Right now I'm especially bored and procrastinating, so I'm writing an extremely long, pointless bio. Sound like fun?
I almost never read Harry Potter--not because I didn't like reading, but more because I was stubborn and nonsensical as a 9-year-old. But one day my dad snuck the Sorcerer's Stone into my room, and for some reason I picked it up. I read it straight through in twelve hours, and have been obsessed with the series ever since.
About two years ago I started writing fanfiction, and I'm incredibly self-conscious about my work, so I love the anonymity of the Internet. I write a lot of Marauder's Era, but I like most categories. I recklessly misuse and overexploit commas and semicolons. Also, I am very bothered by how many sentences I have just started with "I." But oh well.
I live in Wisconsin and I'm just about the most awkward person ever. I like snow and cake and thunderstorms, hate the number 34 (and also those trees that bloom mid-June and smell terrible), and am known for all sorts of graceful feats such as tripping and breaking my arm. I recycle obsessively, type loudly and like cooking. I'm also one of those crazy people who runs because it's fun.
I love music to a ridiculous degree. I play viola (NOT violin) and I listen to a very strange mixture of classical (mainly late-romantic-period works), heavy metal, and broadway. I try to sing but most people wish I wouldn't.
I ship: James/Lily, Sirius/Remus, Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, and most canons.
I always have way more ideas than time or work ethic (hence my work is mainly one-shots), but right now I've got something very epic brewing and I'd really like it to actually exist. In the meantime, feel free to check out my LiveJournal if you really want to read pointless rants and mediocre drabbles.
Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 265]
Summary: A companion piece to the Potter's Pentagon trilogy... it's better if you've read the Potter's Pentagon trilogy, but you don't necessarily have to.
It's five years after Emma Weasley and her chums graduated from Hogwarts. Ted and Ivy are married, Haley is working at Madame Puddifoot's while trying desperately to break into show business, Jordan's doing whatever it is he does, and Emma is an Auror trainee working as a guard at the Chudley Cannons' stadium. The Cannons have actually been doing much better lately, due to their new star Beater, Tyrone Thomas. Unfortunately, Tyrone is Emma's ex-boyfriend. OH, THE AWKWARDNESS.
Follow Emma through her awkward adventures told in her usual insane way, as she experiences angst, hilarity, obnoxiously strange people, misadventures involving a deceptively dashing cad, Haley's wedding, the birth of Ted and Ivy's baby, and her own eventual descent into LURRRVE.
Written for the marvellous Vindictus Viridian's Pride and Prejudice NEWTs class on the Fanfiction Beta Boards, based on Jane Austen's fantastic novel, "Pride and Prejudice.".
Nominated in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance Story! And its lovely (haha) heroine, Emma Weasley, received two nominations for Best Female Original Character, while Haley Potter and Ivy Potter each received one! Thanks so much, guys!
Summary: “Guilt brings people together. It’s a takes one to know one type thing.”
James Potter has always been a spoiled, arrogant, lazy show-off. When he enters his final year at Hogwarts School, he’s Head Boy . . . and he’s still a spoiled, arrogant, lazy, show-off. But because of that terrible summer, he’s also guilt-ridden.
Lily Evans has always been a self-righteous, impatient, temperamental know-it-all. When she begins her last year at Hogwarts, she’s Head Girl . . . and still a self-righteous, impatient, temperamental know-it-all. But the first night back — and the murder that takes the entire school by surprise — leave her guilt-ridden as well.
With the darkness that’s surrounding the Wizarding world slowly seeping, at long last, onto the grounds of Hogwarts and into the lives of James Potter and Lily Evans, what comes next?
Alexandra Quick returns to Charmbridge Academy for eighth grade, angry and in denial. Unwilling to accept the events of the previous year, she is determined to fix what went wrong, no matter what the cost. When her obsession leads her to a fateful choice, it is not only her own life that hangs in the balance, for she will uncover the secret of the Deathly Regiment!
This is the third book in the Alexandra Quick series.
Summary: The final installment in the Potter’s Pentagon Trilogy. Read “The Five” and “The Truth” first, myess? Okay!
WARNING! Contains Muggle adventures in Diagon Alley, unusual eyebrows, cheesy clichés galore, psycho Ted, the not-so-lost years of Merlin, a school-wide singalong, the old potato joke, Tyrone’s Princess Bride obsession, Emma’s stubborn denial of the existence of Tyrone’s mustache, a graphic death, a joke shop product as a major plot device, hobo Jordan, Jordan hugging, Jordan pulling pranks, time travel, the Love Shack, angst, and worst of all, Professor Zabini.
It’s the sixth year for Potter’s Pentagon and company, and our heroes learn that in the wizarding world, coming of age has a somewhat weightier significance. Students are busy with an Inter-House Unity Project, Jordan is having weird dreams, Pansy and Ophidias Malfoy have been released from Azkaban, Professor Zabini has a mysterious project of his own, and almost everyone is acting strangely. Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic, a man with a vendetta against Ron Weasley is trying his hardest to get him in the biggest trouble possible. Is the only way to save him to travel into the past?
New talents are discovered, new friendships form and old ones change, pasts are dredged up, and, of course, there’s lots of good old-fashioned snogging. And one of the five kills for the first time… while another becomes a casualty of war.
Starring 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, Emma Weasley, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Post-Hogwarts Story.
Summary: Harry and Ginny have led a happy life together that now includes their four children. But when Lily discovers a new 'talent' and old enemies combine with new, can the children of Order members and their parents unite and prevail?
To Rekindle the Flame sequel, although it's not necessary for you to read that story first to understand
Summary: Voldemort's rising reign of terror, NEWTs, death attempts, a Headship, a tangled affair with James Potter, hilarity, grief, love, secrecy, maddness... it's almost hard to believe that I've survived to graduate. I am Lily Evans, and this is my 7th year.
Summary: In a world where the Order failed and Voldemort reigns supreme, Hermione concocts a desperate brilliant scheme to reach across dimensions and find a world where Voldemort was defeated and ask for help. And they find such a world, a world where Riddle was vanquished, a utopia where Wizards and Muggles live together under a benevolent dictatorship and Harold James Potter is the heir apparent of Lords Dumbledore and Grindelwald.
Summary: 2007 QSQ Awards Runner-up for Best Post-Hogwarts
Petunia Dursley is enjoying dinner with her family when someone starts pounding on the door. Ready to tell them off for being so rude and refusing to leave when they didn't answer at first, Petunia opens the door to have a baby shoved into her arms and told she is his only family. Years after the great Harry Potter defeated Voldemort, Death Eaters have risen to power and taken over Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, and even the Ministry of Magic. Their marriages announced invalid, their children in danger and their lives hanging by a thread, the heroes of the war with Voldemort must once again take a stand against evil.
H/G and R/Hr
*Quote from The Epilogue*
Suddenly Harry was kissing her as if he couldn’t resist the temptation. There was a kind of frenzy to the kiss at first, a kind of desperate need, but it melted into something soft and sweet and gentle, a promise of a future when kisses would never be limited. When they broke apart he rested his forehead on hers, sprinkling a few affectionate butterfly kisses across her face. “I love you,” he murmured.
Seventh grader Alexandra Quick returns to Charmbridge Academy. This year she faces bullies from another wizarding school, a secret Dark Arts club, and the machinations of her father, but her greatest trial yet awaits her in the dangerous Lands Below.
This is the second book in the Alexandra Quick series.
Summary: "It didn't mean anything...how could it mean anything to me..." Remus returns from his trip to Hogwarts feeling desolate and confused. In his grief are all the things he is remembering about his sixth year at Hogwarts help him to understand? Has he realised too late the true nature of his friendship with the one he has lost? RL/SB slashy undertones. Post OotP. MWPP 6th Year. No HBP Spoilers.
Summary: What happens when our favorite foursome, plus Lily, Snape, and of course some impossibly perfect OCs return to Hogwarts for their 7th year? Why, absolute bucketfuls of drama, angst, tears, jealousy, unrealistic events, and cheesy, cheesy dialogue! Also staggering amounts of random insanity. You have been warned.
Summary: A series of short vignettes featuring some of our favorite (and not so favorite) minor characters.
Summary: Hullo! I'm Lily Evans, and I'm starting my seventh year at Hogwarts soon. I'm Head Girl with James Potter, which I'm secretly thrilled about, emphasis on the secretly. Seriously secretly, like even to me, kind of. Well, I must be off!
Hey! Lily! Oh, sorry, so rude of me, I'm Anna, Anna Boothe. Lily's uh, hold on let me grab my trunk, it's just slipped out of my fingers. Where was I? Oh yes, Lily's best friend. We're inseperable, really. Like two peas in a pod and whatnot. Where is she, anyway? Er, well it was nice meeting you, I've got to go catch the train!
Oi! Did you just see Evans? I've been looking for her and I thought I just saw her here. I'm rather excited about being Head Boy with her; it'll give me a chance to show her the real James Pot--
What are you going on about, Prongs? Why are you even listening to this nutter? We've got to catch the train. Probably talking to you about Evans, am I right? He would talk to a tree about Evans if he could. Moony, Wormtail, help me get this starry-eyed git onto the train before it leaves without us...
You two are helpless, don't you think, Pete?
More helpless than two Grindylows out of water...
Summary: What are the employment options of a teenage werewolf just leaving Hogwarts? Remus Lupin's best friends, James Potter and Sirius Black, dare him to reach for the impossible--even if it leads him into danger. (Rating for language in later chapters.)
Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em; never did. JKRowling has that lucky distinction…
Summary: Nothing is ever simple when it comes to the Black family. On the train ride home for Christmas, for what will be the last time, sixteen-year-old Sirius makes a confession to James. After arriving, he must deal with unpleasant surprises and face the consequences of his actions, and Bellatrix isn't making things any easier.
Summary: One morning, Harry Potter wakes up in a different world. His parents are alive, and Neville now bears the scar. Things are different and Harry finds that he’s starting to like that the weight of the world is no longer on his shoulders. Unfortunately, Neville may not be able to bear that weight, and Harry has to make the decision about whether or not to allow an unprepared Neville to face the Dark Lord and complete the Prophecy, or if he should accept the responsibility again and finish what he set out to do.
Summary: Tzipporah Stein, a Jew living in Vienna, Austria on the eve of WWII, is shocked when she gets a letter telling her she is a witch. The volatile state of Europe as it waits for both a muggle and a wizarding war to begin has prompted Hogwarts to take in students from many countries. How will Tzipporah handle magic, mischief, and even a little romance while trying to be true to her religion and culture at the same time?
Summary: The war against Voldemort is not going well. The Ministry of Magic has fallen and the Order of the Phoenix is scattered. Harry Potter and his friends are ruthlessly hunted by Voldemort and his Death Eaters. There is no end in sight for our heroes…
BUT SUDDENLY, OUT OF THE DARKNESS, ABSURDITY INTERVENES!
Nominated for QSQ 2008 Best Humour Story!
Winner of the 2008 Quick Silver Quills Award for Best General Story.
The first book in the Alexandra Quick series.
The war against Voldemort never reached America, but all is not well there. When 11-year-old Alexandra Quick learns she is a witch, she is plunged into a world of prejudices, intrigue, and danger. Who wants Alexandra dead, and why?
This story is canon-compliant with the Harry Potter universe, but the characters and settings are all original. I've put a lot of work into envisioning a world as detailed as the original series; I hope you enjoy it.
Summary: "Albus Dumbledore aimed his wand at the Pensieve’s liquid depths and twitched his arm upwards. Ten ghostly figures slowly emerged from the liquid, their bodies spun out of the translucent matter. The Gryffindor Class of 1978..."
We all know how this tale ends, but how does it begin? Did Lily hate James from Day One? Did James fall head over heels the moment he first laid eyes on Lily? How did Remus feel about the whole thing? Who let Peter slip through the cracks? And what exactly happens when Sirius gets hold of some Time-Release Dungbombs?
The Marauders' years at Hogwarts were marked by internal demons, external tensions, and whispers from the shadows growing steadily louder. By intertwining lives in the midst of danger. By powerful love and a whole lot of laughter. This is their story, a tale of cauldrons and comrades.