I'm one half dancer, one half actor, one half harry potter freak and one half mugglenet fanfic reading fiend.
if i write anything worth posting, i definetly will. Post. It.
Well, Lord love a duck...
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
Schmergo. You rock. And i've wondered if Harry's hair was another thing Voldy hated about him...or at least really bothered him...
Author's Response: Wowzers, thanks! In one of my other stories that I never finished, Harry\'s hair was an important plot point... I may finish it yet (Lord Voldemort And the Deathly Hallows) but you never know.
Summary: "Some mistakes are too much fun to make just once."
After Lily Evans, Head Girl of Hogwarts, starts a food-fight with James Potter, Head Boy of Hogwarts, they are both given detention for the rest of the year, and are assigned a 'detention journal', which the staff say will help to settle their 'overwhelming and disturbing differences'. We have come across Lily's journal; her take on why the whole affair ever started, her intriguing relationship with one ‘supreme git of the galaxy’, the extents to which she will go for revenge and where it will lead her...
"And if for some unknown reason you come across this, Potter, and the paragraph above does not manage to penetrate your unusually thick head and convince you of my stupendous dislike of you, I hope the following sentence helps: I HATE YOU!"
i'm so glad you updated! i know you've had this chapter up for awhile, but i've been busy with school (trying not to fail algebra) today was the last day, so i rewarded myself with reading this! great job! More por favor! and soon too!
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny find themselves in a Muggle hotel in Godric's Hollow on the Winter Solstice. During an enthusiastic snowball fight, Harry and Ginny step through a stone circle that transports them seventeen years into the past. This may be the only chance Harry has to spend with his parents, and it may also be what he needs to figure out his relationship with Ginny.
The warning is for later chapters.
Edit: So, this was originally strictly a Harry/Ginny fic, but Ron and Hermione kept trying to get together too, so I felt like I had to change the category. And there's a bit of Lily/James in there too, though they're already married, and I've also added a bit of Remus/Tonks. Poor Sirius is the only Singleton (though he may manage to get a girl of his own)!
Edit: This story was cannon until after Deathly Hallows came out, so I changed it to Alternate Universe, but it's still pretty close to cannon. Only a few things will end up being different when the story ends.
Edit: I've changed all of the chapter titles to the titles of Christmas songs that I felt reflected the events in the chapters best. Tell me what you think! Does it fit?
hey! update! quick fast and in a hurry! im lovin this!
i apologize. *bows head in shame* i didnt mean to be mean. i just really enjoy this story. you rock. so let me revise.
ahem *shakes out piece of paper to read off of*
i would really appreciate it if you updated your story. i enjoy it immensely and would love to read more. i'm sorry if i offended you with my perverse review. The End.
P.S. Patience is not one of my virtues.
Author's Response: It\'s okay, it\'s not one of mine either. I was in a rather rotten mood yesterday, and I\'m sorry if my response was a bit cranky. I am really really glad you like it so much! I appreciate reviews, really! My apologies in return for snapping at you.
hey! you! update! now!!!
Author's Response: Hey! You! My beta has the next chapter! But I\'m a contrary creature, so ordering me to update when I don\'t have the chapter ready isn\'t the best idea. Just letting you know. I\'m glad you like it enough to be demanding though.
Summary: Anyone heard those rumours about a Harry Potter musical?
It better be just like this.
No, but seriously, it's a spoof of the songs from Disney channel's infamous "High School Musical," telling the tale of JK Rowling's infamous "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets." (I was dared; I took the challenge.)
You will never see the Basilisk the same way again.
P.S. You may also want to check out my Beatles and Phantom of the Opera spoofs. Just click on my username and it'll take you to my delightfully chaotic author's page.
Twice nominated for Best Poem in the Quicksilver Quills Awards!
this is like the 5 bajillionth time i've reviewed you, but i just got an account. Once again i've died laughing. This is my 7 bajillionth time reading(and singing with my horrible offkey voice) this spoof and i laugh just as hard every time. Never stop writing. (and this is off topic, but in my english class my teacher showed us a clip of Monty Python and The Holy Grail, to show us mob mentality. (we were reading Lord Of The Flies; the boys turn into savages yada yada) and i have to agree with you. British humor is really awesome. The U.S. rocks my socks though.
As i've said before: DO A HAIRSPRAY SPOOF! THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES!!!!
never ever ever ever ever ever stop writing Schmergo.(one last thing. if you stare at words long enough, or say them enough times, they start to look/sound so flipping weird! i.e. the evers above. "very" is a good example too)
Author's Response: Wowzers, thanks! There is absolutely nothing wrong with singing offkey unless you\'re in front of an audience. ^_^ Oh my gosh, you are so lucky, getting to watch Monty Python in school. We read Lord of the Flies, too, but it was les awesome. Oh-- you know what word sounds really weird if you say it a lot? Bread.
u dont like Zac? i think he is awesome in hairspray(COUGHCOUGHDOTHATOCOUGHCOUGHSPOOFCOUGH.) hehehehehehe...harassment is fun!
your distaste for Zac will not take away my love for your writing though.
Author's Response: Well, I don\'t really like Zac Efron, but it\'s not really his fault... I just think he\'s odd-looking, and I don\'t like the way his mouth moves when he sings... he looks a lot like a Muppet sometimes. But his voice was actually pretty good in Hairspray... I didn\'t know it was some other guy\'s voice singing for him in High School Musical, and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Hairspray. I\'m glad you don\'t mind that I have different opinions from you!
Summary: For the past six years, Lily Evans has put up with James Potter's pranking. But as her seventh year commences, she decides it's time to give James a taste of his own medicine.
Chapter 7 has finally been submitted!
A tiny sneek peek:
"Oh, come on now! Lily thought. “Just kiss me already,” she said audibly. James froze at her words and she, embarrassed beyond belief that her thoughts had spilled from her mouth, sat entirely still."
update, quick fast and in a hurry please!
P.S. i hope you dont get offended, but i STRONGLY STRONGLY DISLIKE DORCAS. partially because i can sense what a sneaky pushy poopyface she is and partially because i just finished a Shakespeare camp and one of our teachers names was Dorcas. And i strongly disliked her. The name brings back irritating memories. anyway, update please! good job!
Author's Response: That made me laugh so hard. I would never get offended if a reader did not like my characters! Of course it's your opinion. To be honest, it's hard to imagine anyone liking Dorcas... and I know exactly what you mean with the whole name thing. Some names are just tainted in my mind from past experiences.
Summary: Fred is dead.
But that's just the beginning! Because one of George's ears is up in heaven, and the other is down on earth...
Oh, the possibilities!
Written for the Next Great Adventure challenge on the MNFF beta boards. I am Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff House.
Twice nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts Story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards!
"hey, there goes that Marty bloke..."
i almost died.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks! I\'m really glad you liked it. I\'m rather proud of this one...
Summary: This is book two in the "Potter's Pentagon" trilogy. Read "Potter's Pentagon: The Five" first, myesss? Cool.
WARNING: This story contains French people, an internal monologue about a blue orange, adolescent facial hair, good old-fashioned snogging, superstitious truck drivers, a portrait who calls everyone "Mavis," a zoo break-in, some very strange clothes, romantic conflict galore, and Ron Weasley's caffeine addiction. And worst of all, Professor Zabini!
Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament, and when one of the members of Potter's Pentagon is selected to represent the school, much excitement ensues. Simultaneously, elections are being held for Minister of Magic, and things are getting busy at the Ministry.
Not to mention the fact that Jordan's made a new Muggle friend without informing her of the itty-bitty fact that he's magical, Haley has found an enchanted diary of dubious origin, Ted's met a werewolf from Beauxbatons, and Emma... well, Emma's not having a good year.
And what exactly is Ivy up to, anyway?
Everyone has secrets. But in the end, the truth will have to come out.
Starring Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character Nominees Ivy Potter, Emma Weasley, Haley Potter, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards!
hush, you! sorry. in my impatience, i hit the submit button twice. :P oh well. it doubly made my day.
Author's Response: Awww, I know it\'s not your fault that you double-posted! I do it all the time! I just have to say SOMETHING in response to double-posts, or else it\'ll say like \'eleven unresponded reviews\' on my page or something.
oh i forgot to ask you! (or just confirm) "Charybdis" is one of the monsters from "The Odyssey" right? the big gaping hole in the ocean that eats all of Odysseus' men, except him?
Hehehehe, Charybdis should have a sister named Scylla...
Author's Response: Charybdis DOES have a sister named Scylla. I\'m really cheesy. You\'ll see her in the next book!
That made my day.
Author's Response: Ohh! Thank you so much! Learning that this story was validated made my day.
That made my day.
Author's Response: This looks familiar.
Hahahahahaha! great minds think alike, my dear...
Author's Response: Cheers to that! ^_^
pssssssssst! when is the third one coming!? *i think giorgi and jordan are cute together!* i love giorgi's sense of style! i kinda didnt like arden. it annoyed me that she was ashamed of being a werewolf. you are who you are, even if you want to change that. GIORGI AND ARDEN ARE POLAR OPPOSITES!(a great revelation on my part. just realized this) plus, i would totally be giorgi's friend. what is wrong with the girls at her school?
awesome as usual! COMPLETE TRILOGY POR FAVOR!
P.S. i, um, kinda...........i kindafailedalgebra. but only for a second! i now have an 80! my teacher was like "tuff tootle birds!" at first but then he took my old assignments. ;p
but anyway. GREATNESS! oh, and i love how haley was running like an airplane to vladislav. even though i'm gonna be 16 soon, (ok. next year. i'll be 15 soon!) i would totally do that! and i might've. recently. *whistles nonchalantly*
Author's Response: The third one is coming a couple of weeks after Chapter Thirteen of this one (the last chapter) is up... this one\'s not done yet. It may be two weeks to a month... I need to do some serious work on Pride and Prejuiced Plums and \"Love A Duck,\" so it\'ll be a bit before the second one. I kinda didn\'t like Arden, either, but she\'s just the kind of person I don\'t really like in real life. Sorry about your algebra-- I\'m actually doing better in math than I usually do, and same with chemistry (my other worst class) As for Haley running like an airplane to Vladislav, she\'s sixteen and she still does it!
Summary: COMPLETED -- A broken-hearted Ginny Weasley lets go of Harry Potter to let him fight the good fight and starts her sixth year at Hogwarts. Draco Malfoy follows Snape back to Death Eater headquarters after Dumbledore's death to even more danger than he had just left, realising too late that he has made his greatest mistake yet. Is anyone likely to forgive him? Finding himself a refugee within the walls he had conspired against, he witnesses a scene that alters his perception of a concept he had previously found to be a waste of time: Love. This change allows him to grow away from the model Death Eater his father had been sculpting him into in an effort to find out what he really believes in with the help of his new friendship found in the youngest Weasley. Meanwhile, Ginny struggles with her harboured feelings for the man destined to save the Wizarding world, unknowingly losing her affections with every passing day to his childhood enemy.
Compliant with HBP and below.
25,000 reads!!! ::claps for readers:: Please, please leave me a review!!
it was just like Cinderella!
Author's Response: Wow, I honestly didn't think of Cinderella when I wrote it, but you're right! I was just picturing Draco's magic fading with his happiness, but it is really similar to Cinderella's ball gown fading back to her ripped up dress after midnight. Love it! Thank you for your review! :-)
Really Wicked: Stephen Schwartz's Wicked Gone Potter by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 79]
Summary: It's another spoof by Schmerg_The_Impaler!
This time, it's "Wicked," by Stephen Schwartz, remodeled to tell the story of Voldemort's life!
I also have spoofs of Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, and High School Musical on my profile, if anyone would care to read.
Schmergo i luv you. You make me laugh like a manic. one time at school and i was taking really important test and it was dead quiet and i randomly thought of the random wizard from "attacking the city" and burst out laughing. Everyone turned to stare at me and i had to clap my hands over my mouth; but i couldnt stop! "the wizard will kill you now!" and "voldemortitude!" awesomeness! i think you should do a hairspray spoof. Do it. But whatever you do(coughcoughairspraycoughcough)will be awesome.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I\'m sorry for making you look like an idiot in the middle of your class... but to be honest, I\'m kind of glad I did. I will totally do a Hairspray spoof... but I\'m posting the Sweeney one first. Stay tuned until then, I guess!
Rose was a Weasley. She never gave Scorpius Malfoy a second glance. They were sworn enemies, even though they’d barely even spoken to each other. But sometimes all it takes for love to blossom is a Potions lesson, a few snide remarks and a dropped book.
Two people. Two entirely different worlds that are suddenly intertwined.
I absolutely love this story!! its so REAL.
update! updaaaaaaate! pleease!
Author's Response: Thank you, dear! I'll update as soon as my beta sends the next chapter back. :)
Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 265]
Summary: A companion piece to the Potter's Pentagon trilogy... it's better if you've read the Potter's Pentagon trilogy, but you don't necessarily have to.
It's five years after Emma Weasley and her chums graduated from Hogwarts. Ted and Ivy are married, Haley is working at Madame Puddifoot's while trying desperately to break into show business, Jordan's doing whatever it is he does, and Emma is an Auror trainee working as a guard at the Chudley Cannons' stadium. The Cannons have actually been doing much better lately, due to their new star Beater, Tyrone Thomas. Unfortunately, Tyrone is Emma's ex-boyfriend. OH, THE AWKWARDNESS.
Follow Emma through her awkward adventures told in her usual insane way, as she experiences angst, hilarity, obnoxiously strange people, misadventures involving a deceptively dashing cad, Haley's wedding, the birth of Ted and Ivy's baby, and her own eventual descent into LURRRVE.
Written for the marvellous Vindictus Viridian's Pride and Prejudice NEWTs class on the Fanfiction Beta Boards, based on Jane Austen's fantastic novel, "Pride and Prejudice.".
Nominated in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance Story! And its lovely (haha) heroine, Emma Weasley, received two nominations for Best Female Original Character, while Haley Potter and Ivy Potter each received one! Thanks so much, guys!
Ted, I dont even have the patience to write in my own personal journal that much! But I suppose, when you're in love....
Emma isnt exactly what Ivy needs right now, is she? Poor Ives.
Thanks for updating! I needed that!
Keep em coming!!!
Author's Response: Yeah, I don't even keep a diary-- and Ted's not exactly the writing kind. But he's in an extremely dangerous situation, and his wife has no idea what he's up to, and for all she knows, he could be dead, especially with word of the attack. Not only does he miss her, he feels he owes an explanation to her! But yeah, Emma's not being helpful at all. Luckily, she comes around later-- I promise.
Oh yeah and I also forgot to say: I LOATHE PATRICK SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
I cannot stand guys like that! persistence annoys me!!!!!!
Author's Response: I aree wholeheartedly! Sadly, Patrick's based on a real person!