Penname: Hermoine Jean Granger [Contact]
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Reviews by Hermoine Jean Granger
 

Mother by human_amusement
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: In the the front room, you think she sees you as a thoughtless beast, unaware of everything. She says you wouldn't understand why she needs to be away. An exploration of the relationship of Hermione and her mother.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 462 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/06/04 Updated: 11/06/04


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 09/30/10 Title: Chapter 1: Mother

Hello there!

I chanced upon this story through a recommendation, and boy, am I glad that happened. I found so many aspects of this short, poignant piece to be enchanting - there's just something in the story that makes me ache and feel for the mother.

The beginning, with the beautiful description of a tender moment between a mother and her child was just so realistic. I, even from my rather faint memories of childhood, remember instances like these. It's not the moment, but the way that you capture it that really drew me in and made me want to just read more.

The conversation is a short one, yet one which drives the point of conflict so well and so powerfully. The first time I read the phrase 'Since them' I was curious to know what was being referred to so powerfully, yet indirectly. The use of second-person point of view made it even more intriguing. It also adds to the charm of the story, you know? I loved how well you wrote it, and how well I could connect to the person in question, although it isn't like conventional second-person point of view stories which don't usually reveal the character and leave it to the readers' imagination.

When we move further into the story, and Hermione's name is actually revealed, the plot becomes so much clearer. It evokes conflicting emotions - agreement with Hermione and sympathy for her mother - simultaneously. I feel torn, really. Hermione's character reveals her stubborn side of her, while also making us aware of the fact that she really wants to belong to the wizarding world that she was a part of since joining Hogwarts. I really liked how much insight you give to the dynamics of a family relationship wherein the child is Muggleborn.

I have no criticism to offer, actually. I just wish that I could see more of this relationship develop. I haven't really given a lot of thought to what would go on in a Muggleborn's family, and this really led me to think over the matter quite a lot. I definitely feel it's a topic that could be explored more.

Great work here!

 

Wasted Years by MoonyPadfootProngs
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: Sirius reflects on his life as he lives out his lonely twelve years in Azkaban. One-shot Songfic based on Cold's "Wasted Years". (All recognizable characters are owned by JK Rowling)

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1290 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/29/05 Updated: 04/29/05


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 01/31/09 Title: Chapter 1: Wasted Years

Hello there!

May I first commend you on your choice of the song? It suits this fic almost perfectly. I really liked the way the lyrics are interspersed evenly throughout the story. They do not seem to abruptly jut in between paragraphs; rather, they seem to blend in with the plot really well, and that's something which is very appreciable. In songfics, this part plays a crucial role, and I think you've done a brilliant job on that count.


This story is very poignant, and very true to what we have seen in Sirius' life so far. His life in Azkaban, which we have seen only a glimpse of in the books, leaves a lot to be described. I think you've really done a great job in filling up some holes there.

Description is your forte, most definitely. It's vivid, and you're able to paint a picture in my mind with your words. The beginning was something that pulled me to the story; it was powerful, and it made me want to read further.

Sirius Black sat in his cell, his home of twelve years, on his uncomfortable bed as he gazed out of his tiny window that showed no more than a malevolent ocean and a monotonous grey sky.

The situation is clearly described in the first line itself, and it also alludes to the tone and style in the story. The monotony which he is subjected to every day is also shown. Very strong beginning, in my opinion.

The characterisation was the first thing which struck me when I read this. It is spot-on, and I think that his condition in that lonely cell is depicted well in these lines:
Sitting motionless, he looked like a statue. His eyes held no proof of a soul in which distinguishes man from stone.
In the same line, however, I don't think the 'in' is necessary.

Anyone else refused to believe it
I think that should be 'everyone', as all people in the wizarding world refused to believe him.

Azkaban had that effect. It could make anyone look like a criminal, even an innocent child. Sirius was lucky and unlucky all at the same time. Even though his eyes belied the presence of a soul he still had one.

It is really wonderful to see how you brought about the stigma that the word 'Azkaban' has, in the wizarding world. We can see in the books that even after Sirius' death, most of the wizarding world never accepted the fact that Sirius was, in fact, innocent.

Another thing that I liked about the lines is how you brought about how Sirius was lucky since he had a soul. That's the sort of optimism that led him to live out those twelve years, I'd say. It's very hard to imagine how he'd have done so without the optimism.

Living in Azkaban isn’t just a normal existence that holds day, night, dusk, and dawn; it’s more or less states of depression. There is only day and night here for the sky is never graced with the bright colors of a sunrise or the dark hues of a sunset. The day brings depression and loneliness and the night brings numbness and cold. The nights are dark and eerie. There are screams of other prisoners every night as they wake up from the grip of a terrible nightmare. Sirius has had a few of them himself. Never dreams. Dreams are pleasant.

Description. Just superb description here. It's astounding to see the power that the simple words carry within them here.

Lack of punctuation in some sentences was the only thing that bothered me a little. Like this one here:

He would have smiled but somewhere throughout the last twelve years here he had forgotten how.

This line is very good, but it lacks punctuation. I think it would be nice if this were re-written as:
"He would have smiled, but sometime during the last twelve years here, he had forgotten how to."

And this one:

He didn’t know why he was laughing at the time but after spending years in prison to dwell on that day made him realize why he did.

I think there should be a few more commas in this sentence too. Something like this:
" He didn’t know why he was laughing at the time, but after spending years in prison dwelling on that day, he realized why he did."

A newspaper dropped suddenly into his cell. He lunged for it. He combed it every day to look for news on Peter or Harry.
Here, there is a contradiction. I'm pretty sure that it was Cornelius Fudge who had given that newspaper to Sirius, when he'd asked for it. That, too, bothered me a little. If you were planning to stick with canon, it'd have been nice if you'd added that fact here.

Another small contradiction that I noticed was the fact that you mention Sirius running away from home at the age of thirteen; whereas he actually did so at the age of sixteen, as per the OotP.

The ending was very good. That, again, moved me a lot. The use of lyrics, especially, in those lines made that effect even more powerful.


Then at the third page his eyes widened at a large article and then squinted to small slits.

It’s not hard to fail.

He spotted something familiar, something that made his blood boil. Peter Pettigrew.

It’s not easy to win.

“He’s at Hogwarts,” he whispered to the silent and empty cell.


Beautiful story, overall. Keep up the good work!

 

Phases by Lissa Reynolds
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Tonks compares her situation to the phases of the moon. Just a little poem I wrote in my overly-air-conditioned room at band camp. Hope you like it. I do.

Categories: Remus/Tonks Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 254 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/09/05 Updated: 11/09/05


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 10/30/08 Title: Chapter 1: Phases

I like the free verse in which you've written this poem. The comparison to the phases of the moon has been brought out well. The allegory to the different phases does seem to reflect Nymphadora's mindset, and it is something which I've never thought of before. You have connected two seemingly interconnected lives in an intricate manner, that of Nymphadora, and that of the moon.

but not my heart -- there each of your words is a dagger.
In this line, however, I am confused as to the speaker and the subject being spoken about. I could make out that the person speaking is Nymphadora herself, but who is the person being spoken about? It's a little confusing in this line.

I loved the way you've incorporated the love-death-rebirth concept into the poem. It is something which has been woven in very intricately into the poem lines itself, and doesn't look forced or jutting out of the flow of the poem. These lines, especially, created quite an impact on me.

you grow smaller
shrinking and growing in a never-ending cycle
a cycle of life, death and rebirth
but love of him has halted the wheel




leaving me trapped here in the bowels of death and loss.


Here, however, I fail to see how Nymphadora is trapped under the bowels of death and loss. Death of whom? Loss, again, you haven't been very clear about. I think it is the loss of Lupin that you're talking about, but it feels a little too confusing when we read it together.


new moon
dark as the sky
with a veil of stars
a veil that might be mine
a raiment of glittering teardrops
if he would only admit that he loves me.


Here again, I find this a little confusing. The veil of stars is compared to teardrops, yes, but why would she want to have it? You mention earlier in the poem that her face had already become numbed due to the overflowing tears, so I really can't see why she would wish for another veil of darkness filled with teardrops.

 

For What It's Worth by Aelan Greenleaf
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 58]

Summary: Three meetings, two people, one place. The girl and the boy, together and apart. Nothing lasts forever, but at least she remembers when it felt like eternity, when the days were soft, the nights of dark and their love, forever [Lily/James AU]

Nominee for Best Alternate Universe in the Quicksilver Quills!

Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe

Word count: 1226 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/04/06 Updated: 06/06/06


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 12/08/08 Title: Chapter 1: Sub-Chapter

This is one of the best AU fics that I've read, and one which entirely changed my view of Lily/James. The characterisation of James and Lily have been done in a marvellous manner. We don't see the extremely kiddish and bragging James, nor the whining, or extremely angry and commanding Lily. Something that I enjoyed while reading this was the fact that Lily and James were being friendly and teasing each other; they weren't yelling or whining. Many stories that mention James and Lily have them fighting all the time, and I'm glad this story showed another side of their relationship.

The imagery depicted in the story is really good as well. The images were vivid, and some of the lines were really 'brought to life', as I would say. The idea of using snaps to bring the scene alive is a really good one, and I thoroughly enjoyed the bittersweet ending. The ending lines, especially, brought a tear to my eyes.


As she leaves, the slight wind catches her whisper: "For what it's worth, James, I've only ever loved you."


Powerful, and heart-wrenching. Truly superb.

 

Like A Diamond In The Sky by whatapotter
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: So hungry. There is a cavern inside of me, desolate, empty, and yearning to be filled. Oh, what it must be like, to be complete - to be whole again.

A one-shot delving into the curious psyche of a dementor. This is the scene from Prisoner of Azkaban where Harry and Sirius are being attacked by the oncoming dementors - except this fic is written in the POV of one of those dementors.

I've tried hard to make this particularly strange bunny work, and I hope the result is a success.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1280 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/05/06 Updated: 09/07/06


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 04/30/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

May I first commend you on your particularly brave choice of the POV? I really admire the fact that you decided to write a fic from the point of view of a Dementor, and you've done justice to it. The fic was moving, and the Dementor's emotions came across strongly. It was just fascinating to see your take on how the psyche of a Dementor works.

The description in the beginning aroused some vivid images in my mind, and well, the comparison of a Dementor's mind to a cavern waiting to be filled, and your reasoning behind it, was one of my favourite parts in the entire fic. Also, the style of writing-- the connection of each paragraph to the single word 'hungry', was, in so many ways, justified. The word, in more ways than one, was apt, given the setting of the story.

The characterisation in this fic was just superb. Right from the beginning, we see the Dementor as a craved, hungry being--just waiting for its dinner, the soul. We see its helplessness, its hopes, and its desires. Things we generally do not associate with Dementors. To a superfluously emotionless creature, which is what a Dementor is portrayed as in the books, we get to see a new dimension. It is almost human-- jealous, judgemental, selfish, and greedy. A depth to this despicable creature-- almost something that makes the reader empathise with it, was one of the main things which was so remarkable about this story.

One other thing that I really liked was the fact that the Dementor, that craved so much for light, feared it when it was too close. The comparison of light and heat to warmth which could fill the Dementor's mind at first, and the contrast brought about when the same light and heat gets too close, was well done. I could see the pain that a Dementor faces-- not being able to get too close to what it wants, yet craving it from a distance.

The Dementor's ability to judge whether the soul was that of a man, or that of a boy, however, was one thing that I did not quite get. If it is blind, it should be able to discern the souls from whether they're broken or whether they're whole. How does it exactly differentiate between the soul of an adult and that of a child? Somehow, I've never believed that the soul of an adult would vary very much from that of a child.

The comparison of Sirius' soul to that of a jigsaw puzzle explains again, the effect that a Dementor has on a soul. It does justify the 'soul-sucking' nature rather well. The mere presence of a Dementor seems enough 'crack' a soul. Interesting take on the matter.

Also, I really must say that I loved the way you've ended the story. It's just... strong. Four simple words, conveying a message that's not quite restricted to words alone. The enigma that still remains as part of the character of a Dementor, and the open ending, leaving the reader to draw his conclusions as to what might happen next, just works so well here.

All in all, I'd like to say that I was floored while reading this very, very good piece of fiction. It's such a refreshing change, and definitely one of the less seen topics that has been handled with extreme subtlety and beauty. Just wonderful work!

 

A New Year's Gift by Gmariam
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 20]

Summary: After helping the headmaster move the Mirror of Erised to a new home, Severus Snape receives an unexpected gift as the New Year turns.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1636 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/04/06 Updated: 12/04/06


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 09/16/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Lovely story, Gina. I liked the characterisation of Severus throughout the story, the things he saw in the Mirror of Erised, his feelings when he received the gift and when he opened it..... all of it has been written well.

The gift from Dumbledore was well-thought out and wonderful. The description of the tree and the phoenix song was enthralling. Overall, I completely loved the story and the imagery in it. The value of trust and faith that Severus realised through the gift was brought out in a wonderful manner.

Author's Response: A very belated thank-you for the lovely review! I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. I wrote this story a while ago - long before DH - but I really appreciate all your positive comments. Thank you for finding it, reading it, and leaving such a nice review! ~Gina :)

 

Anticlimax by MorganRay
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Moments come. They rise and materialize. They fade away.




Submitted for the NEWT level Romance class of Spring 2007 by MorganRay of Hufflepuff.


Categories: School Assignments Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1467 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/23/07 Updated: 02/25/07


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 07/31/09 Title: Chapter 1: Anitclimax

Morgan! =D

Ron/Hermoine and light-hearted humour is totally mood-uplifting. I just had to mention that. Really, this was a short, sweet little one-shot exploring Ron and Hermione and Fifth-Years(well, almost!), and you managed to weave in tiny bits of romance with some humour-- a huge contrast from the premise of most of your other fics that tend to lean towards D/A.

I enjoyed the little conversation that they had going, and the beginning where you describe Hermione packing her things up-- that part, I totally went, "Oh, Hermione!" even before you actually mention her name. It was so like her to sort books by author and fold clothes and arrange by colour.

And Ron, too, was totally canonically perfect. I was not the least surprised when he approached Hermione to ask for help-- it sounds like something he would do. If that weren't enough, the description of his room that you managed to convey so realistically, was definitely something that made me appreciate Ron's characterisation. It was really well done!

Humour brought out subtly was totally what won it for me, though. “They’re priceless parts of history,” Ron sulked from the clothes blob. Oh, definitely one of my favourite lines in the story. Their response to Mrs. Weasley's appearance made me laugh out loud. Seriously, a game of tag? XD

Even with all the humour, there was also realisation on part of the two of them, and that only made the story more likeable. I loved their nostalgia in the end towards the years that had passed, and how you conveyed it. Amazing work there. =)

A really short, sweet fic which was utterly enjoyable, dear! -hugs-

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. This fic is proof I can write fluff. :) Ron/Hermione were definitely the couple I was hoping would get together the entire series, and I honestly thought it would come before DH.

 

Prisoner of Life by HermyRox12
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: A poem from the point of view of an Azkaban prisoner.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 49 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/11/07 Updated: 11/18/07


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 07/31/09 Title: Chapter 1: Prisoner of Life

In so few words, you've put so much substance-- really, it is a gift, and I must commend you on that.

I could literally feel the despair that reigns in the mind of the prisoner of Azkaban-- how he had lost everything and had nothing to live for, and how he nearly begged for death because he didn't want to survive in the prisons of Azkaban. I could connect with his emotions somewhere, and I do agree-- dying seems a much better option that living in the hell-hole that is Azkaban that we see in the series.

The total hopelessness of his situation is conveyed in the second stanza-- he is almost counting the days till his death, which, let me add, is not something any normal human would ever want to do. But somehow, for his condition and pitiable state, I do not blame him for doing so. I loved these lines in particular:
"Just a shadow,
My former self is gone,"

However, I did question the use of a comma there. A full stop would have added more finality to the claim, I felt.

The last stanza, in particular, was my favourite one for so many reasons. Perhaps because the last line is so filled with truth and has this finality of ending, though the suffering that the prisoner undergoes is yet not complete. It's incomplete, yet has a finality to it, and that was probably why I loved it so much.

A wonderful, short, extremely poignant piece. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Wow! Thankyou so much for the awesome review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the tip about the comma. Punctuation is one of my weak points, so I'm always looking for tips there. I'm thrilled you liked the last stanza, it was fun to write. Once again, thankyou for the review! ~HermyRox12

 

Great Expectations by Cassandras Cross
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 505]

Summary: A weekend trip to the mysterious Rose Cottage leads to Ginny's second pregnancy and Hermione's first. The Potters and Weasleys take on “The Next Great Adventure” as they anticipate the births of Albus Potter and Rose Weasley.

NOW COMPLETE!


Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 107864 Chapters: 26 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/13/08 Updated: 07/25/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 09/21/08 Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 25: There Be Dragons

I really really enjoyed this chapter a lot. You have effectively separated the two births by the use of humour. A Ron/Hermione fight was completely unexpected at this point, especially since you have portrayed very strong emotions in the two previous chapters.
The ending lines were especially powerful:

A time of change was coming, but change was the only constant, and the only way to survive it was to bend to the prevailing winds. The wind went where it pleased, as children always will, for they are loaned to their parents only a little while. These young souls would travel many long and winding roads before they came to the end of their journey, and if calamity occurred, as it inevitably would, they would deal with it as Potters and Weasleys always had. They would face it together and together they would meet their destiny.

These lines were extremely powerful, and very meaningful too.

Author's Response: Thank you very much. This story was difficult to write, but very rewarding at the same time. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

 

A Letter For Fred by PadfootnPeeves
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 19]

Summary: George is feeling depressed after his brother's death. Molly suggests to write out his feelings- but how will that turn out? A rather sentimental poem from George to Fred.

And if you still haven't read DH, well, prepare to be shocked.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 165 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/24/08 Updated: 01/27/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 10/27/08 Title: Chapter 1: The Letter

This poem is written beautifully, and personally, I love the idea of George writing a letter to Fred in heaven. The symbolism of the number seven, and the way you've incorporated it into the poem is absolutely marvellous. I liked the rhyme scheme used, and the format in which the poem has been written. A very good job!

Two small nitpicks that I found while reading through:
Even though you’re not here,
I’m proud for what you did.

That should be: I'm proud of what you did.

It wasn’t anyone’s doing,
Even Percy the dolt.

I feel that Not even Percy the Dolt sounds better over here.

Great poem, on the whole!

Author's Response: Yaay, a review! I'm very glad you liked it, and thanks a bunch for the constructive criticism. If you liked this poem, you might like the other one I have up... *nudge nudge* :-) PnP

 

Eclipse by BertieBotsBeans741
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: This is a poem of how Narcissa feels when she learns of the task Draco must complete in HBP.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 102 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/21/08 Updated: 03/23/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 02/28/09 Title: Chapter 1: Eclipse

Hello Brittany! =)

I must say, this poem was really conveying the feel and the darkness of the setting and situation that you've based it upon. The commendable thing is, the setting wasn't really elaborated or described extravagantly. A simple beginning was actually open to a vast variety of interpretations, and the imagery was superb. When I first read the poem, I couldn't help but remember Remus Lupin, especially with the allusion to the dark, mystic moon. The mystery and the use of "hypnotising" there just brought to mind the parallelism with the control the moon had over Remus. :)

Another thing that struck me when I first read the poem was the use of single words which create a powerful effect in our mind. The use of adjectives was very careful, and I must say, the flow of poetry there almost made me wonder how the free verse flowed so well. There was this... rhythm in the lines, even though the poem was in free verse.

The characterisation of Narcissa was that was a desperate woman, a woman whose heart was buried, as you say so yourself. A life that I've seen Narcissa lead, all through her life. She wears a mask, all through her life, and never shows her true emotions. The setting, the deep, dark night, and the these lines blend in so well.

My cries rise into the night,
Disappearing,
Masked,
A fašade


Funnily enough, I remembered Shakespeare's Julius Caesar when I read the above lines. Brutus' allusion holds so true when we look at Narcissa's characterisation in the poem.

Where wilt thou find a cavern dark enough
To mask thy monstrous visage?


The punctuation in the lines wherein you describe the eyes struck me as a bit odd, however. The commas sort of weaken the effect that the stand-alone words brought about. A more effective choice would have been a semi-colon, or best, a period in there, I felt.

It was the ending that impressed me so much, though. The life that she led, and her return to it, was so strong, and that really left a lasting impression.

The night is still again.

Simple, yet conveying the message that the internal struggle was quenched by those eyes, and that she'd slipped back into the mask she wore all her life. The lines throughout the last paragraph actually makes me sympathise with the cowardly, yet not weak, the strong, yet supressed mother that you've shown us all. Superb work there.

I really hope to see more poems from you; reading this was a pleasure, and I want to see more of the skill that you exhibited while writing this masterpiece.

 

Summary: The halls of Hogwarts have haunted Ron’s dreams for eleven years. Now that it’s finally the summer before his first year at Hogwarts, he can hardly wait for his letter to arrive. What could anyone possibly say to dampen such good spirits? Enter Fred and George Weasley.


I am The Scribbler of Slytherin and this is my final exam for my Humor class.

Categories: School Assignments Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1781 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/30/08 Updated: 04/04/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 10/28/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hilarious story! You've developed upon the basic plotline over here very well, and I loved the use of description in certain places, especially in the beginning where you describe the Making of Breakfast by Mrs. Weasley. The humour lay in your allusions to calling this a symphony, which is certainly a true fact. Only a perfect conductor like Mrs. Weasley could've done the job. ;)

The characters are very much in character, and the use of humour in such a case, without making the characters become OOC, is truly commendable. I loved the prank played by Fred and George, they make use of every situation to their advantage, and even though they were not allowed to use magic, they managed to achieve their ends anyway. The characterisation of a scared Ron, and of Evil Fred and George was near-perfect.

I was in splits when they described the sorting! The description was near perfect over there! A vivid image is formed by those words, and that itself brings forth the humour. You have that capacity to breate life into the descriptions, something I truly liked.

Ron thought he landed in something slimy. Knowing Fred, it was probably something especially disgusting, but he felt too preoccupied to look at the moment.
In this sentence, I fail to understand how the slimy stuff reached there in the first place. The twins weren't allowed to use magic, and since Ron was standing on the same bed a few seconds ago, I don't feel it would've remained there since a long period of time.

Another small correction: Chudley Cannons needs to be italicized.

Author's Response: Every review I get brightens my day and yours didn't fail to cheer me up! Thanks for the comments, ESPECIALLY the ones that suggested how the story could improve. I was nervous about the characterization, so I'm glad you liked how I played them. As to the slimy stuff on the bed? I imagined Ron as falling on a different part of the bed. He hadn't noticed it earlier since he was busy with the wand. But, I didn't make that as clear in the story as it was in my head. Go Chudley Cannons!

Author's Response: Every review I get brightens my day and yours didn't fail to cheer me up! Thanks for the comments, ESPECIALLY the ones that suggested how the story could improve. I was nervous about the characterization, so I'm glad you liked how I played them. As to the slimy stuff on the bed? I imagined Ron as falling on a different part of the bed. He hadn't noticed it earlier since he was busy with the wand. But, I didn't make that as clear in the story as it was in my head. Go Chudley Cannons!

 

A Change of Heart by cassie123
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Since the death of her daughter, Andromeda Tonks cannot stand the fact that she has failed to love her grandson.

She sees no other choice but to leave him with the only person left to trust, but an encounter with Rubeus Hagrid leads to a change of heart.

Note: The warning is for fairly minor aspects, but I'm implying post-traumatic stress disorder.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Mental Disorders

Word count: 1628 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/14/08 Updated: 04/22/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 07/31/09 Title: Chapter 1: A Change of Heart

Cassie!

Oh, dear. This was such an intriguing tale right from the beginning till the end, and kept me hooked throughout. For quite some time, I was left wondering who the protagonist was, and for a person like me who can be very impatient about such things, I'm so glad I waited and read it all. Really, a marvellous character to choose, and how remarkably the premise ties in with it all! Absolutely brilliant.

Throughout the story, the emotions just flow so freely. They're uninhibited, and in the entire thought process that I saw right till the end, they remain the strongest aspect of the story. Andromeda almost shows a sort of hate towards the child in the beginning-- a feeling that shows right through, especially in this line: She is not a woman, but an appendage to the life of another. I hated that at first, but then again, I could justify it with reasons that you've mentioned. A little cowardly sounding for Andromeda, definitely, but at some level, I could sympathise-- after all, she had lost her own people in the war, and the child was indeed a reminder of their being; day and night it reminded her of the pain she had undergone. Oh, and the dark side of Andromeda, where she totally seemed to be the person who has changed due to reasons probably connected to the war, is brought out really well here: She has become the woman she spent her whole life trying not to be.

I somehow really enjoyed the role Hagrid plays in the plot. Interesting dynamic that has been introduced, and really, one of the rare stories where Hagrid is portrayed without Magical Creatures involved. And how his presence brings about a sudden change in Andromeda. It felt a little abrupt to me, but after that, we could so clearly see Andromeda's conflict, and how she changes her mind. Really, a simple thing to bring about such a humongous change in her flow of thought.

The tenderness that is in the latter half of the story-- that was really commendable work. I loved how changed her mind is; how her perspective has changed from that of hating the boy to actually liking him, and realising his beauty. The contrast between the first and the latter half is something really significantly projected-- and it almost makes the first half seem as an irrational decision taken in the spur of the moment.

Also, a recurring error I noticed throughout is that 'bassinet' is spelled with a single 's'. I do not know if it is one of the many differences between Americanism and Briticism, but I'm used to reading it with a double 's', so I thought I would point that out. =)

Overall though, a really wonderful read.

 

Differences Aside by cassie123
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: Past Featured StoryFor Dean, it's the differences between he and Luna that hold them together, and he is willing do to anything keep it that way. But if the one thing that is pulling them apart is Luna herself, Dean is helpless.

Dean Thomas/Luna Lovegood One-shot.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1870 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/05/08 Updated: 05/07/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 07/31/09 Title: Chapter 1: Differences Aside

Cassie! =D

Dean/Luna. Oh yes. That's a pairing I've rarely seen, and certainly, this was one of the most tender stories that I've read about the two of them. It handles romance on another plane altogether-- we see simplicity and innocence, and that, in itself, attracted me so much.

Luna in a relationship, in stories I generally read, is very difficult to pull off while making it sound plausible as well as realistic, while also taking care not to make Luna sound OOC. I think you struck a very good balance as far as that aspect is concerned-- she still had a dreamy air to her, and was remarkably straightforward, which is very Luna, at least to me. The radiance in her smile that you describe when she sees Dean, her simple ways of communicating things which normal people find very difficult to, and her honesty in telling Dean what she thought so clearly. Beautifully described.

And Dean. I feel sorry for him on so many counts. Being rejected like that, that too, by a person you have feelings towards, is definitely very painful, and his pain is brought out so well when you say his heart shattered entirely. I liked his pondering self in the beginning, how he wondered about all that was Luna, and tried to figure out why he loved her. His efforts to impress, to charm, and that drawing-- all very understandable, especially when you see he really loved her. His emotions towards the end were more poignant, however, and I must say the ending line just left the reader contemplating on so many things. There's pain, yet, there's a small sort of understanding about Luna's decision, and then there's Dean and his current state. It weaves such a complex web of emotions and feelings.

Oh, and I must say this. Description of Luna's portrait brought about a really wonderful picture in my head that I can't get rid of now; it so totally reminds me of Luna. The lifeless eyes notwithstanding. But really, that was some good description there that draws the reader in-- especially when we see the description from Dean's perspective and what he thinks of it.

This was a gorgeous read, and I can only expect more of this kind. Thank you for writing this, and I so do hope I see more of your Luna-- I can't stop reading her wonderful characterisation.

 

The Young Idealist by GryffindorGoddess
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Charity Burbage has just received a degree in Wizarding Education and is ready to change the world one student at a a time. But first she must interview successfully and begin planning for next year’s classes!

Submitted for the Summer Challenges: Educational Decree by Gigi of Ravenclaw

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2731 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/18/08 Updated: 06/29/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 05/31/09 Title: Chapter 1: The Young Idealist

Gigi! =]

I must admit, when I read fiction, I can usually broadly classify it into two categories-- one which is written for the purpose of entertainment, and another, which more or less deals with a moral. More often than not, I find that each category I mentioned above tends to be written within its own territory. In fanfiction, I see very few of the latter, or more correctly put, very few that are written well. It probably goes with the genre, I suppose, as the series wasn't written with the aim of spreading a message. This piece of utterly brilliant fanfiction, however, was a cut above all. It was entertaining to read, and there really was a message that you got across to me -- something that was so intricately woven in, yet so visible.

I liked the fact that you chose Charity for the role of the protagonist, as we know literally nothing about her but her name and her occupation. It was almost like you were building a character from scratch, fitting her into the mould of her occupation-- that of a Muggle Studies teacher. Really, I thought you did an great job in most aspects, though there might be just a one or two odd characteristics that I thought didn't fit right in there. I saw a vibrant and dynamic character in Charity Burbage- one that is bubbling with enthusiasm and curiousity. She really was a young idealist, as the title beautifully puts it. The fact that she thought outside the box was something that led to my liking towards the character portrayed. She doesn't feel bound by the rigid structure in the wizarding world, and is open to adapting to new things. One of the most obvious examples of that, of course, would be the fact that she lived in the Muggle world for a year without using magic.

When I read the part about Charity's interview, I was captivated by your characterisation of Dumbledore. It's so canonically accurate, and he still seems to have this mysterious and all-knowledgeable charm attached to him - something that I find difficult to capture in words. Hats off to you for getting his characterisation down on paper so brilliantly. Charity's nervousness and excitement was visible too, and the entire conversation just deserves a lot of praise. Her answer to his last question was something that just blew me off my feet, and I must quote: "I want to be a teacher because I believe every child can learn and grow. As a teacher I’m not a giver of knowledge but facilitator of learning. I want to inspire young people to want to learn and give them the tools and strategies they need to acquire knowledge. More specifically, I believe that witches and wizards – especially in these times – need to take an interest in learning who Muggles really are. The more they understand about the non-magical population, the better off our world will be." ♥ ♥

Also, as a fan of descriptive writing, I loved the attention that you paid to detail. More than that, though, I loved how each and every element described added to the plot. For example, I liked the way you roped in the description of the queer elements in Dumbledore's office to the conversation between Dumbledore and Charity, and how those tiny little instruments put across a clear message to Charity, as well as the reader.

Throughout the one-shot, the plot just flows so well. We see the evolution of Charity as a character-- from a nervous new wannabe attending her first interview, to her thoughts as a teacher. There is a change from nervousness and anxiety to excitement and a spirit of adventure. There is a a method to the madness somewhere within all of the excitement. We see her thoughts focussing on immediate goals, and then the fantasising about field trips to the Muggle world. We can see her wanting to be a professor making a difference, and what she intends to do about it. There's character growth in there, definitely.

A small thing that popped out to me while reading the one shot, that I must include here, is the contrast that you brought about the contrast between the ideology of Charity Burbage and Mr. Baumgartner. Just by changing the lettering on the wall, you put across a huge point there, and it was something that attracted me when I first read the story. A wonderful way of bringing about contrast, I felt.

Coming back to the characterisation, which is brought to focus again in the second half of the story, we can see Charity's involvement and dedication to her profession. We do see a little of her dedication in the form of examples in the first half, but the second half is what actually puts across that trait so strongly. Right from her rigourous planning of class schedules and her efforts to be 'different' in her methods of providing knowledge, to her wanting to involve the students and her modernistic thoughts which broke away from the normal mould, we see her sweating it out. She is so involved with her profession, and there's this love and passion that she carries, which comes across clearly to the reader. I loved how she was so intent on learning all about her students and involving them in the class.

The only thing that really didn't sit down well with me was the fact that she seemed too much like Hermione at certain points. You do justify it by mentioning that she wasn't really the normal child with normal views, but was more or less over and above such things, but then again, that sort of led me to believe in her as someone who isn't human; more superhuman. That probably was the only defect that I found.

Overall, though, there was something about this fic that set it a class apart. Maybe it has to do with the fact that this is one of the few really good fics that I read which contained a strong message, but certainly, I must admit that it has been a pleasure reading this wonderful one-shot. I hope to read more fics such as this one!

 

Deadly Repercussions by GryffindorGoddess
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Cadmus Peverell was given a rare gift, but its terrible powers have ruined him. The Resurrection Stone that altered this man’s life forever has been passed down through the generations, always accompanied with a grim warning. Now it has changed hands from Marvolo Gaunt to his dejected daughter, Merope, who has no idea of the horrors this tiny object can generate. She can’t resist the temptation to use it, yet the results are unexpected. What will happen when Merope attempts to alter Fate? (Slight AU because the behavior of people brought back to life by the Stone is a bit different than in canon. Also note harsh language in chapter 2.)

Winner of the Summer Challenge: Hallows!

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Character Death, Dubious Consent, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 13455 Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/30/08 Updated: 07/14/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 07/16/08 Title: Chapter 3: End of the Line

A really lovely ending to a superb fic.......totally enthralling and had me waiting very impatiently for the next update. Now that the story is over.....I just wanted to inform that it was AWESOME! I liked Merope's mother's name...Lucretia!

Hoping that you win..........

Author's Response: Thanks, H.J.! I'm very glad you liked the story. :) I also loved the mother's name! it was originally "Nina" but I thought that sounded much too sweet for her caustic personality. I really appreciate your review dear! *hugs* ~GG

 

The Sorting Hat Epic by GryffindorGoddess
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: It’s a new year and the Sorting Hat has been much very bored. Now it’s time to show off what a year’s worth of free time will do as the Sorting Ceremony is about to begin!

Second Place Winner of the Summer Challenges: Extra Credit

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1549 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/09/08 Updated: 07/10/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 07/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: The Sorting Hat Epic

AWESOME song! Loved it a lot!!

All the best!!

Author's Response: Thanks, H.J.! You were a good cheerleader throughout my effort in writing the song. I appreciate your support! *hugs* ~GG

 

Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange is known as one of the most notorious killers of all time. She has been revered and admired by Death Eaters throughout history, and is most famous for her near-insanity due to imprisonment in Azkaban.This is her story.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 2655 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
07/22/08 Updated: 07/23/08


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 06/30/09 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue: Everything Burns

Hello there!

First off, I was attracted by the title of the story. Bellatrix Lestrange is a character that's often interpreted as having only a single dimension-- seldom have I seen good, realistic, and canonically accurate story of her life in fanfiction. In this fiction, the thing I liked most that while you kept her characterisation as close as possible to what we see in canon; I did find her to be human, more or less, and not just mere demonic. No, that doesn't mean you've portrayed her in a way that draws sympathy, it is just that... well, even with her Death Eater inclinations, we can see her as a person who is strongly motivated by a passion due to a cause. The best example I can mention here is the fact that you mentioned Rudolphus' death in the story and how it was one among the many reasons for her being the way she was.

The style the story is written in is not something I see often. The questions-- rhetoric or not, are quite important to the flow of the plot, and they are situated at crucial points, as if separating one part of her psyche from the other. The flow of the plot is never altered throughout, however, and I really liked that.

The description in the story is, hands down, amazing. I fell in love with some of the descriptions-- the one right at the beginning, where you describe her anger and need for revenge being my favourite of them all. Also, some of the emotions that are described are very, very realistic-- that of Bellatrix, the scarred, emaciated woman, and the same being contrasted with the wild-haired killer who cared for nothing other than revenge.

The tone, at points, was something that jumped out to me. The story throughout is more of a darker nature, and somehow, the first paragraph put forth a different picture-- being an almost philosophical thought there. That threw me off for a bit when I read the rest about her state and psyche. I also thought that it was remarkably consistent throughout the middle, but once again, the dialogue at the end goes a little off-tangent with regards to the tone.

The conversation between Harry and Bellatrix, though, was quite an interesting read. From the description and overflowing emotions, we get to see a comparitively lighter side. The end thought that you leave Bellatrix pondering over was a work of genius: simple language with a lot of meaning behind the words that were said. Small questions can lead to a lot of thought-- this being a perfect example of that.

 

Summary: Once again the four most mischievous boys Hogwarts has probably ever seen have been caught when executing a prank. The consequences? A detention. But they never saw this detention coming…



Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 7828 Chapters: 3 Completed: No
Published:
07/27/08 Updated: 02/18/09


Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 09/06/08 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter One - James' Jury

Extremely well written, the plot simply blew me off my feet. The characterisation of Remus in the first half has been developed upon well, and the serious/Sirius joke wasn't out of place, as I'd expected it to have been.

The questionnaire was well-prepared, and extremely James-y. Good characterisation again.

Okay, I have a doubt now. Is the spell 'volaris retro' meant to return the parchment back to James? Or is its function something else? Please clarify.

The article written was written well, weighing the pros and cons carefully, a very well thought out one.

I have a few tiny nitpicks which I picked out while reading through:

'Her friends had waited at the end of the corridor and now huddled around her, without a doubt wanting to question what James Potter had wanted.'

I think the word 'were' has been missed out in the above sentence.

You could always prepare a kind of questionnaire and hand it out. This way you can ask more questions, and get back a variety of answers and opinions.

The first sentence is in past tense, whereas the second is in present. I think the use of the word 'that' at the beginning of the second sentence would sound better. It isn't a major mistake, but I thought I'd point it out.

‘you can hand them out personally in the common room or maybe during meals’ time in the Great Hall.'

meals' time should be replaced by meal times.

Below there are going to be several question.

Firstly, you've missed out on a 's' in question. Secondly, I think the flow of the sentence is better like this: There are several questions given below. or Given below are several questions.

‘Oi, Prongs!’ Sirius greeted them then, having just noticed their entrances.
Here, Sirius just acknowledges James, though I think he should have called out Moony too, as you say that he greeted both of them. Also, an entrance can be made by two people,so you don't need to use entrances, though it isn't wrong.

Whoever said changes are not men’s best friend is mistaken
That should be man's best friend. In this sentence, you are referring to a proverb, so you need to use just man, as in human beings at large.

Professor Albus Dumbledore, (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, and member of the International Confederation of Wizards)
I somehow do not think that Dumbledore earned all of his titles before or during the Marauders' days. In the memory scene in the GoF, during the prosecution of Barty Crouch Jr., Barty Crouch Senior was the Chief Warlock. This incident occured after James and Lily died, so I think Dumbledore became the Chief Warlock after the war and not during the Marauders' school days. I also think that he gained a few more of his titles after the First war.

To leisurely walk through the village on a beautiful day with friends, visit the Three Broomsticks to homely sit and drink warm, house-made Butterbeer, chat with the lovely barmaid, Madame Rosmerta, and in the evening return with bags full of colourful and varied-tasted sweets – this all makes a perfect trip to Hogsmeade.

Two small corrections: There should be a comma after the word 'evening' and "all this" sounds better than 'this all' in the sentence.

Draco Dormiens Tunquam Titillandus
The original motto is Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus

He swears that dragons are loveable, harmless creatures that are vastly misunderstood.
Lovable is misspelled in the above sentence.

Once again, dear fellow students, think about changes in your life. They don’t have to be big or world-shaking; it’s the odds and ends, the details that can make the difference.

I completely love this sentence. It's so true, little changes can lead to world-shattering ones. The whole synopsis of the article is truly reflected by this sentence. Utterly marvellous, if I may say so.

I can't wait for Remus' column...... Please please update soon!

Author's Response: Are you sure you're not in SPEW, HJ? lol That review has a lot of SPEW qualities in it. Just a tip though: you can use the html-formatting for reviews also, getting parts written in italics, underlined or bold. It's then easier to keep an overview over these long reviews, especially if you italicise the mistake-sentences from the story.

But anyway, thanks for this great review. *hugs* It's good to know that my characterisation is done well, and that you liked the story.

Yes, 'volaris retro' means that the paper should come back to James. I completely forgot to put that into the chapter notes or wherever as an explanation. <.< I shall do that when I go over to edit the mistakes you spotted. Thanks for those, too.

Now to the sadder part: I haven't written anything serious for this story in quite some weeks. Sorry. The update will take some time I'm afraid. But I hope you'll come back when I someday get round to write the other chapters.

Once again thanks for reading and reviewing. *hugs*

~Bine

 
Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger Signed
Date: 08/11/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue - Not the Everyday Detention

Hi there!
The premise of this story is quite intriguing and I can't wait to see what you come up with in the next chapter.

I have a few nitpicks:
1. 'So forget your argument of whose fault it is.'

I think that should be: 'So forget your argument on whose fault it is.'


2. What could possibly possess you to charm Mr Snape’s cauldron like that?

This sentence is in present tense. The prank had already been played on Severus, so I think you should change the sentence to: 'What could have possibly possessed you to charm Mr Snape’s cauldron like that?'

3.Apparently, the imagination of what could have happened alone was enough to let her fall speechless for a moment.

That should be: Apparently, the imagination of what could have happened was enough to let her become speechless for a moment.
OR
Apparently, the imagination of what could have happened left her speechless for a moment.

4.The detention wouldn’t be an easy getaway by any chance, and it was indicated right away the very next day when the editorial staff held their regular beginning-of-month meeting.

In this sentence you use 'right away' and 'very next day' consecutively. This is contradictory. I think one of the two would suffice.

5.five year anniversary

That should be fifth anniversary.

6.But the decision about which articles are going to be the issue’s main focus we shall discuss later.’

I think that should be:' But the decision about which articles are going to be the issue’s main focus shall be discussed later. '

6.‘All I ask for now is that every one of you should work on the ideas you suggested next to your regular topics and then hand the drafted articles in. I think two weeks should be sufficient.

That should be: ‘All I ask for now is that each one of you should work on the ideas you suggested next to your regular topics and then hand over the drafts of your articles to me.I think two weeks should be sufficient for this.

'Every one of you' is grammatically incorrect. And you need to be more specific in the last line. That is why I added the words 'for this' to the sentence. It specified what the two weeks were needed for.


7.Tiffany, who’s usually doing the job, has excused herself for this month.’ Remus slowly nodded.
There is a tense error in this sentence.
It should be written as:Tiffany, who usually does this job, has excused herself for this month.’

The flow of the plot is quite continuous and the characterisation of James and Sirius is quite good.
Please do update soon!








3.

Author's Response: Thanks for the nitpicks, H.J. I'm going to correct them in a moment. And *huggles* for reading and reviewing.

 
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