Welcome to my Author's Page
Banner by Meda
You can call me luinrina or Bine. I am
+ a proud Hufflepuff (banners by Heather and Lucia)
+ a (sometimes) inspired poet (banner by Meda), and
+ (if my muse cooperates) a fairly wordy writer.
List of completed one-shots:
Across the Pumpkin
A little one-shot about how Lily and Sirius became friends. Inspired by an inhouse challenge: Sirius, Lily, and a pumpkin.
Be Strong From Within
So far a one-shot about Ginny's sixth year. Originally written for the Back to School inhouse challenge on the beta boards. Received second place.
So far a one-shot about two friends and their Sorting. Written as the final for the Being British class, summer 2009, on the beta boards.
Envy and Fondness
This is a one-shot about the friendship of Lily and Severus. The arrival of James ensures that trouble is about to happen.
Fears - and Hope
Originally written for the Perfect Plot in a Prologue Challenge in June/July 2008: How would I introduce the Harry Potter series? Received first place.
In Due Time
Banner by Sitara
This one-shot is a foray into D/A and features Lucy Herberg, an OC. It was inspired by a discussion about Metamorphmagi in the Hufflepuff common room on the beta boards.
Banner by Helen
This one-shot was a co-author-project with Helen (helz_belz) for the Interhouse Co-op Challenge in the Great Hall on the Beta Boards. It features Anna Krum, the famous Quidditch player Viktor Krum's grandmother, and her story in the year 1944.
Received First Place.
Long Lost Lupine Laugh
Banner by Meda
This is a one-shot about Remus Lupin and how he prepares for his new teaching position at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
A tiny one-shot about Hagrid and Olympe Maxime becoming parents. Written for the I Challenge Thee Challenge (September) on the Beta Boards.
A longer one-shot about Susan Bones, her friends and family, and a mystery that hid below her living room. Written for the extra credit challenge of the Bookbasilisk Summer challenge, One Flew Over The Fwooper's Nest.
A short story about Andromeda a year after the Battle of Hogwarts. It was my first foray into second person POV. Originally written for the May drabble challenge in SPEW, then expanded to a one-shot.
The Bridge to Happiness
Banner by Rhi
A little one-shot about an afternoon of Sirius' and Regulus' childhood. This has been inspired by the third week of the Drabble Brawl, round two.
This Is Where You Belong
Banner by Sitara
A one-shot for the Winter Snows challenge. Harry reflects about the Christmases he has experienced.
Want You To Want Me
A one-shot about Scorpius Malfoy and Rose Weasley, written for SPEW LoveNotes 2009. Romance.
Whispers From Azkaban
A dialogue between brothers. Written for the Bookbasilisk Summer Challenge, Gift of Gab.
List of poems:
Always The Same, Yet Always Different
Banner by Meda
This is a (very long) Sorting Hat's song, poem-style, written for the extra credit challenge in the Summer Challenge 2008. Complete.
Black but Bright
Banner by Kate
This is a poem about the Black brothers Sirius and Regulus. Complete.
A short poem about how Sirius managed to break out from Azkaban. Complete.
From the Ashes: The Order of the Phoenix
Banner by Meda
This is a two-part poem about the Order of the Phoenix, of which the second part is still not done.
Banner by Suzie
A little sonnet in English rhyming style about Lycantrophy and the curse of being a werewolf. Complete.
What Imagination Has To Offer
A poem about fantasy and imagination, with stanzas in haiku-form. Complete.
List of series:
A Christmas To Remember
A wintery one-shot about Draco and Astoria and the birth of their son. Written for the Christmas SPEW swap 2008, for Alison (R_Ravenclaw).
A Truth Universally Acknowledged
This is a one-shot featuring Draco and Astoria and how their relationship began. Prequel to A Christmas To Remember, written for SPEW LoveNotes 2009.
Arising From Nothing...
A one-shot about the founders and how Hogwarts came to be built. Prequel.
Shining Through Blackness
Banner by Lucia
This is the story about Isla Black and how she came to love a Muggle-born whereas her family was set on marrying her into an influential pure-blood family. This story is posted up to chapter seventeen. On hold.
First story (1).
What Is To Happen
Banner by Meda
This is the story I've written for Round 7 of the Gauntlet, featuring Isla Black. Four chapters, complete.
Companion to Shining Through Blackness (1.1).
From Here On Out
A songfic to Decode by Paramore. Written for SPEW 007 in 2009.
Companion to Shining Through Blackness (1.2).
Banner by me
A compliant story (may be chaptered, so far it's a one-shot only) to my Shining Through Blackness series. The story is a co-author-project with Terri (mudbloodproud).
List of uncompleted chaptered stories and their status:
Magical Moments - A Special Issue
The Marauders have to serve detention and are set to help writing the current month's school paper edition. The story is chaptered and posted up to chapter two. It's currently, sadly, resting due to time constraint and lack of further inspiration, but I will continue it one day.
Vain Or - C'est ton Destin
I adopted this (medieval) plot bunny from Pinkcess of the Abyss in the Adoption Centre. It features Harry growing up not with the Dursleys, but in the Founders' era. The story is AU, and the prologue and first chapter are up.
I try to keep that list up to date, but I'm rather bad at writing and keeping to lists...
I hope you enjoy my stories. Feel free to contact me if you have questions about them.
Wonderful chapter, I liked it. I especially liked that Regulus spoke up and told both his brother and father to stuff the argument since both wouldn’t change anything because they were already dead.
My only little nitpick: Please decide on only one way to write – pure-blood, pureblood or Pureblood. You’re mixing all kinds and that’s a bit pesky, at least for me. Other than that: two thumbs up. I’m looking forward to read more. You’re a really good writer.
This is good start for a more interesting story. I like how you introduced us Sheena and Simon, and that they both are not magic is an interesting factor. I’d really like to see how you go on with this story. The prologue is fantastic.
I noticed one minor dialogue mistake:
“Children do nothing but get in the way,” Simon would tell those brave enough to question him about it.
There needs to be a comma. I’ve added it in, written bold.
Other than that: please do continue writing this story. It looks promising.
I like this story, it shows quite well how Sirius is feeling in Azkaban, his thoughts jumping from one part of his life to another quickly. Good story and writing. Thanks.
Author's Response: These reviews make my day. Thank you for the feedback!
"Weasley Weather" - I really like it, as well as the rest of your story. Great writing style; and the cliffhangers make it more interesting - especially if you have to anticipate the next chapter being validated. Three times Huzzah! for your story.
Author's Response: Cliffhangers are a very old literary device (one used frequently by Dickens, as a matter of fact) that are very useful in terms of bringing readers back for more, and it seems to have worked in as I\'ve developed a very loyal following with this story. I really appreciate your kind words and for taking the time to leave a review.
I loved this chapter. You have a talent of writing long dialogues that are interesting, gripping, humorous and at the same time serious, informative but still mysterious, not giving away anything of the plot. I can only applaud you. Dialogue often tends to become tedious to read if it’s too long, but it didn’t happen here. I can read this chapter over and over again without getting bored.
What I also admire is your characterisation through the dialogue. The way you let the characters speak and the words they use tell me a lot about Harry and Blaise. Especially with Blaise you managed to create a grown-up version of a very minor character we know from the books. The characteristics we learnt from Rowling shine through and are yet evolved to make Blaise an adult through and through.
I found this chapter to be another very interesting read. I especially liked how you brought in Ginny, and her interaction with Blaise. It’s obvious that he still fancies her, and that his feelings for her run deeper than the small scene in HBP lets on. Ginny herself has matured and found a calmer attitude. She no longer is the fiery girl but a caring and worrying mother. You made her a very well-rounded and believable character, and I really like that. It makes the connection she has to Blaise through that incident in her sixth year so much stronger.
What I also very much like is how Ginny is able to get Blaise to the point where he then helps Harry by telling him what he needs to know. It shows that Ginny is able to bring people to do what she wants, like I think she’s always been able to.
Where I doubted your flawless characterisation a bit at first was where Blaise got sentimental when Ginny showed him the pictures. I found it close to being overdone, but it isn’t when I take into consideration Blaise’s feelings for Ginny and that she is very close to him at that moment. I suppose even someone so calm-appearing like Blaise would start losing the mask he wears and show more of his deeper and hidden self.
All in all, another fantastic chapter that fascinated me from the first word to the last full stop.
Wow, another marvellous chapter. And what really surprised me is Ted's secret ability. Really good idea, keep going. I can't wait for the end.
I don't know if it's okay if I ask for a favour/request? I'd really like to read something about the Marauders' adventures at Hogwarts, written by you. You really had and probably still have fantastic ideas with this story, so it wouldn't surprise me if you could conjure up another masterpiece of fanfiction. Please?
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I\'m not sure if I\'m the right person to write a Marauders fic, as their story has never quite intrigued me the way it seems to do so many others. My interest is more in the post-DH, Next Generation genres, though if you send me a PM (click on my bio page and hit the Contact button; a box will pop up enabling you to send me a PM) I\'d be happy to recommend some excellent Marauder-era fics by several really superb writers. I do have another fic partially written, a one-shot about Harry, though I suppose it could really be a Harry/Ginny piece. It\'s a Christmas story called \"To Hear the Bells Ring\" which I hope to have posted soon (before this site shuts down for the holidays at least) and another full-length fic with Teddy as the central character that I\'ve already tentatively titled, \"The Furry Little Secret.\" At any rate, I do thank you very sincerely for your kind words. Chapt. 18 has just been posted and will hopefully
“It’s our rule not to dredge up past things, remember?”This rule is about to be broken.
~Inspired by a worldwide beloved film.
I came around to read this story some time ago already, after having seen the trailer on the forum. I got curious, and was hooked on the story the moment I started reading it.
Your story starts off really interesting. I like how you slowly but very well introduce us to Callie. She’s a lovely girl, and in her way she has “power” over her father, who – as we learn within one subtle sentence at the end – is none other than Draco Malfoy. You describe Callie wonderfully, and yet one can still paint an own picture of her although she’s completely portrayed already with you having described her similar to her mother, the spitting image in appearance of the still unknown woman.
Her response was to open her own book. The Lord of the Flies. Where did it come from? He could swear his daughter seemed to pluck books from thin air.
Especially with this part and the one where her father thought about his daughter always having her nose in a book you show clearly that she has not only a similarity in appearance to her mother but in her mother’s habits as well. I love the last sentence in this paragraph – pluck books from thin air. It’s magic you describe here, and the entire chapter so far is magical to read. Well done.
But I want to come back to Callie having “power” over her father once more before proceeding into chapter two. You put in several sentences that I simply loved:
This conversation was fast going downhill on her favour. As always. He never won with her.
Merlin’s pants, his daughter beamed. That always preceded his defeat.
It is great to see that Draco can get defeated by a child and is also able to admit it, that he isn’t so stubborn to have to win over his daughter. He has changed a lot since the years at Hogwarts and the war, and I really like how you created him as a father. These sentences also show how much “power” Callie possesses over her father. I find it rather sweet that he loves her so much and sees her as his baby girl. Very well done for this chapter, and I was really looking forward to read chapter two.
Chapter two is similar to chapter one in its build-up: you introduce us to Thalia and her mother, and you do it as splendid as in the first chapter. You introduce us to Lia the same way you did with Callie, and all the subtle sentences around her appearance show that she’s the female image of her father Draco. It’s very well done, and I have only compliments for you in this regard. Also, when you bring in Hermione – just like Draco’s name being mentioned at the end of chapter one – you only give her name in the lower half of the chapter, just like this from one moment to the next – and one never really realises it (at least I didn’t. I actually had to scroll back up to see where exactly you gave away Hermione’s name.). I knew it was Hermione, but again anyone not having seen the trailer might not know it and would surely think “Wow.” I have to agree with those readers.
Interesting was also the short part where Hermione remembers her two daughters meeting in the book shop without realising that they are siblings. That’s where you bring in that the four characters are connected with each other, and again you do it in a very subtle way. I’m really curious how the girls will react when getting to know each other.
What I liked most in chapter two was the way you told us that Lia is so much like her father in the way she stands, smirks and behaves sometimes, a way of Draco that got Hermione giddy. I also liked that you had Hermione have visions or memories about Draco pop up when she looks at her daughter. I really wonder now what brought Draco and Hermione to get together, have two daughters, and then break up. It fuels my desire to go on reading. You’ve very well gripped the reader to stay with your story and continue it to the very end. And the way you chose who was living with which parent is remarkably. I think every other author might have simply put Lia to Draco, and Callie to Hermione because of the similarities between these pairs, but you just did it the reversed way which is really well thought-out. Congrats.
What mesmerised me was how you brought in the environment in which both girls grew up. The Malfoys being pure-bloods and rich would of course choose something as grand as a French chateau, and it only helps fortifying the picture of them being a “noble” family, even in modern times. Hermione and Lia on the other hand live in a small house in the countryside, and this proves that Hermione doesn’t need money to be happy. All she needs are the people she cares for, and she has this in her daughter and her friends living near.
The contrast and the sisters being divided and each living with only one parent – in short everything in the first two chapters – reminds me of a classical children’s story that I love since I first read it when I was still a child: “Das doppelte Lottchen” from Erich Kšstner (“Lottie and Lisa” in English). There the author writes about twins being divided because of the divorce of their parents, and I can imagine that you’re going to bring the story into a similar direction. I’m sitting on tenterhooks to find out if Lia and Callie will swap the roles and try to bring together their parents just like the siblings did in the original book.
But before I can go on reading, there are some things I want to point to because they simply came up with me.
In chapter one you had this sentence:
“That isn’t an answer in intelligent conversation, Father.”
I’m not entirely sure if my theory is correct, but I write it down here nonetheless for you to notice it though. In my opinion there should be an “an” before “intelligent”. – “That isn’t an answer in an intelligent conversation, Father.” I could be wrong – I have been before – but to me it seems not quite right although the sentence looks correct and makes sense. The way you wrote the sentence makes it that every conversation that is intelligent mustn’t have a one-syllable-answer because it is considered impolite. With an “an” inserted, the conversation Callie and her father have at that moment becomes the one Callie refers to with her sentence. As I said, your sentence makes sense, because “So?” simply isn’t a nice answer for any conversation. But I would have written the “an” in there, and it’s just my opinion.
But with this sentence there should definitely be a change:
That sounded sappy and totally out of character to be in his thoughts, but he’d only scoff at any one who’d say it was sappy and out of character.
The “any one” should be one word, anyone.
Well, I intended to write the review for the first three chapters, but as things go… *shrugs* I stop here now, and will comment later again. I really like you story, very much so, and you have a fantastic way in your writing style. You’re a very good author being able to keep readers stay interested and hooked on your story. Very well done and I’ll put it to my favourites as soon as I’ve submitted this review.
This is absolutely brilliant work. I love it! And, also it might sound childish, I cried - I had to cry because the whole situation is so very sad, in your story as well as in DH. Congratulation, marvellous story. Not many stories can touch my heart, yours did.
Author's Response: Omg, thanks so much. And you cried? Don\'t worry you weren\'t the only one. It never ceases to surprise me that I could actually write something with the emotion that I wanted. I mean, I was nearly in tears as I wrote this, but I didn\'t really expect anyone else to. I\'m so glad you liked it. Thanks so much for reading!
A wonderful and really good story so far. And it’s getting cute…
I really liked the part where Andromeda tells that she’s a proud person, but not proud of what stands behind her name and family (chapter six). You’ve captured her dilemma quite good, well done.
Please continue writing in this good style of yours. Using the first person narrator gives us qualified inside on each character, better than a third person narrator would be able to do. I like your story and will surely stay till the end.
Author's Response: Lol thank you so much. :D Everyone seems to be saying that about Chapter six. I\'m glad I did that then. I certainly shall continue. There may even be a sequel. ;)
I find the description of how Andromeda feels superb. You’ve captured very well how she feels, what gives her fears. And yet, she feels something for Ted and isn’t sure of how to go on from that on. I myself are currently writing a story about the dilemma Andromeda finds herself in, but with another Black woman, so I know how hard it is to get the emotions and everything right. And you’ve done it really good, so congratulations. Great chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you! I love writing about emotions and I\'m glad you think I captured it so well! I wish you tons of luck and look forward to seeing your story! It\'s exciting to see more A&T cropping up because of my stories and infatuation with the couple.
Wow, that was a really amazing job. You had caught my attention from the first word towards the very last sentence.
I've seen the plot bunny presented in the adoption centre, then your link in one of the following posts. Upon reading your author's notes in the beginning, I nearly fell off my bed laughing really hard. *giggles when thinking of the bunny not chewing through too much wires* Oh, and of course your disclaimer - *falls off bed for real now*
And then I read your story - and was swept away. I had my own ideas how this story is going to be like when reading the plot bunny in the forums, but your own way made it really unique. After each paragraph I pictured the next event already, but you somehow always surprised me with another way to go than I imagined it in the first place.
In my opinion you characterised really well how Narcissa felt and still feels when thinking of her dead daughter. It explains how she became so over-protective over Draco. I always wondered what was with her to act how she did in the books (especially HBP while in Spinner's End); now I know a possible answer. And I also find it good that you let Lucius forget what had happened, that he willed the memory of Rose away to be the loyal servant to the Dark Lord he desperately wants to be. And anyway, Draco is his heir - what does a dead daughter mean when his precious son still lives?
Excellent story, and I can only recommend everyone to read it.
Author's Response: I\'m so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the lovely review
And another fantastic beginning. I really had to hold a laugh at the beginning, during the dialogue of Ron, Harry and Ginny. I love your stories and can't wait 'til the next chapter's up.
Author's Response: I love writing Ron. He\'s such a delightful klutz, both physically and verbally, and the possibilities are endless with what you can do with him. Don\'t know what\'s keeping the mods on this site from reviewing new chapters, but the 2nd one\'s been up for quite some time now. Hope it won\'t be too much longer. Thanks for your comments.
I loved the scene where James and Harry played "Triwizard Tournament Task One", and when Harry proudly stated that he was the dragon and his son just had caught the Golden Egg - a tennisball. And Ginny's reaction to the chaos... priceless, especially her remark to not drown James in the tub when replaying the second task in the lake. lol
Very sweet was the scene when Rose and Al saw each other for the first time, and some kind of recognition went between them, as well as between Ginny and Hermione. It felt as if both babies know that they're going to have to master difficulties in future side by side.
It's a pity that the story will end soon, but I'm looking forward to the sequel. Keep the words flowing, Cassandra.
Author's Response: I will definitely keep the words flowing. Thanks so much for your encouragement and support.
Wow, this was a beautiful story to read. The way how you described the founders and how Helga sees them all. I liked especially the part where Salazar, Rowena and Helga stood behind their chairs and she thinks about the robes and colours they wear.
We stand behind our chairs wearing our ceremonial robes in the colours that we have chosen for our Houses. Salazar looks imposing in his threads of green and silver, and the blue and bronze colours in Rowena’s robe look beautiful in contrast with her skin.
I, the plain one, try not to think about what the yellow looks like on me.
*chuckles* The last sentence is nice and shows that Helga is different to Rowena and Salazar. Simply wonderful part.
Also, the idea with the bet and tickling a dragon? Great. I liked it a lot.
I noticed some minor mistakes:
Salazar tells me that I acting like a fool, […]
The “acting” should be “act” here. And in the following you missed the third-person-s at the end of the first verb:
Rowena senses this and leans over to me,
And in the following sentence, in the speech, there’s a “was” too much; the first one doesn’t work in the sentence:
[…] I assure Godric, “I am certain that was Salazar was not afraid of the dragon.”
I especially liked that you used first person as the narrator and present tense. It gave me the feeling to be with Helga at all times. I could really feel the time and the loneliness Helga felt with Godric’s absence. You’ve grasped Helga’s thoughts perfectly.
And the reference to Hogwarts’ motto with never to tickle a sleeping dragon? Fantastic.
Great story. Liked it a lot.
Roxy, this is heartbreakingly beautiful, and I’m fighting with my tears. Lily had probably the hardest decision ever, to choose between the boy she loved and the man she loves. You captured this expertly, and gave the story a wonderful touch.
I especially liked how you started.
Lily opened her eyes.
She was alone. She could tell from the penetrating silence all around her.
I love how the combination of “penetrating” and “silence”, because sometimes you wish it was all silent, but once there is, you wish there wasn’t. Silence can be as bad as noise. But the way you used it here plays greatly into what Lily felt at that moment – left alone. Yes, she asked for it, as you write in the next paragraph, but nonetheless, she feels left alone with her decision who to choose. And with the subtlety you’ve written it, it tears at my heart just like Lily’s heart is torn. So beautiful…
What I first thought was confusing, but when thinking about it for a moment it became crystal clear, was that you first said “She was alone.” and then have “Lily turned around to James for comfort.” She’s confused in her thoughts and still thinks James is with her. But at the same moment she knows she’s alone, on her own wish. Again, it’s the subtlety that draws the reader into your story, and it’s a wonderful talent you have there.
Was she making the right decision?
This one sentence alone gave your story a turn I hadn’t seen coming. With the beginning, I honestly thought Lily is thinking about the wedding, either stressing herself if everything will be perfect or if she was ready already. But that she could question herself if she had made the right choice found me unprepared and like “Ohh, a SevGirl story…” lol. Joking aside, you used a simple method to point the story into this direction, but it was very effective.
Then, in the next paragraphs, you never use Severus’ name, but from the way you described everything, it’s obvious that Lily thinks about Sev. She wonders how two so completely different men can be so similar. But most of all – both have touched her heart in a unique way, and this is what makes it for Lily so difficult to choose. And yet, her mind is set.
“You didn’t just decide to come here and see if you could change my mind?”
This sentence testifies that Lily is a strong person and can make up her mind, no matter how hard the decision(s) that led her there may have been. You balanced her weakness and strength, surrounding it with a superb story line – short but very effective.
“You thought what? That I’d end up with you? After all that you’ve done to me?” She let the anger build up now. How dare he make this her fault?
And here you showed that Lily has a temper, and that, when once hurt and now insulted, it can take over, making her speak like you wrote it. I really love the way you characterised her so true to the books. It’s just brilliantly done.
Defeated and broken, he turned on the spot and fled from the house of his soul mate.
Oh, this is another fantastic line, expertly describing Severus’ later way of life, the way he went on after her death: defeated and broken, but still unwilling to give up. This is why he promised Dumbledore to look out for Harry then – all for her although he never would get a thank you from Lily.
And the last sentence, it was the perfect way of ending a fabulous story. It shut a door in two respects – first, it ends your story, and second, it ends what Lily had ever felt for Severus. She in this moment chose James, and banned Severus from her life.
I’ve read a lot already, but only few were as beautiful as your story is. Really well done, Roxy. *huggles*
Each member of the Black family had their own fate, whether it followed or went against the family's beliefs.
This is really good, I like it. My favourite part are the verses of Regulus, especially the one with giving up himself instead of Kreacher. When I read this part in DH, I was really touched and this feeling came back while reading your poem. And the kind of 'summary' at the end (about the Blacks in whole) keeps hanging in my mind. I favour the Blacks of all wizarding families and it's great whenever I read something about them. Hope you'll continue to write more about the Blacks. Should be really interesting.
Author's Response: I love the Blacks too! They\'re my favorite HP family. I actually have a long story that I plan to post someday that is centered around many of the Black family members. Thanks for the nice review!
Tim, this one-shot is fantastic. It's so sad and dark, and it surprised me a bit that you, who is quite well-known for humorous and funny stories, could write something this capturing. I felt with William, I felt for William. It's a cruel fate he faced and you showed that exceptionally. I applaud you.
What I liked is the present tense. It's so different than what you usually see, but it worked really great in this context. It gave me as the reader a deeper emotional inside to the story and the character, enabling me much more to feel with William.
The action sequence of his flight is very well done and gripping. I could feel my heart beating faster in the hope of William's success in fleeing. And when he then arrived at his home, being able to embrace his wife and son again, I was glad he had escaped and smiled to myself. But then he dies, and it shocked me. It is a truly magnificent work you've done with this. It reads and feels so real.
What bothered me a bit was the unnecessary capitalisation of normal words like "witch" or "wizarding world". But apart from that, the one-shot was an excellent read. You should write more D/A as it seems to be a strength of yours.
Iím surprised that this story is popular all of a sudden, but Iím glad you enjoyed this experiment of mine in the dark/angst genre. I wrote this to diversify a bit, and itís good to know that my first attempt at this kind of story was effective. My writing tends to be more event-driven and I dread writing internal monologues, but I think I might give this kind of writing another go if I can come up with a good idea.
Thank you for reading and for the review,
~ Tim the Enchanter
Oh my, this is just amazing. I so love this story. It‘s written perfectly, gripping up to the last word and really an insight into Sirius’s mind.
And I wonder – was there such a thing for real, an Order Recolitus Optimus with its several branches? Did a woman called Melinda Maleficent really live at the beginning of the 19th century? Or did you just make it up? If so, wow, absolutely worth a prize. You could invent your own story with this idea, create own characters and so on. I would so sure read this book.
Your poems are fantastic, too. Rhyming and having a riddle in them to sound like kind of a prophecy. Wonderful. Congrats. I hope there’s going to be another story about that? You get a huge double-thumbs-up from me for this and “Recolitus Optimus”.
Author's Response: Wow, well, thank you so very much, luinrina, for the review. I\'m thrilled to hear that you liked this story, especially since I found it incredibly fun to write - and was so happy that it won the challenge.
As for if any it was real, it\'s not, to my knowledge. As far as I know, the whole idea with the Order of Recolitus Optimus and Melinda Maleficent is completely my own creation. The only actual, historical - inspiration, I guess you could call it - comes from the fact that historical Orders and societies did exist, but as for everything about this particular story, it\'s 100 percent made up from my head.
And the funny thing about that was, when I first came up with the idea, it was just some random thing to add to Melinda\'s Chocolate Frog Card. I didn\'t plan for it to take over and play a major role of the story, thus making me have to create a history and such for it. Oh, it was a prime example of a story taking control of the author, rather than the other way around.
As for using it with any original fiction of mine, I\'ve definitely thought of that idea. There\'s definitely a reason why my notes on the whole thing haven\'t ended up in the deleted files of my computer ;)
I\'m glad you liked the poems with these stories, too. They truly were ... interesting to write, I\'ll say. Poetry is not one of my better writing talents, especially when I want the poems to rhyme, as I did in this story, but I thought it made the whole thing work better, so I\'m glad you liked it. As for any other story that deals with this kind of thing - the Order, the poetic prophecies, etc. - who knows? I may write something in the future with them, either fan fic or changing things to make it an original work.
Thanks again, though, for the wonderful review. I really appreciate it!
That story starts off ominously – but very interestingly though. Alone in a field without having a clue why he’s there? *shivers in anticipation*
First of all, congrats to a good first chapter. I really liked it. You have it well-paced, very well described and even better written. I really could feel with Rodolphus. Why was he there? Why were the Muggles killed? What was the meaning of this all? Also, how you explained how he got to that field in the first place was done well although it could have been a little bit clearer in my opinion. But maybe that’ll come in the other chapters? I’ll see.
The way you described the little Muggle house was lovely:
It was directly over a small house, a whitewashed cottage with flowers blooming in the front and giving every appearance of happiness.
It’s really beautiful, the scene you’ve created with this. So peacefully – it really reminds me of little farmer cottage in small villages, way out in the countryside, nothing else around for miles. It’s dreamily. And it’s a shame that death had to destroy this quiet scene. But then again, the grotesqueness of the dead on this house which is untouched is a beauty in its own – it’s so contradictory. I really liked that.
And I always wondered who would kill them. Who would come and take the lives of these four, very friendly, so innocent people? No one else than Bellatrix of course. And this although she still was in school. I always knew she was a person to better not cross, but she fits completely for this killing.
What I had a problem with was this quick pacing you had with Rodolphus and Bellatrix’s discussion about killing the family. He’s strictly against killing innocent people up to that point, but she only needs to threaten him with his own life and he decides to kill the Muggles? That’s in my opinion a little bit too quick.
“No,” I choked out. “I can’t kill them. Bellatrix—”
“Either kill them or die.”
“Anything else. Please,” I begged.
“I will kill one, and you will kill the other. If not, I will kill you, do you understand?”
I nodded. “When?”
The beginning was really good; he contradicted, he pleaded – he didn’t want to kill them. But she kept pushing him. And sure, when it comes down to your life or those of others, you’re most likely choosing to save your own neck, but you could have written Rodolphus even more hesitant about it, making this discussion longer. Yes, he’s going to choose his life in the end over the ones of the Muggles, but he could have put up more of a fight against Bellatrix. She’s only a girl, after all, only 17. And he had his wand. Why didn’t he fight or maybe even kill Bellatrix? That would have solved some problems. No one would know he killed Bellatrix. He was – if I remember correctly – on the run anyway, so why not simply kill her and disappear completely? This way he’d prevent two things: killing the Muggles and having to join the Death Eaters. That’s of course just my theory, so I’ll stop the babbling at this point and go on with your story.
I stared as her eyes slipped back into focus, and she waited for me to speak. But I had nothing to say. I knew then that Bellatrix was, most definitely, all that the Dark Lord could want in a follower. She was cruel, loyal and strong. But it was more than that, I knew. Most people join the Dark Lord’s ranks because of power or fear. But Bellatrix had joined because of something else. She wanted to, which I knew was what set her apart and made her so desirable.
I really liked that paragraph. It showed in a really fantastic way what Bellatrix felt being a Death Eater, why she wanted to be one in the first place. This paragraph in combination with the one where she tells Rodolphus about first meeting Voldemort is just great, absolutely brilliant. Good work.
“Rabastan has requested to be the one to kill you if you should choose not to become one of us.”
These words by Bellatrix and at the end of the first chapter promise a very interesting second one, and I’m more than excited to read how the story goes on.
But before I continue, I want to tell you that relatively early in the beginning you missed a period at the end of a sentence. But apart from that I haven’t noticed one single mistake. Bravisimo.