Hi Terri!

I always like reading Severus-closure stories. I feel like he deserves more closure in his life, even if he doesn’t get it until after death.

I like the way Neville is characterised in the first scene: he is happy to have James in his house, and he remembers the terror of his Sorting. These traits recall to me the Neville of the books. But we also see the way he’s matured, the teacherly way that he dreads having so many troublesome Weasleys and Potters in his house.

Nitpick alert: Just this morning, Neville had been leaving the Great Hall To me, the word “this” seems a bit awkward in past tense; I think “Just that morning” might flow better.

At first I thought that Neville was being uncharacteristically cruel to Snape in the office, but it made sense once I got here: He had never thought of him as anything other than a cruel and sadistic teacher. Neville had never thought of Snape as a human being with any feelings other than anger and hatred. This and the cruelty that Neville endured at Snape’s hands explain his lack of compassion.

Neville began to feel bad about what he was saying, but he couldn’t stop himself from continuing. Again, this confirms that your characterisation of Neville is not off: he does have compassion, but his long down-trodden feelings demand release and explanation.

“I have hated you for most of my life. I realise now, it isn’t hate I should feel, it’s pity. Pity over the fact you choose to align yourself with a murderer. But, I guess in the end, you got what you deserved, or did you? Perhaps, you should have lived; lived a long life knowing what you did and the heartbreak you caused.” I thought this was interesting because Neville, unlike Harry, does not seem to forgive Snape’s actions. He understands his motives, but he still despises him for what he did. I don’t think this is out of character for Neville, but it surprised me.

I think the last line was important to keep Snape in character: even when he does good deeds, he has a somewhat selfish motive. He is a brave man, but he’s not a Gryffindor.

Very satisfying! Your story expresses something that I’ve experienced in my own life: what hurts the most about being treated badly is not knowing why you’re being treated that way, and even if the reason is unjust, knowing what it is helps a lot. Great job!

~LiLu

Hi Terri!

That was such a sweet chapter. I liked the way Harry knew James needed to make his own choice about divvying out blame for the prank. James reminds me so much of his grandfather, James Sr. He’s a prankster, but he has a good heart. I also liked the fact that George thought Harry knew about the prank, because even though George is also a prankster, he’s an adult, so I’m glad he seems to have been a bit more responsible than James.

Very cute!

~LiLu

Author's Response: LiLu,
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed Albus. I thought after everything Harry has been through, he would want to instill responsibility in his kids for their actions. Thanks again, Terri

Hello, Terri!

Looks like great minds think alike, and I’m back to leave you some more reviews due to your now official badger author of the month status! I thought this was a very thoughtful little piece. I liked the way you contrasted James and Lily’s characters and how Sirius needed both James’ banter and Lily’s serious comfort. I thought it was interesting that Sirius didn’t tell Lily everything about his encounter. It’s sweet the way he protects her. I think Lily hit the nail on the head when she told Sirius to stop thinking himself immortal; he does have an undeniable recklessness all throughout canon, despite his good intentions. Also, Lily got angry at that part, which I liked because even though she’s being calm and reasonable with him, we know she has a temper, and there it shows.

“So, do you want to hear how the almighty Sirius Black escaped ten Death Eaters single-handed or not?” Sirius smiled and began his story.

“Of course I do,” said Lily as she sat next to him and patted his hand. “You know how much I love your stories.” She smiled at his look of incredulity.

I found this bit a little awkward, because you say Sirius “began his story,” but then Lily says something else before he actually begins. I think maybe if the “began his story” could go after what Lily says, it might make more sense.

Very nice, Terri! I think you did a great job putting so much meat into this short piece.

~LiLu

Hello, Carole!

You know I always like a good Marauder story, and I really loved this one. I think you’ve got all their characterizations down to a tee—it looks like I really ought to take this class!

She perused the list in front of her and ticked off some names. I’ll admit I was a bit disappointed when I read this sentence, but only Sonia Slattery’s example followed before we jumped into the Marauders. Given the names, plural, I wondered where the rest of the amusing anecdotes had gone. So I wonder if that sentence might be tweaked a bit, to avoid let down expectations? :(

I really liked the way you portrayed Sirius with his arrogance and intentionally being difficult, but also his nervousness when he says he wants to be an Auror, and the dark shadow on his face when the Snape incident is mentioned, and his anger about his name. I thought you did a good job showing the conflict in his character as he grows up.

I also liked the story McGonagall told about Peter and Quidditch. It shows that he has real potential of his own, but all he does is follow his friends about all the time. It is my firm belief that Peter Pettigrew had potential.

I thought you showed the process of maturing, again, with James’ character, by the way he fools around with McGonagall for a bit, but then becomes serious about wanting to fight.

Remus’ scene was incredibly sad, and I liked the way you showed his optimistic, almost naïve nature, and his disappointment and anger when it lets him down. Also I found it really interesting that he originally wanted to be a Healer, and I think it makes sense because he’s not really a fighter like James or Sirius; he’s a peacemaker.

I thought it curious that it was Sirius who came to find Remus. It’s unusual that Sirius is shown as the sensitive one, I suppose. I like it, though. Really good job on this, Carole! It really looks like you put a lot of thought into these characters.

Thanks for a beautiful read!

~LiLu

Author's Response: Thanks, Lilu. Hmmm, I take your point about the list of names. I hadn't thought of that. Because this is a kinda prequel to Lions of Gryffindor, I had only thought of Sonia and later Phyllida. DARN! I now want to add Mary and Lily too. LOL. Okay, with Sirius coming to find Remus, it was really because he'd had a dreadful interview and I think he knew Remus would have done asd well. I always see Sirius and Remus as being the ones who are 'darker' as it were.

Thank you, for the concrit. It really is appreciated. carole xxx

Hello!

Your banner is doing its job. I love Ron/Hermione stories, but only when both of them are very much IC, especially Ron. This story accomplishes that perfectly. I love how you show Hermione knowing Ron so well, and yet realizing that he's not the little boy he used to be. I think you do a great job of capturing Hermione's emotions, especially using the idea of the unbroken window. The whole story has a quality of beautiful sadness, almost poetic in its language. Wonderful job!

~LiLu

Author's Response: Hi LiLu! Sorry for taking so long to reply! Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm so glad that I seem to have characterised both Ron and Hermione well. That was my biggest worry. And the banner that Lydia made me is just gorgeous, right? It perfectly matches the fic. I may just go put it up again now that the QWC is over :)

This is beautiful! Ron is one of my favourite characters, and he is so often underappreciated. It's so nice to see him loved from so many perspectives. I particularly liked Rosie's section. The way Ron always told Rose he was proud of her made me think of his own childhood feeling overlooked. I thought the way he responded to Scorpius was very in character. His dismissal of the idea of pretending to eat food made me laugh. I also thought your Luna section was very in character; it sounded just like how she would talk.

The one bit of concrit I have is in the Lavender section.

They talked about what each had experienced the night of the battle, and he told her about his brother.

When I read "his brother" I immediately thought of Fred, and then got confused because I had just read about Dumbledore's funeral in the previous paragraph. I figured out it was Bill, but maybe something could be added to make that a bit more clear.

Lovely story! Thanks for a great read.

~LiLu