Hello, everyone! I'm Lily Luna. You may know me on the beta forums as LilyLunaPotter, more commonly known as LiLu. I write random stuff, including a lot of challenges on the beta forums. My latest story is Comfort and Joy, a Harry Potter take on Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol. Please take a look!
Great!! I loked the whole Malfoy scene, that was really good! He looks like he might just make a complete turn-around...
I loved that!! That was great...
Oh, Malfoy's not all bad...mostly bad, yes, but not all. I could learn to like him...
Dolores Umbridge is really incredibly stupid...
Yayness!! This is really good. I wonder what will happen when Malfoy finds out about Pansy. I think he really does care about her.
Author's Response: You\'ll get to find out ;)
Uh oh...bad Dudley! Bad, bad! Good story, though. I love a good epilogue(sp?).
Oh my gosh, those two are going to drive everyone crazy! I'll be surprised if Harry doesn't take matters into his own hands. Love the story, update soon, please!
Hey, there's five of them! Like Pride and Prejudice! Okay Lily is obviously Elizabeth, Emily and Katie are probably Lydia and Kitty, so that makes...SamLin Jane and Alice, Mary? I don't think that's right...oh well, we'll see.
Ooh...I like this idea! I never thought of that before...
Love it! I don't know if a sequel really fits, but I definitely think you should write another story. Maybe a James/Lily comedy/romance? Because I loved the bit of romance that was in there.
Author's Response: Hmm. Interesting idea! I\'ll definately take it into account! Thanks for the review!
Oh, poor Sam. Unless it turns out that he really is a poncy git, in which case, go, Kirsty! But for now I sympathize with him.
"One minute she was as quiet as a mouse, and the next she was singing, dancing and yelling at the top of her voice." Sounds like Kirsty and I have something in common. :)
Can't wait to see what happens next! If I'm up all night reading this, I'm blaming you for my sleep deprivation! *shakes finger warningly*
Well, well, well! First let me say that I was pleasantly surprised when Peter jumped in on the duel against the Slytherins. In the first chapter and from your summary I was a bit worried that you might fall into the dreaded Peter cliche, but I now have complete confidence in your Peter skills! I do think though that if you put a *little* bit more of that into your first chapter, it would help.
I liked the description you gave of the seating arrangement in the compartment; it really helped me invision (envision?) the scene. At first I thought it a bit unneccessary, but when several people jumped up to get chocolate I could see why it was there.
Okay, I'm hooked now, but I'm going to tear myself away and go to sleep before you keep me up all night! I shall be back!
Hm...I was quite amused by this chapter! I like your OCs, but I hope that the Marauders and Lily will get enough attention. You seem to be doing all right so far, though.
I don't think I quite got the "wunch of bankers"...but I did think it was funny. :)
I like the idea of Sirius and James having to compete with a hunky DADA teacher. Can't wait to see how that plays out!
"Things aren't always *Black* and *White*"--Sirius Black and Kirsty White. xD I just got that.
I can't wait to see what the Marauders pull on Mulciber. I love your dialogue--I'm a sucker for witty banter. On to part 2!
Another great chapter!
I can foresee some fascinating complications from Hayley being the only one in the dark about Remus’ furry problem. I’m glad to see that Lily, although she disapproves of some of the boys’ antics, is not as uptight as she sometimes is portrayed. I also appreciate the way you describe the Slytherins: they aren’t all big ugly gorillas or scrawny rats.
It’s interesting how Peter is viewed by the other Marauders as the “weak link,” even though he seems to play an equal role in their escapades and, as we have seen, is an excellent dueler. I wonder if this will lead to resentment in the future.
Again, I really like your description of the big duel scene. You do a good job of describing the action and who’s doing what. It really helps me visualize the scene. I was surprised at Severus’ outburst when Wilkes started to call Lily a Mudblood. I didn’t think he was the type to stand up for Lily to his friends, but only to quietly not participate in insulting her, until that fateful day at the lake. I suppose he must have blurted it out without thinking.
I’m interested to see how Regulus’ character will be developed, and his relationship with Sirius. You’ve done a good job with that so far.
I’m glad you clarified that about Kirsty’s scar. I wasn’t very worried, but it’s good to hear.
Hello, Whit! Surprise, surprise, you get my first review for Bine’s class. :)
I enjoyed reading this chapter, although I did think the idea of a dance at Hogwarts was a bit improbable. It’s true that the Yule Ball took place, but we don’t see any evidence of that being a normal occurrence at all in canon. I was amazed at the descriptions of the students’ costumes; where did they get the time and material to make all of that? Are they all as willing to blow off homework as Kirsty? I know that a lot can be done with magic, it just seemed a bit much to me. Nevertheless, I really had fun reading it.
[I] ‘“Once or twice-“ replied Peter.
“-every hour of everyday-“ added Sirius.
“-ever since we first entered the dungeons,” finished Emma.’[/I]
This bit reminds me of the scene in PS when Fred and George remark on Percy’s being a prefect. :)
Ah, if not for dear Sam, I could imagine Emma and Peter getting together. Poor Peter is left all alone! I suppose there’s always Mary MacDonald...but that just isn’t clicking for me.
Okay, I was a bit confused, because when you said Kirsty wanted a “fancy dress” party, I thought she had taken the idea of Muggles “dressing up” for Halloween and translated it into formal gowns and such. But then Lily said that everyone had to wear a costume. So does “fancy dress” still mean a Halloween-type costume?
Nitpick alert: [I] “Kirsty watched as Lily, who had previously snatched Kirsty’s essay off her in order to correct any mistakes, shot Sirius a look of disproval over the top of the piece of parchment.” [/I]
Ought the word to be “disapproval,” instead of “disproval”? I thought “disproval” was to prove someone wrong, whereas Lily sounds like she’s disapproving of Sirius’ attitude instead.
Nitpick alert: [I] “everyone had recovered from Sirius and Emma’ shenanigans.” [/I]
I think you’re missing an s after “Emma’”
I’m a bit confused; is Lesley in the same year as Kirsty et al? Just trying to get this straight in my head.
“Whinged” is another word I looked up. You taught me another word, hooray!
I really like the way you presented Sam in this chapter. I was annoyed with him when I found out he knew Emma liked him but hadn’t done anything about it and felt simply “flattered” by it. I was upset when he started dancing with Kirsty, and then I was happy and relieved when he told her why he was doing it. He is much smarter than everyone gives him credit for, and you did a great job of hiding that up until now and then bringing it out slowly.
I’m curious as to how James could spike the punch without trespassing on Goplam’s Third Law or whatever it is…maybe the spell ferments the fruit in it or something.
All in all I liked this chapter a lot. It did a lot to advance the emotional tension and let us get a glimpse of how the different characters feel about one another, especially to get to know Sam better. And of course, you leave us with a shocking cliff-hanger. Is it pure alcohol, or something more? I’ll just have to read on and find out…
Hello, Whit! I have returned to complete my poor half-finished neglected review for you.
I enjoyed the apple-throwing scene. Poor Sam…
I was cheering for Remus in the flashback scene when he backed up Kirsty’s accusation towards James and Sirius. It’s about time the poor boy showed more backbone than he does in canon.
Nitpick alert: [i]“ he guessed that he must be loosing blood at an alarmingly fast rate.”[/i] Should be “losing” with one O.
I’ll admit I was a bit surprised that McGonagall gave Remus and Peter detentions for the lake scene, even though theirs were sins of omission. It seems to contradict what she did in the previous chapter, when she gave detentions to only the combatants who used offensive spells in the courtyard battle.
[i] “ Moving swiftly, Kirsty got out of the way, and Emma nearly careered into the wall”[/i] When I first read this, I thought you meant “careened” instead of “careered,” but when I saw it a second time I looked it up and found out it is a word. You taught me a new word! :D
Nitpick alert number two: [i] “the sensation it bought was not a bad one.” Should be “brought” instead of “bought,” right?
Aw, poor Sirius; Kirsty is being nearly as oblivious as Sam! Not really… And I wonder what James’ reasons are for not having Sirius on the Quidditch team? He seems kind of depressed at the moment, but it might be just the rain and the tryout difficulties.
[i] “she flipped him a v sign.”[/i] I’m not sure what this means…is she holding up two fingers, like the peace sign or v for victory? I don’t quite understand why she would be doing that if Sirius hit her in the head with a sponge…
I liked the way you devoted much of this chapter to flash-backs; it lets us get a glimpse into the characters’ back story and how then ended up being such friends, something that can sometimes be a bit lacking in Marauder era stories that begin in 7th year.
Good job! I remember what happened in what I read awhile ago now, so I’m ready to move forward.
Hello, Whit! This review is for both parts of Chapter 7. :)
One of the reasons I really like this story is because there’s always so much going on. I never get bored reading it, because there’s never a lull in the action, drama, emotional rollercoaster, etc.
Sometimes it does seem a bit unrealistic to have so much emotional drama going on between so many people at the same time, but I think this could mostly be explained by the fact that a) this is high school and b) these people have known each other for seven years, and we’re just seeing the climax of all the emotional tension that’s been building over that time. Still, I think if it slowed down just a little, it would give me some room to breathe. :) Just something to think about.
“I’d better-“ she announced, indicating the door behind her as her fellow Ravenclaws filed passed. I got a bit confused here: Hayley told Remus that she couldn’t tell him how to get into the Ravenclaw common room, but if they are standing in front of the door as Ravenclaws file pass to get inside, wouldn’t Remus hear the door asking questions and the students answering? I don’t quite understand what’s happening here.
Catching a glimpse of the shiny surface Sirius tugged on the material to produce his sleeping bag. I do think that this could stand a bit of explanation. Why does Sirius have a sleeping bag in his trunk?
I found interesting the idea of Pepperup Potion as a cure for a hangover; I had thought it was a cure for the common cold, but from the way you wrote it, it didn’t look like it completely cured the hangover. Did it, or did it just soften the symptoms or something? I wasn’t quite clear on that.
“Scars don’t hurt, you idiot, they tell stories.” This was a really interesting line to me, but nothing more was said about it in the scene. I’d like to see more of Kirsty’s thoughts on scars and the stories they tell.
I liked getting a glimpse into the Slytherin common room. I think you did a good job of showing a more human, relatable side of the Slytherins, especially of Sian.
I like the way that you show Lily’s progress in her relationship with James, the way she still struggles with him but makes an effort to make it right afterwards.
Remus turned to him and sighed. “I fancy Hayley.” I found it a bit surprising the way Remus simply said this straight out. I would have thought he would skirt around it more and be more awkward about it.
"I did this for me, to help clear my conscience over what last night did to Emma." I liked this line, because it’s a step away from the cliché of “James changes everything for Lily.” It shows James being mature just because he is.
I also liked the repeated line, “bloody alchohol!” I just found that funny. :)
Whit, I have a problem. My problem is, I don’t want to stop reading this story! I have to remind myself to keep leaving reviews. Keep up the great work!
Okay, that was funny! I love your one-shots.