A Gryffindor in the MNFF forum. I'm coming back from a long hiatus from fan fiction writing - I'm slowly but surely getting my writing fingers back into shape.
Great twists you have on this fic. The characters / OCs are very well developed. Hardly the perfect little angelic OCs that I usually like to strangle *lol*. Although Warren and Griselda are strangle worthy, but for an entirely different reason *L* Love that these chapter is long thus gives us readers plenty of events.
I like how you started this chapter with Bill and Fleur - the love and familiarity they have for one another was clearly shown.
Nit Pick! *giggle*: On the name 'Lucifer Malfoy' ... On the canon Malfoys e.g. Lucius and Draco (other Greco-Roman Name are Brutus, Antonius, Cassius, etc) came from traditional Roman and Greek names. Lucifer is more Hebrew with stands for 'Day Star' (although it's connoted to Satan) ... but I guess you wanted an evil sounding name. Although Lucifer is latin for light bearer ... it's not a Greco-Roman name one usually finds.
The exchange between Ron and Hermione is extremely entertaining ^_^. You've got both their characterization down pat. The way they argue is funny - you've got a gift in dialogues; I can imagine them saying those.
Okay, originally, i posted a respond. but it said i wasn't signed in *queer*
The origins of Lucifer: Lucius and draco may be form whever, but I'm not a history buff. I read your fics to get my fix for that =-) I DID however pick up on the light bearer, i typed it in on this baby names thing, rofl. Hand of Glory, anyone? Family heirloom, no doubt. I love how even when I'm wrong, Im right. *thumbs up.*
Now, Craistians, correct me if I'm wrong. Im not an athiest, just ignorant. I prefer to look outside the square. Lucifer was originally the Devil's name before her tryed to claim God's possition as his own in Heaven, then he was banished by God to his own domain where he re-named himself Satan (once again, correct me.)I'm constantly reading fics wheer people associate Draco wiht the Devil, and Lucifer sounds like Lucius so *shruggsies* oh well. Diddems.
I lub Hermione and Ron, and i refuse to believe the Harry and Hermione ship some are fixated on *coughamandacough* although... it is plausible.. if you squint sideways.
Aww.. they're separated. Totally makes sense since Harry was almost sorted to Slytherin as well. It's a good way of showing that being Slytherin does not necessarily makes you evil.
I wonder what Lily would say ....
Author's Response: Hmm.... see i've always thought of Lily as a girl who has her furutre set out for her, and everything she had planned for herself died when she started going out with James. All her expectations didnt exactly drop, but something in her realised that she needn't be so opinionated. When she herself died,a ll those morals came back, beacsye dying so yound made her doubt the choices she made in life. Thats my veiw anyway, and I think she's adjusted to the fact Slytherins can actually be nice ever since Sluggie gave the info Harry needed ;)
You have a very engaging way of narrating a story. Sort of like Lemony Snicket. Your character Andrea comes alive. It's nice to read HP in a different POV ... you do wonder what other people think of those well beloved characters. You delivered it quite well.
This is a good start ^_^ I like how you depicted Harry. Although one particular detail just felt wrong .... Petunia calling Harry for dinner? And moreso nicely? I was thinking that it's more likely for her to yell. "Boy! If you don't get down here in 10 seconds you won't be having dinner at all!" ^_^
Author's Response: I have to actually agree with you on this one...I like the idea. Keep looking for an update..hopefully my next chapter will go through...fifth time's a charm? lol
I like it ^_^ I want to find out what Lily will do to James, after a pronouncement like that. ^_^ *L* Oh the last chapter is great too ... felt reallt sad for Petunia ...
Sirius is definitely one of the most tragic characters in HP. I love the way you described everything ... it does reflect Sirius perfectly. ^_^ 10!
Americanism is usually froemed upon but this is so funny that it served it's purpose.
Although I think you may feel it is important for those massive lines in between for the readers to scroll down some more before the revelation of the next stage ... I feel you don't need those irritating series of dots that goes something like
I enjoyed this fic though :)
*l* Love the conclusions that the shrink came up with. I especially like dudley here ... and normally I don't like him. Wonderful work ^_^
Author's Response: Thank you so much! And yeah, Dr. Vesanus was a little bit off-kilter. I think I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Vesanus is latin for insane (at least, that's what the online translator told me).
Pretty good. Free verse is all about tension and release and you did it quite well ^_^
Author's Response: Thanks!
I always pictured Neville's grandmother as some sort of dragon lady since Neville is somewhat afraid of her. You managed to depict her so well as a old lady so reserved yet she loved so much.
Author's Response: I still think she is a bot of a dragon for Neville, but then Neville is afraid of his own shadow. :-) Thanks for the review!
I like that you italicize some parts. Gave those desperate thoughts of Sirius' a bit more emphasis. ^_^
Author's Response: < I > is my friend! Thanks for reviewing!
Poetry is such a great medium because it offers brevity and power. This poem is a perfect example of that. You’ve got an excellent rhythm and rhyming scheme going here but what I find exceptional was the message and imagery that you were able to convey despite the use of only a few words.
The small developments from Voldemort’s fall, how he live a desolate life as something less than human, his resentment and plot for revenge, his eventual resurrection and resurgence to power and strive to destroy all including Harry – all this was depicted clearly in about 50-60 words.
My favourite verse in all this is:
Because in so few words it depicts Voldemort’s fall and disappearance from the Wizarding world. In that certain instant were he tried to kill Harry, his strength left him.
A short and powerful piece, Vader. ^_^ I Truly enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Thanks again, nutty imp, for taking the time to leave such a detailed and flattering review. It's pretty funny what can happen sometimes when you just start messing around with some words that seem to sound good together. From there, it sort of turned into this whole little summary of the Dark Lord thing. Anyway...thanks so much for reading and reviewing.
Free verse, a form of poetry of whose artistry is often left unappreciated. This is a beautiful poem by that form. This poem is full of quiet power, I love how you end each line with an image. And even without your saying-so it was quite perfectly obvious that this poem is about Dumbledore. (It’s those little Muggle items that give some clue and I love that you also used them to set up the feel of the place.)
You’ve painted a serene picture of a afterlife at the same time it reflected Dumbledore’s personality so perfectly.
the line that struck me the most is:
This, I believe conveyed that he no longer need those earthly things in this new life
These lines somehow conveys the likely thoughts of the just departed. New to all this sensations, they’d think about the possibility of coming back, but given the beauty and peace they’ve found it’s hard to want to come back.
And that final line:
Once, I said that it does not do
to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
Maybe in this case I was wrong.
I loved that, because this whole poem gave a dream-like atmosphere to represent his death. It shows that Dumbledore will be moving on to forget his past life and enjoy this dream-like place which he rightfully deserves.
Amazing as always, Vader.
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for the great review, nutty imp. I too really enjoy the free verse form of poetry just as much as something more structured. They can be just as challenging to write (effectively). I'm glad you thought this one was good. Thanks again, your comments are greatly appreciated.
This is definitely a different view on Bellatrix. I often see as a cruel nutcase but this is very good. The way you portrayed her as sad and troubled.
Author's Response: Thanks; this is my favorite of the stories I've written.
I like them all but, for me the second one is the best. ^_^ I guess it's the play of words is what struck me about it. I mean words like insensible sight, deathless life, inglorious light, indecisive knife.
I like the way you used stronger language gives a more intense imagery to get your point across to the reader.
The second stanza is a great contrast too. It uses more basic words/language to get the point across thus end it rather nicely.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I realise I'm a bit late responding to these but the log in issue makes me afraid to try... however it seems to be behaving itself today. Yes, I loved playing with imagery....writing poetry allowed me to do far more with it than I can in my prose so it was great fun to do. Writing poetry is one heck of a way to improve your prose writing abilities in that respect. Thanks for the review!
You decribed the knight bus perfectly. Those little details on its destinations. Even if you did say that this is a free verse, I did catch the rhymes. Great Job.
Author's Response: Hah, yeah, I put free verse even though I did work on making it rhyme, in one or two places it didn't really click. Besides, it's the Knight Bus, they are only that organized by luck! Thank you for your review!
May I say that I love the title? I'd imagine something subtle and soft by it. I like that you're using an unexplored character. You began this rather poetically so much so that I couldn't help but read on.
Theodore obviously isn't a nice person but I feel for him as I read on ...
This sentence sounds a bit awkward: He was the easiest person to manipulate I’d ever met
May I suggest: Of all the people I had met, he was the easiest one to manipulate.
And so, like many before me, I’ve been dropped - I had been dropped ...
It's rare that I see a fic written in present tense and it gives a more surreal feel to this story.
Theodore is full of silent anger, we get a glimpse of it here but I can feel that there's plenty more inside hidden, shadowed ...
Great Job Mask. The only thing preventing me from going on to read and review the next is the fact that I have to pack and I do have to save some stuff for next month ^_^
Peter Pettigrew is one of the most despised of HP characters but I could not help but feel a twinge of sympathy for him on this particular story. It is a story of a man who made the wrong choice and it slowly eats him up. I liked the little interplay with Remus ... It's such a simple scene but the way Remus insisted on writing it down for him shows that they do care for him but, treats him like a child. Funnily so - they don't trust him enough, but he was made the secret keeper... they treat him as less than an equal but in the end he managed to bring them all down. This story gives us a good look at Peter ... and what may have been his internal struggles as he prepared to betray his friends. Insightful look at the man too weak to refuse Voldemort - a man who clung to power because it's all he ever knew ... Excellent work Kaltaru. The title is so fitting as well.
Author's Response: Thank you! It's been so nice to get reviews! Power has been sort of ignored. It's wonderful to hear my story receive praise. Thank you for reviewing and recommending it in the forums.
Ames!!!!! (ignore me am just being a bug *lol*)
You already know I love Draco's characterization. Always love those witty insults of his. Bye!
Author's Response: Yay!!
Good characterization of Draco-Hermione and Neville as well. It's refreshing to read a fic that dwells a bit more on Neville. He's a highly un-appreciated character :)