I'm a Harry Potter fan, well above the age of consent.
I grew up on the Great Prairies of Canada and I still find beauty in the vast emptiness of the prairie sky, even though I live far away now. I am absurdly over educated, having two Baccalaureate degrees and a Masters. I'll probably stick with what I am doing now though, which is software engineering. I have been reading and making things all my life.
I do love getting reviews, even on stories that have been out a while. Tell me what you think, what you like and dislike and help me grow. And *psst I usually do return reviews!
That is really good! I'm a dunce at poetry myself, but each stanza made me feel like you loved that house the most - very even handed. None of the rhymes seemed forced and my only quibble is that "work ethic" seems a little 20th century.
I loved it!
Author's Response: SUSAN! *tacklesquish* Thanks for stopping by! I'm glad you liked it... I just got inspired by a Slytherin anthem contest and went from there! Good catch on the "work ethic"-- I wasn't consciously aiming for an archaic style, but I see that it turned out that way. Thanks a lot again! <3333333
At age fifteen, Regulus Black became sole heir to the largest fortune in Wizarding London. At sixteen, his abnormal intelligence won him entry into the most notorious cult of Dark wizards on earth. At seventeen he made a mistake – one that he would never be able to take back – and his entire world came crashing down.
Enter London, 1979. The story of a boy who managed to defy Voldemort at the height of his regime. But what price did he have to pay?
I admire your delicate handling of the debased behaviour of the Death Eaters. Just enough described to elicit disgust; just enough left out for the imagination to shudder against.
You have built up Regulus's character beautifully and believably. I am looking forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! The St. Giles scene in Chapter 4 was one of the hardest to write, for sure, just because of its repulsive content. I'm very glad you didn't think I overdid it, or for that matter underdid it... it had to be just graphic enough so that readers can understand Regulus's wild actions against Voldemort in later chapters. I think seeeing a scene as horrific as that one would induce anybody to lash out at something. Thank you, about Regulus's character. He's one of my favorites, so I'm glad you think I'm doing him justice. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story!
Bravo for your venture into untraveled territory! The story begins with a bang and has very nice imagery and characterization.
A couple of points that puzzle me - I get the impression that Duke's family is well off and Ivan's family is not. Yet it is Ivan's father who picks up the tab at the bar. It does set up a little rivalry between the boys, I think. One which I am sure that you can use later.
While the story flows quite well, I think that there are a few awkward areas. You say "Clearly, she only considered him responsible only in dealings with broomsticks" where "Clearly, she considered him responsible only in dealings with broomsticks." would be better. You could probably have picked that up if you had read the sentence aloud (something I do with my stories - if it sounds awkward and hard to say, it probably could be rephrased). And you refer to the "posts" that Duke receives from league teams. You mean owls, surely? :-)
All in all, very good work, and I look forward to the rest of the story!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm having a lot of fun exploring a part of history not usually discussed (i.e. the years just before the Marauders hit the Hogwarts scene). Your insights have made me think a lot more about Duke and Ivan. With a cast of mostly original characters, I'm quickly finding that it's hard to keep everyone consistent. :) As for Ivan and money, I think the Berdahls have money by the nature of their profession as wandmakers. However, unlike Deucalion's folks, Ivan's parents are much less willing to give Ivan gold to spend on games and broomsticks — things they view as sort of childish. I think that's a theme that will probably flesh itself out later.
I couldn't resist when I saw your banner - no reviews! How terribly sad. I love getting reviews too!
I love the title and the banner - I am not much of a poet, nor a poetical connoisseur, but I will do my best, as did Neville. The body of the poem, intermixed with the refrain ("kill the snake") gave it a rhythm that I liked. The last six lines gain intensity from the absence of the refrain - very well done. I felt like it took me into Neville's thoughts as he steeled himself to face Voldemort.
I must admit to a little disappointment that this wasn't a one shot. I'd like to propose to you the challenge of turning it into one. I would enjoy seeing even deeper into Neville's thoughts as he braced himself, the brave Gryffindor, having realized that courage is not so much an innate quality as a commitment to stand up to your own fears.
Very good job, and I am looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Aww, thanks so much! I realize I do very much like getting reviews. They make me happy inside. :) I am amazed with BB's work, because it totally encompasses the theme! And it draws attention to my baby. I will definitely try to turn this into a one-shot, because I love Neville very much and would like to write more of him. Thanks for reading and reviewing!! ~M_W
What a lovely read! Lavender Brown is often such a flat character, a foil really to create conflict between Ron and Hermione. You have taken that construct and made a believable person out of her, with regrets, shame, uncertainty and strength.
A bit of a pet peeve of mine is the use of "Godric" as a curse word. To me it would be a bit like using "Lincoln" or another historical figure as a curse. It doesn't quite work, in my mind. Merlin is certainly used in canon ("Merlin's most baggy y-fronts" is my favorite), but other than that there is very little other than one or two "effing" references. Just my opinion, of course, and it in no way tarnishes your story!
I'm looking forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm pleased you enjoyed the story, and there should be another chapter up very soon. Hmm, I know what you mean about 'Godric'. I like it because it's close enough to 'Oh, God!'but it isn't very canon. I guess I just get sick of using Merlin all the time. I wonder if I could introduce Morgan le Fey or Wendelin-the-Weird as curse words. Carole xxx
Everyone needs someone to hold on to, especially in dark times like these.
Sometimes, all it takes is a chocolate cheesecake and a friend – or something more – to rekindle a flame of hope.
That was very yummy. I am not normally a fan of second person POV, but this was very well done. And I could almost taste the cake!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad the POV didn't put you off - I adore it. :)
You did a great job introducing the story, setting the stage and making us want to read. I like the idea that Hermione was intrigued by magic and wanted to research it at the library (where else?) even before she finds out she is a witch.
I would have liked to see more time spent in the explanation of Hogwarts. And I thought it a little out of character that Mrs. Granger would keep him on the stoop while he (very precipitously) launched into his explanation. You could have added a little more suspense by expanding this section.
I really like your characterization of Hermione. It feels very true and I love (love, love) the way you brought out her mother's love, pride and sympathy in the very last line.
Delightful story, please write more...
Author's Response: Im glad you liked it and thank you for the tips. I plan to write more Hermione fics in the future, hopefully soon!
That was a very good description of the effects of jumping into almost freezing water. Alexandra managed to keep her wits about her pretty well - but then she is a witch. I liked the introduction of Brian and Bonnie back into her life.
Very nicely written. You captured the moment of hope extinguished, happiness murdered. JKR doesn't spend a lot of time describing Azkaban, leaving it to our imaginations. You have done a fine job of imagining it and then describing it to us without melodrama. It is dark, but we know that there is hope, even if Sirius does not. And we know that when Sirius does die, he dies beloved once again, so that is a comfort that informs the story you tell. Bravo.
Author's Response: Thank you. :)