Penname: Tim the Enchanter [Contact]
Real name: Pseudonym Sam
Member Since: 11/30/07
Website:
Beta-reader: No
Status: Member
Bio:
"What manner of man are you that can conjure up fire without flint or tinder?"

"I... am an enchanter."

"By what name are you known?"

"There are some who call me... Tim."

"Greetings, Tim the Enchanter."

~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Welcome, reader of my appalling autobiography! By using your amazing powers of deduction, you can safely assume that I like Monty Python... which I do! I can pretty much recite the entire movie (as well as most of Life of Brian and several sketches from Flying Circus). For your own good, please don't get me started... but it doesn't matter since you can't hear me anyway.

Obviously, I am also an avid Harry Potter fan, and I presume that you are one likewise. You probably wouldn’t be looking at my profile page if you weren’t. Anyway, I’ve been reading the Harry Potter books since they came out, but I only started reading and writing fanfiction after Deathly Hallows came out. As for why it took me so long, I don’t know, but who really cares, so let’s move on to some of the things I like about the series.

My favourite HP book(s): For all of its faults, I quite like Deathly Hallows, though Deathly Plotholes would be a more appropriate title. Some things like the allegiance of the Elder Wand and Ron speaking Parseltongue were quite ridiculous and stupid, I think, but the tension and suspense in the book was what made Deathly Hallows a great read. The book succeeded in making me swear aloud and profusely at crucial parts, a reaction that none of the other books were able to provoke. However, for literary merit, I think Prisoner of Azkaban is the best of the series. It doesn’t have any gaping plot holes, has a sane and different plot from all the other books, and it introduces some great characters.

My favourite HP characters: I cannot pin down a single favourite, but I happen to like the Weasley twins, Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, and Luna Lovegood. The Weasley twins are great for the obvious reason that they never fail to amuse me, and their complete disregard for all rules and authority is something that I myself could never manage, and is part of what makes them interesting. Remus and Tonks I liked separately as individual characters when they were each introduced, and I was quite surprised by the end of HBP, since together, they are quite an interesting mix of opposites. And with Luna Lovegood… well, what can I say? She’s totally eccentric, and I wish she had a bigger role in the series.

My most hated HP character: Dobby; he’s almost as annoying as Jar Jar Binks. I couldn’t stand him from the beginning of Chamber of Secrets, and I was frankly overjoyed when Bellatrix stabbed him.

So, that’s just a short overview of my thoughts about the Harry Potter series. Here’s a complete breakdown of all the fics I’ve written for this fandom. Note that I also post stories on harrypotterfanfiction.com with the same name, and fanfiction.net under the name Pseudonym Sam.


Completed Stories

Out of the Darkness: This is the first multi-chapter story that I actually managed to finish. It’s my first absurdist writing here, with the premise of the story coming from a very strange dream I had.
Banner by me
Nominated for Quicksilver Quill Awards 2008, Best Humour

The Absurd Fanfic Revolution: This is a pretty weird story in which a bunch of fanfiction characters, tired of bad characterisation and a nonexistent plot, decide to revolt against their author – that’s me! Like most story ideas of mine, it came from another really strange dream.
Banner by Minnabird, MNFF forums
Nominated for Quicksilver Quill Awards 2009, Best Humour

As The Clock Strikes Twelve: This is my first and only venture into the Dark/Angst genre. The premise is not entirely original (being based off Ambrose Bierce's An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge), but I am reasonably happy with the result.
Nominated for Quicksilver Quill Awards 2009, Best Dark/Angst

The Butterfly Factor: This is a rather strange story about the effect that butterflies have on the outcome of Quidditch games. Yeah, it’s kind of random, but inspired by a real life incident.

Drachen: This was my entry for the Third Task of the 2009 Triwizard Tournament on the Mugglenet Fanfiction forums. I sort of wrote this thing the night before it was due, and I was quite surprised that it somehow tied for first place.

THIS IS HOGWARTS! – A Stupid Crossover Parody: I hate crossovers, so I have decided to make fun of them by writing a ridiculous one of my own! This fic is a crossover of Harry Potter, 300, and Ratatouille - basically the most random things I could think of. However, this story isn’t allowed on this site, (it is a crossover, after all) so if you want to read it, please check my account on fanfiction.net. I have also drawn a full-length comic strip illustrating the story, so you can check it out in my art thread on the forums if you have an account.


Works in Progress

Für Das Größere Wohl: Here’s my fic featuring the infamous little Nazi boy, Dieter Heydrich. I can’t really remember why I decided to write this Grindelwald-era story, but I’m glad I did. I admit that I’ve actually grown rather attached to my slightly disturbing protagonist, as he is quite fun to write.
Banner by Minnabird, MNFF forums
Nominated for Quicksilver Quill Awards 2009, Best History/Mystery
WINNER of Quicksilver Quill Awards 2009, Best Male Original Character


The Graveyard

“Obliviate!”: For my very first Harry Potter fanfic, it hasn’t received much love. I got four chapters into it before get distracted by another project, and before I knew it, I sort of forgot about it entirely.

Yelling Yourself Yellow With Yetis: This story was spawned from a very stupid bit of alliteration (see title), which ended up becoming this fic. Like my first fanfic, I sort of forgot about this one and it’s been sitting around without being updated for about a year, I think.


The Drawing Board

The Hidden Revolution: After writing a fanfic set in Nazi Germany, it was only a matter of time until I thought about a story set in the Soviet Union. This fic will be written for my original character creation class in the forums, and I’m still working out the details. But for a basic synopsis, it is about a Muggle-born wizard’s efforts to bring socialism to the wizarding world, with the help of a certain Josef Stalin…


THINGS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HARRY POTTER


Favourite subject: History, particularly that of World War II. Ancient Greece and Rome are interesting too.
Favourite random plot device: Cement mixer
Favourite catchphrase: “Get hammered and sickled!”
Favourite bodily organ: Pancreas
Favourite main battle tank: Merkava IV
Favourite WWII tank: T-34/85
Favourite quotes:
“Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way!” - George S. Patton
“In the absence of orders, go find something and kill it.” - Erwin Rommel
“Death is the solution to all problems. No man, no problem.” - Josef Stalin
“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.” - Winston Churchill
“Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.” - Napoleon Bonaparte
Some favourite songs/artists:
Der heimliche Aufmarsch - Ernst Busch
Lugovaya trava - Lyube
300 - This is Sparta! Remix - no idea who did this…
Favourite films:
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Young Frankenstein
Blazing Saddles
District 9

Favourite books:
Animal Farm - George Orwell
Ender’s Game - Orson Scott Card
Island in the Sea of Time series - S. M. Stirling
Starship Troopers - Robert A. Heinlein
Candide - Voltaire
Our Dumb World and Our Dumb Century - The Onion

Well, I hope you found that useless information enlightening.

Cheerio, gib gib blubber bbluubbaaarrrggghhh!

~ Tim the Enchanter




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Reviews by Tim the Enchanter
 

Summary: Past Featured StoryWhat does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.


WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.


RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!



Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 12002 Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/23/06 Updated: 12/04/06


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 01/04/08 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6: I Sold My Soul on eBay

Salutations Schmerg_the_Impaler, exalted entertainer extraordinaire!



I’ll cast off the literary baggage and just say this: WOW. This is quite an amazing story. I was surprised to discover that this was your first fanfic, but needless to say, I am impressed… and of course, amused. I must also add that this fic makes my own first fanfic glibber and blubber helplessly in comparison (see “Obliviate!”, if you are sufficiently curious).



Anyway, you have a wonderful sense of humour. You savour the random and the absurd, and that comes across in this story marvellously. John Cleese, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, and the sadly departed Graham Chapman would be proud.



I believe my review and exercise in flattery has gone on long enough. Once again, this is a great fic, and a well deserved Quicksilver Quill Award recipient. Keep up the good work. I look forward to your next postings!



Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response: TIM THE ENCHANTER. That is the best username I think I\'ve heard in my life. I absolutely adore Monty Python.

In any case, this fantastic review made my day. I get a lot of reviews that say things like \"DEATHLY LOLLOWZ!!!1!!1!1!! ZIS IS GUD!!1!!!!!juan!!1!!\", not that there\'s anything wrong with those, but it\'s really great to see such an intelligently-written review for such a redonkulous story.

I will definitely try and check out your stories. But wow, thanks so much!

 

Summary: For Lord Voldemort, life is going swell, and everything is juuust peachy... until a ghostly visitor arrives. EXTRAORDINARILY silly.

EDIT: For some bizarre reason that I can't fully comprehend, this story WON the "Things that Go Bump In The Night" challenge in the Winter's Tale Challenge.


Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1224 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/28/06 Updated: 12/07/06


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 01/26/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only!

Privet Comrade Schmergo! Get Hammered and Sickled!

I was reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire the other night, and I was reading Chapter 21, The House-Elf Liberation Front when I was visited by a stunning revelation: DOBBY’S A COMMUNIST!

I have absolutely no idea how this idea popped into my head. If anybody’s a communist advocating fairness and equality for the poor, oppressed proletarian house-elves, it would be Hermione, not Dobby. However, I couldn’t shake away the image of Dobby the house-elf waving a red flag and gunning down the evil capitalist oppressors with an AK-47. Apparently, my brain is easily amused.

And speaking of being easily amused, I read your story… and was amused! I really liked Bob; it seems that she’s going to be the rather annoying cause of Voldemort’s downfall, isn’t she? On a somewhat related note, have you seen any episodes of Rowan Atkinson’s Blackadder series? In series two and four, there’s a woman named… Bob!

Anyway, this was a lovely story, and I anxiously await any future updates from you. Keep writing, and don’t let the KGB get you!

ГО ПРОЛЕТАРИАТ БАБИ! КОММУНИЗМ РУЛЗ!

Tim the Enchanter

Note: Please understand that I am not a communist. I just have a little too much fun making fun of them!


Author's Response: WOW. 0_0 This is absolutely fascinating. I\'m going to have to remember the phrase \'get hammered and sickled...\'

Actually... if you\'re at all familiar with Les Miserables... the crazy revolutionary schoolboys like Enjolras and Company kind of remind me of Dobby in that respect. Though they\'re into French philosophes rather than Marx.

I\'m afraid I haven\'t seen Blackadder, though I know some people who keep trying to get me to... though Rowan Atkinson would be quite a good actor to play Mr. Deathly in a couple of my different stories now that I think about it. But I named Bob that because... wow, I can\'t even remember anymore. I wrote this a looong time ago.

I would update my fanfiction profile more... but the KGB got me.

 

Summary: WARNING! This story contains a jingle-bell antler headband, a shower of potatoes, boy/girl mushiness, underwear karaoke, family trouble, an excessively adorable werewolf, death, the song "Werewolves of London," betrayal, and the word 'Jordan' five times in a row near the beginning of chapter seven.


Twenty-one years after Voldemort's defeat, five fourth-years are faced with a new threat. Will all of the five stay true to the light side? Will they all emerge whole in the end? Will Jordan Potter ever get a life? You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gasp, you'll sigh! Part one in a trilogy!


Well, after much deliberation and consideration, I've decided to submit my future-gen trilogy! This particular installment is three years old, so it's definitely different from my current writing style, but I'm quite fond of the characters.


DH is disregarded. It's a total coincidence that one of the main characters is named Ted Lupin.


Starring Quicksilver Quills 2008 Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, and Emma Weasley, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin!

Five times nominated (once for each member of Potter's Pentagon!) for the Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards, and nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards...


Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 45143 Chapters: 10 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/18/07 Updated: 10/03/07


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 01/06/08 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Are Called Just That

Hello Schmerg_the_Impaler,

In accordance with the virtues of reverse-psychology, I went ahead and read this story. Certainly, it does not contain the same level of advanced lunacy as some of your other works, but it was an entertaining read nonetheless. To answer your question at the end of your last chapter, my favourite character of yours would have to be Ted, for obvious reasons that don’t need to be stated. As for characters I disliked… there weren’t really any, though Jordan annoyed me somewhat.

[WARNING: the following paragraphs contain review-pleading self-advertising and off-topic correspondence]

Anyway, I enjoyed reading this story; it was not “too serious” at all. My own fic, “Obliviate!” pretty much has only one joke in the whole story. Serious writings as well as madly insane rants are definitely my cup of tea. However, I am not impartial to all stories… or tea, for that matter. For instance, I will only read Gustave Flaubert’s Madame Bovary at gun point (wand point?), and I utterly detest iced tea. Tea is supposed to be HOT!

As always, keep writing. You have a talent for writing insane stories… and finishing them! You see, I cannot seem to concentrate on any one project (either serious or deranged), so consequently my computer is stuffed with many stories I started but never finished…

Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response: Hello Tim the Enchanter (I just realized we have rather similar usernames... kind of...)

I think I made Ted a little too likable. Even when he acts like a jerk, he\'s loveable. (He didn\'t get a chance to act like a jerk in this installment, but he\'s lucky.)

Well, I personally LOVE iced tea because I end up burning my tongue on every hot beverage I\'ve ever consumed... but still, to each her own. (Insert bad \'cup of tea\' pun here.)

Your reviews are always insanely amusing. You know, I also start a lot of stories I don\'t finish. I just write a lot of stories, so I end up with a lot of finished ones, even if I don\'t finish more than I finish. I manage to do this by not having a life.

 

Summary: Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters?

Lord Voldemort is on the quest to find the best, evilest flavour of ice cream, and he will stop at nothing to get it.

This is a very short, very silly and quite OOC little one-shot written as consolation for the fact that "E-Journal" is on hiatus. It's based on a prompt given to me by the ridiculously talented Inigoenigma.

Nominated for Best Humour fic in the Quicksilver Quills awards!

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1504 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/30/07 Updated: 07/06/07


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 01/05/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only!

“Oh… I think I’m going to have… Cardiac… arrest…” (dies)

- Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Greetings, Schmerg_the_Impaler,

Delightful! You provide a wonderful insight into one of Harry Potter’s most misunderstood characters: our favourite Dark Lord extraordinaire, Lord Voldemort. You see, he really isn’t all that different from the rest of us. Don’t we all resort to kidnap and attempted murder in pursuit of the perfect ice cream? I do, certainly.

Anyway, I am currently in the long process of reading all of your fics, Schmerg_the_Impaler. As I said before, you have a brilliant sense of humour. Keep up the good work!

Meanwhile, I just made my own Harry Potter fanfic quantum leap by… submitting my second story! I guess I’m committed now…

Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response: Hahaha, I didn\'t even think about that connection! I\'m really glad you liked this story, though I wouldn\'t recommend reading all my fics. Potter\'s Pentagon doesn\'t seem to be your cup of tea (too serious...)

I do love writing Lord Voldemort like this... unfortunately, the mods don\'t. They\'re really cracking down on OOC Voldemort, so I don\'t think there will be any upcoming Voldy-fics from me anytime soon.

Ooh! Good luck in the queue, sir.

 

The Letter by Cassandras Cross
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 439]

Summary: Past Featured StoryDH SPOILERS! Harry is so consumed with his career as an Auror that he loses touch with Ginny and their children until a letter arrives to help him remember what really matters. But is something sinister waiting out there to take it all away? An escape from Azkaban, the first in twenty years, stirs up Harry's worst fears from the past as those he loves are threatened.

Romance, mystery, and drama combine to make this a story you won't soon forget! Set one year before DH epilogue. Completely canon compliant. All reviews receive responses.

THE EPILOGUE IS UP! I don't know whether to laugh or cry as this story comes to an end, and Harry finally figures out where it's really at. (Thanks again to the amazing mods for your rapid-fire response!)

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 76406 Chapters: 19 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/21/07 Updated: 12/01/07


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 01/04/08 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Absolutely marvellous! In short, that sums up what I think about The Letter. You did a wonderful job with this story, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Simply excellent.

I look forward to reading your next postings! Keep up the great work!

Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response: Thanks so much!

 

Summary: Past Featured StoryFred is dead.

But that's just the beginning! Because one of George's ears is up in heaven, and the other is down on earth...

Oh, the possibilities!

Written for the Next Great Adventure challenge on the MNFF beta boards. I am Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff House.
Twice nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts Story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards!

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 9446 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/29/07 Updated: 10/31/07


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 01/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only

Greetings Schmerg_The_Impaler,

In response to your latest Author’s Response, I do admit that our usernames bear some resemblances. For instance, Schmerg_The_Impaler and Tim the Enchanter both have the same structure. Both names start with a proper noun (a name), followed by the definite article “the” (though it is not capitalized in my username), and concluded with yet another noun that reflects the occupations of the said persons (“Impaler” and “Enchanter,” respectively).

In addition, both of our usernames contain three “E’s”, two “H’s”, one “I”, one “A”, and one “C”. However, that is where the similarities end. Your username contains 17 letters, whereas mine contains 15 letters. Furthermore, the words in your username are separated by underscores (_), but mine are separated by spaces ( ). Otherwise, both of our usernames are exactly the same.

But I digress. I am not writing for the sole purpose of comparing usernames. I am writing to review this story, and review I will. Simply put, this is an amazing story that blew my mind (but not my brains out: that would be quite a mess). You are endlessly creative and talented, and that is clearly evident in this magnificent and poignant story. I laughed, and I have to admit, I was moved to the verge of tears. Poor George

You may be tired of me saying the same thing, but I will ignore your screams of protest. Yes, I unfortunately have nothing more imaginative to say than this: You have a great sense of humour, and you are an excellent storyteller. Keep up the good work, and I eagerly await your next update.

Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response: How did I not respond to this review? This is an immensely entertaining review. I have never seen so much analysis over a username. And I\'m very, very glad that you like this story. I think I worked harder on this story than almost all of my other ones.

 

Summary: This is book two in the "Potter's Pentagon" trilogy. Read "Potter's Pentagon: The Five" first, myesss? Cool.

WARNING: This story contains French people, an internal monologue about a blue orange, adolescent facial hair, good old-fashioned snogging, superstitious truck drivers, a portrait who calls everyone "Mavis," a zoo break-in, some very strange clothes, romantic conflict galore, and Ron Weasley's caffeine addiction. And worst of all, Professor Zabini!

Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament, and when one of the members of Potter's Pentagon is selected to represent the school, much excitement ensues. Simultaneously, elections are being held for Minister of Magic, and things are getting busy at the Ministry.

Not to mention the fact that Jordan's made a new Muggle friend without informing her of the itty-bitty fact that he's magical, Haley has found an enchanted diary of dubious origin, Ted's met a werewolf from Beauxbatons, and Emma... well, Emma's not having a good year.

And what exactly is Ivy up to, anyway?

Everyone has secrets. But in the end, the truth will have to come out.


Starring Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character Nominees Ivy Potter, Emma Weasley, Haley Potter, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards!

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 76214 Chapters: 13 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/16/07 Updated: 06/04/08


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 02/01/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Spends Most of the Chapter Being Surprised

Salutations, Schmerg_The_Impaler,

Get a comfortable chair. This is a long review. You have been warned.

I really like this story. You skilfully weave the tales of multiple characters into a comprehensive whole, creating a nice, wide canvas to work with. That’s only one of the many things I like about this story, and it is a welcome change from the actual Harry Potter series, in which the entire story is almost entirely from one character’s very biased perspective… not that I have anything against Harry. He’s a good bloke. Really, he is.

I digress. This is a wonderful chapter. I loved your second task; it was very different and unique, though I was slightly disappointed by the lack of mindless violence. A chimera on the loose in the Hogwarts hallways would have been nice and exciting, but I guess that’s just me. Sorry… Anyway, I like the character development in this chapter. I am no real fan of romance, but even I (with a depleted uranium heart with a melting point of 1,132.2 degrees Centigrade) can’t help but smile at way things are going between Ted, Ivy, and Arden, as well as (God forbid) Tyrone and Emma. By the way, what’s Ivy up to? She seems to be studying much harder than Jordan for her O.W.L.s, and that is… odd, to say the least. I have a theory, though I could very well be wrong. Perhaps Ivy is studying in secret to be an animagus, and she waits in the shrieking shack to surprise Ted with unexpected company, only to discover Ted coming in with… Arden!

When reading this chapter, I was intrigued by the whole election process with Tancred Apple. I had always figured that the Minister for Magic was simply chosen by a consensus within the Wizengamot (like the Prime Minister is by the majority party in Parliament), so popular elections never crossed my mind. Since there are no political parties (that I am aware of) in Harry Potter, there is no real point in having general elections to elect certain party members to the Wizengamot (if it is both a legislative and judicial body, as I have often assumed). Additionally, politicians in the Ministry of Magic appear to attain their positions like they would any other job, rather than through competitive elections. So, after my long-winded analysis of magical governing, my question is this: is the direct election of the Minister for Magic in this story a reform instituted after Voldemort’s defeat, or am I just over-analysing the text way too much?

Now this review is going to venture from the slightly relevant to the not-at-all relevant. In my previous review for one of your stories (Lord Voldemort… and Bob?), you might have been curious as to what the phrases “ГО ПРОЛЕТАРИАТ БАБИ! КОММУНИЗМ РУЛЗ!” meant, so I’m here to translate. It reads: “GO PROLETARIAT BABY! COMMUNISM RULZ!” Please note that I do not, in fact, speak Russian, apart from a few words and phrases. I just happen to know the Russian alphabet (I learned it so I could read the designations on the sides of Soviet Aircraft. I admit it. I’m a nerd in need of help.), so the above sentences were written in English, but just using Cyrillic letters. Though you probably won’t care, I spelled “Baby” as “Babi,” because the Cyrillic letter “Я” transliterates to a “Y,” but it makes a “ya” sound, not an “ee” sound, which is why I used the Russian “I,” or “И” for that purpose.

Now, in your review for my fanfic, Out of the Darkness (Thank you very much again, by the way!), you expressed dismay towards my inexcusable failure to inform you about any updates I will have. Since I have nothing better to do, I’ll tell you about everything (Harry Potter fanfiction related, that is) that I am working on.

First and foremost, I have submitted the third chapter and am currently writing the fourth chapter of “Obliviate!”. I am simultaneously working on a third chapter for Out of the Darkness, and mapping out a sequel to that story. I still have no idea how I managed to stretch out a story about a cement mixer into not only a multi-chapter, but multi-story series.

I am also working concurrently on two different one-shots. The first one is As the Clock Strikes Twelve, which I just finished last night, though it is still in need of a thorough editing. This story is quite similar stylistically to Out of the Darkness, written using many sensory adjectives and such, so you might like it. However, it is not a humour fic by any length of the imagination, so you might not like it in that case. I don’t know, but nevertheless, you might consider looking around for it whenever it’s approved.

The second one-shot is as different as can be from As the Clock Strikes Twelve. This is my first venture into the Romantic-Comedy-with-Wizarding-Genocide genre, a rather disturbing but hopefully funny story entitled Be My Dark Lord, Voldiekins! It contains lots of violence, torture, and Lord Voldemort/Bellatrix Lestrange fluff! I’ve started writing it, but am currently stuck, so I don’t know when I’ll finish it, if at all.

…I’ve just realised something. This review of mine can legally be its own story here on fanfiction.mugglenet.com, seeing that it is more than 800 words!

With that in mind, I think I should stop writing.

But wait! I have to say this before I cease this review: thanks for writing such a good chapter. Keep up the good work!

Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response:


Author's Response: I am glad I do indeed have a comfy, spinny chair! I love amazingly long reviews!

I\'m glad you think I did a good job blending storylines! I was a bit worried about that! You know, there should have been more violence. I write these stories as Christmas presents (the first one was a Christmas present when I was in eighth grade, the second one was a Christmas present when I was in ninth grade, and the not-yet-posted third one was a Christmas present last Christmas), so that I don\'t have to spend money on my friends. Since my mum and grandma get copies too, I try not to put so much violence in. But there is some in the third one!

I made the Minister of Magic elected because I felt like the process in the Harry Potter books wasn\'t going well, what with never picking a good Minister, and I wanted to see some of the traditional politics in the Harry Potter books change. Also, I\'m American and know nothing about any other kind of government except, like, Ancient Egyptian and Ancient Roman and suchlike.

I find it slighly funny that the Cyrillic spelled-out version of \"Rules\" looks a bit like the word \"Pwned.\" But then, I\'m insane.

I will definitely try to read your stories when they come out! \"Be My Dark Lord, Voldiekins!\" sounds especially awesome, and I hope the mods accept it. They don\'t seem to keen on Voldy-fics nowadays.

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 02/01/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Spends Most of the Chapter Being Surprised

I am such an idiot.

I started an HTML tag to bold a word, but didn't end it.

I apologise for making every previous review in bold.

BUGGER!

Perhaps you should contact a moderator, and see if one of them could rectify my rather embarrassing mistake.

Tim the Enchanter, an enchanter who is unable to type properly.

Author's Response: Don\'t worry, I fixed it. You just type < / b r > (without the spaces) and it deletes the boldness. Don\'t worry, this has happened to me OODLES of times.

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 02/01/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Spends Most of the Chapter Being Surprised

Dear Schmergo,

If I could swear loudly in this review, I would. However, this is a public review, and not permissible.

Not only did I accidentally make every previous bold, I just noticed that I left my review for chapter 8 in the slot for chapter 1.

You see, I type out all of my reviews in a word processor, and then copy and paste them into the space for reviews. That being the case, I typed out the review, and pasted it in the “All” section of the review folder, conveniently not realising that it would appear in the chapter 1 review section.

Arg.

I’m going to post the review again in the correct chapter this time. However, I will put the appropriate HTML end tag in this time. I had typed an end tag for italics, instead of bold.

Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response: It is absolutely okay that you posted it for the wrong chapter, although it may give spoilers for people who haven\'t read the story. Serves \'em right for reading reviews first.

I hope you won\'t feel offended if I get some mods do delete a few of the reviews you left, such as this one? I understand why you left them, but it I don\'t contact the mods first, they get scary and start threatening me with account deletion and other horrifying notions.

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 02/01/08 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8: In Which Tyrone Does NOT Enjoy Brief Insanity

Salutations, Schmerg_The_Impaler,

Get a comfortable chair. This is a long review. You have been warned.

I really like this story. You skilfully weave the tales of multiple characters into a comprehensive whole, creating a nice, wide canvas to work with. That’s only one of the many things I like about this story, and it is a welcome change from the actual Harry Potter series, in which the entire story is almost entirely from one character’s very biased perspective… not that I have anything against Harry. He’s a good bloke. Really, he is.

I digress. This is a wonderful chapter. I loved your second task; it was very different and unique, though I was slightly disappointed by the lack of mindless violence. A chimera on the loose in the Hogwarts hallways would have been nice and exciting, but I guess that’s just me. Sorry… Anyway, I like the character development in this chapter. I am no real fan of romance, but even I (with a depleted uranium heart with a melting point of 1,132.2 degrees Centigrade) can’t help but smile at way things are going between Ted, Ivy, and Arden, as well as (God forbid) Tyrone and Emma. By the way, what’s Ivy up to? She seems to be studying much harder than Jordan for her O.W.L.s, and that is… odd, to say the least. I have a theory, though I could very well be wrong. Perhaps Ivy is studying in secret to be an animagus, and she waits in the shrieking shack to surprise Ted with unexpected company, only to discover Ted coming in with… Arden!

When reading this chapter, I was intrigued by the whole election process with Tancred Apple. I had always figured that the Minister for Magic was simply chosen by a consensus within the Wizengamot (like the Prime Minister is by the majority party in Parliament), so popular elections never crossed my mind. Since there are no political parties (that I am aware of) in Harry Potter, there is no real point in having general elections to elect certain party members to the Wizengamot (if it is both a legislative and judicial body, as I have often assumed). Additionally, politicians in the Ministry of Magic appear to attain their positions like they would any other job, rather than through competitive elections. So, after my long-winded analysis of magical governing, my question is this: is the direct election of the Minister for Magic in this story a reform instituted after Voldemort’s defeat, or am I just over-analysing the text way too much?

Now this review is going to venture from the slightly relevant to the not-at-all relevant. In my previous review for one of your stories (Lord Voldemort… and Bob?), you might have been curious as to what the phrases “ГО ПРОЛЕТАРИАТ БАБИ! КОММУНИЗМ РУЛЗ!” meant, so I’m here to translate. It reads: “GO PROLETARIAT BABY! COMMUNISM RULZ!” Please note that I do not, in fact, speak Russian, apart from a few words and phrases. I just happen to know the Russian alphabet (I learned it so I could read the designations on the sides of Soviet Aircraft. I admit it. I’m a nerd in need of help.), so the above sentences were written in English, but just using Cyrillic letters. Though you probably won’t care, I spelled “Baby” as “Babi,” because the Cyrillic letter “Я” transliterates to a “Y,” but it makes a “ya” sound, not an “ee” sound, which is why I used the Russian “I,” or “И” for that purpose.

Now, in your review for my fanfic, Out of the Darkness (Thank you very much again, by the way!), you expressed dismay towards my inexcusable failure to inform you about any updates I will have. Since I have nothing better to do, I’ll tell you about everything (Harry Potter fanfiction related, that is) that I am working on.

First and foremost, I have submitted the third chapter and am currently writing the fourth chapter of “Obliviate!”. I am simultaneously working on a third chapter for Out of the Darkness, and mapping out a sequel to that story. I still have no idea how I managed to stretch out a story about a cement mixer into not only a multi-chapter, but multi-story series.

I am also working concurrently on two different one-shots. The first one is As the Clock Strikes Twelve, which I just finished last night, though it is still in need of a thorough editing. This story is quite similar stylistically to Out of the Darkness, written using many sensory adjectives and such, so you might like it. However, it is not a humour fic by any length of the imagination, so you might not like it in that case. I don’t know, but nevertheless, you might consider looking around for it whenever it’s approved.

The second one-shot is as different as can be from As the Clock Strikes Twelve. This is my first venture into the Romantic-Comedy-with-Wizarding-Genocide genre, a rather disturbing but hopefully funny story entitled Be My Dark Lord, Voldiekins! It contains lots of violence, torture, and Lord Voldemort/Bellatrix Lestrange fluff! I’ve started writing it, but am currently stuck, so I don’t know when I’ll finish it, if at all.

…I’ve just realised something. This review of mine can legally be its own story here on fanfiction.mugglenet.com, seeing that it is more than 800 words!

With that in mind, I think I should stop writing.

But wait! I have to say this before I cease this review: thanks for writing such a good chapter. Keep up the good work!

Tim the Enchanter

Note: This is the exact same review I accidentally left for the wrong chapter, so you don’t have to review both of them. Just one response would suffice.

Once again, I'm sorry for making every review bold in your "All" reviews section.


Author's Response: Just a note... my friend taught himself the Cyrillic alphabet, too. I thought that was incredibly cool, and that no other non-Russian speaking people did it... but apparently I was wrong! Unless you are him... Quick-- did you do a report on the Pig War and drew me lovely pictures for this story? If not, you are not him!

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 05/11/08 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11: In Which Ivy Gets Quite The Workout

Greetings, Schmerg_the_Impaler of inoffensive echidnas and cheese cubes!

YES! MUTANTS OF THE WORLD, UNITE! It may just be me, but it seems that Y chromosomes are seriously underrepresented on this website. But then again, we’re all mutants… good show. Cheerio. Bbluubbaaarrrggghhh!

Insanity aside, I have to say that this is quite an amazing chapter – that plot twist at the end! Of course, when our illustrious heroes heard that Apple was going to do something “illegal,” the assumption was that his action would be synonymous with “evil.” Rather than an aspiring dictator, Apple could instead be an aspiring philanthropist!

…Or not. Of course, revoking the Statute of Secrecy makes perfect sense: simply brainwash the huddled masses and convince them that everything will go just swimmingly because wizards have taken over the government. Then, once every other nation on earth has been thoroughly convinced that Apple’s government has gone insane, ATTACK! Jump the Channel and invade France with Muggle troops, and use wizards to infiltrate enemy positions and do charming things like assassinate key generals, destroy communications networks, bridges, and just spread unbridled chaos everywhere! If all goes well, the nations of Europe should fall like dominoes to the GREATER WELSH EMPIRE, and the rest of the world will fear the power of magic! In order for any nation to resist, they would have to integrate their Muggle and magical assets like Apple did; in all likelihood however, that won’t happen. All Apple has to do is spread stories of an international wizard conspiracy to take over the world, and in light of the conquest of Europe, the majority of Muggles in the rest of the world will probably believe that. Therefore, Muggles would most likely be more interested in burning witches and wizards brave enough to declare allegiance to the government than working with them.

Fortunately for humanity, Apple probably isn’t mad enough to try to conquer the world. Oh well… the Greater Welsh Empire will only exist in my disturbed imagination then…

But I digress. I loved the plot twist, and just about everything else about this chapter. I eagerly await the update of Chapter Twelve! However, I’m annoyed because that’ll probably happen in about two or three weeks!

Tim the Enchanter

P.S. Speaking of THE OFFICIAL SCHMERGO READER ART CHALLENGE, I am working on a fourth picture… that is, assuming you got my third one!

Author's Response: Tim, dude, I am so sorry for not responding to your emails... it\'s just, I always want to say so much stuff in response to them, and I don\'t have enough time to write anything so long. I\'m really busy with projects and exams, but I want to get back to you soon. I think I should say \"Cheerio. Bbluubbaaarrrggghhh!\" on a far more regular basis. I also think, based on the last several paragraphs of this story, that you should actually write the remainder of this story instead of me. Actually, a lot of what you were saying reminds me of another (non-fanfic) story that I am working on at the moment...\r\n

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 05/25/08 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12: In Which Pigs Fly And Emma Hugs Tyrone

Hurrah Schmergo! Four-hundredth review!

Well, as usual, this was an entertaining and interesting read. However, I hate to agree with you – I didn’t particularly like this chapter. Stylistically, your wit and absurdist humour were as strong as ever in this chapter, but I have to admit, I was… irked by the plot.

To be perfectly honest, I think the Five’s thwarting of Apple’s machinations was too “clean,” I’d say: the wizarding world was saved yet again and the nefarious Apple was arrested. I find it ludicrously unlikely that Haley could stop time within a certain area – even in the magical world, I doubt that this is even possible, or only possible for Albus Dumbledore types at the very least. Though I can live with the time-freeze anomaly, I just can’t get over how there wasn’t a single leak with not a single Muggle (with the exception of Giorgi) becoming “enlightened,” so to speak. Also, even though the Five and company destroyed the camera lenses, wouldn’t they still record audio? Also also, even though Apple’s speech was interrupted five minutes into it, those five minutes of speech would have been broadcast from the plethora of microphones on the podium by radio, and millions of Britons would have been profoundly confused.

I suppose that’s enough ranting on my part. Perhaps part of my annoyance is that the Greater Welsh Empire will never come to be, seeing that Apple was arrested (just out of curiosity, how would that be explained to the Muggles?). I was rather looking forward to seeing magical Britain exposed at last, but alas, no. Of course, I am in no position to complain about my desired ending, as it is your story and not mine, and if I want something like that to happen, I’ll just have to write it myself. Sigh… CYMRU AM BYTH!

On to something more cheerful… I am drawing my fifth picture for the Potter’s Pentagon art challenge at the moment, so expect it within a few days or so. Also, when do you stop receiving submissions (if at all)?

Tim the Enchanter

Author's Response: Tim, sir, it\'s okay to tell me how you really felt about the chapter... I think I really wanted to rush through the action because such things are obscenely difficult to write for me. I never liked it, and I didn\'t think it did a good job of suspending disbelief, but I\'m slightly relieved that you still thought it was funny.

\r\nI do have one slight bit of defense, though-- I actually considered the camera-shattering thing when I was planning out my first draft. Basically, the idea was that they only shattered the camera so that it wouldn\'t capture people doing magic-- the kids doing magic to stop Apple, or Apple doing magic to show the Muggles. Even if it recorded his audio, it\'d just make him sound crazy without visual proof of magic. \'Profoundly confused\' is a good way to describe the public reaction, though.

\r\nI stop receiving submissions the day after Chapter One of \"The Past\" (the third Potter\'s Pentagon) is accepted, because the winners will be announced with Chapter Two.

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 04/18/08 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Get Ready To Rumble

Salutations, Schmerg_The_Impaler, Grand Mistress of Lunacy!

Amazingly, for the second time in a row, both our stories (Out of the Darkness and Potter’s Pentagon) were updated on the same day!

But I digress. In this review, I will talk about your story, not mine. First of all, I would like to say that this is yet another great chapter in this epic series – the plot thickens! The evil master plans start to unfold! The action slowly boils and-before-you-know-it-everything-will-just-explode! Just spiffing!

HA HA! I knew Apple had something to do with rigging the tournament! However, I am still no closer to figuring out why. Oh well. I suppose I’ll just have to read the next chapters as they come out! …which, considering how quickly chapters are being approved, should be within three or four weeks...

But now… THE OFFICIAL SCHMERGO READER ART CHALLENGE! Incidentally, I started sketching a few of your characters before ever hearing of this, but now I have incentive to finish my drawings! My only worry is that I might not be able to get them over to you, seeing that I am not that well-versed in the complex workings of the internet, but I’ll try!

And speaking of drawing, I am a bit of an amateur artist, as well as a writer. I use mechanical pencils for my drawings (nothing fancy), and my friends have described my human beings as looking “Disney-esque.” For the longest time, I never drew people, instead opting to sketching things like tanks and jet fighters. However, my drawing subjects have since branched out quite a bit, so I usually concentrate on drawing people now… oftentimes in tanks!

Oh dear. Now I have to finish my sketches in addition to writing “Obliviate!”, Out of the Darkness, Be My Dark Lord, Voldiekins!, Yelling Yourself Yellow With Yetis, and THIS IS HOGWARTS! – A Most Ridiculous Crossover Parody. I wonder how I manage to get anything done…

Thanks again for writing a great chapter. I eagerly await the next update!

Tim the Enchanter

P.S. I submitted and deleted this review twice. Sorry if that caused any confusion!

Author's Response: Tim, I can\'t believe I haven\'t reviewed Out of The Darkness. It\'s high time I did. Thanks for your lovely review... and if you could draw me a picture, that would be SPLENDID. You can scan it in and paste it in the body of an email (NOT an attachment) or upload it onto a site like Photobucket (it\'s free!) or suchlike and post the link in either an email or PM. And you can reach my email by clicking on the \'contact author\' button next to my name on the profile.

\r\nYou are writing a story called Yelling Yourself Yellow With Yetis? I can already tell that this will be one of my favourites...

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13: In Which Lee Comes To Light

Well, hello Schmergo!

Here is my massively late review for this story! I’m also very, very sorry that I haven’t gotten around to sending you my next picture for the art challenge yet, but I’ve been “busy.” Of course, the truth is, I started drawing it but forgot all about it once I took a holiday from fanfiction to study for exams, but I digress.

Naturally, you must be tired of hearing me grovel, so I’ll just cut to more irrelevant matters. Before I review Potter’s Pentagon Two, I must say adieu to the magnificent view of the morning dew on the shiny new pews at the zoo, but I admit my brain just flew and that is my cue to keep my words to a few.

That was utterly pointless and stupid.

“If it were not for this constant stream of motor impulses... we would collapse! Like a bunch – of – BROCOLLI!”

Anyway… now you can view my new review! [smack!] In total and utter seriousnessness, I must sadfully bid farewellness to this story/book/magnum octopus. Though it didn’t end the way I wanted it to (sigh… no Greater Welsh Empire, I’m afraid), you brought this second magnificent instalment of the Five’s adventures to an entertaining, but most of all, satisfying conclusion.

Of course, it is not just a good plot that makes this story good. Yes, there were thrilling Triwizard Tournaments travesties, zoo zappings, and politician plasterings, but what made this story great instead of good was not the engaging plot, but rather the strength of its characters. Throughout both of your Potter’s Pentagon stories, you’ve created characters that are so deeply human that I cannot help but notice my similarities with them, and perhaps come to better understand a part of myself. I have to admit that Vladislav inspired me, and seeing so much of myself in him was both alarming and revealing.

Then there is Tancred Apple. On the surface, he is an egotistic, power-mongering git, but just beneath that façade lies an exemplary human being. I was surprised when I found myself rooting for the alpha antagonist, but I came to realise that Apple was probably the most genuine and the bravest and of all the characters. Everybody said he was an egotistic, power-mongering git, but did that deter him? NO. Apple embraced what the world hurled at him with a smile on his face, and the strength of his courage is simply amazing. To put it bluntly, he had an awful lot of guts to risk everything to unite the Muggle and Magical worlds. We will never know whether the consequences would have been good or bad had he succeeded, but Tancred Apple was the only person brave enough to try to find out, and I commend him for that.

But most of all, I must commend you for writing such a magnificent story. All things must come to an end, but I am glad that this second Potter’s Pentagon did so in such a satisfying manner.

Tim the Enchanter

Author's Response: Tim! I was just thinking about you the other day. Don\'t worry, nothing creepy, just wondering what you\'ve been up to because I haven\'t seen you around the interwebz much lately. In any case, thanks for yet another wonderful review... and I\'ll have to remember the phrase \'magnum octopus.\' *Puts it into my pipe for later use*\r\n

I have to say, I\'m rather sucky at coming up with plots-- I just take a concept like \"Uhh... Triwizard... diary... email... zoo... French werewolves,\" and then I drop my characters in it like mice in a maze and see what happens based on what I know of the characters. So I\'m really glad that you think that I have strong characters, because I\'m a little bit psychotically attached to the characters. It\'s kind of creepy. My friends at school and I talk about them like they\'re real characters. (It\'s weird, with the very first review you left, I thought, \"hmm, this guy kind of reminds me of Vladislav Poliakoff,\" so it\'s interesting that you, who obviously know yourself much better than I do, saw the similarity, too.\")

\r\nThat\'s a very interesting analysis of Apple, and I have to say, looking back at this story, I\'m really disappointed that he doesn\'t come back later in the series, because I think he\'s interesting. The first book had a very classic villain, and the third one has a very classic villain (actually, it has two main villains; the second we don\'t see until the end, and I\'m rather proud of him, but the first one\'s a bit of a cliche.) I was only planning on writing one Potter\'s Pentagon book, then I thought up Apple when my mind was wandering during the sermon in church, and I just went, \"I NEED to write another Potter\'s Pentagon story,\" and I plotted the rest of the story around him. You know, it\'d be interesting to write a spin-off about what would happen if Apple DID succeed. That\'d actually be really interesting. There\'s something rather Shakespearean in the concept...

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 02/20/08 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9: In Which We Finally Learn Exactly What's Up

Greetings, Schmergo,

Isn’t it a lovely Ventôse day today, of the year 216? Pluviôse just came and went, didn’t it? What am I talking about? I think the French Republican Calendar was one of the stupidest things devised by man. I mean, who wants a ten-day week (décade) with only one day off? Those head-lopping froggies were plain crazy…

I digress. I just had the urge to say that, noticing your interest in the French Revolution. Concerning violent political upheavals, I myself am primarily interested in the Bolshevik Revolution and the Chinese Civil War. Yeah! Ле́нин рокс! Go Mickey Mao!

And speaking of violent political upheavals, (well, maybe not violent) I wonder what Tancred Apple is up to. You didn’t say whether he became Muggle Prime Minister as well as Minister for Magic as well, but I presume he did. And what “illegal” thing will he do to his Muggle audience? I don’t know, but I know what I would do if I was an aspiring dictator with complete hegemonic domination over both Wizarding and Muggle Britain…

Maybe the review page isn’t the best place to discuss my rather disconcerting plan involving demonic cement mixers and killer tooth brushes. This page is for reviews, and I’ll finally leave one, at last. First of all, I can see why this story is called The Truth; so many secrets and conspiracies and scams, which are finally starting to come to light (they’ll need lots of sun block)! What a disappointing end to the Triwizard Tournament! That was really quite unexpected, and I am trying to figure out those two judges deranged motivations were. All I can think of is a bet or something… involving APPLE! Yeah! Everything’s his fault!

One thing about Apple… shouldn’t he be Welsh, not Irish, having a middle name like Llywellyn?

Anyway, moving on… this was a great, entertaining chapter, though I do think there was a bit too much happening, but that doesn’t prevent me from enjoying it just the same! I can’t wait to see what happens next… once the queue opens again. Oh well, gives me more time to write my own stories.

By the way, thank you again for leaving a review for Out of the Darkness; I really appreciate it. I’m trying to focus on finishing chapter three so it’ll be ready for submission whenever the queue opens up again.

Writer of a long, meandering review,

Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response: Hahaha, the sad thing is that I knew what you meant.. yeah, the French calendar is absolutely dumb. *Hides from my best friend Aku, who is an ardent Jacobin*

Apple\'s family is Welsh. His accent is Irish because he grew up in Ireland and because Irish accents are usually considered more pleasing to the ear than Welsh ones. (See, he gets the Welsh looks and the Irish accent.) I was just trying to make him as attractive as possible. ^_^

I got into the French Revolution through the lovely book/musical \"The Scarlet Pimpernel,\" and this deepend through my crazed love of \"Les Miserables,\" even though that\'s set during the 1832 student rebellion (there\'s a lot of 1790\'s major revolution references, so you learn a lot about it from reading the book.) The musical is good, too. But I generally find any overthrow-age of the government interesting-- I like to see how exactly it was orchestrated. I usually don\'t root for the revolutionaries, though!

If I was in charge of both the Wizarding world and Muggle England, I think my evil schemes would largely feature exploding toasters, but that\'s just me...

You will find out about the judges\' deranged motivations near the end of the story, but they do have some... they didn\'t just randomly rig the tournament. Sun block. Hee.

There was way too much stuff in this chapter! I was going to put it all in 3 different chapters, but I really wanted to get into the Fight-Against-Apple, so I smushed it all together. I don\'t really like it spread out into numerous chapters OR smushed together into one. *Shrug* Ah well.

 

Hogwarts Houses Divided by Inverarity
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 395]

Summary: Past Featured Story

Teddy Lupin's first year at Hogwarts. Canon-compliant. Nominated for a 2008 QSQ for best Post-Hogwarts story.

The war is over, and all is well, they say, but the wounds remain unhealed. Bitterness divides the Houses of Hogwarts. Can the first children born since the war's end begin a new era, or will the enmities of their parents be their permanent legacy?



Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Violence

Word count: 203059 Chapters: 34 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/03/08 Updated: 11/25/08


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 11/03/08 Title: Chapter 28: This Doesn't Sound Like a Very Good Plan

Oh dear - let us hope that Teddy's "distraction" doesn't blow up the entire castle!

Thanks for writing such a tense, gripping, and entertaining story - I always get excited when this is updated. With that in mind, I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Tim the Enchanter

 
Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 01/23/10 Title: Chapter 1: Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

Inverarity shows his skill as a writer by weaving this tale of self-discovery, intrigue, and good old-fashioned action and chaos. Hogwarts Houses Divided is a delightful read, that is as entertaining as it is thought-provoking. From Deathly Hallows, we get a small glimpse into the future, but it is a future that hasn't really evolved from the series we are familiar with - Inverarity tackles this question of what the post-Hogwarts scenario is like head on. He makes us consider what it means to be a Gryffindor, or a Slytherin, or a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. It also makes you think about things like censorship, punishment as a deterrence, and perceptions of justice. By the end of the story, I had to wonder which side was really in the right.

The characterisation is excellent, of not only the canon characters (just eleven years aged), but also the whole slew of OCs. They (I'll include Teddy Lupin, since we know virtually nothing about him) are very believable characters, and really act like they're eleven years-old. They are immature (to varying degrees), usually don't think things through, and do some REALLY stupid things that make you the reader want to cringe and say, "What were you THINKING?" But that's what makes this story great - none of the characters are infallible, and there are real consequences for their actions, something Harry Potter tends to get away with.

The plot is very cleverly crafted. At the beginning of the novel, it appears to be any ordinary "new kid at Hogwarts fic", where the first years discover the castle and all of that fun stuff. However, it soon becomes apparent that the story will become much more wilder than that, which it does. There are a multitude of red herrings in this fic, that make you think the story will go in one direction, but when you're totally not expecting it, it makes a complete 180-degree turn and does something else. There is plenty of suspense and twists, and Hogwarts Houses Divided is completely unpredictable and full of surprises.

Overall, a brilliant read.

~ Tim the Enchanter

 

Summary: Nominated for the 2009 QSQ award for Best Male OC.

Harry's life is quiet now. He has a loving wife, a beautiful son, a career along side his best friend, and everything else he could ever want and never imagine having. But now, his career as an Auror will lead both him and Ron halfway around the world to investigate a mysterious school known only as the Skat-Hatokha Academy of Magic.

But from the beginning, something seems off. No one in the wizarding world has heard of this school, the board of directors can contact you, but you can't contact them, and the accepted students have all been in some trouble with the law and take their right to remain silent very seriously. Not to mention Lucius Malfoy's near obsessive interest in this case and his close involvement with the Ministry.

But as more time passes, the more the case begins to take on a life of its own, and not just for Harry.


Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 62139 Chapters: 9 Completed: No
Published:
01/10/08 Updated: 10/29/09


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 04/12/09 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 The Macalister Girls

Greetings Molly!

What an exciting chapter! As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so rather than tell you what I liked about this story, here's a picture instead! Simply copy and paste in the address bar:

http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn34/Pseudonym_Sam/Lorelei.jpg?t=1239513925

Happy Easter!

Tim the Enchanter



Author's Response: Oh, yopu just know I love this drawing! And for our more lazy readers of this review. They can follow the link right here

 

Great Expectations by Cassandras Cross
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 505]

Summary: A weekend trip to the mysterious Rose Cottage leads to Ginny's second pregnancy and Hermione's first. The Potters and Weasleys take on “The Next Great Adventure” as they anticipate the births of Albus Potter and Rose Weasley.

NOW COMPLETE!


Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 107864 Chapters: 26 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/13/08 Updated: 07/25/08


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 01/26/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Wistful Looks

I've read most of this story on fanfiction.net, but I am very glad that you managed to get the story on this site. Anyway, this is quite great story, and I especially like Harry’s line concerning eggs: “Are you making a baby or an omelet?”

Spiffing!

Tim the Enchanter

Author's Response: Yes, after many machinations, I did finally get the story posted here as well. Glad you\'re enjoying it. The eggs line seemed to get everybody, but it does seem like just the sort of thing Ron would say, doesn\'t it? Bless him. Thanks for your review.

 

Adversus Solem Ne Loquito by Hermione_Rocks
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: Severus Snape goes back in time with one mission: to kill his younger self. The reason? So Lily Evans can live the life that she deserves. Because if he were dead, if he had never told Lord Voldemort the prophecy, then she would still be alive.





I am Hermione_Rocks of Slytherin House, writing for the fifth round of the Gauntlet.



Adversus Solem Ne Loquito is Latin for: Don’t speak against the sun.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 10643 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/15/08 Updated: 02/15/08


Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter Signed
Date: 02/17/08 Title: Chapter 1: Setting Things Right

Wow. This is absolutely fascinating. Of course, Severus believes he has everything thought out meticulously, but he appears to have overlooked one very major detail: if there was nobody (i.e. no Snape) to tell Voldemort about the Prophecy, then he would never have been defeated by infant Harry Potter. Therefore, by saving Lily Potter’s life, Severus inadvertently ensures that Voldemort reigns supreme. That’s just my theory, at any rate…

Anyway, this is a great story. Thanks for writing it so well; I think you captured Snape beautifully.

Tim the Enchanter


Author's Response: Yes, Severus does overlook that detail, doesn\'t he? ;) However, even if he had realized that by saving Lily, Voldemort would still be in power, I don\'t think he would care. As far as he is concerned at this point, if Lily is not around, then life is not worth living.

Anywho, thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as well (when it\'s posted :D).

 
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