Hello, everyone! I'm Lily Luna. You may know me on the beta forums as LilyLunaPotter, more commonly known as LiLu. I write random stuff, including a lot of challenges on the beta forums. My latest story is Comfort and Joy, a Harry Potter take on Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol. Please take a look!
Summary: Ginny does not know how to get Harry back to her. She has fancied him for a long time and at last, when he became hers, they have been separated once again due to Harry’s fear of losing Ginny if they remain together. However, Ginny comes up with one desperate solution to get Harry back. She decides to make herself more beautiful. In the end, however, Ginny wishes for something different from what she wants.
Written for the What You Wish For challenge by Ginny Weasley Potter from Hufflepuff.
Hello, Pooja! This is a very cute and funny little moral-story that you have here.
For some reason the very first bit in which Ginny thinks “Nice to make those puppy eyes for Harry” made me think of the story Little Red Riding Hood in which the wolf says things like “The better to see you with, my dear.” Random…
Ginny strikes me as so funny in the first scene, very vain but in a cute sort of way. I was rather surprised when I read that she had been looking at herself in the mirror for two hours, because it didn’t quite seem like a Ginny thing to do. It makes a bit more sense when you think that it’s for Harry, though.
I was a bit confused by the conversation Ginny had with Hermione; there were a couple of phrases that threw me off:
“it is really getting difficult for me to cope with that split up.”
I’m not sure about “split up”; I think the term you’re looking for is “break up,” because you’re referring to when Harry and Ginny stopped dating, right? Then again, I’m American, so maybe British people say “split up”? Use your best judgment.
“I don’t think Harry will get back by merely noting that you look pretty, Ginny.”
I wasn’t sure how “get back” fits in this context, although I know what you’re trying to say. Perhaps “I don’t think Harry will come back merely because he notices…” or something like that?
I think you did a good job characterising Hermione in this story.
I liked the fact that Hermione used the word “frolicsome.” It seems like a very aloof word to use, just like Hermione might were she annoyed with Ginny’s behaviour.
I also liked the way Hermione reluctantly agreed to help Ginny brew the potion, even though she regretted it later and even though she said she could not interfere. It reminds me of the way Hermione always helps Harry and Ron with their homework, even though she scolds them and says she won’t.
“The Drought of Desire”—I think the word you’re looking for here is “draught”. A drought is a long period without water; a draught is a drink. :)
I was impressed by the way you took the time to come up with a list of ingredients and a series of steps to go into the potion, instead of just saying something like “Hermione and Ginny put all the ingredients in the potion.” It makes it more interesting.
It’s so funny the way this story wraps up neatly at the end with the little moral that Ginny learns. It almost makes it sound like a children’s tale.
Very sweet little piece! I liked it.
Author's Response: Hey LiLu! Thanks for the lovely reveiw! Hehe. LOL for the wolf thingy. :D About 'split up', I'm not sure, but isn't that a common teen phrase for break-up? I'm not sure now that you've said it... I must try and find out if it's quite British, though. :) Oh, and I'll go correct that spelling error just now... thank you for all your suggestions! *huggles* :)
Summary: London: Four murders have taken place under bizarre circumstances, for what seems to be an equally bizarre reason.
Harry, a happily wedded man with a wonderful wife and a cute daughter, is an Auror at the Ministry of Magic and is now given a new case to solve with Ron and four other Aurors. Incidentally, the four Aurors include Ginny, Harryâ€™s â€˜schoolboy crushâ€™; and it turns out to be much more than a crush when Harry sees her again. Whatâ€™s more is that Harry is working upon a case that seems to connect to him directly. And once again, it opens up old fears: fears of losing loved ones.
Ron, on the other hand, seems to be tired of Hermione. Tempers are running high and fights are breaking out more often than usual. Are they really falling apart? Or can they sort this out before it is too late?
Then there is the case itself. Who is trustworthy, and who is not? Who is deadly enough to murder four people in cold blood?
Indulge into the gut-wrenching action, combined with warm romance and tingling suspense; while I tell you a story of love, ambition and obsessionâ€¦ a story of what those killer instincts can do. EDIT: MAJOR revamping going on, with regard to plot, characterisation, and general style of writing. I would urge you not to read this until I've removed this notice because I wasn't very good six years ago, and this is as bad as I was. *Places traffic cones*
Hello, Pooja! I’ve come back for more of your writing. This story’s summary intrigued me when I first came to your author page, but I was hesitant to embark on a WIP because I never seem to have time to catch up with them; just ask Whit. >.< I still want to read this, though, and I’m hoping that reading a story with a murder case in it will help me with the murder mystery Bookbasilisk challenge, for which my muse is drawing a blank. I was intrigued further by the chapter notes for this prologue, which told me I would be learning a lot culture-wise as well. So here we go!
I’m intrigued by this prologue because it places familiar characters in an unfamiliar setting, and it’s unexplained as of yet how they got there. Of course that’s the whole point, so what I’m saying is that it works well. :)
I’m confused as to why the bride’s side was wearing Christian dress, while the bridegroom’s side was in Hindu dress, since it’s backwards from Parvati and Harry’s cultural backgrounds. It’s a nice idea that they should embrace one another’s culture, but it seems like it would take a lot of effort and coordination to, say, get all of Harry’s friends to buy saris and sherwanis for the occasion. For the wedding party exclusively, yes, but for all of the guests? Or am I reading it wrong?
I enjoyed the description of the wedding, although I did wonder why Harry kissed Parvati only on the cheek after saying their Christian vows. Did something in Parvati’s heritage prevent him from kissing her on the lips? Perhaps I’m reading too much into things.
I think you do a good job of describing the ceremony, something which might be difficult to envision, but thanks to you, I can do it. :) I’m excited to read on and find out a bit more about what brought the characters to this point, and where they will go from here.
Nice work, Pooja!
Summary: Bill and Fleur's wedding is quickly approching. Ron and Hermione are caught up in the planning and preparations, but not so much that they don't notice each other...
Very fluffy, just how I like them. Please read and review! But only if you have something nice to say. LOL
Hooray for fluff!!! This was so cute, especially after reading so many other stories with the two of them avoiding the subject like the plague, for him to finally pluck up the courage and just tell her! Fluffy!!!!
Author's Response: Haha, thanks! Yeah, all througout the books I was like, \"Just tell her, you dolt!\"
Hooray for fluff!!! This was so cute, especially after reading so many other stories with the two of them avoiding the subject like the plague, for him to finally pluck up the courage and just tell her! Fluffy!!!!
Author's Response: \'ear, \'ear! Glad to hear that you like fluff, too. It\'s my favourite type of fanfic. Hooray for Luna_Lover for reviewing! Hmm... I think my readers need to learn some patience. Hit the submit button ONCE, people. LOL
Summary: A short songfic inspired by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus song "Your Guardian Angel". Hermione awakens from a terrifying dream to find Ron there, comforting her. But she still isn't sure if she can trust him not to leave her...
*Post last battle.*
That is such a sweet one-shot! Yay!
Author's Response: thanks!
Summary: The tale of Remus' & Tonks' last night on earth, and after. (Not as depressing as it sounds.) Songfic for "On Top of the World" by Boys Like Girls.
Oh cool! I've been looking for a fic about the afterlife. A sequel would be great!
Author's Response: hope to get it done soon! thanks!
Summary: Mostly R/Hr, scenes of their lives post-DH together. Pretty fluffy!
This is so sweet! I love fluffy fics. But one question..."Five more men entered through a side door: Bill, Charlie, Percy, and George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Hagrid." Bill, Charlie, Percy, George, Neville, Hagrid. Isn't that six?
Author's Response: wow, can\'t believe I didn\'t notice that. I have no excuse, except for the fact that I\'m REALLY not a math person, and that I forgot Bill and added him in in one of my second drafts. Thanks- I\'ll fix it :)
Summary: He had been lying down for a couple of minutes, not strong enough to get up just yet. When he had felt the spider’s icky eight legs on his skin, however, he sprang to his feet.
He regretted this action at once, as it had made him dizzy. His vision was hazy because he didn’t have his glasses on. James looked around the grass field and found his spectacles. They were cracked and needed to be fixed. For that, he needed his wand. Automatically, his hand went in his pocket. He fumbled around his pocket, but in vain; the wand was nowhere to be found. James was in the middle of nowhere and he didn’t have a wand. Perfect!
James has to prove his love for Lily. For that, he has to pass a few tests. Read on what he has to do to win over Lily's heart.
I am Afifa of Hufflepuff participating for the Gauntlet Challenge- Round 5.
I just happen to love James/Lily, so when I arrived at your author page I was quite pleased with what I saw.
I thought this was a very clever test that Lily devised, and I liked all the different aspects to it that were not always completely obvious.
The wizard started walking towards a nearby inn. This line was confusing to me; it took me a couple of reads to realise that "the wizard" referred to James. I wondered why there was a wizard out in the open in the 1890s. Maybe it would be clearer just to use James' name, even though it's not as varied?
I really liked James' Boggart, because it showed what a loving man he was, and how jealous he was of Lily.
One thing I did wonder about was, how did James end up back in time to begin with? I was a bit confused about that. I liked that the story jumped right to James back in time without explanation, because it piqued my interest, but I didn't feel like the explanation was fully given later on. Maybe Lily could have explained to him how he got there? But I thought the end scene with Lily and James was very sweet.
I've never done a full Gauntlet, but I know from the Third Task that it can be difficult to combine all the prompts and the character into one fluent story. Good job!
Summary: “Lord Voldemort has never had a friend, nor do I believe that he has ever wanted one.”
-Dumbledore, HBP, ch. 13
Dumbledore was rarely wrong, only once did Lord Voldemort desire a friend. It started out as only a game…
First place winner in the Color of Love Challenge.
Nominated for Best Romance Between Other Characters in the 2008 QSQs!
That was so sweet! I love the idea that Tom Riddle wasn't always so unfeeling. You did a great job with this.
Summary: To protect her son from being killed, Lily performs a chant that will keep Harry safe in a different time.
Lauda has lost her son but her husband must never know. She asks for help from a hag and gets another baby boy to raise in her own childâ€™s stead, educating him to be the heir of the Lord of the Smyths.
For Harry begins a journey through time with many adventures and obstacles. But the end of his lifeâ€™s path isnâ€™t always clear and easy to reach.
Bine! 'Tis I, LiLu. I was touched and saddened by the faith that James had in Peter. With Harry gone, I wonder what will happen to James and Lily, whether Voldemort will still target them, whether he'll even realize that Harry is gone. Also I'm curious about the magic that Lily did. Was it Dark Magic? How did she learn about it? Did she know of it already, or was she frantically searching for a way, any way, to save her son? How will James react to Lily having made this decision without consulting him? How much does Lily know about where she has sent Harry?
Luckily for me, there's another chapter that will hopefully answer some of my questions. ^_^
I do have one very very small bone to pick, for the sake of well-rounded review practise: If James was sitting on the sofa when he heard the glass break, why did he pull his wand from his back pocket when he went into the kitchen? Did he pick up his wand, put it in his back pocket, and then go into the kitchen and pull it out again?
Author's Response: Thank you for this great review. So many questions, where to begin to answer them? Let's just say, it will be some chapters before anything of those questions is going to be answered. But in the story outline I have, there's at least one chapter that will answer everything and tie together the loose ends.
As for your nitpick: *headdesk* You're right. Seems unlogical. I might change that. Thanks for picking this up. *hugs*
Curiouser and curiouser! Kaziah is clearly a powerful Legilimens, but I've never seen anyone remove memories at will the way she does. Also she doesn't seem to be able to perform tasks such as fixing her roof by magic. Was the Lord she referred to as causing the weather simply God in the traditional sense, or someone else?
I'm intrigued by the mention of Godric Gryffindor. Obviously Harry has been sent back in time by Lily's spell, but it is his own universe, or another? How is magic viewed in this day and age? Lauda and Fendryck appear to be Muggles, and Fendryck at least does not look favorably on magic. Lord Gryffindor is powerful, but is he open with his wizardry, or does he hide it?
Needless to say, I'm very curious. I'm especially interested in the character of Fendryck and how he will act toward Harry/Camalric.
Author's Response: Never forget that Kaziah is no witch in the normal sense. The lexicon doesn't state if their magic is less powerful than a witch's, so why not make her powerful in tinkering with people's memories? And the author has to have some creative licence, right? Right lol.
Yes, the God she referred to was God in the traditional sense.
Which time Harry has been sent to and more about Gryffindor as well as Lauda and Fendryk will come to light in the next chapters. It might take some time to get it written though. But I will update and finish this story one day.
Thanks for reading and reviewing, Lilu!
Summary: When Nymphadora Tonks arrived at the Ministry to save Harry and his friends, she was a young, fearless Auror. Five weeks later she’s a mess. Her once vibrant hair is a drab brown and she can barely smile. Has she lost her nerve? Is it guilt over Sirius’ death? Or is something else happening in her life that has ridden roughshod over her unusual powers?
I am Equinox Chick from Hufflepuff and this is my entry for Round 7 of The Gauntlet.
Special thanks to Cassie (ms leading) for beta'ing this for me.
Hello, Carole dear! LiLu here, starting from the bottom up with the first of my reviews for you this month.
I found it a bit odd that Snape in his letter to the Order referred to Harry as “Harry.” I suppose this is simply because we never hear him talk about Harry by his first name in the books, but we also always see things from Harry’s own perspective, so I think it does work here.
“The months of inactivity, the months spent in the childhood home he’d sworn he would never return to, the unfairness that his criminal status rendered him impotent had surged through him. What did he care if he was caught? What did it matter if he died? Harry was in trouble and Sirius would not let his godson down the way he’d let down James.”
This part to me seemed like it switched to Sirius’ POV instead of Tonks’. I think it could be made a bit clearer that Sirius is expressing these thoughts to Tonks.
Is it just me, or is “fresh scars” an oxymoron? Not really a critique, just something I noticed. I do love oxymorons.
I like the way that, although Sirius is the main thing on Tonks’ mind as she wakes, she still is very aware of Remus and her attraction to him can be felt. His to her can also be seen without being the focus.
“The best houses need pruning”; this took my several reads to understand, but once I did, I found it deliciously disturbing, and a very Bellatrix thing to do.
It’s interesting the way you portray so much of Tonks’ guilt about Sirius as due to the consequences to Remus. It combines Sirius’ death and Tonks’ love for Remus into the complete reason for her depression.
As this came from a Gauntlet, I would be interested to know what the prompts were; perhaps I shall go and look. I think you do a good job of characterizing Tonks and Andromeda. Andromeda has the pride of a Black and a Slytherin (as I think she was), but instead of taking pride in her family, her pride causes her to push them away. Tonks is incredibly loyal to Sirius as shown by her conversation with her mother concerning him. This befits her as a Hufflepuff and also meshes with her loyalty and perseverance towards Remus in canon. Great job! I hope to read and review more later on.
Author's Response: Hello, Lilu. Thank you for the review. Hmm, fresh scars - no I don't think it's an oxymoron. You can have old scars (say months or years old) and then new ones (a few days old) *grins and then hides*. I didn't think about Snape calling Harry by his name. I think the message Snape sent was longer and Remus was paraphrasing but I've not made it clear. Sirius POV - well, I kinda thought it was more Tonks remembering what Sirius ahd said, but again that is unclear.
Okay, you can't look up the prompts because they were sent out indivially but in this chapter, I used three. The first was the one we all had which was Character A (Tonks in my case) finds Character B (Sirius) dead. We'd had to chose out characters before the prompt went out so I was pretty lucky because this happens in canon. The second prompt was a photograph of a bowl of flowers next to a window and the third prompt was a rose on top on a bloodied piece of parchment.
I particularly pleased that you picked up on Tonks guilt over Sirius AND her love for Remus being the reasons for depression. And I do often play up her Hufflepuff-ness. Hmm, I wonder why?
Thanks again for the review - I do appreciate it. Carole xxx
“She’d always believed Snape favoured the Slytherins, but Tonks knew now that he had appreciated her diligence and willingness to be taught.”
That’s an interesting tidbit about Severus which surprised me. Again, it’s a side of him we don’t much see from Harry’s PoV, but I think it fits. Severus doesn’t need to always be portrayed as unfair simply because he is seen as such by Harry and acts as such around him.
I was struck by the funny picture of three-year-old Tonks objecting to Nymphadora. That’s an advantage of Pensieves I hadn’t thought of: the ability to relive memories of young childhood. I know I can’t remember much that happened to me when I was three.
“The last time Remus had seen her she’d been huddled up in a hospital bed, closer to death than anyone had realised. Then her parents had whisked her away to her childhood home and he’d wondered when he’d see her again.”
Does that mean we’re in third-person omniscient, instead of Tonks’ PoV? Nothing wrong with that; I do find omniscience so much more convenient. :)
That was a darling first kiss scene! It flowed so naturally. “Ecclesiastical” is my new favorite word. ^_^
Ah, poor Remus. Call that an initiation: if he can handle a drunk Tonks in a Muggle bar, he can handle anything.
Awesome job! I liked how this chapter focused more on Remus’ and Tonks’ relationship, but didn’t lose sight of Sirius’ death as the other main theme of the story. You did a great job of balancing the two.
Author's Response: Thanks Lilu. Ecclesiastical windows - yes that was another picture prompt, there was also a bottle full of a liquid and a picture of something wispy that looked like a memory. Ah, now, third person omni-thingy, I tend to slip into it, but sometimes I use it because it's fun (and, as you say, convenient). The story is primarily Tonks POV but Remus deserves some insight too.
Ah, their first kiss. I've changed that scene so many times, in many different fics and drabbles. I do love my OTP, so much. Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you enjoyed it. carole xxx
Summary: “I’m not spending these holidays with you. Have fun being miserable’ is what he really said,’ Tonks thought as an ice cold feeling chilled her heart and her body.
In the midst of a blizzard, Tonks stood in a woods, deciding if she could go home. Home, a place with her mother, who left her family when Tonks was nine years old. Home, a place where Sirius would never visit her again. Home, a place where her heart did not dwell and where her thoughts could not rest.
To be staring at her house, though, had been a difficult journey. Through a pile of work, a blizzard, and a meeting with a handsome stranger, Tonks found herself wondering if she could go home.
But during these holidays, Tonks must confront the past and realize where her home truly lies.
I was perusing your author page, and this story caught my eye.
That was such a beautiful, sad story! I loved all of the flashbacks Tonks had. It was really cool to see all of her encounters with Remus over the years. I especially liked how you characterised Andromeda and portrayed her relationship with Tonks. I thought it was interesting that Andromeda never said she regretted having left, just that she never stopped loving them and felt it was time to come back. It seemed like her personal ambitions overruled her love for her family for a time, which I think is an appropriately Slytherin characteristic.
‘Why did I decide to wear panty hose?’ I was confused in this sentence and the paragraph following. Why was Tonks wearing Muggle business clothes at work at the Ministry? I would have thought she’d be wearing robes.
Turning away from the window, Tonks reached to finger one of the bulbs, but as she touched the shiny, metallic surface, one of the pine needles sliced her finger. I realised by the end of the sentence, and it’s made clear later in the paragraph, that here Tonks is touching a bulb ornament on a Christmas tree, but at first I was confused, and I think it would be more clear if that were mentioned right at first, maybe by saying “one of the bulbs on the Christmas tree”?
I thought you did the arguments between Tonks and Remus really well, especially the last one. I like the way she acts childish on purpose to get him to actually show emotion.
‘I suggest you grow up and realize you do not get what you want,’ I like this as a parting line for Remus because it’s just so mean and cold, but I think it could be even better if he said “you can’t always get what you want,” just because it sounds a bit smoother to me. But I really like the line.
Great job, Morgan! I really like your writing style, it’s one of those things you can’t quite put your finger on, I just think, oh, this is so great! So I will hopefully come back and read more of your work.
Author's Response: Thanks, Lilu! I wanted Tonks in stodgy Muggle clothes to show how much she's distancing herself from being a witch. She did dress a bit more Muggle like when she was a witch, too, so I didn't think it was to OOC, even though it could be taken that way.
Summary: A typical love story: Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They end up being a couple. They are happy.
Another story: boy loves girl. But. Girl does not love the boy. No happy couple. So how exactly does the boy feel and what does he do to try to win over his love? Most importantly, does he succeed or does he make a gradual progress or does he even give her reason to hate him more?
Afifa, this is darling! Okay, you're right, it may be a bit cliched, but it's still darling!
I really like Sirius' character in this. I like the way he tries his best to protect James, but still respects his space, even though he doesn't understand James' feelings.
What bothered me about James, though, was that he doesn't seem to see any option in between ignoring Lily completely and asking her out every other moment. I just would think that after wracking his brains for so long about her, he might have come up with a better plan.
The funny thing about this story is it really makes me dislike Lily, because of how unfair she is being to James, even if she doesn't know it. The part about James being up all night with Remus and then oversleeping struck me as particularly tragic.
Very sad and sweet! I loved it. :)
Everyone needs someone to hold on to, especially in dark times like these.
Sometimes, all it takes is a chocolate cheesecake and a friend – or something more – to rekindle a flame of hope.
Hello! LiLu here. I couldn't read such a wonderful story and not leave a review, now could I? It's such a bittersweet piece, cruelly ironic how Marlene is sitting there worrying about all her friends, when she'll be the next to go. This is a really well-done example of second-person, so I'm glad Carole recommended it because it gives me a good feel for how to write it, so thanks for that.
I do wonder, is just me, or is the formatting a little off? It just seems that the paragraphs are too spaced out. That might just be me though, and I know it's a pain to fix, so don't worry about it.
As someone who has Peter on the brain recently, I liked your description of him here. In fact I liked that whole section, with the brief descriptions of all the Order members. Did Moody get accidentally bypassed, or was it only Marlene's particular friends who were mentioned?
It's a lovely piece, and now I feel ready to write my drabble. :) Thank you!
Hey, LiLu! Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you liked it (and are giving second person a shot)! I think you're right, there are extra spaces in between. I might fix that sometime >.> As for Moody, um... he was chairing the meeting, wasn't he? I'm not sure why Marlene didn't comment on him... probably a forgetful moment of the author's (*hides*). Thanks again, dear!
LiLu here. I am now going to attempt to review a poem for the first time ever. You have been warned. :)
That was funny, especially so because it expresses the true sentiments of every student at every dance since time began. (Girls are terrified of guys, too, by the way xD) The rhyming was a bit rough in the first stanza, but after that it was perfect. I liked the meter, too. It always seemed as if there were a bit too many syllables squeezed into the last line of a stanza, but it gave it more of an awkward teenager feel, so it added to the effect rather than detracting from it. I do think there was a bit of overuse of the word “frickin’.” >.>
It was really funny, though, and I did appreciate the secret message. Great job, BB, and congrats on winning that tournament!
Summary: Twelve years after three of his friends have died, and another has been incarcerated, Remus Lupin is drifting. Unable to pursue a long-term career due to his lycanthropy, he has finally found work in a dragon reserve in Romania. He is accepted here and begins to find a kind of peace. But one day something happens that threatens this calm existence, and the other workers are calling Remus Lupin -- diavol.
I am Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff writing for the Third Task of the Triwizard Tournament.
I’ve been wanting to read this story ever since I got an e-mail about it when you first posted it. This is the first Triwizard stories I’ve read, and it’s interesting to see how you took the same prompts I had and made a completely different story from them.
I feel so sorry for poor Remus; he can’t escape. Just when he thinks he’s found someplace where he belongs, something like this happens. I think you’ve done a good job of capturing his optimistic nature—which I think he must have, to have survived all those years—but still showing us the hopelessness of his situation in life.
I was a bit surprised that Remus picked up the hatchling. What was it that made him so sure it wouldn’t harm him? He strikes me as being more cautious than that.
I really don’t have much else to say about this chapter; I’d say that’s a good sign. I’m curious as to what Remus will do or not do, and I shall read the rest shortly.
Author's Response: Hey, Lilu, thanks for the review. What I was trying to show with the hatchling was that Remus just knew instinctively that it wouldn't harm him because it had sensed that Remus was a werewolf. It is interesting to see how different our stories turned out, isn't it? I hope you like the next chapter. Watch out for another familiar face...
Hello again, Carole! I’ve come back for more. ^_^
I must say that I quite liked this chapter. I’ll tell you something a bit funny that happened as I began reading it, though. When you first mentioned the girl in the purple bathing suit with the blonde curls, I was horrified. I thought, “Oh, no! She’s going to be this random enchantingly beautiful woman who sweeps Remus off his feet and solves all his problems! That’s not what I want!” You’ll imagine how relieved I was when I realised who she was. I then laughed at myself because of course, this being you, Remus could never be swept off his feet by anyone but dear Tonks.
I think you have the characterisation of Tonks down to a tee. Of course there is her clumsiness and her vendetta against her given name, but you also capture her determination and desire to be seen beyond her first impressions to what she really is. An example of that is this line: “I want to show Rufus Scrimgeour that a witch is every bit as capable of being an Auror as those half-witted wizards he has working for him.” I liked that line. Somehow the idea of Tonks being a bit of a feminist just fits.
“You just reminded me that the reason I’m here early is because I needed time away from work to think.” I got a bit confused here. I’m guessing that it was Remus’ saving Tonks from her clumsiness that reminded her of work, but it didn’t quite click for me at first and I think it could be made a bit clearer; perhaps Tonks could clarify.
“He followed behind, feeling rather like an unwelcome guest at a party.” I think you have a good handle on Remus’ character as well; the fact that he begins to feel like a bit of a third wheel here is an illustration of his insecurity. I also like the way he is slightly bemused by Tonks when he first meets her.
“A pricolici intent on causing death would not live amongst dragons.” Again, I’m not quite sure what Dmitri means here. I understand what he says next about Remus locking himself up each month, but it’s not clear to me why Remus would not live amongst dragons if he wanted to harm people.
“You’re very perceptive, Remus Lupin.” It just now occurred to me how true a statement that is. Remus is shown throughout the series to be quietly observant. So there’s another good job for you. :)
I like the way you use the last prompt of the challenge. Not only do you have a dragon dying, but you also use the quote for a completely different metaphor. Very nice ending!
I liked this second chapter a lot, Carole, and the story as a whole. I think you used the prompts and the setting effectively to write a plotline that allowed you to delve deeply into many different facets of Remus’ character. And Tonks made an appearance as well, for a bonus. :D
Thank you for a lovely read!
Author's Response: Heylooo, Lilu, thank-you for the lovely and very perceptive review. Okay, Q&A time. Remus had reminded her that she was in Romania early, because he said she wasn't expected for another week, I think. The remark about the werewolf not wanting to live among dragons is because dragoins (in my mind) are the only things that could effectively defeat a werewolf. If Remus wanted to kill or transform humans, then he's live far away froma dragon reserve. However, I take your point that it's a bit unclear - so thank you.
I had to have Tonks in it because I love her so much, and no, I can't have Remus bowled over by anyone else - you know me very well. (although look out for Chapter 13 in AA)
Thank you again for the great review. Lots of concrit and some praise too *beams* Carole xxx
Summary: Severus Snape always hated Neville Longbottom. He treated him as bad if not worse than he treated Harry Potter.
Neville Longbottom has been teaching at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for fifteen years. Over the course of time, he has come in contact with the portrait of Severus Snape in the Headmistress’ office on several occasions.
It seemed dying had not lessened Snape’s hatred of Neville at all. What happens one day when Neville is asked to come to the Headmistress’ office and alone in the office, confronts Snape over his treatment of him? Will Neville finally learn the truth?
I always like reading Severus-closure stories. I feel like he deserves more closure in his life, even if he doesn’t get it until after death.
I like the way Neville is characterised in the first scene: he is happy to have James in his house, and he remembers the terror of his Sorting. These traits recall to me the Neville of the books. But we also see the way he’s matured, the teacherly way that he dreads having so many troublesome Weasleys and Potters in his house.
Nitpick alert: Just this morning, Neville had been leaving the Great Hall To me, the word “this” seems a bit awkward in past tense; I think “Just that morning” might flow better.
At first I thought that Neville was being uncharacteristically cruel to Snape in the office, but it made sense once I got here: He had never thought of him as anything other than a cruel and sadistic teacher. Neville had never thought of Snape as a human being with any feelings other than anger and hatred. This and the cruelty that Neville endured at Snape’s hands explain his lack of compassion.
Neville began to feel bad about what he was saying, but he couldn’t stop himself from continuing. Again, this confirms that your characterisation of Neville is not off: he does have compassion, but his long down-trodden feelings demand release and explanation.
“I have hated you for most of my life. I realise now, it isn’t hate I should feel, it’s pity. Pity over the fact you choose to align yourself with a murderer. But, I guess in the end, you got what you deserved, or did you? Perhaps, you should have lived; lived a long life knowing what you did and the heartbreak you caused.” I thought this was interesting because Neville, unlike Harry, does not seem to forgive Snape’s actions. He understands his motives, but he still despises him for what he did. I don’t think this is out of character for Neville, but it surprised me.
I think the last line was important to keep Snape in character: even when he does good deeds, he has a somewhat selfish motive. He is a brave man, but he’s not a Gryffindor.
Very satisfying! Your story expresses something that I’ve experienced in my own life: what hurts the most about being treated badly is not knowing why you’re being treated that way, and even if the reason is unjust, knowing what it is helps a lot. Great job!