Updated - July 17, 2008
City of Angels -
Chapter 2 (In Which We Meet Zelder Zallow)
Chapter 3 (In Which a Letter is Recieved)
[WIP] Chapter 4 (In Which the Past is Re-visited)
The WPP -
Chapter 3 ("Two Years On")
Chapter 4 ("A Golden Opportunity")
Chapter 5 ("A Long Awaited Return")
[WIP] Chapter 6 ("Beginnings")
As Shadows Fall -
Chapter 1 (1)
[WIP] Chapter 2 (2)
Sapphire Wings -
[WIP] Chapter 4 (Harry Potter)
Seven Thousand Sunsets (Gauntlet) NEW
Chapter 1 [Accepted]
Chapter 2 [Accepted]
Chapter 3 [Accepted]
Chapter 4 [Accepted]
Chapter 5 [Accepted]
Chapter 6 [Accepted]
Chapter 7 [Accepted]
Chapter 8 [Accepted]
Chapter 9 [Accepted]
Chapter 10 [Accepted]
I'm always starting new stories, despite the fact that I still have four, unfinished, full-length stories on this database. The plot-bunnies just never stop jumping!
Expected Title: EverAfter.
Characters: Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger and others.
Category: Romance/Dramione [My first! Hope it works out.]
Inspired by: The Family Man [Movie].
Excellent. :) Made me laugh (and I needed it).
THANK YOU! *breaks out into hysterical sobbing* You are the most talented, talented... talented writer! I laughed, I cried, I giggled, I hicupped, I almost caused my mom to call the local insane asylum. This is an amazing story - you deserve the win. You weave humor and tragedy together - and so seamlessly. PLUS! You included everyone who died, and managed to mention so many living characters (thanks for mentioning Ron - I love him to pieces and hate when people toss him out of fics because they feel he's useless) as well. Gah, I'm in pieces write now. Must. Regain. Control. Thank you again. :D 10/10
Author's Response: Ohhh, wow! I\'m really glad you liked it! I love to mix emotions in stories... and I had to write about Ron, because he is my absolute favourite character. Too bad Fred and George don\'t admire him as much as I do.
Phew! I'm breathless - and furious at this little cliffhanger. *glares*
'...our last meeting, Potter, he hisses, his voice lowered, I had wanted to let you die slowly...'
You're missing a couple of quotation marks: right after "Potter" and before "he hisses" and again after "lowered," and before "I".
So I would have to battle them to death — or allowing them to kill me
I think you meant "allow" instead of "allowing".
Who on earth yelled "Severus" just before Snape was stunned? I swear, I feel like it should be Harry - I don't know, would Bellatrix call him like that? But Harry calling Snape, Severus was a little odd to me - no worries though, you're entitled to do it... Harry shouting "Professor" would have sounded better, but been slightly out of place, as Snape isn't Harry's teacher at the moment.
Okay, so - the exchage between Bellatrix and Snape was extremely well done, hats off to you. It was so in character that for a moment I felt like I was reading a moment from the HBP chapter "Spinner's End". Very good, again.
(He saved your life.) You made him trust you. (He saved your life.) You have failed him. (He saved your life.) You have failed her.
The "her" is obviously Lily. And the "him" out of brackets - Harry? Who is the person in the brackets? James?
'Potter's wand, Narcissa! It was still in my hand!'
Perhaps I'm going bonkers (just had a row of classes, so it's expected) but I didn't get this at all. If you are referring to the connection between Harry's and Voldermort's wand... does Severus know about the connection at all? I didn't think so... could be wrong though.
Finally, I love the Malfoys. All three of them - and so I'm glad you brought them in here!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
P.S: Forgot - I would have liked a bit more description here - may be just me, but I couldn't envision WHERE any of this was happening - from Voldemort torturing Harry to where ever Snape woke up. Beautiful dialogues and thoughts but more description please!
Author's Response: Have I ever mentioned how I like long reviews full of questions? Well, I do!
Warning! Author prone to long responses! For gratitude, skip all the way down.
Regarding \'Severus\' - yes, it was Harry. Odd - yes, no contradiction from me on that. But it felt right there, or at least the best of the available options. As you noted, \'Professor\' was not exactly right there, because it, well, was not a \'Professor\' moment. I tried to look through the eyes of Harry, who had barely come back to his senses, who had not been sure of Snape\'s allegiance all this time, especially after the \'fair play\' comment at the end of the previous chapter, with every moment feeling that he had been a fool to trust Snape, and doomed himself, and... And then being saved and immediately seeing Snape about to be killed by Nagini... I don\'t think he saw a Professor there at the moment.
Therefore, the person both in and out brackets is Harry, because it was his non-verbal Sectumsempra that killed Nagini.
Re: Potter\'s wand. What I was actually aiming for - both in Snape\'s explanation to Narcissa and my own idea why Harry survived yet another AK was the highly enhanced effect of Protego due to (a) there being two wands in Snape\'s hand; (b) one of the wands being Harry\'s and therefore more inclined to protect its master. The version presented to Narcissa also involves indicating that Snape\'s hand was literally forced both by the life debt and Harry\'s wand.
Re: where. Malfoy Manor, as was stated in the previous chapter and indicated by Bella\'s reference to Narcissa \'huddling in her boudoir\'. And they were not moved from wherever the original encounter took place - as Nagini\'s body is in the corner.
As for descriptions - I see your point very well, but in terms of this story and this POV, the majority of descriptions are there only if they matter to Severus and are indicative of something. Hope that made sense.
And, as promised above - thank you very, very much for remaining the loyal reader that you are, for the nitpicks, and for the compliment on the little Severus vs. Bella talk. I can\'t realy play favorites with scenes of this story because they all mean a lot to me, but this one is something I am rather proud of.*blush`*
Oh, my - Holy - Wow. I mean, really. I'm sitting here with my jaw dangling somewhere near my knees. That was simply spectacular! I had a truck load of favorite lines but here are a few main ones:
"Sev". "Often wondered". My, my. Why is it that I never get involved with women, yet somehow end up taking care of their children?
I was laughing so hard at that - it's vrey true!
'Excuse me, Potter?'
'No, YOU excuse ME…'
Call me either Severus or Snape, and I swear I will…
'Would you rather be dead, Potter?'
'Yes! I would rather be dead,' he stares me squarely in the eye.
This was stunningly IC - great!
His expression is calm, unnervingly so. He understands. He understands everything. Hell and damnation.
I simply loved this part, because when Harry does use his head he can be very perceptive. Again, I found it perfectly in character.
'Nevertheless,' I continue before he can come up with an answer, 'I feel compelled to remind you that not even the aforementioned success excuses your flagrant familiarity… Harry.'
The shocked look is, if at all possible, intensified, yet the hauntingly familiar — even across some twenty years — glint of laughter seems to flash somewhere deep in the green eyes. The boy almost grins for a split second, before his eyes close.
I don't know how you meant this to be read but I found it the sweetest thing in the entire story. Severus's use of Harry's name (finally) and that small reminder of Lily really warmed my heart. But I'm a sap for that sort of stuff. :D
'I… I don't need you to… hold my hand!'
Great, this made me laugh as well. Harry doesn't really believe that Severus would do that, does he? :p
'Snivellus?' he blurts without thinking, then looks desperate to bite the word back. 'Er. Um. Uh. Erm.'
I have giggling madly at this part as well. I cannot believe he said that.
On a whole, I found that the characterization in this chapter was simply flabbergasting. Of all the chapters you have written of this story, you really hit the mark here. I found every word and action believable and plausible. I really think that if Jo had been given this idea to write, we'd have trouble telling your story and her's apart.
After DH I used to think that there was no way on earth that Severus would ever tell Harry about being a Horcrux and having to die - and that was why Snape was killed, so that he'd have a strong reason to tell Harry. Other's argued that Harry wouldn't listen, which I found a little hard to believe. Severus can be very convincing. Anyway, this story has made me believe that if JK had chosen to do so, Severus could have been coaxed into telling Harry what he knew! It was really well written, again. I still refuse to find Snape's DH death insulting,['The manner of death does not detract from its meaning.' This says it very well] but I do feel that it was not given enough time. I didn't even get the chance to have a good cry, it happened so suddenly and so shockingly. :)
Damn you, Voldemort. Damn you.
Another extremely touching sentence and it made me want to cry, along with the bit when Severus didn't want to see Harry's face just after he'd taken the poison. The thoughts running through Snape's mind as the poison did it's work were amazing (I'm running out of words here!) and the amount of self-control he needed to stop himself doing the spell before two minutes was perfect. When Harry didn't wake up immediately, my heart was on rapid-fire.
Phew. There's so much good stuff in here, I just want to talk about it all. :D Finally, I'll mention the ending. I'm glad we got a look at Hermione and Ron (they were IC too!!!!) and that Harry went back to Snape and said what he needed to. I wish you had written more though. What will happen now? Severus doesn't die later, does he? I hope not.
Anyway, this story just increased my love of Severus and Harry - I've always loved them but this just makes me want to sqeeuze them to death!!! *cough-cough* Sorry. Lost control there. :p The fact that this story goes from both hating each other to some extent, to having gained respect for each other is wonderful. I loved DH but maybe this is the way things ought to have happened. At least, Severus should have had the chance to show his true colors openly. Still. I found Harry's maturity and Severus's control and his ability to listen to someone he despises (even if he acts like he has no time for what they are saying) refreshing. To say the least, this story has made me very happy indeed.
Magical story, again, and I hope you write something else, because I'm eager to read more of your work.
Author's Response: I must have died and gone to author\'s heaven to have gotten such a review. *blushes furiously*
Thank you for sticking around ever since the first chapter (okay, so there were only five, not fifty, but still!). I\'m extremely happy to see so many of my own favorite bits quoted back at me. Also very glad to see that what little I had shown of Ron and Hermione appeared IC, I was kind of worried about them.
For your question as to what happens next... Well, one thing I can tell for sure. Had Harry not stopped Severus, he WOULD have died, as it was his intention to buy Harry and the lot some time by trying to lure away an extremely angry Voldemort that is currently at large (in short, \'acting like a hero\', as eloquently put by Mr. Potter). The way it did happen, however, I think it is safe to assume that he has equal chances with anyone on the good side. Which is more than he\'s ever had before.
I do not intend to continue this story line. However, after some discussions lately, there may be a spin-off bunny or two hopping about, mainly revolving around a scene or two from someone else\'s (*cough*green*cough*) eyes.
Again, thank you, and hope to see you around again! ~El
Wow. This story begins perfectly, with just the right amount of "tug". :) I really like it so far, but when does it take place? After HBP? And what's happening... elsewhere? With the rest of the world. You say there's a war happening... will we hear more about it?
A tiny typo that I picked out:
'And you agreed?' the green eyes look huge in a mixture of shock and disbelief.
The "t" in the should be capital. :)
Harry and Severus both seemed slightly out of character (to me) at the beginning of the chapter but by the end, the flaws vanish, so no harm done.
The last line is very, very well written, and makes me so sad. :( But that is most definitely a good thing. On to chapter two!
Author's Response: Firstly and foremost - thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
The story does indeed take place after HBP, and from some of Snape\'s thoughts we can surmise that \'almost a year\' has passed since the Lightning-Struck Tower. That is all he is willing to reveal at the moment - limitations of first-person view.
I, personally, believe this to be happening somewhere in the middle of DH, except Severus does not appear to be the Headmaster. Harry, I believe, decides to pay him a visit somewhere in the middle of their (his and the trio\'s) Horcrux hunt, having found out his location somehow.
I would be very glad to hear more on what seemed OOC to you, and should you be so kind as to elaborate, I\'ll appreciate it. To avoid being frowned upon for (ab)using the review page for conversation, I\'ll be happy to provide my address (faerywebmaster at rambler.ru)
Thanks again and hope to see more of your comments!
There are so many great parts in this but my favorites are:
One last chance… Let him walk away. Just one more death on my conscience. Why does it matter? Why does it matter now?
'Do not leave the area, wear the Cloak if going outside, do not use magic, stay away from books, enjoy the boredom,' he mutters.
Excellent writing, again. This story is getting very gooooooooooood. :D I can't wait for more.
Author's Response: Awww, you\'ve made my day - again. :D
We authors are creatures so easily pleased. Creatures of sweet, sweet vanity. ;)
Eagerly expecting January 3rd now to submit the next part.
*gasps* *bounces around hyperactively* I can't stand the suspense... what kind of place was that to end? This was a super chapter, loved it, loved Snape, loved Harry (really loved Harry - haha, Dittany, excellent), amazing, amazing, amazing... AMAZING. Okay... calm down now...
Episkey, Potter, is a spell used for minor tissue damages, such as cuts, bruises and bumps.
I don't know about this... Tonks did fix Harry's nose, didn't she. And I'm pretty sure it was broken, so it wasn't slight tissue damage. Unless Snape is just saying this because he doesn't want to admit he can't do the spell.
'Not much for me to do, is there?' he shrugs. 'It's up to you, really. I'm just a bait.'
I think it should be "the" bait.
'I hope it's worth it.'
Great last words. :p
I'm so excited - can't wait for the rest of the story!!
Author's Response: Warning: reviews of this type may infect author with hyperactivity. ;)
Hmm, actually, you make a very good point about the spell. I believe I should revise the definition, possibly into \'usually used for minor tissue damages.\'
Thank you for the review, the nitpicks, and for picking up one of my favorite details (i.e. Harry Potter and the Essence of Dittany).
Chapter 4 is in queue!
Nice start - I was hoping you'd have Jamie and Severn is Slytherin - or have them become friends and then later, enemies... but superb start anyway!
Author's Response: That\'d be an interesting mix, too! I hadn\'t really thought of putting them both in Slytherin. In my mind Jamie and Severn could never be friends, but it would be possible to make their hatred even more intense if they were friends first! Creative mind, you have. I appreciate the feedback! ~GG
Well, this is a good start! A whole bunch of questions and absolutely no answers - yet. Excellent. I'm already hooked. Your characters were quite IC (Ron remembering the Veelas, ha!) but I don't think Lucius Malfoy would resort to yelling (maybe he would, if the reason is good enough... so I'll have to wait for the rest of the story to see), in my opinion if he was angry it would be in a more cold, hissing sort of way. If you get what I mean.
Altogether a good start. I look forward to more!
Author's Response: Don\'t worry, Lucius has VERY good reason for yelling. But you\'ll read about the later...*zips lip*
You, you, you... *gasp* You evil person! I think my head is going to explode.
You began the story so well. It gripped me immediately (okay, so it gripped me because I thought you had lost your mind since Episkey and my jaw was hanging near my knees ("This is Elmindreda's fic right? What the heck is she doing - Severus is OOC!!) - I went back to check if there was an AU warning on it too :p. But still... it was gripping).
"...a strange spring in his step."
This was what made me suspicious - perhaps this story isn't what it seems to be. :p And then you go further and tell us his age, which was a true tip off. I'm glad you sprinkled clues in the beginning. :)
"...and his word was that nothing was wrong with having two Lilies under the same roof."
This was perfect! So sweet and... sweet! From what we saw in DH, Severus did not only love Lily, I think he almost worshipped her. It was sad and strange to read about the Snape we've come to know through Harry being so... I don't think weak or vurnerable are the right words, but you know what I mean. And you caught that "weakness" (whatever) perfectly here. He's over protective, over anxious, he over analyzes everything he does, wondering if she will be okay, if what he does is acceptable. It's sad that even in his daydreams he cannot just accept her love. And I think you meant "Lilys" not "Lilies"... if Severus does want to name the child Lily, that is. :p
I was hoping that it wouldn't be a dream/daydream, but I didn't have much hope... :( Poor Severus again. I like that you linked this to an actually item from Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes - it was the Daydream thingy (can't remember the name) right?
"...supplementing the list of possible side-effects with 'heightened irritability, aggravated misanthropy, increased suicidal tendencies.'
Then again, 'intensification of inherent personality traits' would probably suffice."
At least you ended with characteristc Snape Sarcasm - and made me laugh. The suicidal tendencies bit was best. :p (or worst!)
I liked your writing here, though I still think your previous story was better. It was short (not a bad thing), sad and sweet all at the same time. 10/10!!
Author's Response: I think the word you were looking for was \'insecurity\'. At least, that\'s what it always struck me as. Also, when writing the daydream part, I was completely under the impression that it was a picture of utopia... only after some time did I see how insecure he is even there.
The item was Patented Daydream Charm, I believe, and am glad to see it picked up. This is supposed to be taking place during year 6, so Professor has a perfectly good reason to examine the item, as Filch is paranoid as ever about Dark objects...
Thank you for the great review (the beginning of it made my WEEK, I think; lost my mind - of course, I did! :p)! Actually, I was afraid that people might not wade through the fluff to the bitter end and abandon this piece for hopeless... Part of the reasoning for it being short. Just thirty minutes, after all...
Can't wait to find out what Malfoy's up to! Great job with this. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! The next chapter should be up soon, especially with how fast the mods have been working!
Excellent! :p I love this game too.
Author's Response: I hope I\'m giving you some good ideas! Or better yet, some bad ones! ;)
Okay, that was enough to give my nightmares. Don't put images like that into my head! Really! Ew.
All in all, it was an interesting bit of writing, very well done. :) You kept me hooked until the end. But where on earth did you get that idea? Lordy. :p
Enjoyed it much, thanks for a great story!
Author's Response: It\'s not my idea - really! It was a prompt for the SBBC Summer Swap that I was assigned. I\'m glad, though, that you enjoyed it, even though you now have disturbing images in your head. Heh.
This was a very well written first chapter. I've never ready a Hermione/Snape with interest - in fact, the pairing is slightly disturbing. But your summary told that Hermione went back in time and that is what grabbed me. :) If there's anything I love it's Time-Travel and a plausible way of Hermione and Snape being together. And I love how you started at the end, in a way. Great job!
Wow. You are one heck of a writer. I;d take my hat off to you, if I had one. The talk between Remus and Hermione was both very IC and very interesting. Loved it. Update soon!
*sigh* How do you do it? Another spectacular piece. :) My heart ached for Petunia, Peter and Regulus! I've always felt for Peter and more recently for Regulus, but to make me feel that sorry for Petunia was amazing.
Author's Response: Yeah... I\'ve always felt sorry for Reg and Peter too, and I\'d never thought to feel sorry for Petunia, but she was just such a perfect character for this... thanks for the review!
Author's Response: Yeah... I\'ve always felt sorry for Reg and Peter too, and I\'d never thought to feel sorry for Petunia, but she was just such a perfect character for this... thanks for the review!
Wow. This is a great start - I don't usually read Dramione's but you've got me hooked. I can't wait to hear the backstories, not to mention see what happens next. Update soon! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for taking a moment to leave a note. I read and respond to every single one. It\'s a huge compliment to me when I hear someone say, \"I don\'t usually read Dramione\'s but...\"! I\'m glad you gave my story a chance! I\'m slipping the new chapter in tonight, can\'t wait to hear what you think of it!
Amazing. I love the detail and depth in your story and the way Hermione and Draco interact just gave me shivers. Perfect. 10/10
Author's Response: I really appreciate your feedback... you made me blush! This is my favourite story of mine, and I\'m glad there are some of you are out there to go through it with me.
Beautiful. Thank you for telling us about the other parent too. I found this utterly realistic. 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you so much, FullofLife. And you are welcome; it was my pleasure. :) I\'m so glad to know you liked it.
Oh God, I hate you! Scratch that, I love you! That was simply heart-wrenching. Amazing job. I wonder if that really happened - it's so possible. You portrayed the fear that Lily and James must have felt so perfectly that I was feeling scared to. To be living in and with that fear so long... Great, great, thought-provoking story!
Author's Response: Thank you so much!