I have been writing ever since I could hold a pencil - (no, I'm serious) - and I aspire to one day get a novel published!
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Aww that was beautiful.
I got a little teary when Lily first appeared - when she was begging him not to cry. She seemed so helpless and her heart must have been wrenching terribly to see her baby like that and to not be able to him! That's what made me get emotional.
I think her little speech about how he must stay strong and do good, and remember that his parents always love him was a bit too long, though - it seemed to me to deaden the beautiful touching atmosphere you had created. But that's just my opinion.
And a lovely touch having Harry remember it years and years later :)
Author's Response: The narration was long because it would explain how Harry was able to remain haunted and yet somewhat unchanged throughout his stay with the Dursley's. A child growing up in that autmosphere his entire life would end up completely unbalanced and dark. Harry, for the most part when it comes to his relatives, isn't. Why? So, Lily's speech explained it. He simply did as was asked of him in his mother's final plea, and everything else she said effected him subconsciously. Beleive me, I put things in for a reason. But thanks for bringing this topic to light.
I am incredibly impressed with this story! I am absolutely loving it so far. Not only have you got a really interesting, thick plot going, but your writing style is thoroughly enjoyable! Thank you for being so careful about your grammar and sentence structure, it is a pleasant relief to find a Fanfic that you do not have to concentrate to understand. You had a strong start and got me hooked straight away. The standard was kept up through the whole peice, too. Great job! I am eagerly anticipating your next update! :D
Awwww that was so nicely done! It has never occured to me to think of Crabbe or Goyle in that way. Aw, how sad. I feel terribly sorry for him, now. I think your version of Vincent might have to make his way into one of my future fics. he is so irresistable! Great job on building a believable character. I feel sorry for him. You constructed to story well, too: simple language and repeated thoughts - which obviously mirrored the way he thinks. Your writing really connected me to Crabbe. Good work.
Oooh I just loved this little ficlet! Lovely work! It was so incredibly In Character that you didn't even have to mention whose POV you switched to, every time you did. (Of course, the pattern helped, but still *wink*). Very nicely structured. The reoccurring 'I wanted to ...' made it flow really well, and you managed to use lots of flashbacks without it getting old or tedious. Quite a feat if you ask me! Congrats! A great R/H one shot :D
Oooh classic! Great interpretation of Dudley's 'worst' memory and impeccable characterization of everyone throughout! The very final line is brilliantly timed. A thoroughly enjoyable read, well done!
How is it possible that Valorus is Fawkes?
Both Tom Riddle's and Harry's wand contain a phoenix feather core from Fawkes. Valorus would have had to have been born before Tom Riddle was 11 for this to work!
A nit-picky detail I know, but still very un-canon!
Oooh very good. Realistically portrayed too. If I had written it I think I would have had one of the other Healers take her out of the room, when they realised she recognised him, and then for her to a have a shock-induced fit trying to get back to him, to do anything possible to bring him back to life, and for the other Healers (who know there is no hope) trying to subdue her. But your way works too. The robo-Hermione is so sad, how she just - loses it, and goes dull and stone cold. Very well written, and great descriptions too, I had a vivid picture of the uniforms, the wards, and (sadly) dead Ron. Well done, I say.
Well done. Not an entirely original idea, but pulled off very well, all the same. I'm interested to see what the other characters think now.
Good point about Fudge thinking the Muggle's wouldn't believe a word of it, too. Nice. Lol!
Wow, that was wonderful Seren! I adored the description of how the slap was so hard that Harry was surprised Ron's freckles didn't fall off. In such a bleak, dull (in a good way) and moving fic such as this - you managed to bring a litle smirk to my lips. Well done. I especially like the style you chose to write this in. Ominiscent(sp?) yet detached too, and in present tense. Usually present tense is very clumsy, but you employed it with such elegance. I also thought your metaphors (the butterfly and the avalanche) were brilliant. Beautiful writing, I praise you.
As I mod, I cringed when I saw a few things in this chappie.
Thoughts, for one are not meant to go in "quotes". They should be italicised. All explained at this link: Help Section | Dialogue | Internal Monologue
Also, you misspelled HP canon names, such as Azakaban (Azkaban) and Crabe (Crabbe.)
It was also too short in my opinion. Try aiming for 1000 words+ ... a much more plot-friendly target. :)
Keep trying, and don't let this review put you off! Remember, JK Rowling herself was rejected by publishers multiple times, and she spent 5 years writing PS/SS!
Oooh how sad! I know how it feels to lose a sister this way; poor Parvati. Well written.
I'm sure there's would have been plenty of time for the girls to chat properly during the year (weekends at the least) but it seems Padma just wasn't interested. I wonder if it was her Ravenclaw friends who turned her against her twin?