I'm a small town girl from the Central United States. I currently work for my local police department as the over night dispatch, which is actually pretty cool - I get to know all the dirt on everyone! One of my favourite past times is spending time with my family and friends, though I also enjoy hiking, fishing, singing, and reading - as if you hadn't already guessed that last one!
Favourite Music Artist: Right now it's a toss up between Live, Sugarcult, and Fergie. I will listen to pretty much anything though, as long as it's not disco or techno!
Favourite Movie: Stardust, which I recently had the pleasure of viewing and have since fallen in love with!
Favourite TV Shows: ANTM, Psych, Burn Notice, The Closer, My Boys, all things CSI, LIFE, and Law & Order: CI & SVU.
Favourite Authors: JK Rowling, Dean Koontz, Tess Gerritsen, and Richard Laymon(R.I.P)
Want to know more? Ask me! You can find me on the forums under hermybabay82.
First off let me say, lovely story! I especially liked the ending, it's a nice thought to think that our loved ones will always be watching over us. Now, on with the review!
I really liked how you characterized Remus in this piece. He's moody and upset but understandably(sp?) so. Personally, I don't like it when authors have Remus try to commit suicide and was relieved when you didn't have him go through with his thoughts. With that said I still think that Remus having some suicidal thoughts, especially so shortly after losing all his friends, is plausible and I like how you talked had him talk himself out of it. Very well done.
The memories, I think was another added bonus to this submission. Everything that you've included in them are significant enough for Remus to remember, to recall why they were such good friends. You've also done a good job at not ignoring Peter in here, as so many of us (me included) sometimes do.
All in all, you did a really good job at presenting a very valid look into Remus' life. I enjoyed it tremendously!
~Stacy~ of the Gryff Review Crew
To start off with, I really liked this story, it's a wonderful glimpse into a moment of Remus life that I had wondered about.
You've done an excellent job at showing the range of motion Remus possibly went through on that night, from being mad at Harry in the beginning all the way to the end where he was elated at the chance to be a doting(sp?) father. I especially enjoyed the fight with Tonks and then his in-laws. Everything that was said was completely believable and I could just picture Remus and Tonks standing in front of me having it out.
You've done a wonderful job with characterizing all of the characters within this piece, not just Remus. I must admit it's refreshing to see him lose his cool, as everyone has the chance to do.
There was one part that had me scratching my head, but I think it's just the placement of the sentences and the way I read it.
I’d never forgive myself if I hurt either one of you, if I contaminated you. I could kill our child.”
I had to read that over a couple times for what was truly meant to sink in. The first read thru had me thinking 'Why would Remus want to kill his child?' Like I said though, it's just the way I read it surely.
Other than that, all I really have to say is 'Wow!'
~Stacy~ of the Gryff Review Crew
OMG! Manu, this chapter was such an insight into little Rose's world and such a sad ending! I hate cliffies, but I adore them in the sense that they make me excited for the next chappie! Agh, I'm confusing.
Anyways, again, I really liked your characterization of little Rose and Scorpius. I especially like the current situation they are in and the conflicts it presents.
I also really like how you have James being the present voice of her father, and I'm assuming that you will have little Albus fill that role as well - but I'll have to wait to see that for sure. I really liked the characterization of James as well, he seemed very age appropriate.
The plot of your story is written very well also. I can't wait to see where you take this. At the risk of sounding cliche I say, update soon! :D
~Stacy~ of the Gryff Review Crew
The whole world has gone crazy, tipped on its side, changes happening so quickly that Harry can’t keep track of them all. He isn’t at the centre of it anymore – he’s drifting peacefully somewhere on the very outer rim, and he likes it this way, and he never wants to go back.
He has a dream one night. Soft hands lift him out of his bed. He opens his eyes and their faces are like maps of a country he’s never been to but has always wanted to go. They say they’ll take him to a place where all he has to is breathe.
He says okay.
After Voldemort's defeat, Harry struggles to come to terms with love, death, and the end of innocence. One-shot. Rated for very, very mild sexual implications.
Wow! This was a lovely story and very well written. I love how you've broken it up into seasons of that first year after the battle, it's very befitting. You've shown great imagery and characterization with each section, making each it's own. Yet, each section seems to flow fluidly into the other, just like the seasons they represent. I'm very impressed.
Okay, so lets start with Summer. You've done really well in showing how numb Harry, as well as anyone in that situation, might have felt after such a trying experience. The way you've shown him relieved that it's all over which is almost unbelievable to him. The words and phrases used, such as the following excerpt, are done so well. This section, for me, signified his numbness at everything he has experienced.
The weightlessness makes him dizzy, and for months he knows nothing but a soft, gentle sort of unconcern for everyone and everything around him.
On to Fall, in which you've made sure to mention the damage that had been done to Hogwarts during the battle there. I must thank you for including that. The perfect way you have Harry able to see the repair that has been done but know that the castle itself will never look quite the same to him is absolutely masterful. I really liked the fact that you didn't have him go ahead with his seventh year, it shows that he is aware that he's grown out of that phase of his life and it's not something he can relive. Great symbolism. Maybe not the best line in the entire submission, but it's one of my favorites:
He turns away and knows, with a terrible certainty, that he will never look back.
I've interpreted this section as a period of grieving.
The next piece of this work is Winter, which again I think you've done superbly well. I like how you have used Ginny as his anchor to the here and now of it, how he sees her as his futre; a future he never thought he would have. I also like how you've included little Teddy there at the end. During this part Harry seems almost anxious to be out there fighting for a cause once again, but has feelings of guilty for wishing this. A perfect example of those feelings is this excerpt:
The sad truth is this. Life, minus raging dragons, breathless heists, and legendary quests, isn’t everything he thought it would be.
Again, I have my own interpretation of this area which is a feeling of restlessness, and anger at not being thankful for what he has.
Lastly, we come to Spring in which you show Harry moving on to the next great adventure of his life - or at least the beginning of it-, the starting of a family. He seems very content in this passage, very happy with the way things have turned out. It seems he's slowly come to terms with everything that happened the year before, which you've signified with this excerpt:
He stands looking out at the ocean, a bright startling blue despite the greyness of the sky above. Maybe this is how acceptance begins. Quietly.
I'm sure with these last passages that acceptance was the theme, as states in the excerpt.
Again, I loved this fic. It's possbly one of the best, most poetic pieces I've ever read. Great Job!
~Stacy~ of the Gryff Review Crew
Author's Response: Thank you for this incredible review; I almost never get reviews this long and in-depth, and it means so much to me. To respond to some of your comments: I\'m glad you apprehended the numbness I was trying convey with the summer season, almost like a hazy sense of relief, so strong that it sent Harry into a sort of numb euphoria.
When J.K. said in an interview that Harry didn\'t go back for his final year, it got me thinking about why he didn\'t and inspired more of this fic. I think that after a seven-year war it would be almost incomprehensible for Harry to go back to Hogwarts like nothing at all had happened.
I love how you\'ve interpreted the seasons: numbness, sadness/anger, guilt, acceptance. I meant to sort of outline the stages of grief with this fic, splitting stages with seasons.
‘Love and hate are quite similar when you think about it,’ James said thoughtfully.
‘What do you mean?’ Lily asked.
‘You can’t hate someone for no reason without loving them a little,’ he said.
Lily rolled her eyes. ‘That’s stupid,’ she said.
‘No it’s not. Why do you think guys tease girls they like? Most people use hate to hide the fact that they really love someone.’
Lily didn’t say anything, so James continued. ‘After all, love is really just hate with a smile.’
Lily Evans hated James Potter. She always had, and thought she always would. But people change. Opinions change. Sometimes the line between right and wrong blurs … as well as the line between love and hate.
ON INDEFINITE HIATUS. Check out my bio for more details.
Wow, Jenny! I always knew you were an awesome beta, but this is the first time I've ventured into one of your stories and I must say that I'm quite impressed! I think your flow with the story is really superb and that you have a very strong handle on Lily's character.
I think what I liked most with this fic is your portrayal of Lily. In most fan fiction you find her as the perfect student that is prone to fits of rage around James. The way you've shown her here makes her much more believable as a person and in turn makes it easier for your readers to connect with her. The fact that you have shown some flaws that I'm sure most every teenage girl has struggled with is not only ingenious but works very well in pulling your reader into the characters world, they have something to identify with.
Lily’s usually shiny red hair was lank and greasy, and her eyes were so puffy that you could barely see their bright emerald green.
I could literally huggle you to death for this sentence! Not only is the description done splendidly, but you weren't afraid to show Lily's imperfections once again. I absolutely abhor when authors give her the 'Princess' complex. (As I call it when they have her looking perfect, as if she had just stepped out of the bath with every hair in order and makeup in place.)
With having read just this piece, I have to say that I believe one of your strongest points in your writing is your characterization. Even Petunia, who I generally hate, is very well done.
Petunia’s face burned red at the memory. ‘I was a lot younger then!’ she cried. ‘At least I don’t hang around people who try to hurt others, like you and your nasty friends!’
Again, wonderful description here love. Also, the fact that you were able to tie in a memory that is linked to one of Snape's memories from DH (I remember there being one about Lily reading a letter Petunia had wrote to Dumbledore) in such a short sentence is astounding.
You've done a fabulous job with grammar and punctuation, as expected; you and you're lovely beta are an awesome team! That being the case, I really don't have any nitpicks. >.<
Again, dearie, loved the story and I can't wait for an update! *looks at submition date* >.O
Author's Response: -grins- Thanks, Stacy! I\'m so happy you like it. I\'m so relieved that you love my characterisation, because that\'s what I always worry about in my writing. Also, *cringes*, I know I have to get around to updating this. I still have to talk to a mod to get it through the queue, since it doesn\'t want to do it itself. *glares* Anyway, thanks again fro the fabulous review!
Oh, El! That was lovely!
As Sammy has told you many a time, you are the ultimate Severus Snape author. You charactarize him beautifully. I swear you're Severus incarnate and you just won't tell us!
I adore this submission! As I'm reading through it, I'm thinking to myself that it's an AU piece where Sev and Lily actually did get married and was so excited to see a happy ending for Sev. I'm all a flutter thinking there's going to be a kiss at the end and maybe a scene similar to it's a wonderful life.... and then, the twist!
The twist, what a wonderful twist it was! Completely unexpected. I would have never thought of including a daydream for him resulting from contact with a Weasley's Wizarding Wheeze's product. Ingeniously done!
Absolutely no nitpicks from me, just a substantial amount of praise!
Stacy - of the Gryff Review Crew
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Stacy! *hugs*
\r\nNow, it\'s certainly high praise to have made a known J/L shipper \'all a flutter\' at the idea of an AU where Severus and Lily were together... ;)
\r\n*sigh* The twist at the end I\'m both proud of and can\'t help hating myself for. For obvious reasons.
\r\n~El *who is also mildly sick of the \'rnrn\' bug that appeared after the update*
Hello there, dearie! I've finally come to review a story!
You've got a very interesting tale here; it kept me entertained through the very end. Excellent job with characterization and also with imagery, both were done very well.
The imagery is what popped out at me first. The metaphors that you've used in conjunction with how you've used them were placed perfectly throughout this ficlet. The following paragraph I think shows this perfectly:
Sirius closed his eyes and listened. The small slap, as foot hit stone became erratic and scurried. She was running, running in circles. Running in the cold, grey world that stretched out endlessly, trying to escape the nightmare she was imprisoned in. But there was no endless grey plane. Only a small, finite cage that kept her on this cold, grey rock, in this cold, grey prison, in this cold, grey cage. Sirius hardened his heart against her plight. It was better to stay numb, and the problems of a crazy woman were not his to deal with.
Just the way you've presented the unnamed woman, describing her as a rat in a cage, was very haunting for me. To top that off, you threw in the erratic behavior the caged rat within her mannerisms - it left a very chilling picture in my mind. *shudders*
Sirius was done perfectly to my taste. Your portrayal of him is exactly what I visualize when I think of Sirius locked up in Azkaban. From the tenor of his thoughts to his many mannerisms you've shown here, he seems a very tormented sole which is something that fits in very well with how he is portrayed in the canon universe.
Was he crazy for wishing the death of one of his own? True, there had been no camaraderie between them, yet she was dignified through her silence. Through her silence she stayed unnoticed by the living passing by them—their faces turning grey with pain and loss.
Sirius had lost everything.
This has to be one of my favorite excerpts from this story. It shows how truly harsh the walls of Azkaban, or any criminal institution can be, and for Sirius to be an innocent man and be going through this... let's just say, this fic helps one understand how one could go crazy in that situation.
The plot line itself was absolutely brilliant in my opinion. I never expected the twist with the unnamed woman and how it would bring Sirius face to face with his hatred of his own mother, only to be reminded again of the sacrifice of his friends.
I have only one nitpick, and I'm sure it's something you may have heard, and that is the repetitiveness of the word 'grey'. I know it is relevant to the theme of the story, and I myself had the same issue with this challenge so I can't really say to much about it. I know how hard it is to find different words to show the same concept.
All in all, this was an excellent story and I enjoyed it immensely! :D
~Stacy~ of the Gryff Review Crew
What a wonderful, imaginative, and engaging story! I can honestly say that I’ve never read anything quite like this in fan fiction and that I’ve enjoyed it immensely! You have a wonderful way of telling the story and have created a very believable character with Corrina Corax and your version of Scorpius is splendidly done as well.
The prologue was exceptional. It was a bit short, but it definitely served its purpose. With great use of description and an interesting last line, it’s sure to have your readers keeping track of this story until it is finished.
We actually get our first glimpse of Corrina within that prologue, but it isn’t until you delve into the story and actually start the first chapter that we actually meet her. The way that you’ve built the world around the character, describing the settings so that your reader can see them, showing not telling, is done with exquisite form. The way that you drop small hints of your character here and there is also very well done. For example:
She looked over to the carriages that waited, and to the skeletal horses that pulled them.
“Firs’ Years! This way!” boomed out a large voice.
She turned and walked towards the enormous man holding a lantern.
Within the end of the first paragraph and the next few sentences we already know that at the age of eleven, or rather the presumed age of eleven (I feel like you’ve hinted at something that we are yet to learn within later chapters), she has witnessed someone’s death. Even later within the chapter you’ve given a small hint to her previous schooling with this line:
She was playing with her quill, as if she had never handled one before.
It wasn’t until her confession to Scorpius of not being able to read or write that I recognized that small hint. The whole story, not just the first chapter is peppered with small hints like these and it makes the reading even more interesting. I admit I have a penchant to speed read but in doing so I sometimes miss little gems like this and it’s definitely something I will not be doing while reading future chapters; to afraid I’ll miss something.
Again, your characterization and your writing style are perhaps one of the strongest that I’ve ever seen on a fan fiction site. You definitely have an elegance in your writing that seems like it’s from another time, just like your main character.
The story setting itself is also beautifully done. I like the idea that their could be another world just beyond that of the wizarding that seems to be even more immersed in magic than that we already know of. The world of Faerie seems to be very well thought out and it is another of my favorite elements of this story, along with how you have woven the two worlds together within your character. The only thing that I find bothersome is the fact that I don’t know enough about this new world. So, as a reader I would love some more background on this world but as a writer I know that you may be holding it back for more revelations later in the story.
In closing, you’ve definitely got me hooked with this story – both with your style of writing and the wonderful tale that you are weaving. I can’t wait to read more about Corrina and Scorpius’ tale, along with more information on the world of Faerie!
Author's Response: I am speechless. Thank you for the wonderful review. I shall endeavor to oblige with another trip to Faerie. It will probably remain somewhat mysterious, though. It is a large place, off in the shadows, and the inhabitants are cautious in sharing their confidences. I feel confident that given time they will be more forthcoming, as, indeed, shall I.
Oh!!!! My!!!! Goodness!!!!! I can't stop laughing!!!! This was absolutely wonderful and completely, utterly fantastic! I have definitely never read anything like this and it's awesome! I can't gush enough about this! It's definitely going on my faves list!
Author's Response: I\'m surprised people seem to think this is so funny! And I\'m also VERY glad that you liked this and didn\'t find it extremely confusing. If you like crazy metaphysical stuff dealing with the Department of Mysteries, you might like \"Oh No, Nott Again!\" a previous Gauntlet entry of mine. Though it\'s not as good as this one, because Nevilles Girl didn\'t help with it.
Wow, Sammy and El! Just… W-O-W! You two have done an excellent job with this story. The flow of the writing is so well done that you can’t even tell where ones writing begins and the other stops, aside from the fact that I know one of you had the Older Sev and the other had the Younger Sev. As usual, the wording is done with such eloquence that I cringe at the thought of my review even being here – you both intimidate me with your writing styles!
"Kreacher is a House Elf, Sir. He has been sent to tell you many things, Sir. Things that will not be easy for Sir to hear."
I love how you wrote Kreacher! I’m assuming this is Sammy’s doing as I’ve seen her write House Elf speak before, but it never fails to amaze me how well it is done. Lovely job with this one dears.
The boy's eyes dart from the little vial to your face. You barely have the time to register the surprised and frightened expression, as it fades away, taking with it everything that you always hated setting your sight upon. Only the eyes remain, and everything around them, everything in the world, everything in existence seems to be simply... erased.
This paragraph brought tears to my eyes. You’ve so seamlessly brought Sev’s feelings and thoughts into existence from the small glimpse that these two shared in DH. This is completely befitting of Sev’s character – but then again, that’s nothing new for either of you.
Preparing an antidote without as much as a sample of the poison - the very thought let you understand that whoever was behind the elf had barely any idea of potion-making.
Okay, this had me rolling and also left me guessing at who the sender of the elf might be. It’s funny how even young Sev seems to think this person an incompetent oaf! *smiles*
So… that ends Chapter One for me. I loved the beginning of your tale. As per both of your usual, Sev is perfectly in character – both young and old. At points with Older Sev, I found myself thinking back to El’s TNBT (R.I.P. – until found), but this is altogether a good thing as I love(d) that fic! This chapter, as I’m sure all the chapters preceding it, was very well written and progressed nicely. My favorite parts had to be the ones involving Kreacher though, and that’s only because of the House Elf speak that was present. Other than that it’s hard to choose a fave excerpt, mainly because it’s all so wonderfully written.
/gush for now
Interesting story line! I think what you’ve done with this is very compelling and unique; I would have loved to have seen the prompts that you received for this! You’ve done an excellent job with describing the settings as well as Sirius’ feelings as he went through the task that DD set him. All in all, I say that I really liked this story!
The opening paragraph shows your descriptive writing best I think: A thunderous crash caused me to lift my head from where I was laying, sprawled on the floor. The only thing that I might suggest doing different with this is mentioning what Sirius sees when he lifts his head – the best place for that would be in the next sentence or maybe just adding to the end. Something like: A thunderous crash caused me to lift my head from where I was laying, sprawled on the floor beside the fallen. You do mention the dead bodies *cringes at the thought of waking up to that* later on in the story so I’m not altogether sure it should be done here – it’s just a personal preference.
Another personal preference is that when you use another language, one besides English, you should think about italicizing it. I was really confused for a split second before I recognized it as German. >.< What can I say, I’m special and OCD like that.
I gasped. I’m in . . . Germany, and this has to be . . . World War II, I thought to myself.
I loved how you did this revelation. You had already hinted to the possibility of him being in a different time and he was definitely in a German speaking country, but I didn’t put all of that together until this line. The only thing with this is a small discrepancy in the timeline as you have it presented. I’m not sure if the locket was a Horcrux at this particular time in history and I don’t think the locket would have altered Sirius’ mood without it being one. It has to do with the dates of WWII and the time that Voldemort actually came into contact with the locket – if you would like to know more just PM me.
I looked down at the Time Turner that was clasped in my other hand, and I noticed that there was a piece missing from it.
After looking it over I saw that there was a small piece missing that I knew I would have to find.
Once again a small, golden object caught my attention. I bent down and picked it up. After looking at the object a few times, I realised that it was a piece of the Time Turner that Dumbledore had given me.
I loved how you used these lines to show the progress of figuring out the Time Turner was broken and then the conclusion of finding the missing piece!
The only thing that I didn’t care much for was the change in Sirius’ character when he put the locket on. You could argue that he represents the Sirius we could have known had he not turned away from his family, the same type of prejudice he would have had would be present I’m sure. But I also reason the fact that when Harry and Ron wore the locket, it only changed their mood not their moral being. It’s like one of the theories behind hypnotizing someone. You can make them do all kinds of silly things that they wouldn’t normally do on their own as long as it doesn’t go against their established personal morals. I’m not sure if I’ve explained that properly… if you have any questions on it PM me and I’ll attempt to explain it further.
Again, I loved the story dear! Wonderful writing style and a very interesting plot make for a spectacular read!