I'm a college freshman in from New England who aspires to be an author. I'd love to write something timeless, but waste altogether too much time dabbling in fleeting things. But I prefer to dream big and come up short, instead of giving up lofty aspirations and playing in the mud. =)
I have jealously guarded Remus Lupin since fifth grade and turn to fanfiction to soothe the aching wounds inflicted by the last four books. It's what happens when authors and their readers have conflicting opinions.
This is my standing thank-you to whoever voted for "Violin Teacher", and to Mind_Over_Matter, invisiblenudnik, and Werewolf_sympathiser who nominated me! Just in case they ever happen to see. =)
(Thanks to Phoenix5225 for the banner!)
AU. Without Harry, Ron, and Hogwarts , who will change Hermione's perspective on mankind and the music of life? Professor Lupin is a Muggle, too, and both play violin. Perhaps this teacher and student pair can influence each other in another world, far from the magic countryside of Scotland. - Complete!
This is the kind of story that I wish I could write myself. Do you know that feeling that you get when your heart is full? Being near tears without crying, as you're in awe of the spell. I really feel as though you've harnessed some of that in a story, and that's how I felt while I was reading this.
Remus Lupin is my favorite character and I really like how you've portrayed him. I can tell that you must respect Remus' character a lot, too, because you understand him so well. The line towards the end - about mostly living - (I love how you used it for effect, you know the strength of it) is just so beautifully Lupinesque that it made me catch my breath! Excellent storytelling!
The prose is very lovely. I'd like to have it in audio format read by a gentle English accent. It flows very soothingly along; very naturally, too. "He thinks that if full moons didn't exist, this would be his boggart" -- gosh, that was genius! I've had to come back to this story three times just to get a grasp on it. It's very melancholy and just haunting, in a wonderful way. My other favorite touch? The "Sirius-" at the end; it gives the impression that Sirius, despite Remus' moving on, still lingers there, in memory, if not in photograph. It's a great title, too, by the way. =)
I'm sorry, I don't want to ramble - but this is a truly wonderful fic and I think that you have great promise as an author of anything!
Author's Response: Er, rambling? Ever since I saw this review I was wondering how to, possibly, reply: it was so eloquently written, structured (not rambling, not annoying), I didn\'t think I could reply back in a satisfactory manner. I don\'t think I can now either, but I want you to know how dearly I appreciate it. I am flattered, perhaps even a little too much. (Especially flattered that you liked the prose: I do, sometimes, sacrifice proper grammar to get sentences flowing allright.) Thank you for such a great review, stardust! *blushes* =)
Author's Response: And on another note: I adore your work, as well. The story of Hermione and Lupin is beautifully heart-wrenching/sad. And it\'s on my faves.
Darnit - I wrote a long review and then it got eaten by the server! But -- hullo dear pal! I haven't forgotten you or this story! I haven't been able to get around to catching up until now... and whew! This chapter just pulled me right back in! So drama-packed, and different from the others. The whole mood seems to shift for this chapter - it's so contemplative and it feels a bit dark. Not dark in a depressing way, either, but in a more grown-up and pensive way.
I really love how you utilize the thoughts of the characters in this chapter. Switching their voices to an almost stream-of-consciousness narrative (I've been studying my AP Lit terms, LOL! Can you tell? XD) makes the story very personal. And the juxtaposition of what the characters resolve to do and the thoughts that almost immediately contrast those resolutions - is just really effective storytelling! =D
The characterization continues to be on-point; I love how you're bringing Hermione back a bit into the "prosaic" reality against a more "poetic" one and I love how you're putting a bit of Slytherin back in Malfoy. Kip continues to provide the mischief - and Everett is sweet once more. I really hope Hermione learns who he is soon!! Also, the descriptiveness is as strong as ever. You balance the dialogue/personal narration with the descriptive narration really well - like when you described the autumn sky, I felt I was looking right up at the heavens. Little things like that give the story so much color - like that and when you learn that Everett thinks he's too manly for nightshirts! Hehe, that made me laugh!! =D
But my favorite thing about this chapter by FAR is the beautiful, shiver-inducing foreshadowing that comes into play - and not once, but twice!! I think it's the most compelling chapter by far because of it! It's flashback and foreshadowing wrapped into one - twice you give us a hint of what's in store for the reader, and let the curtain fall as the characters begin to remember. You sure know how to keep an audience hanging, girl. I'm on the edge of my seat!!
Author's Response: So I don\'t have a lot of time to write a spiffilicious reply right now, so one will be coming shortly!
Author's Response: okay, finally time to answer! I\'ll try my best to give you an awesome reply to your awesome review =)
I LOVE writing in stream-of-consciouness =D I think it\'s easier, haha. And thank you for the compliment! Regarding Malfoy, him being too nicey-nice (lol) I just got tired of writing, so I had to put a little somethin-somethin in there, haha. Your comment about balancing the dialogue/personal narration with the descriptive narration is really wonderful =) Thank you so much! Hehe, I LOVED writing about Everett feeling like a manly man, haha!!
Foreshadowing is also wonderful, I love to write it! Glad you picked up on it, though that might not have been too hard, haha =D I absolutely love these long reviews! They put warm feelings inside of me and motivate me to no end! Thank you so much!
Such an intriguing beginning! You have a real talent for dropping subtle hints about what a person might be like, whilst revealing nothing. What a wonderful start to a story; it has a prevailing feeling of mystery, with Everett's scars and Harry's disappearance, and Ron's death (Ron! :'( ). I can feel Hermione's quiet near-despair.
There's humor, too, though, which I love. McGonagall's gingersnaps and Hermione's original Beowulf... and the thought of Draco turned around -- ! Hehe. Definitely keep that up! =D
Author's Response: *incontrollable blushing* That is a HUGE compliment coming from you!! *bows down* =) I\'m glad you spotted the humor! Not a lot of people have mention it in the reviews, but it\'s my way of making the melodrama less so...it\'s subtle humor =) I\'m so glad you read my story and enjoyed it! Thank you for reviewing!!! *hug* *go kindred spirits*
Everett isn't HARRY, is he!?! The possibility excites me! =D
Love, love, LOVE the imagery you're using for Everett: stealth and shadows and stealing and sheltered eyes -- LOVE the sheltered eyes. Oh! I forgot to say, on the last chapter, you know what the introduction reminded me of? Remus Lupin's intro in PoA; Remus with his shadowed eyes and doubtful history, Everett with his scars and his lack of resume. And both are very quiet-mannered in the beginning. Lupin is my favorite character EVER, so believe me when I say it's a compliment! =D
Little Kip Flaggan is a doll. =D
Author's Response: \"possibilities are endless\"!! =D I\'m glad you enjoyed the imagery!! It\'s one of my favorite writing modes, but I try not to over do it on here. And LUPIN? I <3 Lupin! That\'s so wonderful that it reminded you of him! My description of Everett kind of does resemble how Lupin is described...haha, maybe it was unconscious influence! And Kip Flaggan is a doll if you don\'t know him! haha =P
So much to comment on in this chapter! It keeps getting better and more intriguing. =D Parts of this story, you just ache for Hermione. It's so, so sad that she's turned from Hermione as we know her into this withdrawn person. You can totally see how and why she became like this, which makes it even sadder. You've captured that feeling very well. Reading alone in her room - I love how you've executed this scene.
So Everett is an *animagus*?! A cat at that! I still think he might be Harry, though a cat... hmmm. I love how you pulled off the last part; I get *shivers* at moments like those, when you're let in on a secret.
And DRACO!! Somehow you've managed to turn him into a sweetheart, lol. But it's believeable - I feel sorry for the poor lovestruck guy. Maybe Kip isn't quite the doll I took him for - but I'm still feeling his character. Reminds me almost of a Draco.... Gotta go to bed, but I'm gonna sleep on these questions -- can't wait to finish tomorrow!
Author's Response: Finally! A chance to reply! =) I just finished the sixth chapter and submitted it. I\'m glad you sensed Hermione\'s loneliness and sadness, I tried to get that across. And as for the shivers...I get them when I come up with great things like that hehe =) I amaze myself sometimes. And Kip? You thought he was a doll?! Haha =D I totally get the whole Draco analogy. Glad you enjoyed the chapter so much! This is one of my favorites!!
I adore these sentences: "It was lunch at Hogwarts Castle, and the whole school was there. To replenish their energy, to make new friends, to find old ones, but mostly just to eat." It's the finding of things like that that make me love reading. You use words much better than so many native-speakers. =)
This is a really sweet chapter; so romantic and thoughtful of Everett. Great use of detail - when Everett touches the back of his neck - and scenery, with the lake. And not to continue too much with the Lupin-thing, but Everett's first class reminded me of Lupin's first - him in command, and the class all a-gossip. Yours is original, but just as compelling. =)
Author's Response: Subtlety is my strongpoint when it comes to humor. I\'m not very good at writing the really funny stuff haha =D And thank you so much for the compliment about using words better than native-speakers! I feel so...so humbled!! And proud at the same time =) Lupin comments are always welcome! Once again, thank you so much for reviewing and I\'m so thrilled you like my writing!
This is my favorite chapter yet! It has a sort of... quiet momentum to it; while it's not as action-packed as, say, the previous chapter, it's just as packed with significance.
It's SO well written! I love the passage where you say, "but 'why' was at the heart of each one'. It's so simple but there's not a word that could make it better. And there were a ton of lines like that in this chapter. The whole passage where Everett reflects on Ron -- heartbreaking!
What else? SO much else. I loved the characterization of Hermione in this chapter... especially the line where she says she thinks of Everett as a "sweet idiot". I thought that was just like Hermione... not one to be totally swept away by the romance and adventure *g*. I laughed out loud at the part where we see Everett's thoughts after the transformation; (It WOULD hurt, wouldn't it?). I loved the humor throughout.
When you had Dumbledore pacing in his office, I actually thought for a moment that he was alive and well! *sniff* Execellent touch, though, I always forget that Minerva really relies on him and I daresay that will continue during her stint as Headmistress. You've done a beautiful job writing her, I think, because she's stern on the outside but you see the same soft side that's present in the books in her concern for Hermione.
Also, I really like how you're including characters like Sophie and Kipp, as having the students around infuses a little bit of child-youth into the story. And I still like how Draco's coming across... his reactions are very realistic.
And not to state the obvious -- but the ending of this chapter was so romantic! I loved it! =D
Author's Response: A quiet momentum is right =) I try to vary the chapters between action and kind of explanation. Glad you picked up on it! And any compliment is welcome from you! That you think my story is well-written means so much! The \"why\" part was an experiment with poetic writing, haha. I\'m glad you think it turned out well! And the humor throughout...subtle humor, that\'s me =D I like that the \"sweet idiot\" part reminded you of Hermione. I\'m trying to bring more of her canon characterization back as she returns to her old self from being depressed. *go me*! haha =) I knew I wanted to put Dumbledore in my story even though he was dead, and I like kind of tricking people that he\'s still alive...then I put the line \"he looked down from his picture frame\" and BAM! they figure it out =) Minerva really does rely on Dumbeldore a lot, doesn\'t she? ;) I have a hard time writing her because I don\'t know anybody like her...so a lot of the time I try to picture how she was depicted in scenes from the movies (I know, books are better haha). I\'m glad you think it\'s turning out well! =D ! Sophie and Kip are my little friends...haha, I incorporate characteristics of people I know with those two =) They do bring child-youth into the story, don\'t they? I\'m glad =) What would any Hogwarts story be without students? And Draco is especially fun to write. Because I had him lose his memory, I can take his character in whichever direction I please. Glad you\'re enjoying it! As always, I LOVE recieving feedback from you! It is always MUCH appreciated. You go through the different aspects of my story so well it helps me to figure out what I need to work on =) Thank you again SO MUCH! (And the ending of the chapter is what got me through writing it...just the knowledge that it was going to happen....I love it! =)
Author's Response: I never really know how to answer your reviews! They are just too wonderful! =) Anyway, I don\'t know why it came out as one giant paragraph...hmm....I\'ll need to go figure that out. Thanks again! *hug*
Whew... this one really had me hanging on the edge of my seat. Do you know you're really good at suspense? This was the best chapter yet; so descriptive and alive, with the water and the swimming, the squid and the rubies. I guess their little adventure was more than they originally planned. =D
And I must say, I love the Draco arc. I know Hr/Dr fics are popular, but this is original in the category. I really want to root for Draco, and feel bad for him because at the same time I'm rooting for Everett.
IS Everett Harry? (I'm so impatient, heh!) =D
Author's Response: I\'m a HUGE fan of writing suspense! But I quite frankly hate the thing myself. If I don\'t know what\'s going to happen I just about die =D Haha. And don\'t worry, Everett...well, you\'ll see in the next chapter =) I LOVE YOU MY FELLOW KINDRED SPIRIT!! oops! hehe caps lock was on...my bad =)
Author's Response: Hope I didn\'t scare you there... =)
Wow Lanelle. I can't begin to tell you how much I love this. I do love "Emerald Eyes" so much, but this - do you mind if I tell you I love it even *more* than the other already? You're experimenting with another style with this, no? It's *awesome*.
It's so deeply descriptive and the language you use is so rich. The similies and metaphors, the mood and the tone? The voice here is as though epic, really - you paint the mood so strongly that as you read you have this seeming importance press down upon you. I was there in Scotland with you... Vivid as though I saw it in a film, or a dream. I love the repeated "Chirrup. Chirrup. Chirrup." It had an almost hypnotic effect for me that lent the story ambience and ryhthm and also a sense of urgency, when the pattern was disrupted.
And I love where you're going with the references, m'dear. The image of the priest and the church, and this dark valley of death in Scotland. It's very interesting and unlike anything I've seen in fanfiction - I cannot wait to see where you go with it. You just have to promise - really promise - to follow through on this one, or else it's the cruellest tease I've ever known. =)
Author's Response: So once again, I\'m waiting for plentiful time so that I can write you a nice long awesome reply!
Author's Response: Hehe, \"Conan\" is kind of my little pet =) By far my favorite of the two stories, although I have no idea when I will actually finish Conan, lol. Work and school are controlling my life! And your comment about experimenting with different styles -- this style is actually what I usually write, my specialty, if that\'s not taking it too far ;D
I\'m a movie addict, so writing as if the reader can actually see the story taking place through the words is what I try to always do =) The chirrup partc I had fun putting in the story to make it seem more suspensful, in my opinion, but I did have to go back and add a couple of chirrups to give it enough words to submit! Haha =D
Thank you so much for the compliment about this being like nothing you\'ve read in fanfiction! I strive for originality as much as I can. And I will DEFINATELY finish this story, but may change some of the plans I originally had for it, and that takes more time...not to mention my horrible time schedule aforementioned...lol. Thank you SO much for leaving me reviews with some juice to them! =)
This was a really sweet story! Molly and Arthur are so seldom written about, and it makes the story stand out even more than it would anyway.
I think you captured the possible origins of their relationship beautifully. Their interactions were so sweet; you wrote them like they had a strong bond from the very beginning, which is perfect. I also love Molly's interactions with her friends; her strength of personality shines through but there beneath her will is her more sentimental side, which is Molly through-and-through. And it's very cute to think that Arthur was just the same at Hogwarts, loving Muggles and all. =)
"The next morning dawned and contrary to popular belief, the skies were not filled with pink, heart-shaped clouds." And I really loved the touches like these - thoughts and details that made it a real pleasure to read. =) Well done!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I\'m glad you liked it! It\'s great that the Puffs\' Valentine\'s challenge gave me an idea for this, as I never would have thought to write about Molly and Arthur before. I really enjoyed it though because I could make my own idea up of how they would be. Thank you for taking the time to R and R, it has cheered me up a lot! :D Phily :)