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The Dark Lord's Blog by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.

WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.

RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!

Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6: I Sold My Soul on eBay

LOL!!!!!!! ur a genius!
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! Now just try to convince my maths teacher and we\'ll have it made. AND YES!!! A PASTRY ESCORT! Just what I always wanted!

Draco, The Babysitter by mgle_teacher

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: After a potion goes awry, Draco finds himself as the newly appointed babysitter of one Hermione Granger, age: 4. As if that wasn't humiliating enough, his wand is confiscated by Potter and he is forced to do everything the dreaded Muggle way.

Note to my readers: This story has been on hiatus forever due to a variety of factors. I do hope to finish it some day, but don't hold your breath. Also, this is NOT a Dramione nor will I change it to be one. Lastly, I am in the process of rewriting this story so bear with me.
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/28/08 Title: Chapter 11: I love you, Fewat!

Love it! absolute genius!
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: Genius? I like that. XD -takes the muffins-

Sit Down Potter by Starmom

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: We love writing stories about our favorite characters in our favorite universe. But what do those characters DO when we're taking a break, suffering from writer's block or abandon a story? A 'behind the scenes' look with a lot of cliches.

Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Wow! that was hilarious! and completely new. neve read anything like that before.
-may the muffins be with u.

How Predictable! by HPwizzzard

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: The Marauders are having their first Divination lesson, and they quickly realize what a waste of time it is. In order to liven things up, Siriusmakes a few predictions without the aid of tea leaves. Obviously, he's no Seer, because there's no way James and Lily will ever get married, Peter will become an evil minion, or Remus will fall for Sirius' baby cousin... right?
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 1: How Predictable!

lol! that's great. awesome story!
-may the muffins be with u.

The Glories of the Enternet by Ron x Hermione

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Ron Weasley is getting married to Hermione Granger, so he travels back to the Burrow to tell his parents. But his father has a type of… box in the room, and Ron ventures over to find out what in Merlin’s name it actually is.

Mr. Weasley explains about the “enternet”, and Ron stumbles upon a website that we are all too familiar with…

Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 05/02/08 Title: Chapter 1: The Glories of the Enternet

What? thats's it?!!!!!!!! darn you evil muffin! I wanted to find out what happened next *flops on bed and grumbles*
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: Um, thanks? :)

The E-Journal of an Evil Janitor by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: It's the sequel to "The Dark Lord's Blog," guys! (And girls... and, I don't know, gender-neutral people and centaurs and walruses and parameciums and shrubs and stuff.)

Several months have passed since Filch came into possession of Voldemort's magical powers, and he has taken over Hogwarts.

With Filch serving as The Dark Lord Snoogerblossom, the position of Hogwarts caretaker/janitor is open. Seeing as Voldemort wants his magical powers back, he and his extremely attractive new sidekick, Mungo Phelps, go undercover at Hogwarts, with Mungo posing as a transfer student and Voldemort posing as the new janitor. Wacky high-jinks ensue.

Join Voldemort as he tries to get back his magic, kill Harry Potter, steal Gryffindor's sword to make a shiny new Horcrux, romance Minerva McGonagall, discover Sirius's secret to becoming a chick magnet, and swallow a teaspoon of his pride to mop up spills the Muggle way and wear an unflattering uniform! WARNING: Extremely silly and very out-of-character.

If you haven't read "The Dark Lord's Blog," well, what are you doing? GO READ IT NOW! Just click on my author name and you'll be directed to my chaotic author page, which lists all my wacky stories.

This is on hiatus, dudes. Ooh! But it was twice nominated by nice (and insane) people for the Best Humour Fic award in the Quicksilver Quills thingy!

Also, some wonderful loony nominated Mungo Phelps for Best Male OC, making him if possible even more conceited! (No one had the heart to tell Mungo that he was designed as an example of a terrible OC.)

EXCITING NEWS! "The E-Journal of an Evil Janitor" is now continued as a Twitter blog! Go to Twitter dot com and find thedarklord666. Voldy's waiting!
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/29/08 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Enter The OC. Dramatically.

I tried going on www.rathergood.com/jelly, but seeing as how I am using an ibook issued by the school district, they blocked it. When i tried, a window came up that said the website was obcene/tasteless. no joke. stupid administrators.
Anyways, I am a HUGE fan of the dark lod's blog, and I am pretty sure I will love this fic too.
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: Rathergood.com (a flash movie host) IS a tasteless site, and there is some rather shocking content... but the Jelly video is perfectly appropriate. It\'s an owl singing \"Jim-Jam-Jelly,\" and going on about how jelly is good. If you do happen to see that, you may not want to click on other links, though the \"Moon Song\" (about how the moon is cool), the \"Wrong Bananas,\" the Blode videos, and the Soluble Song are perfectly appropriate.

Up All Night by Nymphadora1229

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: When Ron and Hermione have trouble sleeping they spend the whole night talking.
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/20/08 Title: Chapter 1: Up All Night

That was pretty good. the only thing is that i don't think Ron would be able to spill his guts so easily. There's got to be a little akwardness, especially since he is talking to Hermione, and that's just how Ron is anyways.
Hooray 4 ur mad skillz1
-may the muffins be with you.

Endlessly She Said by lily_evans34

Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: He had told her that he'd be back. She had promised to wait.

Written for the SPEW 007 - prompt: "chase".
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/20/08 Title: Chapter 1: Endlessly She Said

*mouth fallls open, and blinks with eyes as wide a saucers* Wow. that was amazing! beautifully written and not fluffy. I do like fluff sometimes, but it's hard to find something good when you get tired of it. i also really loved the ending. It fit perfectly, like a......laser cut puzzle piece! sorry, that just popped in my head.
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: haha, thank you so much! your praise means a lot to me. and yay, muffins!

Peeping Molly by lucilla_pauie

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: PRE-DH

A short breather from the war and the wedding...

Molly is in her rocker, in her Prewett heirloom eye mask.

Ron and Hermione are in the window seat, discussing rain, honeymoons and stilettos and... that thing they really should get to discussing.

They do get to discuss it.

And Molly had a treat.

This was an entry to the first Skele-Gro Challenge at MNFF Betaboards.
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/20/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prewett Trick and Prewett Courage

Loved it!
-may the muffins be with you.

A First Kiss by Harry_Ginny_Love

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: First Kiss fanfics usually dissapoint me. They portray Ron as a cocky little Romeo and Hermione as a I-just-got-back-from-holiday-and-now-I-am-so-hot! girl. So I wrote an alternative. The way I think a Ron/Hermione first kiss fanfic should be written.


Please read and review...all reviews will be responded to!!!!
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/20/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Wow! that was great! you did a fantastically wonderful kob with the characters! I'm also glad that you reminded me what was bothering me about all of these Hermione/Ron fics. I knew something funky was going on. Hermione definitely does not consider herself "HOT".
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: Thanks bunches! I try to get the characters as accurate as possible and I am always afraid the crazy Harry Potter fans will bash me. Thanks so much !

Seasonal Suffering by DoraeAzure

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: When Hermione falls in love with her red-haired best friend, she comes to realize that holidays are no help at all. Features secret agent Hermione (theme song included!), semi-psychotic Ginny, smugly smirking Harry, Quidditch kit Ron, snowball fights, breaking and entering, presents, stolen clothes, owl poop, broken platters and a truly spectacular hexing of Malfoy.
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/22/08 Title: Chapter 3: Present Prank (Part 1)

Dang it You have to update!!!!!!!! I've been checking in my favorites every day to see if you've updated, for almost a month! this is my fave story out of the 30+ fics I've read on this sight and I need the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-may the muffins be with you

Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 05/04/08 Title: Chapter 1: Decorating Dilemma

read it like 3 or 4 times! its in my faves.

Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/06/08 Title: Chapter 4: Present Prank (Part 2)

Wow......that was probably the best fan fic I've read all week, no, the best story.
may the muffins be with u.

A Little Feminine Touch by Unflinching

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: It all started with the Marauders and a boring breakfast...

After a recovery from a "grevious attack from a tomatoe," (as Remus likes to call it) the four fast friends begin to leave the Hospital Wing. As they do, unfortunate Peter manages to break a few potions (of dubious origins), turning the Marauders into girls!

Now they must deal with the drama, the social life, and what happened to their male selves.

(note: warnings may change as the story progresses...)
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/07/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: A 'Boring Breakfast' No Longer

love it! u better get the next chapter in though, and 6th is spelled s-i-x-t-h, not sicth. mabye it was an accident. o well. i really don't care. =)
-may the muffins be with u.

A Quest For Ice Cream by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters?

Lord Voldemort is on the quest to find the best, evilest flavour of ice cream, and he will stop at nothing to get it.

This is a very short, very silly and quite OOC little one-shot written as consolation for the fact that "E-Journal" is on hiatus. It's based on a prompt given to me by the ridiculously talented Inigoenigma.

Nominated for Best Humour fic in the Quicksilver Quills awards!
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/29/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only!

LOL!!!! you are goinf in my fave authors! "Squee!"
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: AWww! Thank you so much!

The Flying Lesson by Hypatia

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: The Dark Lord pays Professor Snape a late night visit, with the intention of teaching Snape to fly.

Nominated for the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Best Humor Story!
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/07/08 Title: Chapter 1: The Flying Lesson

OH MY MUFFIN!!!!!!!This is about the funniest thing I have ever read! its genius! was this story inspired by a dream you actually had? that would be freakin sweet. Do u know how much I would pay to have a dream like that? of course u don't. I'll shut up now. =D
-may the muffins be withe you.

Hogwarts Musical: Chamber of Secrets by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Anyone heard those rumours about a Harry Potter musical?

It better be just like this.

No, but seriously, it's a spoof of the songs from Disney channel's infamous "High School Musical," telling the tale of JK Rowling's infamous "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets." (I was dared; I took the challenge.)

You will never see the Basilisk the same way again.

P.S. You may also want to check out my Beatles and Phantom of the Opera spoofs. Just click on my username and it'll take you to my delightfully chaotic author's page.
Twice nominated for Best Poem in the Quicksilver Quills Awards!
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 05/02/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 and Only

Schmerg is my IDOL!!!!!! you're amazing! I would definitely rather listen to this than HSM! in fact, you gave those happy happy joy joys a rather swift kick in the pants! You have defeated them with your supirior kung foo...er.....words! ya.
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: Awwww! Thank you ever so much! The thing is, I actually enjoy High School Musical, but I do think it\'s overrated, and I am terrified of Zac Efron. Oh, speaking of which-- go to youtube, go to Neil Cicierega\'s profile, and find the video called \"Slumber Party.\" It is one of the funniest things you\'ll ever see... featuring High School Musical in the funniest possible way. But it does have some... mature humour. I\'d rate it PG-13.

Home Improvement by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: When Ron Weasley is promoted to a rather high rank in the Auror business, his mother congratulates him by informing him that it's high time he found a place of his own.

Ron may be quite good at his job as an Auror, but he now faces the most difficult challenge of all...

Ridiculously short one-shot that I wrote for some challenge about a year ago and never submitted. It's also my first one-shot that's not about Voldemort and the Death Eaters! Gasp!
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/29/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 and Only

Heh heh heh. Ron writes poetry. that's a new one. I'm not so sure "chestnut mane" is exactly the way to describe Hermione's hair, but whatever. If it makes you happy Ron.
Anyways, i think it's genius! actually made me chortle.
lol *chortle chortle*
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I think \"big poofball of fuzz\' is the best way to describe Hermione\'s hair, but people in love have their own weird ways of seeing things...

All Along by FinallyWork

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: These are the things Ron wants more than anything else in the world.
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 05/03/08 Title: Chapter 1: All Along

Wow! that was beautifully written! You definitely have a lot of talent. i wish I could write like that.
-may the muffins be with you.

Long-Distance Extendable Ears by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: Fred is dead.

But that's just the beginning! Because one of George's ears is up in heaven, and the other is down on earth...

Oh, the possibilities!

Written for the Next Great Adventure challenge on the MNFF beta boards. I am Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff House.
Twice nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts Story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards!
Reviewer: mlpony22 Signed
Date: 04/29/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only

OH MY MUFFIN!!!!! AMAZING!!!!! you have mad skills.
Great story idea!
-may the muffins be with you.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! And it\'s very encouraging to hear that the muffins will be with me. I do enjoy a good muffin from time to time.