Hello, everyone! I'm Lily Luna. You may know me on the beta forums as LilyLunaPotter, more commonly known as LiLu. I write random stuff, including a lot of challenges on the beta forums. My latest story is Comfort and Joy, a Harry Potter take on Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol. Please take a look!
Make of this what you will: A little voice (I think it was God, but maybe you just think I’m schizophrenic) told me that while you’re gone, I can help by dropping you a review or two. Don’t ask me how that helps, but reviews always brighten my day, so, here I am. :)
I like the fact that although this story is full of humour, it also looks at the bittersweet emotions of Harry and Ginny. I think you’ve done a wonderful job of characterising the children, embellishing the little that we see of them in canon.
I thought Albus in particular was portrayed well the way he went along with his parents’ trick, and carried it farther by using it on Lily. I also liked the guilt and confusion of the mischief-prone James.
“Uh oh, she used your whole name,” teased Albus, a worried but gleeful look crossing his face. It’s not really a critique, but after reading this line, I spent a good thirty seconds trying to put on a worried but gleeful expression, and I’m not quite sure it’s possible. >.>
“NO!” shouted Lily. “He didn’t do it, I did. You can’t send him away. You just can’t.” I like this line a lot. It seems to me like it says a lot about Lily. She has a temper and is outspoken about her opinions, but she is compassionate and loves her brothers. She is even willing to take the blame upon herself falsely rather than lose James. (Unless there really is an “it” that she did…)
Good job, Terri! This was very sweet and funny. I’d be happy to read more “letters” stories whenever you feel inspired. :)
Author's Response: Lilu,
Thank you for your review. I can see your point about Albus' look. I will see what I can come up with to make it clearer what I meant. Thanks again. Terri
That was such a sweet chapter. I liked the way Harry knew James needed to make his own choice about divvying out blame for the prank. James reminds me so much of his grandfather, James Sr. He’s a prankster, but he has a good heart. I also liked the fact that George thought Harry knew about the prank, because even though George is also a prankster, he’s an adult, so I’m glad he seems to have been a bit more responsible than James.
Author's Response: LiLu,
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed Albus. I thought after everything Harry has been through, he would want to instill responsibility in his kids for their actions. Thanks again, Terri
You’ll be happy to know that your pretty banner is doing its job. :)
I thought this was a darling piece. I love conversations between mature!Harry and Draco. They both have to do some growing up from canon to get along. I do think Draco could have retained a bit more of his former nature; he seems almost too nice. But I’m glad he’s still sarcastic and insulting towards Harry.
I was a bit confused when Draco said that the shed had been a strip club, because I pictured it as being quite small. Maybe it would be helpful if a bit more was described about the shed?
It’s actually great – the best thing that’s ever happened to me, at the risk of sounding more cheerful than a ‘proper Malfoy’ should, as my father might have said.” I like this line, because it shows Draco’s dissatisfaction with how he was brought up, in contrast with how he lives now.
Because nothing I say will ever make Ginny think of you in any way other than a big, fat, slimy git, in case you’re wondering.” I also like this line, because it shows how Harry tends to take Ginny for granted and think he always knows what she’s thinking.
“Okay. Take your time.” Draco actually fell silent; I liked the contrast here between Harry, who let Draco mumble to himself for thirty seconds before bursting with impatience, and Draco, who let Harry process for a couple of minutes in complete silence. Draco definitely seems to have a cooler, more patient demeanor than Harry.
The one thing I wished this story could have had more of was backstory. Like if Harry had asked Draco how he and Ginny got together, or Draco had made some disparaging comment about how Harry and Hermione got together, or they had talked more about the war. Still, it’s a good fic, and I’d like to read more of your work!
Author's Response: LiLu! Thanks for the review, dear :) And I saw that you're using the banner (yay!) I'm definitely going to come read that story soon. In any case, I'm glad you liked this story! As for the backstory, I agree - maybe I'll write some more in the future about all those topics you mentioned. Haha, I'm afraid I always end up making Draco too nice - he just seems so...grown-up in my head! Anyway, thanks again :) *hug* Apurva.
Looks like great minds think alike, and I’m back to leave you some more reviews due to your now official badger author of the month status! I thought this was a very thoughtful little piece. I liked the way you contrasted James and Lily’s characters and how Sirius needed both James’ banter and Lily’s serious comfort. I thought it was interesting that Sirius didn’t tell Lily everything about his encounter. It’s sweet the way he protects her. I think Lily hit the nail on the head when she told Sirius to stop thinking himself immortal; he does have an undeniable recklessness all throughout canon, despite his good intentions. Also, Lily got angry at that part, which I liked because even though she’s being calm and reasonable with him, we know she has a temper, and there it shows.
“So, do you want to hear how the almighty Sirius Black escaped ten Death Eaters single-handed or not?” Sirius smiled and began his story.
“Of course I do,” said Lily as she sat next to him and patted his hand. “You know how much I love your stories.” She smiled at his look of incredulity.
I found this bit a little awkward, because you say Sirius “began his story,” but then Lily says something else before he actually begins. I think maybe if the “began his story” could go after what Lily says, it might make more sense.
Very nice, Terri! I think you did a great job putting so much meat into this short piece.
This is a lovely, tragic story. I like the way you intertwine the letters with Susan's story. The only part I don't understand is the bit about sage. I sense there is a reference I'm missing. >.<
I don't know a lot about London or European history, but the whole story seems very realistic, and its obvious that a lot of research went into writing this. Kudos for that!
You do a good job throughout the story of spinning the mystery of the Collins family out gradually, and keeping the reader's interest. Very nice!
Author's Response: Just google "sage" or look it up in wikipedia; that's what I did when I wrote this story. In flower language, it means "I'll remember you", but sage also stands for healing as it's used in medicine etc. I thought it ties wonderfully into the story and gives the end a special note.
Anyway, thank you for such a lovely review. I'm glad you like it and that it sounds believable. :)
You know I always like a good Marauder story, and I really loved this one. I think you’ve got all their characterizations down to a tee—it looks like I really ought to take this class!
She perused the list in front of her and ticked off some names. I’ll admit I was a bit disappointed when I read this sentence, but only Sonia Slattery’s example followed before we jumped into the Marauders. Given the names, plural, I wondered where the rest of the amusing anecdotes had gone. So I wonder if that sentence might be tweaked a bit, to avoid let down expectations? :(
I really liked the way you portrayed Sirius with his arrogance and intentionally being difficult, but also his nervousness when he says he wants to be an Auror, and the dark shadow on his face when the Snape incident is mentioned, and his anger about his name. I thought you did a good job showing the conflict in his character as he grows up.
I also liked the story McGonagall told about Peter and Quidditch. It shows that he has real potential of his own, but all he does is follow his friends about all the time. It is my firm belief that Peter Pettigrew had potential.
I thought you showed the process of maturing, again, with James’ character, by the way he fools around with McGonagall for a bit, but then becomes serious about wanting to fight.
Remus’ scene was incredibly sad, and I liked the way you showed his optimistic, almost naïve nature, and his disappointment and anger when it lets him down. Also I found it really interesting that he originally wanted to be a Healer, and I think it makes sense because he’s not really a fighter like James or Sirius; he’s a peacemaker.
I thought it curious that it was Sirius who came to find Remus. It’s unusual that Sirius is shown as the sensitive one, I suppose. I like it, though. Really good job on this, Carole! It really looks like you put a lot of thought into these characters.
Thanks for a beautiful read!
Author's Response: Thanks, Lilu. Hmmm, I take your point about the list of names. I hadn't thought of that. Because this is a kinda prequel to Lions of Gryffindor, I had only thought of Sonia and later Phyllida. DARN! I now want to add Mary and Lily too. LOL. Okay, with Sirius coming to find Remus, it was really because he'd had a dreadful interview and I think he knew Remus would have done asd well. I always see Sirius and Remus as being the ones who are 'darker' as it were.
Thank you, for the concrit. It really is appreciated. carole xxx
This is such a beautiful one-shot! Before I praise it immensely, there was one thing that distracted me a bit in the beginning:
Time has gone by so fast, and you think it has been only yesterday when you last saw her.
To me there's something that sounds a bit awkward about this sentence. I feel like it might sound better if it said “you think it was only yesterday” instead of “it has been.” Just a thought. I really like the beginning, mixing metaphor and reality about greyness and colour.
Another beautiful part is the lines about Ted, Tonks and Remus buried in the “cold, still winter hard earth,” and then “There is nothing left, only sadness.” You use really effective language to convey the sadness there.
You will never forget the day life and hope returned.
I love that ending picture of the sun touching the meadow. Bine, you do a beautiful job in this one-shot of mixing sadness with hope, and I love the pervading image of colour returning. The second-person POV makes the emotion seem more real, somehow. It's very beautiful....I keep using that word, because it's what kept coming to my mind as I read this. Wonderful job!
Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely review, LiLu. It was my first try in second person and I like how it turned out. It brings tears to my eyes every time I read it, haha. And about the sentence, to be honest, the way I have it sounds more fluent to my ears; then again, I'm no native speaker, so ignore my ramblings lol. Anyway, again, thank you for the review. It made my morning/day. :) *hugs*
Nominated in the 2010 Quicksilver Quill Awards for Best Canon Romance.
Your banner is doing its job. I love Ron/Hermione stories, but only when both of them are very much IC, especially Ron. This story accomplishes that perfectly. I love how you show Hermione knowing Ron so well, and yet realizing that he's not the little boy he used to be. I think you do a great job of capturing Hermione's emotions, especially using the idea of the unbroken window. The whole story has a quality of beautiful sadness, almost poetic in its language. Wonderful job!
Author's Response: Hi LiLu! Sorry for taking so long to reply! Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm so glad that I seem to have characterised both Ron and Hermione well. That was my biggest worry. And the banner that Lydia made me is just gorgeous, right? It perfectly matches the fic. I may just go put it up again now that the QWC is over :)
I love your fluff. And if you had written two hundred fifty-seven versions of James and Lily's relationship, I would read them all. I like how this story is written from both characters' perspective, giving both their thoughts and inhibitions about the future. I think you balance the fluff in this chapter with just enough seriousness. The mutual awkwardness and confusion throughout most of the conversation is especially realistic. Awesome work!
Author's Response: Two reviews in one night - thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this one. It might be one of my favorites of the J/L binge I've been on since spring. I could just see and hear the first scene so clearly, I'm glad that seems to have come through. A lot of J/L stories (my own included) don't often address the darkness that was building at the time, so it was really interesting and challenging to try and address that. Plus it was fun to write James a bit inebriated and hungover. ;) Thanks again for the amazing reviews! ~Gina :)
This is beautiful! Ron is one of my favourite characters, and he is so often underappreciated. It's so nice to see him loved from so many perspectives. I particularly liked Rosie's section. The way Ron always told Rose he was proud of her made me think of his own childhood feeling overlooked. I thought the way he responded to Scorpius was very in character. His dismissal of the idea of pretending to eat food made me laugh. I also thought your Luna section was very in character; it sounded just like how she would talk.
The one bit of concrit I have is in the Lavender section.
They talked about what each had experienced the night of the battle, and he told her about his brother.
When I read "his brother" I immediately thought of Fred, and then got confused because I had just read about Dumbledore's funeral in the previous paragraph. I figured out it was Bill, but maybe something could be added to make that a bit more clear.
Lovely story! Thanks for a great read.
Gmarium, I love your James/Lily work! You make both of them so relatable, so accessible. It's not one of those stories where one character is portrayed as flawless or remarkably changed and the other simply fails to see it--although in this case, I'd have to say Lily definitely seems more flawed than James. But that makes sense if it's from her POV when she likes James and is having an awful day herself. So yes, I really like your characterisation. And I would guess that the potion didn't work on Lily at all--except as a placebo. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. For some reason I really struggled with it so to hear feedback like that is very encouraging. I'm really glad you enjoyed the characterization, since I really enjoy playing with different aspects of this pair and bringing that out in different ways in different stories. Thank you so much for reading this one, and for the lovely review! ~Gina :)