I can definitely see why this one-shot was recommended in the "Recommend a Historical Fiction" thread. You are a WONDERFUL author!
The imagery really jumps at me, you're awesomely talented at description. For example, this line:
The red-gold brick of the house glowed in the early morning light, the two main wings reaching out like lion’s paws, drawing in the unwary prey.
Wow. Just... pure wow.
This story is loong, with 8689 words. All the same, I never once felt bored, or felt the need to do something else for a while. This is mostly because of the ASTOUNDING writing, but partly because of the intriguing plot. The story unfolds really well, and was very interesting.
You also have this wonderful way of breathing life into objects by using anthropomorphism- if I spelled that correctly. The way the Painter in the story fondly calls upon the muse as a "She", and in the same way addresses a building... It all adds to the impact of the story.
We shared an understanding of the need to bury yourself in work while the muse was speaking, since far too often she would go silent all too soon.
is very true, whether of painters, artisans or even, writers like us.
I found all the characters very three-dimensional and interesting- the unsureness of Philip, the sadness of Helen, the nature of Helen's father... All very well done.
However, I found that the story shifted tenses now and then. It disturbed the flow, and seemed very jarring. In fact, I found in a few sentences, you use both present and past tense!
Wisps of silky, smoky hair tickled my ear as I shift her slightly on my hip.
Stepping cautiously into the bedroom, I instantlyhave an armful of cloth thrust at me with the command, “hold these.”
^ Also in this, 'Hold' should be capitalised.
Barring these minor things, I found this a beautiful read, one that I'd recommend to everyone.
Wonderful work- I applaud you!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for all your kind words. This has always been one of my favorite of all my writings (writing it was kinda personal rather than entirely made up) so I\'m glad to know it shows. As for the tenses (oops) I should go back and fix those. That has always been my biggest bane as a writer. (Even academically- you should hear what my thesis advisor had to say about that :) Ah, well.) Thank you again, and I\'m really glad you liked it!
Wow, Anna, if I have to judge from this one story, I'd have to say that you're one of the best authors I've read.
I've always assumed that the Weasleys were always the nice, not anti-muggle family that they are. But when I think about it, they're probably related to the Blacks, and they probably were rather very anti-Muggle as well. What made them change? That's a good thing about this fic-- it maes you think.
What I really liked about this fic is that you managed to capture the essence of old time London, of the period. It felt like one of those old black and white movies, or like some old musical. I could actually feel the settings, and that totally made the fic for me. Your choice of words and the speech and the setting and everything together is a perfect combination to evoke the mood.
All your characters are really well done-- Agatha Weasley seems like an old pureblood mother, Charles seems like a slightly overshadowed younger brother, a momma's boy, John is a young, Muggle-curious rebel, and Elsie Carlisle... My, Elsie is an awesome, strong character, and I really love her.
I do have a few minor nitpicks, however. The spelling of Elsie's name is a little confused-- in places you call her Elsie, but in other parts her name is spelt Elise. Wikipedia says it's Elsie, so I suppose you should clear that up.
You make my sad heard jump with joy, and when you’re near, I just can’t sit still another minute!
I think you mean heart instead of heard here. :D This fic is devoid of any spelling, grammatical or punctuation mistakes other than this, or at the very least, I couldn't find any.
The meeting between Johnny and Elsie was really good, their chemistry was wonderful. Elsie's character was further improved in this scene, and I'd love to see another fic featuring these two. :D
Yup, I'm rereading this story, and I absolutely LOVE the first chapter, though I hardly got any of the references.
Yes, I'm going to review each chapter!
Author's Response: Hehehe, thank you very much, Sainyn! And I do love new reviews. Now, you live in India, so I can understand why you wouldn\'t get many of the references, but I\'m glad you liked it anyway!
Who doesn't love lists... especially when they are as hilarious as this!
I loved the part about "untalented at dying" and "terrible dinner guest" and ending sentences with izze.
Voldemort is delightfully OOC, I wonder how this story got validated! However, I'm really, really glad that it did...
Author's Response: Thanks very much! This story got validated before they cracked down against OOC-ness. Actually, I think that they made that rule BECAUSE this story made it through... they probably fired whichever mod accepted it!
Oh. My. God.
You should really put a warning for this story: "Reading May Cause Incessant Snorting, And Eventual Death By Not Being Able To Breathe While Laughing"
I loved, loved the description of Minerva McGonagall- her eyes were like two brown circles with black dots in the middle? God, I'm still giggling...
Author's Response: Awww, thank you very, very, very much! I do adore analogies; they are my favourite part of writing... I think I heard that one about \'two brown circles with black dots in the middle\' somewhere, but I can\'t remember where.
Truly, that was my reaction to this chapter. Once again, Voldy is completely, hilariously OOC, and answers all the questions awesomely!
I loved it!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! This was my favourite chapter of the whole stories.
This chappie's quite short, but still quite enjoyable. However, it didn't manage to match up to your other works.
Still, better than anything I could have come up with,
Author's Response: Thanks-- I know this chapter wasn\'t as funny as the others, but it was important because it had to lead up to the CLIMAX of the sixth chapter, and that means build up the whole \'blind date\' thing.
And it's over. *bawls* No! It can't be! I'l mis this story like hell! I loved it!
Harry's so IC, I loved him! And yes, I really should stop using exclamation marks!
Really, really great work Schmergo!
Thanks for a great read,
Author's Response: Thank you! *Pats back* I\'m glad you thought Harry seemed IC... I was a tiny bit worried about that. It\'s okay about the exclamation points, because at least you\'re nowhere near as bad as Bellatrix! ^_^
I'm writing this review rhyming too,
It was really short, but awesome, true.
I really liked the line about "Who I did not Bribe"
You are really an Idol for the humour-writing tribe!
I also liked Lucius called himself humble while bragging away to death,
This poem's a classic, very much like Will's Macbeth.
Author's Response: *Giggle* This is a truly awesome review. Have you ever thought of writing funny poems yourself? While I realize you only compared this to MacBeth to make it rhyme, I was still really, really touched. (I played First Witch in that play!)
A lot of the idea of this poem came from the song \"Master of the House\" from Les Miserables, where he\'s all like, \"Seldom do you see honest men like me...\" and says he\'s the best inkeeper in town, then goes on to talk about how he cheats everyone out of their money and steals stuff and likes to, \"Charge \'em for the lice, extra for the mice, two percent for lookin\' in the mirror twice!\"
Schmergo, you've done it again. Just as in some of your other stories, you've managed to put together the funny and the serious, the humour and the depth. This is Nott just hilarious, but really stirring as well.
The story is really touching in the same way as "How Ironic, Mr. Malfoy". You portray really well the emergence of a delicate self from under the cold outward appearance of a Slytherin.
I do fell, though, that Nott found the answer to the riddle a little too easily.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks! Not many people review the Nott stories, maybe because they\'re redonkulously long one-shots or they just don\'t want to read about such a minor character.
I guess I love to write about Slytherins... most of my stories are about them. Which is odd, \'cos I\'m in Hufflepuff. I agree, I really rushed when I wrote about the riddle... I think I wanted to get to the central conflict, or maybe because I was pressed for time (it was a contest submission, and we had our prompts sent out to us...)
Wow, this is really interesting! It's got me hooked already, though I do have my slight doubts whether Ron is or is not capable of expressing his views so well, and being, well, so deep.
Other than that, incredibly good writing!
I am speechless. I'd normally make a wisecrack here, but I'm too sad to do something like that.. Everything Ginny says is absolutely true, and moving, and sad....
It almost made me cry, which is rather big an accomplishment...
Absolutely wonderful. I can see why this was featured.
This is just beautiful. There's no other word for it.
I enjoyed it immensely. it is a very touching, a very moving, a wonderful story.
This is going to be in my favourites.
I've read this story before, I might have reviewed before as well, but I DON'T CARE!
I love, love, love this story, very funny! I especially loved the "I'm going to..." kill you part. "How can you kill someone who is already dead?"
Make the mods get those chapters of Love A Duck and Potter's Pentagon, and the Sweeney-Spoof up soon! ;)
Or else I may seriosuly consider sending e-crucios to the mods...
Just joking, I hope your new stuff clears the queue soon! Do you really not use a beta for most of your stories?
PS: You go me hooked on to Weird Al- I checked him out after you said somethign along the lines of: "I thought, if Weird Al could do spoofs, why can't I?" somewhere. However, I didn't spot teh reference.... what is it?
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I\'m very glad you like this... I wasn\'t sure whether it was good or not when I liked it. I\'ve got two fics in queue-- the tenth chapter of Potter\'s Pentagon\'s been in queue for sixteen days. I almost never use a beta-- I only get one if I\'ve already been rejected. Because my stories spend long enough in queue as is, and the delay between chapters that would happen if I had a beta would be even longer.
\r\nMy favourite Weird Al song is \"Albuquerque,\" which has very near the beginning the line, \"Anyway, back then, life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy!\" And that\'s in the summary.
Oh, how could you leave it at that point? I'm sorry for the short review, I just HAVE to move on to the next chapter and find out what Lily saw!
Good chapter, I like Lily's portrayal!
Look, I know all authors would like a detailed review, with all the likes and dislikes and nitpicks, bu the next chapter is called "the truth id out", adn I read someone's comment on taht chapter by mistake, it said "How could Terry have done uch a thing", or something along that line. I cannot, and simply CANNOT wait to read teh next chapter.
This chapter was wonderful, Lily's feelings while everyone were there was very nicely explained, and... that part about tryign to run a hand through his hair was really funny. Ok, that's all.
*runs off to read next chapter*
I. Can't. Believe. Terry.
Lily is funny, cute, loyal and brave. WHY DOES HE NEED ANYBODY ELSE? I feel bad for James and Lily...
I want Lily kissing James POINTEDLY in front of Terry in the coming chapters! No, wait, a better idea, make the Marauders and Lily and all her friends play a MASSIVE trick on Terry! That boy deserves it... I was about to use a much stronger word than boy over there.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Finally some true-for-good Lily/James! I'm still waiting for Lily to take revenge on Terry- but after reading this chapter, I wonder if she would.
I loved that line about how just a few weeks back lily had been trying to pull James' bum into a pudding... funny!
Hil. A. Ri. Ous.
I suppose why everyone's talking so cryptic and what Remus meant by "it will get worse" is that once Lily and James start dating... Or am I completely wrong?
Great chapter (as usual), very funny!
I'm never going to see grapes the same way again...
I couldn't stop giggling through out the entire part about the grapes! Bloody hilarious!
I also really liked Lily not admitting her own feelings- the way she almost let it out that she likes him, but then changed it at the last minute... it was really nice.
I can't believe I came to the last validated chapter... *sob*
When is the next update coming? I can't wait!