Penname: adirulz9 [Contact]
Real name: Aditya
Member Since: 05/03/08
Website:
Beta-reader:
Status: Member
Bio:
I am a 16 year old boy in my AS Leves.
I good at critizing and writting reviews.
I make banners and have been using PhotoShop CS2 since last two years.
I am hoping to get along here quickly and settle properly. *smiles*

Oh and I will also do Beta Reading. :)
[Report This]
Reviews by adirulz9
 

Colours Of Life by xombie
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 61]

Summary: Each moment is a decision, defined by the circumstances. Who knows? Had it not been for an overprotective cousin, perhaps Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy could have been the best of friends. Perhaps in one point in time and space, they are. As it happens, their relationship was defined by one catalytic factor, James Potter, and now,they are sworn enemies.






This story is a chronicle of their first year at Hogwarts, and their last. It is a tale of happenstance and familial influence, of an enmity that was not theirs to decide. Read and find out how such an enmity can influence the lives of two innocent children and wreck them. Will the injury last forever?



Due to my heavy work-schedule, this fic will be on hold till early June. My apologies to all.



Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3772 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
12/17/07 Updated: 01/22/08


Reviewer: adirulz9 Signed
Date: 05/05/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Hi Xombie,

If i was to reviw this in a word or two I would say 'Not Bad'.

If you are wondering why not "Good" or "Great" then it is good because I will be talking about that very thing now.

First thing - you experimented with parellel worlds type of writting so kudos to you for that. But it din't come out well (or so i think). You could have elobrated it a bit.

Secondly, there is no proper description of the enviorment and implentaion of proper tone for mood creation. ( or maybe I was unable to find any.)

Thirdly, the introduction of the two (main) characters was given in the end so I thinking that the reason for it was to keep their identities, and if you were trying to do the same then I must say that you were not able to do so very successfully (also because we knew as we read your summary :D )

I guess that would be enough points to get your brain working hard. Those were the area for improvements.

What I liked about this write-up is the use of repetition. It was just splendid, continue using it throughout the ficvel ( i mean fictionous novel ) that would make it a thing for the readers to enjoy everythime.

One more good thing is that you did not leave the chapter with a HUGE cliffhanger like many other ficvels.

I hope you take this critisim in the right manner and improve your writting skills. And as the plot you have can endup the way you want you can take that freedom of thinking in making chracterization for every character in the ficvels with a little twist.( I also hope you get what I mean :D)

-Adi

P.S : I rate this 6.5/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the critics, Adi! It is a really constructive review.. very helpful. But actually, the prologue was meant to be very vague. It was originally a drabble, and I wanted to keep it that way. Guess I was a bit partial :)

Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Argus Filch by BrokenPromise 1st-2nd Years
Written for the Anniversary Challenge v3 over on the boards - a double dactyl...
The Prisoner by weasley-malfoy-aficionado 3rd-5th Years
A prisoner of Azkaban reflects on what is and what could have been. Little...
Harry Potter and the Sinister Plot by weasley-malfoy-aficionado 3rd-5th Years
Patrolling the streets of Hogsmeade one snowy day Ron encounters an unexpected...
FEATURED
Come Home by WrenWinterSong 1st-2nd Years
Three year old Teddy Lupin ponders the photographs on the living room side table.
But You Haven't Lost Me Yet by Dawnie 6th-7th Years
The war with Voldemort comes and goes, and James and Lily find themselves struggling...
broken brights by Padfoot11333 1st-2nd Years
Harry's breath catches when he thinks of Ginny. I am not JK Rowling and...
CATEGORIES