Penname: The Half Blood Prince [Contact]
Real name: James
Member Since: 04/16/05
Website: http://inevitably-grey.livejournal.com
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*Was here on 23 / 04. 2011. Melancholia is a lovely thing.

A fifteen year old, part-time reader and full-time writer dappling into the potterverse in equal parts fun as practise to what might once be, and might once come.

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Reviews by The Half Blood Prince
 

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Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 10/14/05 Title: None

Ok, I admit. I tried my hardest to avoid posting a new over-long reply for this week, but I couldn’t. I’ve read this chapter twice and it is odd – yes, odd – that no more people have taken the time to this outstanding Sirius fiction. So, to not be redundant, I’ll try and not be repetitive in my lines and cut them down a bit. Enjoy the review – enjoy as I did reading this.

To comment to this project you have, I am utterly fascinated and awed; the fact that you’ve managed to make a successful start to a story I’m sure will burgeon into something unique, is incredibly cool. I’ve not encountered this sort of project anywhere else, except for the S.P.E.W.’s story, and it’s a revitalizing breathe in a still air to see that someone take the dare and do what they want.

Nutty, you’ve made two incredibly enjoyable, charming chapters. Your writing skill in this second chapter especially blew me off. Your descriptions are so vivid it’s meritorious; it painted such a dramatic, rich, euphonious colour to the scenes that I could see it right ahead of me – yes, that’s right. I’ve noticed you’ve got a very poetic, lyrical way of describing things, and in the end chapter two hadn’t only blown me off, but also left me in a state of euphoria. It’s poignant and yet lenient; I can’t tell exactly how I felt. The best way I could cut it in conciseness is: you describe it poetically and yet it seems explicit. And that’s not often I think about one’s writing.

Many can describe beautifully. Many can have them strong in meaning. Those are good writers. However, those who are truly good manage to set the tone and mood into the descriptions and so create the right atmosphere; you’ve managed that! You’ve got a talent in writing – you really have.

I especially loved your start; how the sun let its warmth shine down over the inhabitants and into the room and when you created the enigmatic feel of a figure lurking in the dark. Nicely done!

Even though it was much description in this chapter, I didn’t care; it was good enough written and filled with enough moves and action that I read on without complaints. You have managed to capture Sirius more mischievous personality in this chapter; his thoughts are very satisfying and it doesn’t seem as you add it just for the sake of adding it. It doesn’t seem rushed, along with the description or dialogue, instead it seems carefully chosen and in a nice tempo.

I liked how Sirius was disappointed when he didn’t get the letter he wanted in the start, and then got jocular when what he had awaited came. For he did await, right? It was funny when I found out that the letter where from Hogwarts, and that he completely forgot about it, and which was also why his parents got so nervous for a time. Well done!

He snickered for Bellatrix was sure to blame this on him, but would be unable to prove anything, as usual. He hid a smile as he ran out of his room to check on his handiwork. The owls and their deliveries forgotten…

Nice touch; you did well to have him snicker. Such random word-usage seems random and not important, but it is those small, seemingly insignificant uses of words that decides if a part is well written or just ok, and if you have a ‘wow’ factor or ‘it was good’ factor after you’ve read it. Snickered hit me because it seemed that was something Sirius would do, and so it was painted very vividly in my head. It was interesting to see how Sirius was completely different than the rest of his family; it showed that if Sirius had become a Slytherin, his values may have been as they were, and he wouldn’t be the kind person he became as a Gryffindor. It was a bit creepy, yet I accepted his more dark personality.

Sirius father is very In-Character; we don’t know much about him, or his personality, but I liked your view of him. He seems very well-rounded, fleshed and boned. He’s very believable and I like how he’s got traits from all the houses. He’s bitter and irate at muggles not only because they ARE what they are, but because they thought themselves superior and that wizards and witches were scum. It’s a nice way to show how other people, the ones wanting to get rid of muggles, does it not always of cruelty, but of loathing because of reasons. There Sirius’s father is an example. It shows a more human side of them; they’re deranged, corrupted by not seeing that it’s not all muggles who want such faith for wizards and witches, but only a minority. He fail to see them as a person, and instead as a group. It only strengthens my sympathy for him – so that was very nicely done of you. This line of yours sums up all what I’ve said in a nice manner and it shows that his loathing isn’t empty, but meaningful. It’s a pity he doesn’t manage to see people as they are and instead of history and humans as a group, to only see the negative.

“Mud bloods are scum, do you think those heathens would ‘accept’ us if they found out we exist? No, those hoard of insignificant ruffians would try to burn us alive, they’re not fit for anything except being our underlings, they have no other purpose.”

Oh, thinking about it, you should put in a ‘s’ after ‘those hoard[s]’. You see my point?

It is also interesting to see his pride in being a Black, how he believes that they are superior only of blood. The fact that he throughout the chapter reminds us how proud he is to be a black, as when he says that he should be allowed because Black’s are so special that normal rules don’t apply to Blacks. It reminds me a bit of Lucius Malfoy telling his son when he began at Hogwarts, that he would be deemed to be on the Slytherin Quidditch-team.

It would be interesting to see how they would react if they found out who Voldemort actually was …

Suddenly, a loud screech was heard echoing through the vast hallway of the manor.

This created a very nice atmosphere and tension. I wondered what was going on, and so I read the next paragraph to figure that out. A nice way to have readers clinging to your story when it begins to be a bit much description!

She frowned for it has been a week and there was still no word from Hogwarts. She was sure that her son was not a squib; her husband taught the boy quite a number of hexes and the boy performed them well.

Nutty, this arose some interesting questions that made me want to read; as with the same occasion as above, you give us questions so we willingly continue to read the story without stopping. What I began to wonder when reading this was: Who was the woman? Who was the husband? Why did she wonder if her son was a squib, and who was the child? What did she think she would get from Hogwarts?

When I contemplated those things, I figured some things; the woman and her husband were at least wizards. So, it is a full-blood family. Her baby, she was afraid was a squib because no letter of approval from Hogwarts came. I wonder, is this Sirius’s mother, her husband and Sirius, their son? If so, which I figured were right, I didn’t really get why Rodolphus was in the picture? Rodolphus wasn’t in their family at Sirius’s age here, and neither could he be together with Bella because of the age-differences.

He nodded and turned his attention back to the boy in front of him. “Now, Sirius, I did not call you down here for those extra lessons, but to ask why you didn’t inform us of your letter.”

Sirius gave his parents a confused look, “What letter?”


Here realisation dawned at me; one of the owls coming in to his room, were actually carrying his Hogwarts letter. And he forgot about it, which was the cause for his parents worrying. A very nice, clever touch that made me laugh when I realised it (Ps: I got a few heads turned in my direction).

“But I thought it’s just Cissy’s stupid ‘Things That I DO NOT WANT for my Birthday’ list,” Sirius tried to explain, “I usually ignore her dumb list anyway.”

“Go to your room!” she shouted at the boy.

“And bring me that letter,” her husband added calmly.


LoL! That was incredibly funny, how you managed to have Sirius traits straight as JK has it and yet make him sound like an eleven years old boy. The words you use is showing that he’s not an adult and that he’s still young. And the last line made me snort, by the way. I think you managed show each of his parents personality pretty well here; how his parents handles things completely different, was something that’s truck me. His mother is, may I say, a bit crazy and has got quite a temper. His father manages to control himself much better, which is obvious in the conversation he had with his son (for example when Sirius asked why thought so and so about muggles), and now. And the odd humour of it all was well done!

To some nit-picky things, since it’s just me being my usual, pedantic self, I’ll see if there are something that could be done better, worked on, formulated differently, etc.

Sirius hesitated but had decided to ask anyway, “Why do we despise Mudbloods so much?”

Sirius was in character here. And it is nothing grammatical incorrect. However, I do wonder, why did he hesitate? I know why, but it might be better to explain to others. Also, I think the line would flow better if you cut ‘had’ – you don’t need it and it hinders the flow.

Mrs. Black cleared her though and held back the urge to roll her eyes for now she knew where Sirius got that ‘short attention span’. “The letter,” she reminded her husband.
This does sound a bit rushed, and didn’t give the same positive effect that I’ve got before. I had completely forgotten her when the father and son talked to each other. It seemed as if she suddenly vanished and then appeared again; perhaps you could show Sirius seeing his mother at his sides of his eyes, just to remind us?

She shook her head and remembered that the man’s also the head of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Blacks; and that was the main reason as to why she married him. He’s obnoxious and she believed that his son would grow to be as insufferable as the father. Thank Salazar, she at least have Regulus to keep her sanity.

Something about this line confuses me. I think you should be more explicit in whom she though was obnoxious; if it was Sirius’s father, why did she think so? He clearly has the same view about muggles, etc., so why should she think him obnoxious? He’s arrogant, yes, but so is she.

I can’t believe why she would think Sirius would grow as obnoxious as her father; he’s clearly not done so and he also turned out not to be alike him. In my opinion a mother would know more about her son than that, even though she doesn’t care so much for him.

She narrowed her eyes at the boy’s impudence, “First years are not allowed to have brooms.”

It is something about her personality that is so enthralling, so pleasant to read. She seems very IC throughout the chapter and I’m glad to see that you’ve managed to make her the young figure of her being the same, bitter, hateful woman we know in OoTP. The thing that made her IC here was the share poison I imagined she put in each word to her son, and how her narrowing eyes showed her frustration. And Sirius, he seems such an innocent boy when asking if he could get a new broom. I got the image of him having a shy, yet eager look on his face, which made his mother disgusted. Sirius’s mother seems as If she’s clinging to life – the mere fact that she lives with such insufferable persons, and that the only reason she is with them is because they’re not meretricious, but valuable in fame and honour.

The dialogue between father and soon is incredibly well done; it had the nice air of questioning and answering in it, and it flowed well. The way that his father thought himself superior because of a black shone strongly through the dialogue, and I read it with a smile on my face. What was impressive was how you managed to catch the age differences in how they spoke. For example: “But I thought it’s just Cissy’s stupid ‘Things That I DO NOT WANT for my Birthday’ list,” Sirius tried to explain, “I usually ignore her dumb list anyway.”

This type of speaking is typical from a young boy or girl; they don’t think over the consequences what they say may bring, and says their opinion bluntly. They often add a last bit with mutterings, too. The word ‘stupid’ is also incredibly often used by young boys, and thus it reflected the fact that it was an eleven year old boy who talked.

And, thinking about that, I think the line would have been better if you re-worded it this way: ‘But I thought it’s just Cissy’s stupid ‘things that I do not want for my Birthday’ list,’ Sirius tried to explain. ‘I usually ignore her dumb list anyway,’ he muttered under his breathe. Oh, after ‘tried to explain’ in your line above, it should be period and not a comma because what’s after the birthday list is an independent clause. If you’re desperate to cling those two lines of talk together, you should have a semicolon after ‘tried to explain’.

He had visited Diagon Alley often, but never at this time of the year, he never dreamed that the place would ever be this packed. He waved as he saw Gideon and Fabian Prewett pass by with their very pregnant older sister, Molly.

This is a good opening-paragraph to the new POV from James. However, in the start here something is grammatically erroneous. For it to be grammatically correct, the sentence should be: He had visited Diagon Alley often, but never at this time of the year; he never dreamed that the place would ever be packed.

Even so, it sounds a bit clumsy. If I could give my opinion, I’d change the sentence to something similar to this: He had visited Diagon Alley often, nut never at this time of the year. It surprised him to see how the place was in hurly-burly; chatter rung from each side of the alley as wizards and witches tried to reach to the other through the mass of people. He waved to Gideon and Fabian Prewett as he saw them pass by with their pregnant older sister, Molly.

You got the idea; much more feeling and it read more fluently. Yes?

The rest of the three paragraphs flew by without any things I noticed – everything grammatical correct and I didn’t stop to wonder about some of the lines. The lines were coherent and well-done, and I got a nice image in my head. I especially liked how Molly and the Potters had a nice bond between them – it’s nice to see when those you have learned to love from books is friends with each other. It makes it all the more understandable why Molly takes Harry under her wings; she cared for his family, both James parents and himself, and thus, she wants to do something for them – to care for their only living descendant. Touching!

“Dad?” James asked.

“Great, there goes the neighbourhood,” Gideon muttered. (Ps: Since HP is British, you should add a ‘u’ after the ‘o’, like this: Great, there goes the neighbo[u]rhood …)

“What’s going on?” James ventured to ask once again.

“Blacks,” his father muttered darkly, “they think they own the place.”


I both liked and didn’t like this conversation. I liked the dry humour Gideon showed; I think it reminds me a bit of all the Wesley brothers, and such. What I don’t like about this is that it seems as if you’re avoiding ‘said’. Said is a word that is said to be ‘invisible’. It’s so common that we don’t stop reading for the sake of figuring what’s said. Authors use it for the sake of not interrupting the flow. That was what it did here. You can very well change ‘asked’ to ‘said’. And a bit of more description wouldn’t be a minus either. Here’s my version:

“Dad?” James said.

“Great, there goes the neighbourhood.” Gideon clenched his hand in a tight ball.

“What’s going on?” James ventured to ask once again; he wondered what all this fuss was about and couldn’t help but get curious.

“Blacks!” his father muttered shortly;”They think they own the place.”

Here I put away the comma because I don’t think it’s the appropriate thing to use. You could also employ a period instead of a semicolon. I erased the comma after ‘Blacks’ because Blacks should stand alone with an exclamation mark and the next sentence is an independent clause. And I marked the added ‘u’ with those […].

“Well dear, let’s just say that the Blacks have a different set of beliefs from us,” his mother explained.

I think that this captured James mother perfectly; I’ve always imagine her as a type of Molly, using ‘dear’ and such words. In my mind she’s a polite, nice and warm lady, which you’ve displayed very well in your chapter.

James’ father snorted. “That’s putting it lightly, those people tried to pass a Bill to legalize Muggle slavery and Muggle torture.”

His father’s retort after what James’s mother said had me into another gale of snorts. Is it from him James and Harry have got their temper? Interesting …
But, it should be a semicolon after ‘lightly’. If you don’t want a semicolon, use a period.

“May I at least check out the Quidditch store?” James asked.

“Go right ahead son, we’ll follow you in a while.” He father smiled and turned back to converse with Molly.


From this I got the feeling that his father had a very reasonable nature; yes, he, I believe, can be full of temper, but in this dialogue you showed another side of him. How he’s strict and won’t spoil his child even though he’s got the money to do so, which is very mature of him, and how he still gives his son things to do. So, even though he rejects one thing, he may allow another thing so that his son won’t get depressed. I like James’s father and Mother already. I am interested in seeing how their friendship will be shown even more in the next chapters (I’m looking forward to them already).

The younger boy nodded and stared at James. Large greenish objects with bat-like wings flew about James and dived straight at his face.

“What did you do Sirius?”

“It’s called a Bat Bogey Hex.”


You forgot a comma before Sirius – then it should be like this: “What did you do, Sirius?” I also think that, perhaps, Sirius was a bit too bold? He seemed much shyer with his parents and now he suddenly got over-bold. I think he seemed a bit OC here – perhaps having him answering Regulus in another way would help here?

James angrily tried to swat the flying bogies and pointed his own wand towards his attacker.

I got a vivid imagery in my head when I saw this; the adverb was used well – it fit in there --, and I had a rather funny image of James there. Oddly humorous!

The door tinkered open, “James Potter! What the hell are you doing?”

James pointed at Sirius, “He started it.”
This is something that you have to revise. I had to read many paragraphs before figuring who it was that stormed in and commanded James in such a way. We’ve got no inclination of whom it may be. However, three paragraphs below, I got a feeling it was his mother. To show who it was that stormed in with surprise, I would change it to: The door groaned open as everything happened to quick for James Potter. It took him some moment before he heard his mother’s voice shout ‘James Potter! What in Merlin’s name are you doing?” Bewildered by his mother’s sudden rage, he looked shakily at Sirius before pointing his index finger at Sirius. “He started it!”

That is just my way of seeing it; Even that can need some revising but it gives the scene a more livid atmosphere that shows how everything is going to quickly for James and how he then have to control himself to think clearly. Much more fluctuating emotions, and so a more intriguing ‘chat’, don’t you think?

Sirius glared at James and shot back, “You raised you wand towards Regulus first! Picking on defenseless children? You're a Potter right?” he stood up straighter and drawled. “A Bunch of filthy Gryffindors, so brave of you to pick on a kid who does not have a wand to defend himself with.”

James glared at the younger boy. “He took the book I was looking at.”

First for the corrections: Defenseless should be ‘defenceless’ since it’s British. I also think that you should add an ‘a’ before a ‘bunch, so it becomes, ‘A bunch of filthy Gryffindors, so brave of you to pick on a kid who does not have a wand to defend himself with.” Except that, I couldn’t find anything. I also like the sharp remarks the flung at each other; it will make the progress of them becoming friends all the more exciting. To have a small, sudden enmity altered to the most golden friendship will be a dream to watch if it will be done properly.

Sirius on the other hand continued to taunt James, “Brown-nosed, Mudblood-loving git.”

I like the temper of their words, it gives so much drama; however, try not go over-dramatic. I like this Sirius, for it will give so much sparks when he and James gradually become friends. But in the same time, it has to be done well if it’s going to be believable with their friendship. If it’s not, it won’t be that pleasant. So I hope the next author in this project manage the heavy task you’ve put upon him.

Mrs. Black sniffed disdainfully her nose high on the air, “Come Regulus, let’s buy that book of yours.” What I liked about this was the air of haughtiness and vanity she had of herself that you managed to show. She, along with her family, undoubtedly thinks of themselves as the most dignified, most important persons in the wizarding world, and thus acts of it. It Is pathetic to see them like this, but still it is the way I’ve pictured the black. What surprises me, though, is how Sirius never told Harry that he could have become like those too, hadn’t he been sorted into Gryffindor. And I wonder how you’re going to have Sirius into Gryffindor – that will without doubt be nice to see.

I also liked the end of this chapter; how Sirius won the quarrel and how James was staring in disbelief after him. I think that the tension that you managed to create in this heated conversation between the two rich wizarding families were very good – just me being pedantic and had to see every small, single details. I hope that you realise that I didn’t give such a long review because I found many mistakes, but because I enjoyed it so much that I had to help on as much as possible, so that it could get closer to perfection. I like your writing-style

And you have a way with characterization; Throughout the two chapters your view of the characters we know has been spot-on, and I loved the way you portrayed the people we don’t know well from Jo’s world. Your view of Sirius is utterly fascinating and I accept his more influenced personality; I am eager to see how your co-writers will manage to make him into Gryffindor and give us his nowadays personality. Thus far, characters, especially Sirius, his mother, James father and James were well-rounded; they were fleshed, they seemed believable, and their ‘new’ traits were fun to read about. It’s so lovely that actually some people manage to catch that essence of a IC and yet make them their own. Your Sirius is exactly that; I love how is confidence is displayed and that he’s got the cruelty and arrogance of a Black. It would be weird if he hadn’t been stained by them, so what I’m looking forward to now is to see how his character will alter to a more positive personality, and yet carry with him the essence of both your and Jo’s view of him. It’s surprised me that Sirius and James haven’t walked off the page yet – it’s bizarre to know I’m not watching the fight, when it felt as I was in there, in the picture. I think that the dialogue from each character had its own fundamental nature, and that it reflected their personality. Through dialogue I got to know that James was easily angry and very high-spirited one. I found out that Sirius was more arrogant and cruel and was very influenced by his parents. Through action, I figured that Regulus cared for his brother, but was hanging with the most ‘powerful’ guys. Through dialogue and actions I figured that Sirius’ father was insufferably arrogant and haughty; he was spoiling his kids and did things for his own gaining. Through dialogue I got the picture of James’ mother to be caring, nice, a bit like Molly in affection, and that she was loved by very many. His father knew where what should be allowed should end (for not spoiling his kid), but he never let his children down because he allowed something (for example, to look at the brooms) else, so that the child – here James – forgot what he didn’t be allowed and instead was happy that he got to do something else.

You’ve got rich scenes that plays out before the reader with a certain velvetiness. I see everything in bright, vivid colours despite the certain gloom this chapter contained. I love the way you word matters. And I’m interested in reading more about the parents of Sirius Black and James Potter.

*looking up at review, 4700 words, I figure that I should probably stop. I hope you managed to read all of my ranting, and that it gave you something to think about.* So, I’m going to do it short, not to be any more redundant. Congratulations on making one of the best starts of a story on this site. This was a great introduction, and I hope that the next chapter will be as good as this. This desirvers a very, very strong 10!

Author's Response: Wow thanks James no one described my writing as poetic before I owe plenty from reviewers much like yourself most of whom bludgeoned me with reminders to 'show' and not just 'tell' ... and I appreciate every one of those reminders.

I just thought that at that young age, Sirius would have been a lot like Draco Malfoy only he'd have more guts as well as that mischievous side. Being that they were probably raised in almost the same manner. I always did picture Sirius as having that 'mean streak'. Gryffindor probably tempered this to just a 'slight mean streak' ^_^ ... also figured that someone extroverted was obviously not picked-on at a young age ...his mother is obviously not the sweet loving type ... so ... it's off to the delusional father who encourage rotten behavior *lol*

On Rodolfus I guess I jumped to that without explaining *lol* ... Bella is 10 years older than Sirius so she's 21 ... I'm assuming she's and her fiance were preparing to get married. Traditional conservative families probably wouldn't want the couple to sleep in the same house during the preparation thus Rodolfus stayed in Sirius's family ... I think I go find a way to insert that in.

I figured since Grimmauld held no reminders of Sirius's father (no portrait, and Mrs. Black never mentioned him)... I assumed that this was so because Mrs. Black despised her husband (maybe not in the same degree her hate for Sirius but there's no indication that she missed or sougt her husband). I know she approved of Regulus so it's safe to assume that Regulus is the only one she might have loved.

*L* you got me ... I'm not so fond of the word 'said' ... I prefer alternatives *grin*

I'm amazed at your analysis of their parents ... I was thinking more in the simplistic line of: James ought to have nice parents and Sirius the dysfunctional ones. *L* (We both know Mrs Black is deranged so there's got to be something wrong with the guy who married her.) You actually went far deeper in your analysis than I did. Made me actually see their upbringing at a different perpective. I'm sure the other authors would find your anslysis extremely helpful as well in their writing of the future chapters.

 
Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 10/14/05 Title: None

One thing. I'm sorry that my reply got cursive in the end; I must have forgotten to add the end of the code. Oh well, great job!

Author's Response: Problem with reviews ... can't edit them... but the italization doesn't matter. The thought were express very well and it helped to improve the chapter and gave me plenty of new insights as well. ^_^ ~nutty imp~

 

Another Plane of Existence by cor_leonis
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 34]

Summary: It's nearly the end of his fifth year, and Severus has just experienced the most embarrassing and lamentable moment in his life. At a time where the wizarding world is becoming unhinged, he must deal with a few unexpected events that will change his life forever.


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Substance Abuse, Violence

Word count: 55593 Chapters: 9 Completed: No
Published:
10/12/05 Updated: 10/12/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 12/12/05 Title: Chapter 5: No Socialite

This chapter was like candyfloss! It may be all the better for you to know I absolutely love that.

Author's Response: Oh good. I have no idea what candyfloss is, but I'll take that as a good thing. :) Thanks so much for leaving a review.

 

As the Wall Crumbles by Aequitas
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 21]

Summary: Past Featured StoryShe laughs and turns, eyes set on the door on the other side of the kitchen. Her hand touches the doorknob, cold but inviting. Light envelops her as she steps out into her imagination. Open the door, child, her grandmother once said to her. Your imagination is waiting. On a beautiful summer afternoon, a child learns of her two worlds--reality and imagination--and what she must do only six years later in order to keep both in existence.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2405 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/05/05 Updated: 11/05/05


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 11/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: As the Wall Crumbles

Caren, this is really a piece of and of its own only; unparralleled in its own unusual way. To be honest, structure, diction and description, respectively, I adore. (Partially because it reminds me of my own, but too, and more, because it has its own minor, or not-so-minor, edges to it.)


On strengths. What is the most prominent to me, is the apparant angle at which you go about telling the parts of the story: how you manipulate grammar, sentence, any technicality, to your advantage pulling, stringing, finding the pattern and the words which came across the story, always carefully directing them ——you are obviously in full, unrestrained control.


(e.g. below-shown opening scene


On her knees, sobbing. The ground, hard. Two arms, pulling, supporting, saying more to her than words ever could. Down, then up. Spiraling down, then drifting up. Down, darkness. Up, light.


is a good example: you cut the sentences up, cut them and cut them and cut them, using your knowledge on syntax to get a staccato rhythm that reeks of / reminds me of a girl in distress, which is how I see Hermione in that situation. Incidentally, these seemingly snatched out words that are, in fact, sentences, makes for a great opening paragraph.)


Aforesaid opening also directs me to another point: it is lovely, and highly interesting, how you bring into the end the opening paragraph, how this works as, or makes for, a wonderfully (repetitive) un-chronological structure. You make the beginning the end, and the end the beginning——(by) reversing the roles.


The characterisation too, I think, is wonderful. Hermione is portrayed three-dimensionally; she is a girl, six years, seventeen years, she is believable, she is divided by the thought of leaving in shadow one of her worlds: friends, or family? When you're splitted apart by the magical and non magical word, it gets logically harder to keep your friends, who are in the magical world, and your family, who are in the non magical world, without loosing the other. By doing so / writing so, you put Hermione in such a internal quagmire we can't avoid to sympathise with her——we can understand her, feel her pain, conflict, internal struggle, and more, and we wish that we could do anything for her——because we see us inside her.


On constructive criticism. This can hardly be called anymore than sincere nit-picks, since you don't do anything significantly wrong in this piece. I would like to say, though, that readers could argue on the boldness of your dialogue format, which is one the readers either like or do not——a cause most likely deriving from the fact that this structure, this dialogue format, is not one to bee seen everyday. I, myself, likes it: I have a tendency, it turns out, to love what is unique and not often seen in writing, because it shows a great boldness and confidence from the author 's part, doing what he, or she, does.


On the Light / Dark Theme. This is a thing I couldn’t, at all, overlook, or review without mentioning. You bring up here one of those themes that won't, ever, go ignored: it is the base of our living: shall we do right, or wrong—what consequences, in result, would then come? It is the base of our living because our choices either choose the good, or the easy. And we, in return, depends and are made out of our choices. That's why I think specified theme is so important: with it, we connect (to the real world); with it, we too understand that we live in no moral heaven. You have, in my opinion, got this point across very well.

Last of all, now that I end up this review, I would like to say that my favourite part, or "tool" rather, was, simply, how you used the beginning as a closure for the ending, how this made for an heart-felt echo-esque, reveberating ending that, confessed, sent shivers down my spine.


















Author's Response: Good Lord, how have I not responded to this already? I deserve to be banished to the far corners of the HP fandom. *hides*

Anyway, thanks for the lovely review. You tend to run on the high side of verbose, but every review is always thought-out very well, and I appreciate that. It makes me want to squee that you find the fic so unique, because who wants to hear they\'re conforming to everyone else? Ugh.

Mmm. I like how you say I stretch and pull until I get the words I want, or in which order. I find normal syntax boring, as you might notice. So I \"stretch and pull\" the limits of grammar, as it were, until I get exactly the effect I want. The opening is my favorite part; I wrote it on a burst of inspiration and stared at it until the culmination of a million plot bunnies came together and I started typing. Of course Nan, my beta, had me change some of the wording, but all for the better.

Everyone has that internal struggle inside them, though here Hermione\'s choosing between many different things: good, evil or apathy [which is evil of itself]; the magical world or non-magical; her friends or her family; to do something or nothing. That relates to the good-evil-or-apathy argument, but it can be different. We all have to choose, stand at the crossroads. It\'s why it hits all of us.

Yes, I could definitely agree that readers either hate or love the dialogue. I once submitted it to Lumos, but they rejected it on the base of the dialogue, because somewhere in their rules they insisted on proper punctuation. I shrugged and didn\'t re-submit cos I didn\'t want to the lose the feel the nonexistent quote marks gave the piece.

Dumbledore said we have to choose between what is right and what is easy. I believe that to be very true. I\'m so glad that you liked this fic so much, and I managed to send chills up someone\'s spine. >.> Thanks again for the review. You do make a girl feel proud.

 
Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 11/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: As the Wall Crumbles

*grumbles about html*

Also, here:

To be honest, structure, diction and description, respectively, I adore.

I meant, "To be honest, your structure, diction, and description, respectively, I adore."

Sorry about that. ;)

Author's Response: Heh, I got the point anyway, but thanks for clarifying. ;]

 

Summary: The little house with the garden is a happy place to be, despite all of it’s oddities. But it’s a house that takes a certain outlook on life, and not everyone fits. Harry and Luna are interviewing babysitters for their son. Warning for utterly silly fluff with some more serious undertones.

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 1176 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/16/06 Updated: 02/16/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 08/09/06 Title: Chapter 1: Interviews

Sometimes it happens: you find a story balancing between decorum and pain in such a way it stirs you from inside. At the Little House with the Garden did exactly that with me. I felt as if a part of the story, how it at first lingered (description slow as I’m introduced to the story, and to Jon), then plunged into what I consider serves as a great ending. (As it enclosed the questions I wondered on at the beginning, and left me with the “Ah” understanding, along with tying the title with the end.)



That, I think, was undeniably the strongest point in this story: the structure it held and, as the result, how the rhythm changed throughout the one-shot, beginning with slow, relevant description, moving on to the middle with a slightly faster pace, and ending the piece with resonance:



“But most importantly, Sarah was just a little bit different, which made her just right for the little house with the garden.”



As far as this ending goes, it’s incredibly effect mostly due to the fact that you tie the end with the title, leaving aforementioned resonance to the piece.



Although I could undoubtedly spend much time reiterating what the other said (how lovely a prose you have, how lovely characterisation there is on Luna, on Jon, on Harry), I have a few nit-picks (although, they were difficult to find, and perhaps more opinions than grammar mistakes on your part):



Harry stood, pacing across the room. The floorboard creaked under his feet, and silent tears began to fall from the child’s eyes. Daddy was angry.



I am in no way against usage of adjectives, or adverbs, but I think that, in this case, “silent” is unnecessary, redundant. As far as I know tears trickle down one’s skin silently (not loudly). Sometimes, of course, one use adjectives or adverbs to add to the flow of the sentence; but, in this case, I don’t think the adjective added on any level (neither helping mental image nor flow). Also, I think I would use a colon after “eyes” because, or at least the way I understood the sentence, the child began to cry as a result of Daddy’s mood. (New sentences reads: Harry stood, pacing across the room. The floorboard creaked under his feet, and tears began to fall from the child’s eyes: Daddy was angry.)



She cast the shield silently and effectively, directing the rebounding spell harmlessly into the ceiling.



This is, merely, a matter of predilection, but I’d remove “harmlessly” (it appears redundant to me when reading) and change the beginning of the sentence into something like this:



She cast the shield (silently, effectively), directing the rebounding spell into the ceiling.



In my opinion, the pause after “silently” creates a sort of staccato rhythm that seems to produce another dimension to the sentence and its cadence.



Apart from those nitty-gritty comments, I would (nearly) say this is as close to a faultless one-shot one could find; in my mind, brilliant, heartfelt, echo-esque.



(Also, on a considered thought, I think I may have become a fervent Masked One fanboy!)

 
Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 08/09/06 Title: Chapter 1: Interviews

Sometimes it happens: you find a story balancing between decorum and pain in such a way it stirs you from inside. At the Little House with the Garden did exactly that with me. I felt as if a part of the story, how it at first lingered (description slow as I’m introduced to the story, and to Jon), then plunged into what I consider serves as a great ending. (As it enclosed the questions I wondered about at the beginning, and left me with the feeling of understanding, along with nicely tying the end with the title.)


That, I think, was undeniably the strongest point in this story: the structure it held and, as a result, how the rhythm changed throughout the one-shot, beginning with slow, relevant description, moving on to the middle with a slightly faster pace, and ending the piece with resonance:


But most importantly, Sarah was just a little bit different, which made her just right for the little house with the garden.


As far as that ending goes, it’s incredibly effective mostly due to the fact that you tie the end with the title, leaving aforementioned resonance to the piece as a whole.


Although I could undoubtedly spend much time reiterating what the other said (how lovely a prose you have, how lovely characterisation there is on Luna, on Jon, on Harry), I have a few nit-picks (although, they were difficult to find, and perhaps more opinions than mere grammar mistakes on your part):


Harry stood, pacing across the room. The floorboard creaked under his feet, and silent tears began to fall from the child’s eyes. Daddy was angry.


I am in no way against usage of adjectives, or adverbs, but I think that, in this case, “silent” is unnecessary, redundant. As far as I know tears always trickle down one’s skin silently (not loudly). Sometimes, of course, one use adjectives or adverbs to add to the flow of the sentence; but, in this case, I don’t think the adjective added to the sentence on any level (neither helping the mental image nor the flow). Also, I think I would use a colon after “eyes” because, or at least the way saw the sentence, the child began to cry as a result of Daddy’s mood. (New sentences reads: Harry stood, pacing across the room. The floorboard creaked under his feet, and tears began to fall from the child’s eyes: Daddy was angry.)


She cast the shield silently and effectively, directing the rebounding spell harmlessly into the ceiling.



This is, merely, a matter of predilection, but I’d remove “harmlessly” (it appears redundant to me when reading) and change the beginning of the sentence into something like this:


She cast the shield (silently, effectively), directing the rebounding spell into the ceiling.


In my opinion, the pause after “silently” creates a sort of staccato rhythm that seems to produce another dimension to the sentence and its cadence.


Apart from those nitty-gritty comments, I would (nearly) say this is as close to a faultless one-shot one could find; in my mind, brilliant, heartfelt, echo-esque.


(Also, on a considered thought, I think I may have become a fervent Masked One fanboy!)

 

Blue Eyes Reproachful by Vindictus Viridian
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 45]

Summary: Long enough to make sense...Short enough for Pig to carry...Long enough to say everything...Short enough for -- maybe send Pig somewhere else and borrow Hermes?

Originally for the February Challenges -- "It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all." A sequel to "Blue Eyes Reflecting."

Categories: Same-Sex Pairings Genre: Warnings: Slash

Word count: 956 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/24/06 Updated: 02/24/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 05/09/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Sequel

What an original one-shot, VV. I'm torn between laughing at the quagmire they've managed to get into, and feeling so, so sorry for them. Of course, it's more Ron I'm leaning towards, here, but I can only begin to imagine how Draco must feel, liking a Weasley. Come to think of it, reading the reply from Draco would be highly interesting!

Even so, what striked me the most was the way you managed to bring out Ron's character into the way he wrote the letter; just by reading it, I got the expression that this is one boy who is the opposite of eloquent, and who is unsure of himself. I also feel as if he cares about other's opinions of him, which is also, in my eyes, the reason he turned Draco down, even though he loved him.

In the end, I'll quote Jan and say that you're a genius, because you really, really are.

Author's Response: Aw, shucks. *blush* You\'ve probably found Draco\'s response by now, eh? Third of the series. It\'s always interesting to see what people bring to this one-shot, and how they read Ron\'s thoughts between the lines. I think you\'re right to find what you do, and of course the other\'s opinions are going to be considerably lowered by the fact that Ron cannot say where he is. #12 Grimmauld Place, behind a Fidelius Charm, specifically, which hardly furthers the cause of young love! \"The opposite of eloquent\" is making me think of Steve Martin, oddly; I think the quote is \"Some people have a way with words. Others -- have not way.\"

Anyway, that\'s a lot of discussion for a review. The challenge said the story had to be told entirely in letters or a diary; I decided the best way to show Ron\'s character was to have all the attempts for one letter, rather than a long letter or several. Time passed, ideas failed to occur to him...

Thanks for reviewing!

 

Summary: He was raised to be a proper heir to the 'Most Ancient and Noble House of Black'. An unexpected turn of events sent him to an unfamiliar territory. Family foundations shaken, he will have to look within himself to figure out who Sirius Black truly is.


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 5884 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/27/06 Updated: 03/27/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 04/02/06 Title: Chapter 1: Challenge # 5

The idea, the concept of this story draws me in immediately. It’s interesting, and it has such a potential for deepness. You managed to fulfil that potential, too. Which was the reason for why I managed to read it all in one go. While it is the characterisation, plot and theme that draw me in the most, you have quite a few gems of dialogue, humour and description. I happen to be in love with this piece of dialogue: “On the contrary, that’s my book bag over there.” The other boy pointed to the worn satchel that Sirius hadn’t noticed earlier. “This is a good place to read and just think. Got a great view of the lake as well. I think I saw the Giant Squid come out a while ago.” I can envisage Remus right in front of me, talking in that eloquent way of speaking that we’re so used to. There is such tenderness in your word choice, such a beautiful structure that it completely knocks me off. Perfectly in-character of Remus! And I like the changes and additions in the scene with Albus and Horace. It got flesh upon its bone, in a way. Before I didn’t realise if it was in Horace’s office or in Dumbledore’s, or how the rooms looked compared to now, and I, the reader, know that now by very well done description. The best thing is that the description doesn’t stop the movement of the scene—the character is still in motion as before—but gives it depth and clarity, instead. “… Did you hear that Howler this morning? He’s a misfit even in his own family.” I like how you used The Howler as a set up event to this scene. James can use precise accusations that stings harder on Sirius than it would if he hadn’t got that one as an example. A very clever set up you had with The Howler! I also like Sirius response to it, where you’ve added a piece of lyrical tool. The image I got of his mouth was, indeed, hilarious—it seems as if he’s just been hammered on his head. “He flung the portrait door open with such a force that the Fat Lady screamed her protests.” Nothing to comment here beside that I like the new addition you inserted. It’s these little things that add substance and shows us how angry a person can be without telling it. As for characterisation, I love your picture of Sirius. The fact that many things of him as a decent person from the moment he comes to Hogwarts, is beyond my beliefs. He couldn’t possibly be such a warm person with that childhood—something had to trigger his world view at school, his inner value. That would make him change. But while at home, I don’t believe he would even think of another world view than what his parents taught him. (It’s weird to contemplate how much influences matter.) So, I’m highly impressed by how you made those events open his eyes and see that the real world was nothing like how he had believed it to be. It’s a hard thing to do, and you managed it brilliantly. Polishes: I believe “He wondered if he ought and try to have a bit more fun. …” should be “He wondered if he should try to have a bit more fun.” I also think that Sirius would say something more secure than “a bit…”—he’s a very confident person. Perhaps just cutting “a bit” out, completely? “Sirius felt a shadow from behind him.” Here you don’t need the word “him”—it distracts the rhythm of the sentence and is a surplus to it (the sentence), too. “Sirius felt a shadow from behind” reads a bit more intense. In this sentence—“Beside James was a smaller boy whose name Sirius did not care to remember, laughed”—the “was” ought to be omitted for the sentence to make sense. Although, it’s my fault, that one. “There was silence in the hall as all eyes turned to their direction.” The cursived word is the addition to the sentence. This may only be my own preference, but I would replace ’all’ with ‘everybody’ in this sentence: “All turned and saw a short man who was the Head of Ravenclaw glaring at the handsome dark-haired boy.” A very nit-picky thing, but “A stupid hat was merely getting senile” should be “The stupid hat …” because he’s thinking about a specific hat. And this sentence, “The hat has never been wrong. .”, needs three ellipses, like this: “The hat has never been wrong …” Or, it should only have one period. That’s your choice. The comma in this sentence should be replaced by an em-dash or a semi-colon because you can’t adjoin two independent clauses with a comma. “Sirius smiled inwardly,(;) he just got his second chance to have a bit of fun at Amos Diggory's expense.” This sentence—“Things had gotten even better for Sirius as Narcissa and the rest of his former friends arrived into the Great Hall, their faces all green and scaly”—should have “gotten” replaced by “got. In England we use “got” in both of the past tenses. I think I mentioned that … ¨~¨ Shouldn’t “My father smiled” be “His father smiled”? Or “Sirius’ father smiled?” This sentence (“You dolts can cancel this stupid party of yours. I’m staying.”) isn’t wrong, but I would suggest to replace the period after “yours” with an em-dash because I’m staying is highly related to the above sentence, and somehow it seems as if the brake after the period is too long. I’d suggest two things with this sentence: “He smiled, he knew that from this moment on, things had changed.” Firstly, there should either be a period or a semicolon after “he smiled”. My other point is that in two sentences above, you’ve got “Sirius knew” and it seems a bit repetitive when you’ve nearly got the same structure in the next sentence. I’d suggest you to change it to something like this: He smiled; he realised that from this moment on, things had changed.” The rest of the ending is just perfect. Poignant, strong and straight to the point. Actually, I think you summed up the whole idea with this story—to change Sirius to the better. Beside those small points, it’s a nearly flawless story. Well paced, good characterisations (especially of Sirius and Remus), a deep plot, and lastly but perhaps most importantly, the theme of your story shone out and was made clear to the reader in the ending of the story. The ending often makes or breaks a story, and I think yours made one, because you so neatly tied the theme into a few sentences. There could perhaps be a bit more description in places, but that’s merely a matter of taste—someone likes much, others like wants a bit less of it. All in all, a highly ensnaring story that gripped me from start to finish. There was action, conflict and inner turmoil, not to mention that beautiful character-arc you did with Sirius (which is far from easy to do properly)—it had, in fact, all the ingredients for a well-written one-shot. A very good job, Miel!

Author's Response: Thanks James! I've fix those errors. Thanks again for betaing this and those suggestions of yours did help improve this fic overall :) The edited version is a far improvement for the previous version thanks to your suggestions and Starmaiden's as well :)

Great to hear the I did Remus right in this story as well ^_^ Thanks again for your help and review - I really appreciate that.

 

Summary: Sighing, Padma put down her quill. She stared down at the last stanza. There was no one to read it, but the truth had been told.

And now she could be laid to rest.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 226 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/17/06 Updated: 04/19/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 08/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Truth Be Told

I can safely say this is one of the best poems I've read on this site. It's haunting, reverberating, and beautifully structured: you use two different sentences (And they wondered why we smiled / People reminded us life was dangerous) to keep continuous structure throughout the piece, which works in a brilliant way, as not only do I think the lines are good, they also make me think, and realise. Think about the world, and realise that sometimes, somewhere, people don't understand why people can enjoy life to the fullest. And I think that is your theme for this poem: to show the differences between people, how one doesn't understand the other and, in result, they both question each other. Lovely work, Anna! Just wonderful!

(And I don't overact at all.)

 
Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 08/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Truth Be Told

(Editing previous review due to grammar.)

I can safely say this is one of the best poems I've read on this site. It's haunting, reverberating, and beautifully structured: you use two different sentences (And they wondered why we smiled / People reminded us life was dangerous) to keep continuous structure throughout the piece, which works in a brilliant way. And not only do I think the lines are good, they also make me think, and realise: think about the world, and realise that sometimes, somewhere, indeed, people don't understand why some people can enjoy life to the fullest. And I think that is part of your theme for this poem: to show the differences between people, how one doesn't understand the other and, in result, they both question one another. Lovely work, Anna! Just lovely!

(And I don't overact at all.)

 

A Furry Little Problem by Vindictus Viridian
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 31]

Summary: The young and bored Sirius Black amuses himself with the top hat in his closet, inspired by the nefarious influence of Muggle television. **Warning -- natural rabbit behaviour within**

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1518 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/25/06 Updated: 04/25/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 05/11/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Jumping in again to say that he is utterly impressed to see this so-long bouncing bunny actually be written. Again you seem to find the most original ideas and turn them into gems with dry, witty storytelling. I also need to say that your opening sentences are still reverberating in my mind in the same manner as Vivaldi's 'Spring'. And you probably know I absolutely love that song.

Thank you for a highly well-crafted story, VV.

Author's Response: *chuckle* The easiest way to be original is to stand on the shoulders of different giants and not fear being weird. Thanks for reviewing, and in such a flattering manner! These were, in a way, your rabbits, of course, so I\'m glad you didn\'t mind the work I gave them.

 
Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 05/11/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oi, I forgot to write in 'Joda' speach. O_O



Author's Response: *snort*

 

The Lost Lord of Wars by uber_angelus
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: A gryffindor submission to the 'Poetry, Anyone?' challenge number 1 "Apathy is lethal"

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 235 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/29/06 Updated: 04/30/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 07/03/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Lost Lord of Wars

At first I was heistant to read this mainly due to the fact that so many poems on apathy seems to lead astray from its original course. Yet the moment I finished this poem I was left with this heart-felt feeling of understanding, the meaning of apathy tintinnabulating through my mind. This really was a good poem, and one that did not stray away from its course, either.



I especially liked this part, all for its fluency and meaning and good wording. Not to mention it works very well as introducing the upcoming stanzas:



Pay heed now, to this junction;
It will not lead astray.
A tale of so much apathy
I will relate today.




There weren't much to say on the conveyance of apathy, the essence, except that it is very deep and unequivocal; along with some brilliant word choice it was what made this poem good. The only error I could find in the poem was (grammatically, that is):



Because of thier apathy,
The Lord of Wars was lost.
Because of their indifference,
He paid the final cost.



In the aforeshown stanza "thier" should be "their".


Thank you for sharing this lovely, meaningful poem.

 

The Raconteur by The Half Blood Prince
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 15]

Summary: Sirius has always wondered what fear really is like. Told in second person, this is a non-rhyming poem exploring Sirius's feelings of fear.

QSQ Poetry Award Winner.



Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 160 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
06/25/06 Updated: 06/28/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 06/08/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Yes, quite a lot. I'm currently spending time over at poets.org, ablemuse.com and alsopreview.com. You learn so much there; I've even had the pleasure to meet Richard Wilbur and Dorianne Laux at those sites.

Maybe I'll see you there someday soon? Let me know. (email: inevitably.grey@gmail.com) :)

 

Sirius's Azkaban by Islander
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: A sonnet--sometimes things turn out differently from what we expect. Another poem from the creator of "Woes of a Midget Owl" and "Buckbeak's Ferret Dinner".

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 224 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/06/06 Updated: 09/07/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 11/04/06 Title: Chapter 1: Sirius's Azkaban

What a nice poem you've got her, Islander. It's well written, told, and keeps a quite nice rhythm. I'm usually not fond of poems following a certain pattern, but this is, rest assured, an expection.

My favourite line would have to be

Though once I thought that one day I’d be free,
This is my life, and will forever be.


as it cleverly ends the piece in a way working as a closure for the poem.


Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the long review! I usually find poems that follow a certain pattern easier to understand. I\'m especially in love with Shakespeare\'s sonnets (which was why this poem was in the form of a Shakespearean sonnet instead of a Petrarchian sonnet). I always love writing the last two lines of any sonnet, because they always help make a nice conclusion to a story.

 

Cut by Thunder by mcclure_512
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: 'Some feel the rain, some just get wet.'

This poem is inspired from that quote from Bob Dylan. Harry Potter is feeling a bit vengeful towards Voldemort these days and channels his anger into the rain. Free verse poetry, so I'm a bit out of my domain.




Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 114 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/30/06 Updated: 10/31/06


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 11/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Pours

As I believe I've already said (although a lot deeper and thought-proviking than now), I loved this poem: the prose, the diction, that metaphor that, as if to show or as if by showing that shared parallell on Harry's vengenance and the rain, how it is at first caught in the clouds or, more correctly, supressed in his mind, then to just to be released and comes flowing out / down to whatever catches it, or gets it ("you").

Well done as always, mcclure. Best regards, James.

Author's Response: Thank you very much.

 

Defying The Hayflick Limit by Seren
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Greatness required courage beyond that of any mundane Gryffindor.Tom Riddle will gain a new facet of immortality, an army, and the Dementors will have new children to spawn.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Violence

Word count: 1505 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/28/07 Updated: 03/28/07


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 09/09/07 Title: Chapter 1: Defying The Hayflick Limit

Excellent writing, Seren. You've captured a nice angle for the dementors: how they take others' souls to, almost, heal their own loss. That you showed us the process into a dementor, almost makes me sympathise for them.

 
Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 09/09/07 Title: Chapter 1: Defying The Hayflick Limit

Excellent writing, Seren. You've captured a nice angle for the dementors: how they take others' souls to, almost, heal their own loss. That you showed us the process into a dementor, almost makes me sympathise for them.

 

Colour the Sky by Striped Candycane
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Hannah has always hated couloring the sky blue. It is unnatural. It isn't right.

And yet skies are blue. This is Hannah's journey from a child to an adult, and each moment is tinged with blue, a blue that, try as she might, cannot be escaped.

I am Striped_Candycane from Ravenclaw House.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1420 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/25/08 Updated: 01/27/08


Reviewer: The Half Blood Prince Signed
Date: 08/23/08 Title: Chapter 1: Colour the Sky

You don't know Noldo, by any chance? This reads like her and many of her friends writing.

Either way, this is quite good and deserves more comments. I'm glad you posted it. :)

Author's Response: I don't know Noldo personally, although I HAVE read her excellent writing. I'm glad you liked this piece: personally, I'm not too fond of it, though...for some reason I find it a little lame. Thanks for the review!

 
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Chocolate Frog by L A Moody 3rd-5th Years
Amid the desolation of Diagon Alley, a tiny ray of hope lay buried. Nothing...
I Suspect Nargles by foolondahill17 3rd-5th Years
“No one’s ever kissed me before…. What is one to do now?” An extensive...
The Life and Times of Linnea Potter by Cantatrix 1st-2nd Years
Linnea Potter has lived under the tyranny of her relatives for the better part...
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Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Sybill Trelawney and the Unexpected Gift by Squibstress 3rd-5th Years
Sybill Trelawney learns to live with her Inner Eye, cooking sherry, and Minerva...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
Wood by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
Marcus Flint, the infamous Super Seventh Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch...
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