I spend way too much time reading stories and not reviewing. It is very rude, I know, but I find it hard to say stuff without sounding really fake and un-elle-ish.
Ah, my name's Elle by the way. I'm known as Pheonix Tears over on the forums and I'm the proudest member of Hufflepuff house.
I seriously cannot stress enough how amazing Puff's are. Our Common Room is delightful, if at times, verging on spammy. Nevertheless, we won the cup a couple of terms ago and there is no greater pleasure than winning points for your house. Which I've done once, I think. I may be a proud Puff but I don't really do a lot :)
I currently have a grand total of zero stories up on here. I have ideas, don't get me wrong, but I lack basic confidence to actually press that submit button.
I really love recieving PMs and also adds to my LJ. Although, please do comment when you friend otherwise I won't friend you back. That is the way of the world, m'dears.
Anyway, down to this fanfic business. I have about 3 fics on the go. I've submitted, but they've been rejected. I always realise how truely terrible they are, after I've pressed submit. That is probably not a good thing.
I'm British, living in England. I drink copious amounts of tea and I enjoy all things salt and vinegar. It annoys me when people cannot type and I have to deciper what they are trying to get across to me. I'm in Year 11, and I'm 15. I've loved Hazzy P since I was 7 and I was introduced to it by the lake at Centre Parcs. My copies are rather worn. I cried too much at DH, especailly when Snape and Dumbledore had their little chat. Unrequited love is awful. I should know, I'm a teenage girl.
I'm currently trying to write a Hannah/Draco fic when they are older. This story the only one, so far, which I could find. It was a really great read :)
PheonixFlamesForever = Pheonix Tears
"I'm all for free love and no borders..."
That made me snort with laughter. Poor Voldie - always has to be the centre of attention.
One of the funniest stories I've ever read on the site. It encompassed just about every fans theory about the books, in a hilarious way and you still managed to keep the characters relatively IC.
I very much enjoyed this story.
PheonixFlamesForever - Pheonix Tears
Okay, firstly, I must say, I do like the way that you have worked out how Hermione ticks. That thought hadn't come to me, but now I think of it, I can definately understand where you are coming from. However, I do believe there are other things behind Hermione's motivation, mainly her friendship and loyalty as well.
At times, the characters seem slightly OOC in the way that they socailise and react with each other, for example, I don't believe there was an instance in any of the books when Hermione was addressed as 'Mione. I think this is especailly apparantly when Ron first kisses Hermione, as I believe he wouldn't be quite as cocky. :)
Sometimes there seems to be an over-use of punctuation, especailly with exclamation marks. With a beta, you could straighten these little mistakes out, and make it an even better fic.
You do provide excellent description and I have a very vivid picture of how they are interacting with each other. Overall, very cute fic. :)
Firstly, I just wanted to say that this was too short! I really feel that you had the oppurtunity to carry on further with this, and turned it into not only a longer one-shot, but maybe even a chaptered fic. Maybe it's just that I haven't found one yet, but I've never seen a fic that explores the Triwizard Tournament from a Beauxbatons students point of view. I think you still have the oppurtunity to do this, and I'd definately read more if I had the chance! I'd like to see how Lucille observes the rest of the school and, of course, the pupils.
At first I thought why isn't Fleur talking in her usual french accent? But obviously, Lucille and Fleur would be talking french!
I'm not sure the Lucille's description of Fleur is totally fair, and is maybe clouded a little by jealously and longing, a little bit, to be like Fleur, to be envied by many and a favourite student of Madame Maxine. Bill seems to be quite a down to earth guy, would he really fall for seemingly super-b**** Fleur? :) But then, I don't know when this story was published and so you mayn't have known about Fleur and Bill. And to be fair, in GoF we did recieve quite a stand-offish presentation of Fleur.
I heard a boy on my right Beauxbatons is an all girls school, as Durmstrang is an all boys school :) Just a tiny nit-pick.
I couldn't help but steal a look at her. I like this line alot. It does helps us see into what Lucille is like and also what she percieves Fleur to be like, notably - above her.
We all know she will get it. I presume you mean the oppurtunity to be in the Triwizard Tournament. But, the students were picked from that little fire thingy (cannot remember correct name). And they'd know that, as only those over the age of I think, seventeen could enter, and all the students from Beaubatons and Durmstrang were shortlisted, if you will, because they were over that age. I hope you get what I'm getting at, it was quite awfully explained.
I'd quite forgotten Madame Maxine, but I know exactly what you mean when you talk about her having favourites. She seems like the sort of teacher who would! I don't like teachers like them...
Over all, I do like this story. The sentances, although quite short and simple at times, do help build a nice effect and help to move the story along, whilst building up a picture of the situation Lucille is in.
Anyway, this was nice! :) It would be great if you continued it!
-elle! (Pheonix Tears - PheonixFlamesForever)
blond In Britain, it would be blonde :) We like to add uneccessary letters into words to confuse people.
I’m not a killer. I like this alot. People forget, but Draco isn't a killer. Sometimes writers forget this, and make him kill every passing muggle. But he couldn't kill Dumbledore, that was Snape. This line shows his humanity, which I like.
I don't really like the paragraphs where Draco and Ginny embrace. This is my first Draco/Ginny story, maybe that's why. You say that a little OOCness doesn't hurt anybody.. and it doesn't, but it does distract from the story slightly. I understand that Ginny was distressed and maybe wouldn't care who was comforting her, but she'd remember it was a Malfoy, and Draco Malfoy for that matter!
He did not know what possessed him to kiss her This line seems a little stilted and forced. He didn't know what came over him, but he kissed her, would sound less stilted. And also, I think you've undermined the closeness of the Malfoy relationship. I can definately see Lucius reacting the way you have shown him as doing, but I can't see Draco ever killing his father, or even attempting too, especailly over a girl who he doesn't even know. Also, nothing can stop Avada Kedavra, nothing at all.
I'm confused as to the time limit in which Harry dies. Avada Kedavra is instant, it isn't prolonged and stretched out.
I think at the end, you've got Malfoy spot on though. He always resented Harry because of some unknown reason. I think you pinned it down though.
Overall, nice work. I just feel you could've done a little more work to build up the relationship between Ginny and Draco, and that you underestimated the devotion of the Malfoy family to each other, and actually, the devotion of Ginny to Harry.
elle! (PheonixFlamesForever - Pheonix Tears)
"Her name was Jessica Stuart, and she had been a forgotten Gryffindor girl."
This is one of the best openning lines I have ever read. It immediately engaged me in the story. I already know Hermione's story and the other Gryffindor girls, but not Jessie's.
"Jessie didn't even hear the rest of what Hermione said. She only answered dreamily, "Oh yes, I'll come," when Hermione asked again if she would attend, and absently said, "Goodbye," when Hermione uncertainly told her that "she really had to be going, Ron was waiting." "
Unfortunately, this paragraph seems a bit messy and I had to read through a couple of times before grasping the whole concept of it.
The flashbacks in my opinion are a fantastic way of showing Jessie's attachment to the past, remembering all those times which she spent with Lupin. They could've been over used but they fitted in perfects at different points in the story.
" "Godric, Jessie Stuart!" she cursed herself out loud. "Why is his memory still haunting you? Why does your heart still do that funny little skipping thing whenever you think of him? You baby, can't you just forget? "
I think that this little passage seems a little dramatic for an otherwise believable story. Perhaps if she was just thinking it or talking about it in a conversation with a friend it would seem a little more realistic.
But overall, a very enjoyable read and I really liked it.
Pheonix Tears / PheonixFlamesForever
Hello, I'm here to review your lovely story :)
Firstly, I believe this is a very sweet story and it is nicely writen.
However, sometimes I find it hard to understand who is talking to who. “Aww, come on, Ginny,” Harry spoke to his wife. “It’s not our fault. You’re fighting a losing battle, son. At first he seems to be addressing Ginny but then he refers to her as 'son' I'm sure it could be easily cleared up.
If someone had told him twenty-five tears I have a feeling you mean twenty-five years although actually, it kind of works.
“I’m just so nervous, Dad!” How old is James here? He seems, by his dialogue to be quite young, but maybe it's just him relying on his dad again, like old times.
I think it's highly original of you to have the wedding take place in the RoR. And in the middle of the story I think it's very IC to have Harry trying to accept that his children are growing up.
I had my suspicions about a certain Violet, that she was a Malfoy, that is. The interactions between Draco and Harry don't seem as formal as they could've been! Which is great!
Err, gotta go! great story!
I'm here to do some reviewing :]
They were not by lake I think you mean, They were not by the lake That's just a pesky typo though.
In this segment She was rushing around the hospital wing, tending to the wounded while the battle raged on the grounds. I think you portray Molly as a bit OOC. I firmly believe that Molly would be out there fighting the batlle and be with her family as thats the way she has always tried to let it be. I also think that the way you have Molly calling her children her babies is a little OOC as well. I think Molly would only say things like that in the heat of the moment and now when everything has calmed down, she would become much more sedate and practical.
I do believe this story is very sweet though and shows a mothers love very strongly. I feel that Molly is OOC for a lot of the story, though Arthur seems to stay IC.
You have wonderful description in the first paragraph and it really helps paint the picture of how it would look.
Overall, great first fanfic :]
Pheonix Tears / PheonixFlamesForever
Its that strange one who you're talking to on the Forums. Yeah, Elle, :P
I actually love the way this story has been built up. And its written in a very Lily like sharp, witty way. And its very, very funny.
This is going straight on the favourites!
Hi, fellow Puff. :D
Author's Response: Oh, hey Elle! *hugs* Lol, glad you like it fellow Puff! And I\'m glad you think it\'s funny. I spend a lot of time coming up with all of Lily\'s demented insults, so, yeah... Lol, thanks for the review!
Haha I was laughing so much especailly when they all jumped in the fire and screamed 'to the burrow' :]
Please write more soon!
Author's Response: Yes definitely, lot of work in college keeping me busy..but I\'ll keep posting *thumbs up*
I really enjoyed this story, I could only notice a couple of errors namely, a school of Witchcraft and Wizardry and also 'She heard she father call out,' it would be 'She heard her father call out' I'm sure they are just silly little typos though!
I really like how you've shown how Petunia feels, without coming from 1st person. It does make you feel for poor Tuni! Also the way you have included snippets of canon in with it - the turning teacups into rats for example. I think you've stayed very IC for both Lily and Petunia, and I'm really glad I read this story :D
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Typos are always innoying so thanks for pointing them out. Glad you thought the characters were close, since my tale ended up being as far from the truth as humanly possible...
Alright darling? I’ve never reviewed this, your earliest story, but I’m glad I came across it :D Firstly, this is very cute, a cute little romance which is just lovely.
“she still had another seventeen hours to get through before Valentines Day was over.” I love this. It shows me Lily’s meticulous side, the attention to detail that I think only she would do. The use of ‘Potter’ to address James as well, shows the apparent disparaging feelings she has for him. Feelings which hopefully change as we read through the story? I hope so. Actually, I know so, this is canon compliant. Why not call him James? Aren’t they ‘intimate’ enough, so to speak?
‘‘Remember we have to patrol the corridors tonight. Don’t be late,’ he said, and grinned.’ Is this my feminine intuition which suggests to me this line come in handy later? Is this for people to pick up on, I don’t know.
Your characterisation of Sirius, short though it might be seems perfect for me, in this little snippet. I like how you’ve captured the friendship which James and Sirius have, an ongoing sibling rivalry sort of thing. It’s very cute. If anything, they might seem a little too juvenile here. This is set in seventh year, I think, and perhaps they’d be a little more mature. The same can be said about Lily as well, she seems to be dealing with James’ previous advances quite immaturely. But then, I suppose James was never the most mature of creatures...
I like Lily’s conscience, or whatever it is. It’s a non-perfect Lily – I like it. I always thought Lily seemed far too perfect, and I was always way too jealous of her. She seems humanized here – she’s confused, finally an emotion other than flipping perfection! She’s suppressing them though- which is never good. They’ll explode.
I can see how much you’ve improved even in this short story. At times, the language used seems quite simplistic. As Lily read it, her heart filled with a million different emotions. But mostly one. I know how much you’ve improved and matured as a writer and I think this line now could be written in a million different ways now.
The end bit seems a little, simplistic. It’s been built up so much, but it ends sort of... flatly? It’s sweet and cute and fluffy, but it could be more. However, I must admit, the fairies are a lovely touch... I wish I’d done that. And as for the concluding sentence. Perfect. The cynicism is totally apt. ‘It was corny. It was overdone. It was so totally unoriginal; Lily couldn’t help but kiss him again.’ If I just had to nitpick, I’d say that the ‘totally’ in the final line seems slightly American.
But, my god, this is so cute. It’s such a lovely piece of fluff, and perfect for it. Don’t ever delete this, please Jen, it’s so cute. Your writing has improved so much, but this is a lovely piece. I really enjoyed this, darl.
Author's Response: Omg, I'm so embarrassed you reviewed this. I've been meaning to delete it, actually. >.> That said, I'm glad you seemed to enjoy it anyway. :) I understand all the nitpicks you've pointed out, really, but I'm going to ignore them because if I fixed everything wrong with this fic I would have to rewrite it. :P I'm so overjoyed by the comment that you think I'm a better writer now, though - at least all the fanfic was good for something, then. Thank you, dearie! <3
I loved it! Especailly the end bit about Arthur Weasley :]
Ahh, I really like this! I know a lot of people just go for the Rose/Scorpious shipping but the idea of a friendship between Scorp (haha) and Al is original - at least to me anyway!
It was a very enjoyable read!
Author's Response: Thank you very much.
Ahh this was just the fic I was looking for in my Christmas Blues. Really lovely.
PheonixFlamesForever = Pheonix Tears
Author's Response: I understand. It\'s raining outside here and we are taking down the decorations and the tree. My wife won\'t let me listen to any more Christmas music either. Maybe I\'ll write another Christmas story in anticipation of next year. Thank you for reading this one. Eric B.
‘Love and hate are quite similar when you think about it,’ James said thoughtfully.
‘What do you mean?’ Lily asked.
‘You can’t hate someone for no reason without loving them a little,’ he said.
Lily rolled her eyes. ‘That’s stupid,’ she said.
‘No it’s not. Why do you think guys tease girls they like? Most people use hate to hide the fact that they really love someone.’
Lily didn’t say anything, so James continued. ‘After all, love is really just hate with a smile.’
Lily Evans hated James Potter. She always had, and thought she always would. But people change. Opinions change. Sometimes the line between right and wrong blurs … as well as the line between love and hate.
ON INDEFINITE HIATUS. Check out my bio for more details.
It's Elle - I put this in the PM I just sent you, but you do have a lovely way of writing.
Sorry for the short review but Graphics homework calls!
*Click* oh look, it's added to favourites :D
Author's Response: Elle! *hugs* Thanks for the review, sweetie. I\'m flattered that you like my writing. :]
I read this such a long time ago, and I left such a short review. But this has stayed with me- this story out of the hundreds I’ve read on here, and I just thought I’d tell you that. I remember the emotion. And I loved it.
FBI Agent. I presume, due to the mention to Hogwarts that this is a British fic. Unfortunately, we don’t call it ‘FBI agent,’ it’d probably be MI5 or MI6 but in this wizarding environment, it’d be an Auror. Just a thought. In fact, throughout this fic, there are a lot of Brit-Picks, which I’m not going to go into detail on, but for example, with the word ‘rumour’ or ‘rumor’ as you’ve spelt it. This doesn’t distract from the story, not from my point of view, it’s only because I’m reading this in so much detail that I’ve noticed them.
You have the lovely touch in this line here, This was where the Muggles had been killed The new paragraph and the straight to the point, almost bluntness of this line is just fantastic. It doesn’t need to be dressed up with fancy words, it’s just perfect the way it is. I adore this line. And then you compliment it so nicely with the detailed paragraph below, detailing the story of Sirius Black and the 13. The language in here, the dialogue between Josiah and Grace when they’re younger is just so adorable, you can really tell the youth in their speech. “You’re my best friend! I wouldn’t dare scare you, Grace.” Here is where I see it. Plus, the mention of her ‘clammy hands.’ It helps build up this picture of them. It’s cute.
My heart just melted at the ‘kissing scene’. The two are so sweetly naive. Plus, this line when he’s talking to his mother, “I’ll tell her when it rains.” This dialogue is perfect, the conversation is brilliant. I’m totally gushing right now, but I really mean it all. Poor Josiah, I really feel for him right now.
Oh. I forgot this happened. By ‘this’, I mean the terrible tragedy. I have tears pricking in my eyes right now. Grace’s denial is so sweet and so childlike of her – although I think the way her mother told her may almost be patronising. She’s eleven, she must know about death and such. Maybe it just shows the maturity of the parents – if the father can’t muster up enough strength to go into the forest, even though it’s just based on myths. Even he didn’t dare tread inside those woods and especially at night The use of the word, ‘even’ means that you would usually expect him to be brave. I resent him for this.
The description in the paragraph after she hears the shouts for her name are exquisite. It had been as if all the animals were demonic, their wicked eyes peering over their nests to gaze at them walking through. As they crunched over the brushwood and dead leaves the clouds seemed to give into the forest’s powers as well. They became discoloured and grey instead of the silky blue they had been that entire day, and the sun had disappeared. I really mean it. The words flow so well together and everything seems to fit together succinctly.
The ending is a little confusing at times. I see a dream sequence in it, and I understand the warped sense of it – her mind is manipulating her into doing things. This line is a little confusing, Finally the door loomed in front of her, many feet taller than her height. Is this a metaphor? Or is it genuinely meant? It’s a little morbid that she would want to see the dead body of her best friend. Maybe it would close everything for her – give her closure, perhaps. But it didn’t, sadly. She thinks that building the tree-house, now, will give her closure. I think that Grace will constantly be searching now and that it’ll never really come. That really saddens me actually, but it seems so real.
Of course, I love this story – I told you that at the beginning. I’m confused about the location of this story – you mention Sirius’ rampage (which was Peter’s) which definitely took place in England or at the very least in the United Kingdom. Except, there are things in this story which are so definitely American that it really distracts from the story. It’s nothing major – the story, the characters and the way they interact and the lovely description is just amazing, but I really feel this story could be totally perfect if this was just made a little more British. I love this story – I think I always will. It’s so emotive and lovely and really I’m totally trying to pick holes in it because apart from that, I love it.
Thank you. :D
Author's Response: Elle! You are just wonderful. I haven't got around to getting on here in a while, but I lurk every once in a while to check a review or two on one of my stories. Your review was so perfect--- I do hope you're in SPEW or at least thinking about it, because you made me gush as I read this. I'm so happy that you liked this so much. ~Lindsey :)
oh my goodness. This has to be one of the best fics I have ever read. I cannot say how much I absolutely love this story. It's just . . .wow. Sorry, I know this review isn't exactly helpful. But you really bought the characters to life, and it made me shed a tear, I admit. I think that is a sign of a good author, someone who can make people feel for the characters in their story.
This is truly lovely.
Author's Response: Aw, thank you so very much! And your review was extremely helpful--- it told me that people actually like the story, and since you cried that means that I got the emotions down pretty good. Thank you so much for this great review! I\'m flattered that you think it\'s one of the best fics you\'ve read! -blushes- ~Lindsey :)
Well! This was very good!
I was attracted by your pretty banner on the Forums (I'm Pheonix Tears on the site) and thought it looked interesting!
And it really was. I like how Petunia already has characteristics of how she will be as an adult, an instantly suspicious mind and a fear of the unknown. She seems to care more about what people think that of how Lily feels. A fact later shown in the book when Petunia is shown as being quite a curtain twitcher :)
Lily is shown as being very naive, which is portrayed very well. The line “You see the face of a monster in a ten-year-old boy.” (although I think it's a very good liine) seems a bit mature for Lily when she's been shown as saying “He was probably just pretending,” in the next paragraph. In the first line she sounds very mature for her age - like a teenager and in the second she sounds like a child again.
“Tommy Brown thinks he’s a duck.” This line made me snort with laughter. :D
Over all I think this is a very good read! And I'm adding it to my favourites. I can't wait to read more of Petunia's views on the world :)
Author's Response: I\'m glad you like it. Maybe that \'monster\' line is a tad mature for Lily right now, but who knows? It may be important later. *cue music!*
Rose was a Weasley. She never gave Scorpius Malfoy a second glance. They were sworn enemies, even though they’d barely even spoken to each other. But sometimes all it takes for love to blossom is a Potions lesson, a few snide remarks and a dropped book.
Two people. Two entirely different worlds that are suddenly intertwined.
'I was reciting the ingredients' Now Jen, on your bio you said you cannot write humour. I hasten to disagree, I found that little interaction very humourous and I laughed a lot.
Anyway, I think this is a very sweet story and the characters seem very real. I love that you have put in canon characters, those are the sort of things that excite me. And I love how Scorpius has his own opinions and hasn't been brain washed by his father.
I'm PMing and writing this, get me :p
Author's Response: Elle! *hugs* You laughed at that? I actually thought it was amazingly lame, but I left it in there anyway. I\'m so happy you liked this, honey. I read your PM, but I\'m being lazy at the moment, so I\'ll reply tomorrow. I\'m really tired at the moment. :]