Penname: TheSmirkingDragon [Contact]
Real name: Selina
Member Since: 09/22/07
Website:
Beta-reader:
Status: Member
Bio:
Selina is a lazy lazy fifteen year old girl who rarely updates bios or posts. She lives in New York and makes high school a living hell for her peers by her loudness at lunch and genius/moronic tendencies. She loves writing and reading and music more than anything else (except her family and friends, of course). She's sure that if she were a student at Hogwarts, Draco would be hers. And everyone else would be, too.

Selina is a proud Slytherin on the Beta Boards, posting frequently in the CR and trys her best to amuse herself and others. She is a new and excited member of SPEW, and aspires to one day become a mod, though she doubts she will apply any time soon!

Selina has three stories up.

Of Apothecaries and Queerditch Matches
One-shot femmeslash. Entered in The Cupid Gone Crazy One-Shot Challenge in February 2009 and recieved 2nd place.

The Muggle Muggle Studies Teacher
Final for a Humour class a while back. Tells the tale of an unfortunate Muggle who goes through hell for her job as the Muggle Studies Teacher at Hogwarts.

Dear Someone
Entered in the Remus' Reflections One-Shot Challenge a long time ago. AU and about Dean Thomas' mother's struggles and problems while dealing with MS. Based on personal fears and experiences.

In the queue:
Leaves Are the Song of Change
Possibly cryptic, crazy nonsense, it is possibly the most mature thing submitted here so far. Contains copious amounts of metaphors and symbolism. Odd, but enjoyable!

And a poem:
A Lady's Regret
Called a sonnet, but really something different, it's something thought up for a class assignment and it just sort of clicked.

And moving out of 3rd person... Eh, never mind. I'm exiting gracefully.


I am HARRYHARRYHARRYs_twin of Slytherin on the Forums. GO SLYTHERIN!
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Reviews by TheSmirkingDragon
 

Summary: Ghosts. Feeble imitations of life, who can never pass. Do they ever regret their choices? Do they ever wish that they could 'die'?




I take some of the better known Hogwarts ghosts, and look inside their heads. The aria of the left behind.





Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 712 Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/31/07 Updated: 02/23/07


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 04/30/10 Title: Chapter 1: Nicholas Regretful

Wow. Pretty!

I enjoyed your pattern. It was a bit sing-songish, but more of a chantish sound as I read it in my head. It all felt natural to me, though your usage of commas seemed off to me. In lines like

"Condemned as a ghost,"

I don't think the comma was necessary. I was confused by it, and it made me pause while I was reading because it threw off my rhythm. You don't need to end every line with some form of punctuation.

You expressed Nearly Headless Nick rather well while staying in the limits of your rhyme and meter. I'm sure he regrets his decision to stay behind in this world, and you expressed that particularly well.

I'm surprised you didn't delve into the circumstances of his death further(beheading is rather odd for a wizard, and I would be interested to see your take of it), but I suppose it might have been difficult to fit in well.

I think you've put down the essence of how Nick must feel looking back at his choices, and I applaud you for it. I'm glad I clicked on this!
--Selina

 

A Day at the Spa by Nevilles Girl
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 84]

Summary:
Dear Mister Snape,
We are very pleased to present you with this once in a lifetime offer: A free day at Deena’s Magical Day Spa! Just Apparate to the address below and present this coupon to redeem your prize! We hope to see you there!
Sincerely,
Deena’s Magical Day Spa


Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1143 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/18/07 Updated: 09/26/07


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 02/25/08 Title: Chapter 1: A Day at the Spa

First off, I'd like to mention that this is teh awesomeness. One of the funniest things I've read for ages.

I loved the ending very much, but the last line Snape said seemed a little rushed. I don't see Snape saying that he looked good, even in a sort of bad way. I would more likely see him sulking about it, and saying something else. Though I loved the 'Absolutely not.' I would have italicised the not myself, though.

I would have loved seeing some more discription in your writing. It would have given more depth to the story, and given more chances for you to make jokes at Snapes expense. Like, for instance, going into detail of Snape's nails, prehaps saying that they were slightly yellow, with a thick layer of dirt, and discustingly gnarled and prehaps bitten.

I absolutely loved the bit toward the end with the Trio. I can see Hermione prehaps agreeing to it, in exchange for activity in S.P.E.W., which Ron and Harry probably wouldn't actually do. I think that you should try writing Ron; from what I saw of your writing of him, it seemed really natural and in character.

Overall, I was laughing insanely throughout the whole thing, and I hope we can see more of your work soon!

~Selina

Author's Response: Thanks! I\'ve never said this before, but I love your review! I\'ll take another look at it and revise it, though it probably wont go up on MNFF. I will take another look at Ron too. I\'ve never had any plot bunnies with him so I\'ve never had the chance, except for poetry but I portray people in whatever way I want in poetry. I don\'t think of characterization or anything really. I just write.

 

Summary: Rolf has never decorated for Christmas before, and Luna endeavours to show him how. But what does Rolf think when the decorations start talking to him?

Written by Pondering of Ravenclaw.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2469 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/06/08 Updated: 01/08/08


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 03/09/08 Title: Chapter 1: Talks with Plants and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks

Well, first off, your summary made me laugh. Before I even started reading, I was giggling - a good sign, I was sure.

Now, I just love the idea for this. It's really original, and keeps the reader thinking throughout the whole thing. There were parts that made me smirk, smile, and feel sad. Sometimes at the same time.

I love the perspective from which you told the story. It would have lost some of its charm if it had been told from third person, or from Luna's point of view. Rolf's voice is entertaining, and his regard to things is rather humourous. I absolutely loved his reaction to the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, and to Luna's reaction to his. It was sweet, and sad, in a way.

I loved the ending. I wasn't expecting a appearence of a CHS (see, I'm too lazy to write it out all the way.), and I loved how that developed the ending. I actually nearly cried when Luna said she didn't believe, because it's part of who she is. It really shows us how she reacts, as an older, more experienced person.

I absolutely luurrvved the last line. It was sweet, and made me smile.

Overall, a fantastic story, and I absolutely loved it.

~Selina

 

Summary: It's another spoof by Schmerg_The_Impaler!

This time, it's "Wicked," by Stephen Schwartz, remodeled to tell the story of Voldemort's life!

I also have spoofs of Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, and High School Musical on my profile, if anyone would care to read.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 6682 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
03/18/08 Updated: 03/29/08


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 03/23/08 Title: Chapter 1: Act One

Yay! New stuff from Schmergo!

Well, it was absolutely hilarious, like usual. I particularly liked the 'ironically, asplodes' bit. Made me totally crack up. Not good for my complexion, though.

Although I would like to see Hairspray and Sweeney Todd at some point, what I'd really like to see is Spamalot! Come on, Schmergo!

I really liked the first song. I would record it and put it on youtube, but I don't have MPD and/or several voices. I was going to record something from your HSM spoof, but I forgot. . . . Then me mum needed the camera. . . . Ach, whatever.

~Selina

Author's Response: Thank you vewy, vewy much! It\'s nice to have new stuff up after so long. Cracking up is good for anyone, though! ^_^ As for Spamalot, it\'s my favourite moosical in the whole world, but it\'s ALREADY a spoof, and it would be ridiculous to try to spoof something that silly!

 

The Lions of Gryffindor by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 335]

Summary: Past Featured StoryIt is June 1976 and The Marauders are at the top of their game. From the outside they look to have everything.But appearances, as the saying goes, can be deceptive.

James is discovering that not everything in life is his for the taking. Sirius knows he will have to defy his formidable family. Remus lives in constant fear of his life beyond Hogwarts. As for Peter... Well, Peter is struggling to live up to his friends.

The ties of friendship are strong, but war is raging and with a dark power rising those ties will inevitably fray.

Added to the mix is an adversary called Severus Snape, some lost House Points, a prank or two and a whole lot of Lily.

This is a Marauder tale.

This is a story of what made them special.

This is a story of why it started to go wrong for The Lions of Gryffindor.

OH MY GOOD GODRIC! Lions of Gryffindor won the 2009 QSQ for Best Marauders' Era Story. Amazed and incredibly grateful to those who nominated, judged and have beta'd this fic. THANK YOU.

.·ˆ¯)...(¯ˆ·.
¸.·ˆˆˆ(ºvº)ˆˆˆ·.¸
m m

Trick or Treat!
3. She clicks on her mouse and swipes her wand;
Some stories go up, and some stories are gone.
Stories of her own? Why, she has plenty!
Fewer than one-hundred, but far more than twenty.



Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 110875 Chapters: 23 Completed: No
Published:
09/10/08 Updated: 04/28/12


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 01/28/10 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14 - Cold Light of Day

Brilliant. I enjoyed reading this story for the QSQs, and when I saw that you had a new chapter up, I've read through it again, and I still think it's one of the best Marauder' fics I've read.

I love how you've made all of your characters believable, OC or canon. Your plotline is also original, which is more than a can say for a lot of fics. I've only noticed minor grammar errors, maybe one or two per several chapters, which we can, of course, credit a remarkable job to the fantastic betas. :) Also, I'm not sure if it's a mistake or I'm just being overaware, but it seems as if you're missing a lot of commas, like in dialogue. Like in the last line for this chapter, after 'Mary Macdonald' I would have used a comma. It may just be something I'm very used to, but it will distract me from the dialogue when it does occur. Mess up the flow? I'm not sure what word I'm looking for here.

I will be watching for your next update, and I hope you enjoy writing this as much as I liked reading it.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review and the praise. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and that you've been re-reading it. I shall check through the missing commas again. I do have a beta (or two) but sometimes between the three of us we miss things. *sigh*. Thanks again ~Carole~

 

Rebel Stars by Mistletoe
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: Past Featured StoryIn which Remus considers his feelings and hesitations as he once again steals away on a nightly rendezvous with Sirius.

Winner of the 2009 QSQ for Best Same-Sex Pairing! =]

Categories: Remus/Sirius Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Slash

Word count: 1104 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/03/09 Updated: 01/10/09


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 04/14/09 Title: Chapter 1: The stars are blazing...

That. Was brilliant. You're use of 2nd person wasn't really noticable or distracting from the plot - I stopped a sentence or so in when I realised something was off, and I was surprised to realise the POV. Well done with that. It's not often that I see something written so that I actually feel like I'm in the character's shoes.

This is such a moment stolen from time, and so realistic. I could see Remus and Sirius in that situation and behaving exactly like they did. Basically, I loved it.

I loved the reoccuring theme of an addiction. It didn't seem like a bad one, like the ones that are usually classified as such, but something that he couldn't live without. You wove that into the story well.

The one thing that's bothering me right now, and it's really the only nitpick I can find -- excellent job with the editing -- is the second-to-last sentence in your second-to-last paragraph. Is Remus pushing himself back, or is Sirius, or am I just reading it wrong?

Overall, a lovely piece of writing that I really enjoyed.
~S

 

Stage by DeadManSeven
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: The package arrived on a Thursday. Luna was able to tell instantly as it soared over the tables at breakfast, borne by some anonymous owl, that it was for her. It was the way her father wrapped packages.

She set aside her breakfast to clear a space for the owl, and waited patiently for it to land. Breakfast could wait a little. It happened every day, after all.


Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Slash, Violence

Word count: 3894 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/29/09 Updated: 07/01/09


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 05/30/10 Title: Chapter 1: Stage

Wow. What a fascinating idea. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the concept (I, like Tonks, wouldn't mind a pair of those goggles). I didn't catch on to what the goggles did until you stated so in the story, and I hit a stop, and thought, "Whoa." Because it was so simple, but so interesting. Where did you get the idea from?

It is so like Luna to care absolutely nothing for how odd she might look in these goggles (in my mind they look somewhat like the goggles in Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog, if you're aquainted with that), nor what kind of magic they are. She just tries it. That Ravenclaw thirst for knowledge, no?

I noticed, at least in the first vision, that it felt like the sentences ran on. I've always found that longer sentences speed things up, and shorter sentences slow down, and I think this is a good example. I was just flying through when I was reading, so that I had to go back a few times to really see what was happening. The opposite happened with the visions regarding Luna. Before each of the 'and's, I paused a little and considered each of them and the possibilities, then went onto the next set of ideas. I thought it was a cool use of sentence structure, to say the least!
xxSelina

Author's Response:

I think the original idea that sparked off the whole story was idly thinking about how a character would react if they could see all the "other universes" that come from fanfiction. I might have considered something like a cracked Pensieve to begin with, but I settled on the goggles because they're a sort-of parallel to rose-coloured glasses - purple-coloured goggles, like - and because I liked the mental image of Luna with a pair of chunky Dr Horrible-style goggles perched on her forehead.

To me, Luna is like the perfect Ravenclaw, because not only is she curious about the goings-on of the world, she approaches it with an open mind. I like her intelligence because it's so different to, say, Hermione's - while Hermione is focused on not being wrong about things, Luna seems to just want to learn for the joy of learning. Granted, she draws a lot of wrong conclusions about the world, but occasionally she hits on a perfect insight - like her views on death, or thinking Harry should be hanging out with someone "cooler" than her and Neville - that someone like Hermione wouldn't be able to match without hours of consideration.

Anyone that rails against run-on sentences hasn't ever read a good dream sequence. I like writing those long flowy sequences where narrative and dialogue and character perception all bleed together, so I engineered a story where I could do it as much as I wanted to. Actually, I like writing that goes against established conventions of form in general, so I enjoyed making the "snapshots" at the end as disruptive as possible to what a normal paragraph should look like. Sometimes, I wish there was as much focus on the technical experimentation aspect of fanfiction as there is on the "what-if" aspect to do with plotlines and such.

Thanks for reading, and even more thanks for reviewing.

 

Shine a Light by Sapphire at Dawn
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 28]

Summary: Clariss Flint has always thought herself a normal teenage girl who attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. However, during her sixth year at Hogwarts she begins to experience flashbacks to the past, where she experiances the life of Miss Ara Grey, a girl who attended Hogwarts in the seventeenth century. Clariss uncovers Ara's dangerous affair with the handsome Potions Master of the time, and as she becomes more and more involved with discovering what happened to the lovers, she notices that their lives are incredibly similar. Clariss begins to find love of her own at Hogwarts, and an ultimatum leads her to discover just how much the dead can influence the living.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Student/Teacher Romance

Word count: 23178 Chapters: 9 Completed: No
Published:
11/28/09 Updated: 09/19/10


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 05/31/10 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

I love the idea for this. I'm curious as to where this will ultimately end up. About how many chapters are you planning for?

I'm not sure where I'm getting this idea from, but I feel like Professor Sye is Ara, though that's unlikely, as that would make Sye several hundred years old. Unlikely.

Also, your summary? Last line is absolutely killer. That's what made me read the story (also, there's history involved - luff!).

Now, Clariss' name confuses me. When I first read it in the story, I thought it was a typo, but as I kept seeing it spelt the same way I saw I was incorrect. Do you say it as Clar-is, or like Clar-eese? I'm always interested in the pronunciation of uncommon names (my real name is quite problematic) of any type.

Sorry, but I have to get into the history while I'm here. I never considered that the dress code would have much changed throughout the years at Hogwarts. Is it required for the girls to wear the lacy dress robes, and the boys the high collars? Or is that just the 'fashion of the day'?

I'm curious about how your characters will continue to develop as the plot thickens. So far I've only seen the frameworks, if you will, of each of the characters and their place in Clariss' group, with the exception of Clariss, who's head we get to see inside of! :D

I've spotted a pair of minor errors, one of them a apostrophe on the wrong side of an s and another involved the use of a incorrect word . . . I can't seem to find them now, but I'm sure their in either chapter three or four. I'll be sure to let you know if I remember. ;)

I'm dying to know why exactly Clariss is having her visions, and I'll be on the lookout for a new chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks very much for your review! I don't know exactly how long this is going to be, I sort of just plan as I go along really, but it's not going to be concluded any time soon. I'd imagine twenty plus chapters, though. Professor Sye isn't Ara, but she does have a bigger part to play, as you've probably guessed! I don't want to give away too much, but there will be more of her later in the story. As for Clariss's name, it's pronounced how it's spelled Clar-iss, with a double s prounounciation (as in hiss and kiss). I got the name while I was watching some antiques programme and they were on about a pottery artist called Clarice Cliff, and they were pronouncing her name 'Clar-iss'. I didn't know until I googled her afterwards that it was spelled different, but I liked the different spelling so I kept it. With the history and the robes type thing, I didn't really think that the girls wore the same type of robes as the boys because in the Muggle culture of the time girls and boys wore different things. However, the main reason for the uniform change is the fact that in that scene I needed Clariss to realise that this was happening in the past, and the most obvious way I could think of doing that was by what they were wearing. School uniforms change with the years (over here, blazers with uniforms are coming back in, whereas a few years ago no schools had them), so I don't think it's too unbelievable to think that uniforms of the past would have been embellished with a little fashion of the day. Thanks for pointing out mistakes, I'll have a scour though and see if I can spot them. Thank you so much for this review, I always love to hear what readers think! Sarah x

 

Summary:

Silver Selena Moon and Salazar Scorpio Moon -
Determined and forceful
Emotional and intuitive
Powerful and passionate
Exciting and magnetic

On the dark side....
Jealous and resentful
Compulsive and obsessive
Secretive and obstinate

Destiny Sev Snake -
Practical and prudent
Ambitious and disciplined
Patient and careful
Humorous but reserved

On the dark side....
Pessimistic and fatalistic
Miserly and grudging

Twins spawn from the Dark Lord himself and a daughter of an ex-Death Eater. Together they are the Youngest Death Eaters. Forced into a life because of their heritage but who are they truly? Who are they faithful to, light or dark?



Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 83222 Chapters: 19 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/30/09 Updated: 07/27/10


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 02/10/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: The Dark Side of the Moon

First, the chapter title “The Dark Side of the Moon” immediately put me in a good disposition toward your story. Pink Floyd is win.

The only victims of hers, if any, were those who tried to mess with her first.
This kind of characterization is somewhat clich. The sort of, “Well, I don’t do anything to anyone if they didn’t do anything to me,” is overused. I found it interesting how you used the word ‘victims’ here, though. If she only retaliates, why are they called victims? I thought that was interesting, and made me pause for a moment when reading it. At first I was confused by your word choice, but then I considered it, and I think that it potentially shows a lot about Destiny’s character. It could say that she’s unpredictable, or uncontrollable, when she gets angry/upset, or that she overretaliates in that sort of situation. It made me wonder what sort of temper she had, or if she got upset very easily.

My first problem was with this:
Standing a little over four feet tall, her body was slim with very angelic features.
I’ve done a bit of looking up on average heights for ages, and if by ‘a little over four feet’ you mean just a bit over that mark, perhaps by part of an inch or so, this would put her several years behind in average growth, making her around the size of a nine or ten year old. I don’t know if this is intentional or not by you, but this tripped me up while I was reading, and I had to check and see if it made sense. Also, she seems almost excessively beautiful. Does she have any flaws at all besides that very prominent 'mark'?

While reading the first chapter, I was unsure how old your characters Silver and Salazar were. By indicators like Silver’s height, I assumed that the pair were eight or nine, but the way they spoke, or even thought, I would think they were quite old. No kid in their age range talks that way, not that I’ve ever met. The twins are very aware of what is happening in their surroundings, and the effect that they have on others. I can see what you’re trying to do with making major similarities between Silver and Salazar’s childhood and Tom Riddle’s, but even he was a little skeptical of what Dumbledore was telling him. All three of the children use a very expanded vocabulary, and not even Hermione talked like that. An example of that is this: If that could happen, perhaps the opposite is possible, truly beguiling. Salazar is thinking this, and I know that when I was eleven years old, I probably hadn’t heard the word before, and I’m sure I hadn’t known what it meant. Add onto that the fact that the three grew up in an orphanage, where they probably didn’t get the same sort of constant education that I got at home and at school, and you have something that seems somewhat unlikely.

With arms flinging Destiny so nearly avoided her grasp, so she continued on to harass Silver first.
A little tattered, but none the less stable, well as stable as flying brooms could be.

I noticed quite a few little errors in your story similar to these, like comma placement and the like. I’d suggest visiting the MNFF Forums and getting a beta reader, if you haven’t already. They are a really wonderful and helpful bunch, and if I didn’t use them, I’m sure my writing would be a complete mess in comparison to what it is. I used these two examples because they took me a couple of readings to catch what you meant. What I have started doing is reading my writing aloud; it helps me check for mistakes, and I can note the natural pauses that I make while reading, and from there I can add in what punctuation I may need there, and I suggest you try it and see if it works for you.

One thing that bothers me about Destiny is how she didn’t put two and two together. She has her necklace, which has Severus carved onto it, and then this man, whose name is Professor Severus Snape, who somewhat resembles her (so far as their hair is involved), comes into her life with another professor, which makes his presence unnecessary. If Destiny didn’t figure it out, why wouldn’t the very observant twins see it?

I’m also interested in how you chose your names. I understand Salazar (his father picked out his name to honor a very powerful ancestor), but Silver seems odd. If Voldemort chose such a historic name for his son, why wouldn’t he do the same for his daughter, who he essentially branded as his son’s equal? I can’t see him naming his daughter Silver. And if she was named at the orphanage, would they choose such an odd name? As this orphanage is in England, I would assume that they would give her a normal, English name, like Anne or Mary, or at least something more traditional. I thought all of your names were a bit of the fanciful side – and I’m not condemning you for it, I love naming characters as well. But I thought Destiny was odd – if she was named that by her real parents, was there a reason behind it? I hope you’ll explain that in the future of this story. Also, ‘Quintessa’ seemed like an extremely odd name for what I assume is a completely normal Muggle orphan. If she is further involved in the story, I’d suggest giving us a reason behind the name. Was she an unwanted fifth child, or the fifth child the orphanage had gotten in a particularly busy week? Prehaps named by a very fanciful worker? Fantastical names are often the downfall for authors, and remember that to make a character interesting, you don’t need to make her name distinctive. The character’s unique actions will make them more distinguished in a reader’s mind than a series of uncommon names.

Author's Response: Ok, lol I'm going to try to answer or respond to all your points. But first, thank you, they are great. Well, for starters you got the hint about 'victims' as I wanted you to. Though at first Destiny seems much like Snape and can control herself, it is possible for her to completely lose control. In my mind she is like fire, which I relate her to later. She is powerful, unpredictable, and people need to be cautious around her. Also, like fire doesn't start itself, Destiny rarely instigates fighting, but when set off, she can not be controlled. With the twins' height, I must say, I sort of planned that they would appear a little short. As Salazar and Silver's actual births, at this point, are a mystery, only I know why. I will probably never go into detail in the story but the twins were premature, however because of the conditions of which they were found in, no one knows.(I explain a little more later in the response.) Anyway, their height is the result of that. As to their education level, I have given them very inquisitive minds on purpose. I want to make sure to set them apart from their peers. Like you said, not many children speak like them or think like them. This is why, the twins especially, do not 'try' to associate with the other orphans. They feel they are above them and intellectually, they are. The twin are autodidactic, they would take the basics that any kid would be taught and further explore themselves. Destiny, after being with them for so long learned secondhand. I understand my writing could use some correcting and in the future I will try to look closer. I'll try to use your techniques and hopefully as I keep going I get better. I made it very obvious about Severus and Destiny when they all met because I wanted to show the idea that as humans, we sometimes can't see what is right in front of us, while others on the outside can see it clearly. The twins picked up on Snape's first name, however, as all humans perceive things differently, Destiny did not think anything of it. If you're wondering now why the twins would not tell Destiny, the answer is simple. Though the twins have an understanding with Destiny to be allies, they still like to manipulate others and play their little 'games'. They want to see how long it would take Destiny to piece it together or for Snape to spill it. And now the names. Well first off, all three of them were named by Ms. Scott. Ms. Scott always liked to name the orphans for certain reasons. You see the twins only have memories of Voldemort when he gave them the marks and such. (Like Harry can remember Lily's death in green smoke and Hagrid on the bike). But even if they were named by Voldemort, they would be too young to remember. (Besides, I don't see Voldemort caring too much about what to call them as babies.) Later in the story, I might explain to everyone that the twins were found in an abandoned house. This is because, Voldemort kept them a secret and when he disappeared no one knew about them. That's why they were put in a Muggle orphanage in the first place. I will explain why then did Dumbledore know about them, so forgive me but I can't tell you now. I don't want to ruin all the mystery. So why did Ms. Scott, a Muggle, call a boy, Salazar, because, though it is uncommon it's not unheard of. (For example, Antnio de Oliveira Salazar was Prime Minister of Portugal). In my mind she knew someone with the name and liked it. Just call it a lucky chance he got the name of a famous wizard (and distant ancestor.) As for his middle name Scorpio, that is his astrology sign. Silver got her name because Ms. Scott thought it was very unique for her to have that color in her hair. Selena is her middle name because it means moon, which leads me to their last name, Moon. In my mind, when the twins were brought to the orphanage, they were very nearly dead themselves due to the fact that they were left in the house for a while before found. (Since they didn't cry.) As the doctors were tending to them they let Ms. Scott know the probable birth date, I did some researched and found that on November 7, 1979 there was a full moon. So the Head of the Orphanage named them Moon. Destiny's name came from the idea that Ms. Scott liked to think that no matter what happened to the kids at her orphanage, or what their pasts held, they always could chose their own destinies. It just so happened that the girl she actual named that, is the one child that would really understand. Her middle name Sev, is quite obvious to be short for Severus. Her past will also be explained later so I can't tell you all of it but Ms. Scott was the one that told her that she was found with the necklace and it was most likely her mothers. (Destiny figures the rest about it, as I have already explained.) As for her last name, Snake, well that's what the necklace is, a snake. Sure not too imaginative, but whatever. As for the other girl Quintessa, I got that name from a 'English name meaning' chart, since I'm not British I don't have any knowledge of their common names. If I have characters that I won't really be needing I go to the site and find names that I think they fit the meaning, or that I just like. I didn't mean for it to be anything more than that. And for an end note about their names. I didn't know that in HPSS the surname 'Moon' is actually sorted in Harry's year, but when I found out I thought it was quite interesting. Talk about luck, lol.

 

Mistletoe Kisses by Northumbrian
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 16]

Summary:
Five years separate two kisses and two girls, a redhead, and a blonde. A lot can change in five years.
I am Northumbrian from Ravenclaw House, and this is my entry for the February Love challenge in the Great Hall - category First Love - at the MNFF beta boards.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4648 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/22/10 Updated: 02/24/10


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 02/28/10 Title: Chapter 1: Mistletoe Kisses

I really liked this. I think you portrayed Neville very well, though I, myself, never saw Neville as being shy around girls. I suppose in the books we never saw him interacting with any girls other than Hermione, Ginny, and older women, so it’s plausible, but I had never thought that it would have been a problem with him. I hadn’t considered it, and it was really sweet to see his friendship with Ginny, which we never saw in the books.

What bothered me the most about this is the tenses. I was about halfway through, in one of the flashbacks, and I noticed you were in present tense. That seemed pretty odd for a flashback; it would have made more sense to me if you had stayed in present tense during the New Year’s party parts and gone into past tense for the parts going back to his school days.

I really liked the line ‘I leaned between the second and third.’ The first time I read through it, I thought you were referring to his thoughts, and thought he was being quite nice to stand up for her even if he agreed with her, but the second time I read it I got the idea that he was actually leaning between them. I don’t know if you intended it as a double meaning/take, but it came off as that, and I think it was quite clever.

I only found one typo in your piece:

‘and Ginny is my still friend

I think you meant to have my and still in the opposite spots. Besides that, I saw no SPaG errors. Even with a moderated archive, some errors do slip through, and it was nice to read a fic with virtually none.

Your last line was great. It did really well to sum up the entire piece, and brings it full circle from where we began.

This was a really nice piece of writing, and good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Neville and his girls:- He is certainly in awe of Gran, and when we meet Augusta its fairly obvious why. I was trying (and possibly failing) to imply several things. Neville is worried by, but familiar with, older and more forceful women (Gran and Professor McGonagall); he is relaxed around girls who he sees as one of the boys, (Hermione); he is worried and anxious about talking to girls he fancies (personally, fear of rejection made a coward out of me on more than one occasion); and he used to be uncertain and shy around giggling girly-girls (which is why I used Lavender). The tenses:- This came about because Ive been experimenting with first person present tense stories ever since I wrote The Mind of Arthur Weasley. You may be right, it simply never occurred to me to write the flashbacks in the past tense, probably because I wrote them first and added the framing scenes afterwards. Leaned, was accidental (perhaps I shouldnt admit it Im not as clever as you thought I was) but on rereading the double meaning made me smile, too. Ill correct the typo (youre right). Thanks for the review and the good wishes. -N-

 

Summary: Past Featured Story

Alexandra Quick returns to Charmbridge Academy for eighth grade, angry and in denial. Unwilling to accept the events of the previous year, she is determined to fix what went wrong, no matter what the cost. When her obsession leads her to a fateful choice, it is not only her own life that hangs in the balance, for she will uncover the secret of the Deathly Regiment!

 This is the third book in the Alexandra Quick series.



Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 204741 Chapters: 31 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/28/10 Updated: 06/14/10


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 05/31/10 Title: Chapter 27: The Bone Flute

Ooooh. Intense. I'm really curious as to how everything's going to turn out.

I can't imagine being in Alexandra's place. She's a year younger than me at this point, and is left with a literal life-or-death choice. It's a corrupting choice, deciding who lives and who dies. I could never make the choice, and I find it astounding that Alexandra can consider it so calmly (even with her subconcience rearing its head in her dreams). So easy to just give it to someone, let them react and take it, watch them fall, but so impossible to do. I think you showed that struggle well for Alexandra's character, though it's so completely different from what I would do (though I probably wouldn't have gotten into such a scrape, anyway).

Thank you for telling us what was so bad about mistletoe wands! I've been wondering about them since you first mentioned them at all. Now I'm curious if there's any myth or lore connections with mistletoe, which I'm sure I'll look up soon.

Darla is such a wonderful character. I thought it was bizarre that she'd try to kill Alexandra the first time, and I'm curious about what, exactly, her motives are (because I'm sure she has some reason). I was beginning to feel sorry for her with her sister dying, but then we find that she was just manipulating Alexandra. I'm not sure what exactly to think of her at this point, and I can't wait to find out what exactly she's doing now. I'm betting on it being a ploy to get Alexandra back down there, and prehaps try to kill her (once again).

I love how you've created such an expansive world. Whenever I consider what the wizarding society in America is like, I usually refer to most of your ideas. A few parts, like some of the societal groups, always grate me a bit (the Ozarkers, for one. I never saw wizards as being very sexist, and it seems like all the Rashes do is exert their power (given to them by Constance, Forbearance, and Innocence's parents) over the girls. I love how some of the issues between wizarding America and Britain are so similar, like SPEW, and so different. America seems so corrupt in its government, and I'm sure we wouldn't see it from anyone's eyes but Alexandra's (or anyone connected to her father by similar bonds). It's so wrong that children are judged by their father's deeds, but so common. Unfortunate, isn't it?

-- Selina

 

Truth by Cheshlin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: This poem came about when I had someone point out some hard truths in my life. I feel it fits Harry's world because many of Jo's characters had some hard truths to face...An example would be Remus when he found out he had "lost" all his closest friends.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 185 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/26/10 Updated: 04/02/10


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 04/26/10 Title: Chapter 1: Truth

Cyn!

Firstly, I really like this. I was having trouble just reading it all the way through, because I constantly wanted to stop to examine a line. Your rhyme seems almost faultless, though I got a bit confused in your second stanza until I looked over it and saw the ‘it/quit’ rhyme. I thought that was pretty cool, and changed the beat of the poem in an interesting way

I thought the rhyme mid-line in line five of the first stanza was cool, though your word choice confused me a bit. When you said ‘is there where ere . .” I was confused. I wasn’t sure if you meant to put ‘ere’ in there (according to my dictionary, ‘ere’ means before) because that didn’t really makes sense to me in context, or if the ‘ere’ was a contraction (like where’re, where e’er or something of the sort). I’m not sure if the wonderful effect that the repeated rhyme or making more sense of the sentence is more important to me.

I loved the repetition you used in the last two lines of all the stanzas. It fitted each of the stanzas well and felt natural in each of the stanzas. In fact, none of your lines seemed like they were forced into form and rhyme. You could probably put that into prose and it would seem natural, which is something I really enjoyed. It was somewhat reminiscent of the Shakespearean narrative poems I’ve read, where it feels more like reading a story than a poem, even though the subject matter is quite different.

A nitpick - In line six of the final stanza, you wrote ‘The universe shall surly love.” I’m relatively sure you meant ‘surely’ instead of ‘surly’.

I really loved this poem, and it’s one of my favorites that I’ve read on MNFF. The subject matter could relate to so many characters (though I do thing Remus is the best example, especially with the Tonks and baby thing in DH), and I love how you wrote this.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review. I did mean Surely instead of surly. I'll go change that now. :) I didn't really have any characters specifically in mind when I wrote this. In fact it is more about something that happened to me in real life, but I love that you can see Remus there, especially since he is my favorite. :) That is one of the great things about poetry... it can be interpreted so many ways. Once again, thank you for your input. Cyns

 

As the Sand Falls by EnchantmentCamels
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 13]

Summary: Nineteen years have passed since Harry Potter died in the explosion that also killed Fred Weasley and Voldemort won the war. The Weasleys have been forced into hiding, along with others who are hunted down by the Death Eaters. The D.A. has become larger over the years, but no one knows what exactly Harry was doing the night he died. Meanwhile, Victoire Weasley--the eldest daughter of Bill and Fleur--longs to have a normal life, and resents Harry Potter for dying, when she and Teddy Lupin are given the chance to set everything right again.

Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Epilogue? What Epilogue?

Word count: 2694 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
07/31/10 Updated: 08/23/10


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 08/20/10 Title: Chapter 1: Tears of Ice

Hello Ellie! I like the start of your story. I loved your intro into the chapter -- there was enough going on that I was interested, but you still conveyed the differences from canon so we know the premise for your story.

I'm finding it hard to believe your premise. Even if Harry died and Voldemort's side won, I can't see it turning out like this. If the D.A. was the rebel force (I assume they combined with the remainders of the Order after the Battle at Hogwarts?), I don't think they'd be all holed up in the Burrow. If they're going to be in hiding, I'd expect them to flee the country, prehaps to France or even across the Atlantic to the Americas. I don't think they'd keep the kids at home for sparse schooling, either - more likely, they'd be sent off to Beauxbatons or a English-speaking school elsewhere. At least they'd have a schooling system well set up, maybe in the basement of The Burrow, with one or a couple of the more knowledgable members of the D.A. as the teacher(s). They would want to make sure their children got as full of an education as they could possibly provide.

I feel as if I've seen a Time Turner plotline often. I hope that you can bring an original turn to the idea, as it's a fairly tired plot device. I'm also having a hard time believing that Hermione hadn't returned the Time Turner -- she would have been notified that it hadn't been returned by both the Ministry and McGonagall if it had been lost after she gave it to the owl or if she forgot it, and if she lost it, it would only take a simple Summoning Charm to find it (unless there are enchantments against that on the Time Turner?)

With your last paragraph -- it doesn't sound very official. If there were to be a tag on it, I'd see it as saying something more like:

Time Turner #568
Caution: Danger
Return to Ministry of Magic

I wouldn't see them as using exclamation points, as most warning labels I've ever seen don't have them.

I'm interested to see how your story will proceed. Best of luck!
xxSelina

Author's Response: First of all, thank you. :) I think that for the plotline, it would be better to have it set in the Burrow, as it makes it easier to take the story foreword. As far as the D.A. is concerned, in my imagination I think that the Burrow would be their base. The place where all the defensive spells are, the place that is most protected, like Grimmauld Place for the Order of the Phoenix. But there would be other places for them to stay, I assume. Again, I kept them there for the plot. Education...yes, I toyed with the idea of them going to another school, but eventually I decided to keep them there, because it seemed slightly more realistic. I think that probably they got a fairly good education--nothing like Hogwarts--but it would have been hard, as they are constantly rushing in an out of the Burrow and travelling around. Yes, I assumed Time Turner would have been overused, I'll see what I can do to make it original. xD And I'm trying to think of a good excuse why Hermione wasn't able to return the Time Turner--I'm toying around with a few ideas, you'll see. ;) Yeah, I totally agree with the thing about the tag, I'll probably change that as soon as I can. :) ~ Ellie

 

Promises by Nitwit Blubber Oddment Tweak x
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 16]

Summary: Past Featured StoryPromises.

In the Battle of Hogwarts, Tonks has nothing left but promises to keep.

I'll be back. I promise.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 2431 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/07/10 Updated: 08/08/10


Reviewer: TheSmirkingDragon Signed
Date: 08/20/10 Title: Chapter 1: Promises

Emma. This is so fantastic.

Your use of second person was perfect for this story. Like, it was so unobtrusive like the point of view can be sometimes. I barely noticed in while reading, and it helped draw me into the story.

Your Tonks was spot on. I really felt for her here. I've never really liked Tonks as a character - I'd say she's in my top three for least favourite - but I could see what she was seeing and feel what she was feeling, and helped me understand her possible motives when she came into the battle instead of staying with Teddy.

The only part I wasn't happy with was Bellatrix. I was fine with her until we got to the 'Not good enough, my dear niece' bit. I get that she's mocking Tonks here, but it doesn't seem like her to use 'dear' or 'darling' at all, even sarcastically. I'd expect her to put emphasis on words like 'niece' or 'sister', as if she can hardly stand to call them that. And would she know about Teddy? I can't think of any canon reason she would, whether written in the books or insinuated meetings (and it's not like Andromeda's going to send an owl off to her estranged family about her new grandson).

Emma, this was lovely. I'm very glad I read it. :)
xxSelina

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