Summary: "Some mistakes are too much fun to make just once."
After Lily Evans, Head Girl of Hogwarts, starts a food-fight with James Potter, Head Boy of Hogwarts, they are both given detention for the rest of the year, and are assigned a 'detention journal', which the staff say will help to settle their 'overwhelming and disturbing differences'. We have come across Lily's journal; her take on why the whole affair ever started, her intriguing relationship with one ‘supreme git of the galaxy’, the extents to which she will go for revenge and where it will lead her...
"And if for some unknown reason you come across this, Potter, and the paragraph above does not manage to penetrate your unusually thick head and convince you of my stupendous dislike of you, I hope the following sentence helps: I HATE YOU!"
Nice, Mia! I was searching for a humour story to read, and I heard that you got another chapter added to this recently, so I though "Why not check it out?"
So that is why I'm here, reading this thoroughly AWESOME story!
Author's Response: Yay for the Most Recent feature! :)
I especially liked the scene between Lily and Sirius- I just watched a crime serial and it reminded me how much Lily was like a detective/agent/whatever, and Sirius was the cool murderer.
Anyway, back to the story. I really liked this chapter, I'm just itching to read the next chapter!
Author's Response: Wow, Lily a detective... funny thought. Thanks again for the review BB!
Nice! I can't help but think that Terry has something sinister going on...
Just a small nitpick:
I never thought I’d see the day they would forsake their Galleons worth of manicures purposelessly flinging stake into the air.
I'm not too sure about this, but do you mean "flinging steak"?
On the whole, another wonderful chapter, I recommended this story on the beta boards!
The plot thickens...
I still think Terry is hiding something... Come on, he won't be jumping to different topics just to hide the fact that he said a few bad words!
Another great chapter, I enjoyed it very much.
Hmm... Yeah, I forgot something in my review for the last chapter- I don't think Filch and Pince would have been working at Hogwarts at the Marauder Era- I mean, are Filch and Pince really that old?
About this chapter, I am fairly certain Pomfrey was not working at Hogwarts in the marauder era. Other than that, this chapter was quite good, what with Lily's plans backfiring and all.
I LOVED the part about Laureenia and Meredith! I seriously laughed there...
Again, nice chapter, James and Lily- oh so sweet!
Summary: A short poem from Harry's point of view concerning his feeling about Sirius's death.
Wow, that is nice. For a first poem, it's realy, really good!
I liked the structure, the shortness, EVERYTHING. I have nothing to critique.
Ok, so I lied. I have teeny bit. Look at this part:
I saw him slain.
Only a veil will remain.
What was to gain?
Wallowing in pain.
Drives me insane.
Contorts my brain.
Has left its stain.
In the second part, the stuff in italics continues to the next line. However in the first part it does not continue. Am I making sense?
However, I loved it all the same!
Author's Response: Nice try, but I still side with Meda....and her Haddocks. Their much more cute and deadly than yours were...But thanks for the review. *smiles innocently while pocketing some Galleons filched from BB*
Summary: Lucius Malfoy is most infamous for being excessively proud of his ancestry and for his disdain for Muggle-borns. But what if he received a letter that changed everything? Takes place during OotP, and it's AU.
Contains snippets of humour.
For the "Dreams" challenge in the fanfiction beta boards... I am Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff House.
Hypothetically speaking, I loved this chapter. Hypothetically, I loved the writing in your the first paragraph. Hypothetically, I really, really liked Aethonia Malfoy's letter. All hypothetically speaking, of course!
I have, however a small nitpick. In this sentence:
We found one fourteen-month-old baby with the same blond hair and grey eyes
Who is "we"? Isn't only Aethonia searching for the baby?
Author's Response: Hypothetically, I would thank you for your review! You are right about only Aethonia... I don\'t remember very clearly when I wrote this story, but I think maybe Aethonia meant \'we\' as in her and whoever worked in the orphanage? Either that, or I\'m dumb! *CLUELESS*
Oh. My. Godric.
It was wonderful to see Lucius' cold outside stripping away, and feeling motherly love for the first time. It was really beautiful, teh way you made the comparisons between the Malfoy family, and Malfoy Manor, and Mrs. MacHamish and her house.
I have to say that in all the fan fics I have read of yours, this is the second deepest one, the first being Draco's Trick OR Treat. I wonder why it is that you are so serious when you are writing about the Malfoys...
But then again, I haven't finished reading all of your works, so I am in no position to comment.
Thanks for a lovely read,
Sainyn Swiftfoot, who gives you an infinity/10 rating.
Author's Response: WOWZERS! I am really glad you liked this. I love Lucius (hehe, I love Lucy...), and I felt like he deserved a more... noble story about him than that redonkulous poem or the Dark Lord\'s Blog, so I did this one. I guess I wanted to show a more three-dimensional version of the guy, because he\'s usually shown to be a total sadist.
Summary: Well... it's high time that I did something so completely insane that the wizards in white robes dragged me off to the closed ward in St. Mungo's.
So, I spoofed the entire album "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" by the Beatles, to be performed by your favourite Dark Lord and choice Death Eaters in the style of a rock opera. Eat your lonely hearts out!
I don't recommend this fic to those who are not at all familiar with the Beatles.
Schmergo, Schmergo. You're abso-blooming-lutely wonderful. :D The Beatles is my latest musical obsession, and I remembered that you'd done a spoof, so I tracked this down and started to read. And sing along, much to the consternation of the rest of the family. >.<
Anywho, the first song, Sgt. Pepper's was amazing. It's original, the rhythm stayed exactly the same, it managed to rhyme, it was hilarious, and guh... Schmergo, you're amazing. Can I please have just a bit of your talent? Pwease?
With a Little Yelp From My Foes was HILARIOUS. I loved the chorus:
Summary: A first crush, so innocent, is not admitted in a world where reputation is greater than love. Can a young love survive amongst bitter prejudice?
NEWT romance OC/canon pairing. MorganRay of Hufflepuff.
Wow, Heather, that was a really powerful fic. You portray emotions amazingly well, your characters are all so very 3-D and having depth, and your writing is so very beautiful.
The first thing that struck me, as soon as I read the line after the letter was that it's a really very strong line, but it feels somewhat jarred by the commas. All throughout the fic, there seem to be commas, which in my opinion, could be removed for a better flowing fic. One example is the line immediately after the first letter. Another place where I'm not too sure about the use of a comma is here:
Now, it looked like the ink was dry.
Your use of second person is astounding. Very few people can use second person well, and even fewer can use a combination of second person and past tense well. You, however, have pulled it off with a flair that's simply unbelievable. It never once feels forced or boring or jarring.
I threw your brother’s name into the conversation.
I'm not sure what exactly is happening here... Maybe you mean You threw your brother's name into the conversation?
We're taken to feeling bad for Marcus, he's portrayed as a good guy, till the scene in the study. We all know and love Dobby, it really touches us to see him being punched and thrown about by Marcus. This scene, I felt, really made Marcus an amazing character to me-- he's not a goody-two-shoes, he has his flaws, he loses control... This gave him depth.
You folded up the parchment and stuff it into an envelope.
Tense change alert! Your story is in the past tense, but you use stuff here, which is in the present tense. Changing tenses is a fairly common mistake, I do it all the time. >.<
Marcus' mother is done so very well. The Slytherin pride, the vanity, the superiority... Another very beautiful character. You're really good at fleshing them out.
He was a god among kings, and that garnered you respect, even from witty, sniveling brats like Crouch.
I think you mean your respect. Also, minor Britpick, it's snivelling, and not sniveling.
In the last part of the fic, the flashbacks and the present were interwoven incredibly well, and the letter gives a very good conclusion to the story. It was really sweet, and it was something that every reader was wanting to happen.
On the whole, Heather, this was an amazing fic. The characters were amazing, the plot was very interesting and the writing was awesome. You really have a way with words, spinning them and using them to your benefit. The disjointed method was really good, I could see Marcus being stuck between what his mother was telling him, between Hestia, between what he was seeing at school... It reminded me a lot of Sirius.
Summary: Our boy Theodore Nott thinks he’s signed up for a position in the Department of Mysteries. Little does he know that he’s been roped into something a bit more… deathly.
Rollicking fun, dry commentary, suspense, and heavy doses of surrealism with the Grim Reaper and company, including a surprise guest at the end. Written for the Gauntlet challenge by Schmerg_The_Impaler of the grand house of Hufflepuff.
Technically a companion piece to “To Be Or Nott To Be,” but who’s counting? It also stands on its own just as well.
Looks like the judges got drunk again, because they were insane enough to give this story Second Place in the gauntlet. Somewhere, all the famous dead writers are rolling over in their graves, but I, for one, am feeling very squeeful at this undeserved reward! Thanks, judges!
In the Jungle Book 2 movie, someone says about Mowgli:
"You can take the boy out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the boy"
That sounds suspiciously similar to:
"You can take the boy away from the Department of Death, but you can’t take the Department of Death away from the boy."
Author's Response: Ahhh! I remember that! ^_^ And I do love JUngle Book. It\'s just been so long since I wrote this here story!
You convey really interesting ideas in this fic about the veil, and Death in the magical world. It was really nice, and well thought out.
I liked the reference to the Jungle Book and other things, whether intentional or not.
But I feel that the first part was a little confusing, atleast untill he gets to the Department of Mysteries. Also in this paragraph:
Zacharias Smith? I know that name. He’s a boy a year or two younger than me, and terminally irritating, but it’s still uncomfortable to hear the terms of his death bandied about in such a casual manner.”
There shouldn't be a quotation mark at the end.
Still, a great story, if this isn't a one-shot, I would love to read more.
Thanks for a great read,
PS: Ever wondered why they call it "a one-shot" instead os "an one-shot"?
Author's Response: Lyk OMG, more reviews for Theatre Nott stories! (It\'s been a long time since I wrote this... where was the Jungle Book part again Because it sounds intentional, I just don\'t remember...)
I agree, the first part WAS confusing. This story was written through a series of prompts, and the prompts were confusing, too... if I wrote it again, I\'d be a little clearer. And... ACK! Another typo! Are you a beta? Because you\'d be good.
This is a one-shot, but you can always expect more Theo stories.
You know, I gave a lot of thought about the one-shot thing. I think it\'s because it sounds like it starts with a \"w,\" just like how you say \"a unicorn\" but you say \"an umbrella.\" *Shrug* English is a really, REALLY weird language, isn\'t it?
By the way, I read your author bio (and laaaaghed when I saw that you said your name was Big D), and I noticed it said your fics have been rejected a lot. DON\'T GIVE UP. I\'ve been rejected twenty to thirty times, and after submitting my first fic, it was a year and three months before any of my stories were accepted. I sent in Dark Lord\'s Blog as a joke because it had everything that my other stories were rejected for, and it made it through!
Summary: This fanfiction writer laments the loss of her favourite dark lord in a re-donk-ulous poem.
This is not very complimentary to Volders, so don't tell him about it if you see him around, okay?
Deathly Hallows spoilers.
Four times nominated for Best Poem in the Quicksilver Quills Awards!
Hey... I had to write a review of the fic I like the most for a class on the Beta Boards, and I picked this poem, which is one of my favourites.
Here's my review:
My Review Of “The Dark Lord’s Eulogy: An Odious Ode”
This poem was nominated four times for Best Poem in the Quicksilver Quills Awards. I CAN’T see how it did not win.
The tone of this poem is Not like what you expect of normal poetry- that is, it isn’t emo, *angst* *angst* *angst*, EVERYONE HATES ME kind of thing. It’s light hearted, funny, and at the same time well written.
Schmergo is, and deservingly, called the Queen of humour. She makes you laugh with the summary and Author’s Chapter Notes itself, foretelling what sort of things to expect. Just look at these lines from the summary and Author’s Chapter Notes:
This is not very complimentary to Volders, so don't tell him about it if you see him around, okay?
I don't own Voldemort, but Harry Potter does PWN him.
The poem too is witty, and full of references and different kinds of humour. Schmergo takes everyday phrases like “Rest in peace”, “The good die young”, and twists them to make them funny, as demonstrated in these lines:
May your soul rest forever in pieces, dear Vold.
Just the good die young, which is why you died so old
Schmergo also makes references to other popular fics, such as her own “The Dark Lord’s Blog,” where there is that oh-so-famous line about blowing up a toaster by inserting into it a Pop-Tart. She references that in this line,
But somehow, you've wormed your way into my heart
And it now feels as charred as a flaming pop-tart.
References are a wonderful way of adding humour to a fic. It makes the reader go “Aah! That happened in that fic… LOL!!”
Schmergo also references the Harry Potter books itself with comparisons, some subtle, some more in-your-face…
For example, in this line:
You went out with a bang-- that's meant literally
Last words were the Death Curse; hey, it beats "Look at me."
That references Snape’s last words, “Look at me.” This is referencing the books itself, and this line made me roar with laughter.
Other than the funniness, the poem too is well structured, with a rhyming scheme that’s maintained really well till the end- there’s no struggle for a rhyme, or something that’s supposed to pass off as a rhyme, but isn’t…
The spelling, grammar, and punctuation are always impeccable, and are never sacrificed for the sake of rhyme.
There is, however, a little confusion about who’s POV it is from, because it could be from a character’s POV, or just from Schmergo’s. However, a good poem keeps you guessing, and so…
This poem, in my opinion, is exmplerary because it is a perfect blend of good humour, good writing, and good poetry.
Author's Response: Whoa! BB! I'm completely blushing-- this is absolutely wonderful. Thanks so much... I can't believe I got such a wonderful review for something I whipped off from the top of my head at lunchtime to amuse some kids at camp. I'm still not sure who originally gave me the name 'Queen of Humour,' since I'm not the best humour writer on the site, and nor am I the most popular, and only a few of my stories are in the humour category... but I still think it's a really flattering, lovely nickname! And I've always wanted to be Queen of something, as long as I don't have to marry Henry the Eighth and get my head lopped off a week later.
If it's not too much trouble, do you think you could tell me what this class is? I'd like to read some of the other assignments and see if there are any stories reviewed that I've either already read or that sound really interesting and would like to read.
This poem's such a blast,
So sad it went by fast.
Schmergo, You're the greatest of dudettes,
Your poem is going straight to my Favourites!
I absolutely loved your Ode, It was A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y wonderful.
I was laughing all the way through!
My favourite lines:
Just the good die young, which is why you died so old
Last words were the Death Curse; hey, it beats "Look at me."
That by now, you've got less fans than George has got ears.
Author's Response: Awww, thank you! You are one cool person... first you make awesome artpad thingies, then you write a POEM as a review, which I have never gotten before.
Summary: When Ron Weasley is promoted to a rather high rank in the Auror business, his mother congratulates him by informing him that it's high time he found a place of his own.
Ron may be quite good at his job as an Auror, but he now faces the most difficult challenge of all...
Ridiculously short one-shot that I wrote for some challenge about a year ago and never submitted. It's also my first one-shot that's not about Voldemort and the Death Eaters! Gasp!
That was really nice, especially the part about Nott, and the poems about Hermione
However, in this line:
He woke up behind schedule again, having forgotten to pack his magical alarm clock when he moved from the Burror
You spelled Burrow as Burror.
I also really like what Freg and George sent Ron, and what Ron sent them back.
But all in all, I feel that this wasn't as funny as your other fanfics- no offense intended. It was just that... I didn't laugh out that loud while reading this fic.
And yes, I am on a personal quest to read everyone of your fanfics that I haven't read!
Author's Response: Sainyyyyyn! Hello, thank you for reviewing! I did indeed make a typo... I make more of those than anyone else I\'ve ever met.
This was not intended to be a humour story, because I wrote it for some challenge... and then after the challenge, I submitted it to general. But the mods and reviewers were like, \"Move it to humour, yo!\" So I did, even though I didn\'t feel like it was very funny. *Shrug* It\'s a lot less funny than many of my non-humour fics.
Summary: Love a duck! Will he stop at nothing? Voldemort is rapidly taking over, and his Death Eaters are killing Muggle-borns every day. The good news? A mysterious man, known only as The Phoenix, is rescuing people in the nick of time all over England.
Meanwhile, newlywed writer Lily Potter has troubles of her own. For one, her marriage is not turning out to be as great as she'd thought... for another, she's been blackmailed by an old "friend" into turning spy and discovering the Phoenix's true identity.
Thrills, spills, laughs, gasps, song lyrics, and good old swashbucklin' intrigue.
Inspired by Baroness Emmuska Orczy's excellent novel, "The Scarlet Pimpernel," and Frank Wildhorn and Nan Knighton's AMAZING musical by the same name.
But if you're not familiar with either, the story's just all the more suspenseful! All song lyrics used in this story are based on those by Wildhorn and Knighton
Ok, so I'm sure that Dumbledore is NOT the Phoenix...
Another great chapter, good job with incorporating humour even when Snape was dejectedly contemplating Lily...
Wonderful, wonderful stuff, can't wait for an update!!!
Author's Response: Oh good, you\'re not supposed to think he is. I\'m glad you thought this one was funny... what did you think of my Dumbledore? I was a bit anxious about that one, too.
\r\nI\'ve written the next two chapters of this story, but it\'s my lowest priority for updates because I have a spoof, Potter\'s Pentagon, and three assignments for Hogwarts online classes to submit, so there probably won\'t be an update for a bit. Still, this story is not abandoned, and I have written more of it.
Ooh, very exciting!
So what happened was that the Phoenix was acting as Erasmus all this time?
I really liked the description of the Phoenix's and Clive's meeting, very funny!
Good work so far!
Author's Response: Thanks very much! And I can\'t believe you took my suggestion seriously and actually came and read this from the beta boards! The Phoenix was acting as Desiderius, who is Erasmus\'s son, but I think that\'s probably what you meant. As for the whole thing about the Phoenix\'s and Clive\'s meeting... well, this story is based on a novel/movie/musical called \"The Scarlet Pimpernel,\" and in the original book, something rather similar happened, so I can\'t take full credit for that.
Wow, hilarious, but at the same time you manage move the plot! I salute you!
There are way way way too many of my favourite parts in this chapter so I'm not even going to list them all, buit I loved the Shaving Cream song (do you know where the full lyrics are available?), the scorpions eating the roaches, and the line "I don't speak french, and neither do you".
You left us at a cliffhanger there! How could you!?
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I don\'t like stories with all humour and no plot, or all plot and no humour (even Dark Lord\'s Blog had a plot!), so I\'m glad you think I got that balance down! For some reason, I have way too much fun writing about Aberforth... he\'s definitely one of my favourite characters. As for the Shaving Cream song, you can find that at... a link. I just remembered that you can\'t post links on here, so I\'ll PM it to you.
WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW
I see what you meant by Snape being IC in this story- he very definitely is! His slick, sarcastic oily humour (pun intended) is just like in the books!
Another side-splittingly hilarious chapter!
Author's Response: THANK YOOOOOOOU! Speaking of side-splitting, I\'m grinning so widely that I think my mouth\'s about to split open. I was a bit worried about Snape, because he\'s a character I\'ve always had a lot of trouble with... so many people write him so well, and I was always really afraid to try until this story made it necessary. I don\'t think he\'s in any of my other stories (except for the comments section of The Dark Lord\'s Blog, and that\'s not really meant to be \"him,\" per se, because it\'s so wildly OOC.)