amanda Claybourne, a young reporter hoping to get rid of Skeeter's style of journalism. How will Amanda and Rita manage when they're teamed together to write about the Triwizard Tournament?
I am greennotebook of Hufflepuff House and this is my entry to the Second Task of the Triwizard Tournament.
Very good story, Greenie. You have captured Rita's character very well and shown just why she's a good journalist - even if she is a muck-raker. And Amanda did need a quick kick. She may want to report only on the facts but surely she has to learn that the facts need some spice.
This was an exceptionally good take on the prompt and I really enjoyed the story. Carole xxx
Author's Response: Thanks for reading it, Carole, and thanks for the feedback!
Summary: A year after the battle, Ron decides that he is ready to propose, and does everything he can to ensure his proposal is just right.
After Hermione says yes however, the happy couple quickly discover that planning the perfect wedding is not always easy, and there are plenty of problems to be overcome before they can finally make it down the aisle.
“Fat lot of use it is now, though. Shockingly there isn’t a chapter on ‘how to stop your witch leaving you a few weeks before your wedding’.”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - okay, I shouldn;t laugh, but that line really made me giggle. I can TOTALLY see Ron saying that. Ahh, Hannah, this is a lovely story. I adore your Ron and George, too. I like them getting close, 'cause I think they would in the aftermath of the Battle - well not immediately, but a year or so after, he'd be trying to get back to some sort of normality.
I have one small issue (it's teeny) At least in his bedroom, there were no reminders - Molly Weasley may have just about accepted Ginny leaving to move in with Harry,
I don;t think Ron woiuld think of Molly as Molly, but would refer to her as 'his mum' or something. But that's the only crit.
Bob, I love this story. It's not over the top dramatic and yet there is tension. It's touching and real. -Keep writing I want to know what happens ~Carole~
Author's Response: Yes, you're right - I think I kind of slipped into 'narrator mode' there and forgot that the rest of it was definitely' in Ron's PoV. I'll change it.
Thanks for the lovely review, and I'm glad I made you giggle. :D
What can I say. Not only have you satisfied your own urge to write some Ron/Hermione, but you've restored my faith in the pairing. Ahhh, this is sweet. Ron is being all Ronnish and quite useless, but he's not hopeless which he's so often portrayed as in fanfiction. I LOVE that line when he's talking about their first kiss. I'd forgotten that they'd have been all dirty and smelly from their epic camping trip plus their journey to collect Basilisk fangs.
Hmm, Hermione seems to be very organised (as usual), but I can't see the wedding going according to her strict schedule.
Good story, Hannah.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! And I'm glad I managed to restore some of your faith in the pairing (you might not want to read the fic I've just written and is soon to be posted, in which they break-up, though!). Heehee, and yes, they're first kiss can't have been the most romantic of occasions! And no, I'm sure the wedding won't be going exactly to plan...though will still be nice and fluffy no doubt!
Summary: Harry had dealt with many things in his life, but one thing he loved with all of his heart was young Sirius. As Sirius helps Harry deals with many things without realising it, will Harry be able to talk about something that he held so dear?
OH, Lyssa, I'm really, truly and genuinely crying and I rarely do that. It's your last line that has set me sobbing.
I really liked this all the way through. Little Sirius is living up to his namesake in spades and Harry is just perfect. Their relationship is simply beautiful and very well written. Your characterisation is excellent; the story is heartrending and ... I can't say any more because I'm in meltdown.
Carole *still sobbing*
Author's Response: *huggles Carole* I don't know whether or not I should be happy or sad you cried over this...-Alyssa
Ahh, this is a very interesting account of Remus' first transformation and you've handled his flashback to the attack very well indeed. I think what I liked was the fact that you didn't make the initial attack too gruesome - you hinted but did not show, and the imagined horror is always worse than the graphic. Having said that, I would have liked more detail about the transformation. From what you've written, it actually sounds as if he only suffered an initial bit of pain and was then fine. The touch about him not remembering is quite clever, but I'm not sure it's accurate. Personally I think he'd remember every detail - but then perhaps it's so horrific he's blanked it out.
Second person perspective. It works very well in this piece. Not repetative and I got a real insight into a little boy's feelings. Masterfully done, Spire. (And you know what I'm like with second person.)
I have a canon nit-pick. In Half Blood Prince Remus tells Harry that he didn't know for years the identity of his attacker so him hearing Fenrir's was a slightly jarring note.
In the end, though, what makes this successful is his parents' reactions. They must be going through hell above him, and you hint at that very well.
Author's Response: Well, I'm pleased you liked this, dear. :) Oops on the canon error. I'm going to assume that the name mentioning never meant anything to Remus until years later [I need to re-read the books >.<], and thanks for all your other comments! I'm especially pleased that you like my second person - I was actually quite worried about it. >.> Credit goes to Afifa for the sucessful reaction on the father's part. :D And, yeah. Thanks for a fantastic review! xx
Summary: Never and ever are two simple words sometimes overlooked, but putting them together means something permanent. Never ever is a phrase that shouldn’t be said unless you mean it. The question is: does George mean it enough to never ever stop from following it through?
Thank you, AlexPotter, for being my beta.
Mmm, good set up here, Sandy. Dawn is a pretty well-fleshed out OC and George is a believable George. I'm a bit concerned at the lack of Fred so far, but I'm sure he'll turn up very soon and probably ruin George's chances.
Nit picky bit the way the light actually made it look a seamy descent colour, I have absolutely no idea what colour you're talking about here. Do you mean desert or decent? (and is it seamy or semi?)
She was to busy anyway. - you mean too, not to.
I'm a bit confused about the last paragraph. I really like the image of George watching her from the window and admiring her hair, but I don't understand why she's letting him play with her hair and he has his arm on her shoulder. I would have thought that given the fact she thinks he's just acting, she'd have hexed him for touching her.It's actually too intimate a moment for this stage of their relationship.
I think this chapter is more successful than the first because it's from Dawn's point of view and you've obviously worked hard with your OC. Having said that, I enjoyed the first chapter as well - I just preferred this one. *grins*
Author's Response: G'day Thanks, I've worked hard getting Dawn's characterisation right. I have Fred appearing in the last chapter but it's mainly George/Dawn. Fred's being nice and staying out of it. It's supposted to be semi decent, thanks for that. If you retailiate to a Weasley, they get it in their thick (but gorgous) head that you like them, and Dawn doesn't... yeah right! Thanks for your complements and I'll fix the mistakes as soon as I get a chance. ...xXxLove SandyxXx...
Summary: Alice Longbottom lives in a terrifying world; a world surrounded by darkness and unknowingness. Occasionally, these rare moments occur where the fog is lifted and everything just makes sense. At least, until she is once again thrust into devastating oblivion.
Can now be found on Audiofictions - Episode 126!
I can't believe I haven't read this before. Emma, this is simply wonderful, and deserves far more reviews and plaudits than it's received. Everything is so beautifully written and wonderfully evoked. I'm actually tearing up here - hmm, but that's another story. My father has Alzheimers (have I told you that?) and the Longbottom's state is so reminiscent of that and the desperate hope that beneath everything they do remember - although perhaps that's worse because Alice and Frank can't do anything. *sigh*
I think the utter tragedy of the Longbottoms was brought home to me when she's jealous of Neville kissing Frank. She can't remember her own husband - so sad.
It's thoroughly depressing, but then right at the end you slip in a nugget of hope because she does recognise him. OOOH, I hope he heard that.
Brilliant story, Emma, you're so very talented. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Carole, thank you so much for that absolutely lovely review. Honestly, not only did they make me smile, they made my day. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and took the time to read and review. It means a lot to me :)
A writer struggling with writer's block.
A bedtime story.
Winner of Best History/Mystery in the '09 QSQ's. Thank you!
What an original story. I'm very pleased I sat down to read this today. I love the fact that it's a tale withing a tale, and we can take a few morals from the story - just like the other Beedle stories. Note, I said 'other' and not 'real' stories - this is very clever and relates wonderfully to the Beedle the Bard stories I have.
I do like the little girl's name *grins*. However, at times you've called her Elle and not Ellen. You've written the child very well - her words are authentic and not at all anachronistic. (not that I'm actually old enough to have lived in those times - but you know what I mean)
Clever story, BB.
So, here I am again to leave you another review for this story. Now, fresh from your QSQ, I've decided to re-read and also recommend this in the fiction junction (hence another review).
What has struck me again about this story is how original it is. You've taken the little we know of Beedle the Bard and turned him into a very real character. Although set five hundred years ago, you've also managed to make this remarkably modern and relevent to us on this board by detailing Thomas' struggle with writer's block. However, you've also managed to keep this in the historical time setting. There were no anachronisms and the details were amazing. I particularly loved the references to Shakespeare.
Well done! The award was truly deserved, BB. ~Carole~
Summary: Peter Pettigrew was always the misunderstood one. He was never talented on the Quidditch pitch like James. He couldn't woo the girls like Sirius. Nor, was he the well-liked Prefect and sometimes soft-spoken Remus. So how did he fit into this famous group of boys? Was he just the wimpy kid who just sort of tagged along behind them? No, he was not. So what was he?
Hey there, I like this opening chapter (and certainly no cliches to be seen). There are very few Peter-centric Marauder era fics (although I have one *sniggers as self promotion*) so it is always good to read one that doesn't portray him as the cheese-eating coward beloved of the cliche!Peter world. I'm still unsure about him being bright enough for Ravenclaw, but I know you'll explain that in furture chapters (so hurry up is what I'm saying).
Sirius and James turning up and being horrible to him was a good idea. It immediately dispels the notion that they were all 'chummy' to begin with. Mind you, I'm not sure they would have been quite so rude - not because I don't think they're capable of such appalling behaviour - but because Peter is a fellow Gryff and I kinda think James would be more welcoming.Sirius wouldn't necessarily think his father's friend's son isn't worth knowing because after all, they've both now been Sorted into Gryffindor and broken with tradition.
What I particularly liked were the scenes with his mum (the mention of asthma struck a chord with me) and also the tentative friendship with Lily and Severus. I'd like to see Peter try and continue that - is that to be a part of your future story?
Minor nit-picks (sorry). There were one or two places where you didn't leave a line between two different speakers.
Peter was slightly annoyed at this remark. “What do you mean? Why shouldn’t I be in Gryffindor?” “Well, look at you. I thought you’d be a Hufflepuff for sure.”
Because you didn't include a dialogue tag, I initilally thought Peter was saying it, so I got a bit confused. This happened before when Lily and Snape were talking - except that wasn't confusing.
Anyway, they were two incredibly minor nitpicks in what was an original portrayal of Peter, so well done! I await chapter two.
Author's Response: Wow, Carole. Thanks for your awesome review! I'm glad that you think I've kept Peter uncliched. ;) Uh, oh. I'm afraid James and Sirius are going to continue being rude for a few more chapters. I think that the main plot in the story is Peter struggling to fit in in Gryffindor, and for Sirius and James to accept him as their friend. Maybe they have a reason behind it? (We'll see). Yes, the Kings Cross Station scene is one of my all time favourite scenes that I have written. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. And the tentative friendship with Lily and Severus, you guessed correctly. Those two are going to be making a few more appearances so watch out for them. Oops, yes I can see how that line could be confusing. I shall have to go in and edit that. I've been having a problem submitting, where paragraph breaks etc. don't come out the way they are supposed to in the actual story once it is validated. Chapter two is written and waiting for a spot in the queue (I already have two stories in there). I'm glad that you think the story is original, and I hope to hear from you some more when the next chapter is up. Cheers! --ginnygirl16