I love the Harry Potter books and started reading fanfiction after Book 7 because I was fascinated with Lily and James' relationship. I love Maurader-era stories just because there's so much room to play with.
Sometimes my criticism is a little too harsh. I apologize. It just makes me so angry to read about weak women or strange gender inequalities in relationships. I may sound harsh, but I hold my fanfiction to high standards. I think fanfiction has a lot of potential and because of that potential, it deserves to be criticized like a real work. I am more than willing to beta for anyone or give anyone my opinion if he or she would like it. I also won't be offended if you don't agree with me. My opinion by no means is the be-all, end-all.
Most importantly, I don't try and review to put people down. I review because something about what I read made me care about the writer and his/her story. If the review is critical, it's because I thought the writer or story has/had potential and can improve in the future. I always try and be specific about what I don't like so that the author can try and see my point of view. I think it's helpful to point out what you didn't like. As you can see, though, my strong reactions make me somewhat repetitive.
Finally, to go back to Lily/James stories, I love original, stories that don't rely on cliches. I like my characters three dimensional and complex. I also like canon, but I'm always up for a little exploring into AU.
Summary: The Hogwarts Express brings mystery and mischief in the Marauders' seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are facing a year of N.E.W.T.s, romance, intrigue, and, of course, a little mischief-making. There are plot twists galore! James (in the midst of saving the world) continues desperately to try to woo the incorrigible Lily Evans. Sirius deals with family problems while dealing with his incredible popularity and good looks (the horror!). Remus is provided with a backdoor to avoiding the prejudices of the inevitable real world, but at what cost? (dun-dun-dun) And Peter...well, Peter gets himself a girlfriend (but don't worry: it doesn't affect his hero-worshipping of James...or DOES IT?!)
Great story. It was wonderful. I felt like the characterizations were spot on, there was lots of action, and the romance part was subtle but still present. My only critique is I would love to see Lily be a great fighter. She rocks at charms, and I loved that you gave her her own fight scene. I'd love to see more! Great job.
I'm really enjoying this, and I guess I never thought about it, but I guess James' patronus wouldn't necessarily be a stag.
Oh my God. That was the creepiest chapter. I was so confused, but intrigued. I kept thinking, "Time-turner? Is he going to go back and save everyone?" I never caught on it was a dream... there was maybe a hint at the very end. Wow. Powerful.
Summary: *How far would you go for love?* "If you touch her again, I'll kill you." "Go ahead for I'll come to her again and again." *Is it worth it?* "James leave her alone, she's no good for you." "Don't say a word against Lily!" *Will it last?* "It's forever, I've known it sice the day I met you." "Forever is a long time." "Not if you love someone..." I am finally re-editing this story, please take a look and see all the new stuff!
I imagine that Lily is a braver person than this. It works for your fic and everything, but she was in the Order and great at spells. She's also a Gryffindor. I just imagine her being able to do a bit better job at taking care of herself.
Summary: Lily Evans deals with a sixth year at Hogwarts, and a first year as Head Girl. To her frustration, the Head Boy is none other than James Potter. As the year progresses, they fight many evils, Malfoy, tryouts for the Huddersfield Hurricanes Quidditch team, and their growing affection for each other. Some mentions of SC but nothing over PG-13. PLEASE R&R!
Seems a little quick and superficial for love.
Summary: Starts out in James and Lily's 7th year at Hogwarts. Not exactly your average James/Lily
I thought this was going well until you started including all the author's notes in the middle of the chapter. It was jarring. I was also confused about the point of the Muggle-life. What does that have to do with Transfiguration? Even if it did have something to do with it, I don't think McGonagall would embarrass students like that in class by showing really personal stuff to everyone. I don't see what they could learn from it either.
I think you should have stayed with one voice. Switching to first person was strange. I think its better to be consistent. You can write those thoughts he's having from a third person. Switching to first doesn't add anything.
"And you said I'M the most difficult person.." he muttered. Lily stared up at him in shock. - This could have been clearer on how it made James confess. It took me awhile to realize she only told the stag that. I also think you should have explained the curse in more detail. Why is it so bad to use? Why does it react differently? I just wanted more info.
I;m not trying to be harsh, but I can't really finish this fic. It's strange because it feels like two different stories squashed into one. The first half and second half are so different. You started with an original concept, and then it seemed to lose its focus. The author's comments throughout the story or referring to yourself of your characters or your fic really ruin it for me. It breaks the spell of the story and is jarring.
Summary: Lily is staying at Hogwarts over Christmas break for the first time, and since her friend won’t be with her, Lily thought that she’ll experience a miserable Christmas. Guess who’s going to cheer her up? The Marauders, of course! Will they succeed? Or make things even worse? Knowing the Marauders, it’s probably the latter...
It's a nice idea, but the whole James-turns-into-a-stag to find out what's wrong with Lily (got tired of hyphenating) has been done. It also doesn't really seem like that poem was really the big thing to change her mind. Cute idea though.
Summary: In this riveting sequel to the "acclaimed" Veiled Revelations, Voldemort has risen to his full strength and is threatening both the wizarding world and the muggle world in an attempt to gain total control. A small group of people - the Order of the Phoenix - are all that stand in his way. Join James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Lily Evans as they battle the most evil wizard the world has ever seen. (Reviews are always nice and appreciated - and Erik has rated this story 6th-7th years as a result of her incorrigible pride).
This is a really great story. I loved how you worked in everything. My only complaint is the stuff at the beginning with Voldermort seemed a little anti-climatic. I loved the relationships you created and how you let Lily and Remus rock the house a few times. I understood why Sirius thought it was Remus and how Peter orchestrated everything. I think you've also written the best Peter-turning I've ever read. You made him so complex in these two stories. I loved it!!!! These are definitely two of my favorite stories, the Maurader-era stories I was looking for! I don't even know what else I can say to rant and rave about these! Just fantastic.
Yay! Lily being a badass. I love it.
James' patronus changed into a phoenix? Was that an accident? I also caught another error, but I'm not sure what it was. It was a chapter or two ago... Hmmm...
Author's Response: yeah, sorry about that! that was definitely an error, which i guess i didn\'t catch (thought i\'d been thorough but there you go!) if you remember the other, do tell me, i\'d like to go back and edit my stupidity!
I love Slughorn. You should go back (if you can) and include him in Veiled Revelations. I'm a little confused on whether Remus knows Lily and James are with Dumbeldore or not.
Summary: When Remus meets Tonks for a drink at the Three Broomsticks, he gets rather more than he bargained for...
This is absolutely delightful. I loved the characterizations of both characters, and I especially enjoyed the insight into Remus' character. It was charming in the dialogue and plot, and I very much enjoyed reading it.
A final note - I enjoyed the length. Not all authors know when to stop, and this had a distinct beginning, middle, and end. It ended at exactly the right time.
My one criticism is how Tonks was already in love and hinting at it. It speaks to your characterization of her and her dialogue that it worked. It wasn't jarring. Honestly, my complaint is more of a preference than a writing technique. It just seemed a little quick is all.
Good work, and thanks for sharing!
Summary: Petunia reflects back on the first time she met James Potter. Their introduction was quite different than she'd expected it to be, and not exactly what she'd hoped for.
I like how you came up with this story. I wasn't sure how he was going to make the stars fall until you mentioned DD. I like how it fits in with the first book, and it was a nice L/J story.
Summary: Professor Sprout has just given 7th year Gryffindors a new project, where the class, divided in pairs, has to raise a rare plant. What’s gonna happen when Lily finds out who her partner is? And how will she survive in his sole company?
I didn't really like the yelling at whole Lilly bit. If what her friend said is true, then why should we like Lilly? That means she's just really judgmental. And it's hard to believe that she would call her a "sadistic bitch" to Sirius. I can maybe understand the yelling in the heat of the moment, but that's a little overboard. She's not a very good friend then.
Finally on the Lilly thing, I'm sure she has good reason to dislike James a little. If she doesn't it makes it hard to believe he would like someone who was so mean. Why would we root for him to get the girl if the girl sucks so much?
That fight seemed pretty major for them to make up that quickly. It was also one of those apologies where it felt like Helen never really apologized.
Summary: James finally asks Lily out. The problem is, he chose a roundabout way of getting to her. Plus, he stands a high risk of breaking his neck in the process. Told from Remus Lupin's POV. Rated 3rd-5th years for slight language and mild innuendo on James's part. One-shot.
A/N: Quick note to all: I am sorry, but there are no plans for a sequel for PC. I hate to disappoint you all, but I feel that the story is better standing alone, leaving the rest to your imaginations.
It's really cute. I really like your version of how she agreed to go on the first date a lot better than how it happens most of the time. I really like the characterizations and the humor of it.
Summary: James Potter: Marauder. Lily Evans: Prefect. They're both seventh years at Hogwarts. They're also about to have a pretty interesting year--complete with a few detentions, pranks, confusion, and laughter--in which they get through school, make some trouble and maybe, just maybe, sort out their feelings for each other.
Thanks to all you who have made it possible for this story to be in the Top Tens. It was a very happy moment when I first saw my story on the list, and I love being able to go back and see it there now. Still. Yay!
Throughout the latter half of 2010, and the first half of 2011, I re-edited this story. The changes were mostly to fix stray (and annoying) grammar and spelling errors, but also to rework some plot points in an effort to stay truer to canon. I also updated the style; having written this story so long ago, my writing has definitely developed (and I would say gotten better), so I edited to reflect that. (I apologize for the errors that were in the story before all this editing. I found them immensely distressing when I reread my chapters. Heartbreaking, really.)
Big “thank yous” go to the three people who helped edit/nitpick the first edition of this novel: violagirl, fairiesandcream, and Omagus.
And yes, this story is up on Fanficition.net under the penname: Io.Sono.Emilia.
Of course, as a disclaimer, I’m not JK Rowling. The Potterverse does not belong to me, but I am in it and love it.
It confused me when you said James was a prefect because I thought there were only two from each House - one boy (Remus) and one girl (Lily). Just thought I'd mention it....
Author's Response: Huh... I\'m actually not sure about that. Let me check that out. Uh.. can\'t find anything. Sorry about the confusion. I just made there be two prefects per House- splits up the responsibilites, right? HEhe.