Last Updated: 8/25/08 (just swap around the first two numbers if it doesn't make sense)
I'm a liberal, which pretty much sums me up. Huge PotterCast fan. Huge Schmerg_The_Impaler fan. Huge MSNBC fan. My iGoogle page once had thirty four different news feeds. Yup.
House on Forums: Gryffindor
House From Me: Ravenclaw
-Sadly, I now am sure I won't be "publishing" any stories here. However, I am willing to be a beta-reader, so just ask about it.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME
outside of the forums.
Where: In the US somewhere, though I'd rather be in Maine. So yeah, somewhere in the US, just not in Maine.
Favorite Books: Harry Potter, Death Gate Cycle, The Great Tree of Avalon Trilogy, The Lost Years of Merlin, Inheritance Cycle, Watership Down, Temeraire, The Onion's Our Dumb World
Favorite Shows: Monty Python's Flying Circus, Mythbusters, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Countdown w/ Keith Olberman, The Rachel Maddow Show
Favorite Music (or styles): Celtic, Broadway stuff (Spamalot, Fiddler on the Roof, etc.), and (surprise) Wizard Rock.
Summary: The Dursleys have left Privet Drive and are in hiding with Hestia Jones and Dedalus Diggle. Hestia and Mr. Dursley are constantly fighting, Petunia is avoiding the wizards at all costs, and Dedalus is trying to make them all the best of friends. Meanwhile, Dudley discovers he has an interest in Harry's world, but his parents are less than pleased when they find out.
Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 266]
Summary: A companion piece to the Potter's Pentagon trilogy... it's better if you've read the Potter's Pentagon trilogy, but you don't necessarily have to.
It's five years after Emma Weasley and her chums graduated from Hogwarts. Ted and Ivy are married, Haley is working at Madame Puddifoot's while trying desperately to break into show business, Jordan's doing whatever it is he does, and Emma is an Auror trainee working as a guard at the Chudley Cannons' stadium. The Cannons have actually been doing much better lately, due to their new star Beater, Tyrone Thomas. Unfortunately, Tyrone is Emma's ex-boyfriend. OH, THE AWKWARDNESS.
Follow Emma through her awkward adventures told in her usual insane way, as she experiences angst, hilarity, obnoxiously strange people, misadventures involving a deceptively dashing cad, Haley's wedding, the birth of Ted and Ivy's baby, and her own eventual descent into LURRRVE.
Written for the marvellous Vindictus Viridian's Pride and Prejudice NEWTs class on the Fanfiction Beta Boards, based on Jane Austen's fantastic novel, "Pride and Prejudice.".
Nominated in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance Story! And its lovely (haha) heroine, Emma Weasley, received two nominations for Best Female Original Character, while Haley Potter and Ivy Potter each received one! Thanks so much, guys!
Summary: The final installment in the Potter’s Pentagon Trilogy. Read “The Five” and “The Truth” first, myess? Okay!
WARNING! Contains Muggle adventures in Diagon Alley, unusual eyebrows, cheesy clichés galore, psycho Ted, the not-so-lost years of Merlin, a school-wide singalong, the old potato joke, Tyrone’s Princess Bride obsession, Emma’s stubborn denial of the existence of Tyrone’s mustache, a graphic death, a joke shop product as a major plot device, hobo Jordan, Jordan hugging, Jordan pulling pranks, time travel, the Love Shack, angst, and worst of all, Professor Zabini.
It’s the sixth year for Potter’s Pentagon and company, and our heroes learn that in the wizarding world, coming of age has a somewhat weightier significance. Students are busy with an Inter-House Unity Project, Jordan is having weird dreams, Pansy and Ophidias Malfoy have been released from Azkaban, Professor Zabini has a mysterious project of his own, and almost everyone is acting strangely. Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic, a man with a vendetta against Ron Weasley is trying his hardest to get him in the biggest trouble possible. Is the only way to save him to travel into the past?
New talents are discovered, new friendships form and old ones change, pasts are dredged up, and, of course, there’s lots of good old-fashioned snogging. And one of the five kills for the first time… while another becomes a casualty of war.
Starring 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, Emma Weasley, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Post-Hogwarts Story.
Summary: This is book two in the "Potter's Pentagon" trilogy. Read "Potter's Pentagon: The Five" first, myesss? Cool.
WARNING: This story contains French people, an internal monologue about a blue orange, adolescent facial hair, good old-fashioned snogging, superstitious truck drivers, a portrait who calls everyone "Mavis," a zoo break-in, some very strange clothes, romantic conflict galore, and Ron Weasley's caffeine addiction. And worst of all, Professor Zabini!
Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament, and when one of the members of Potter's Pentagon is selected to represent the school, much excitement ensues. Simultaneously, elections are being held for Minister of Magic, and things are getting busy at the Ministry.
Not to mention the fact that Jordan's made a new Muggle friend without informing her of the itty-bitty fact that he's magical, Haley has found an enchanted diary of dubious origin, Ted's met a werewolf from Beauxbatons, and Emma... well, Emma's not having a good year.
And what exactly is Ivy up to, anyway?
Everyone has secrets. But in the end, the truth will have to come out.
Starring Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character Nominees Ivy Potter, Emma Weasley, Haley Potter, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards!
Summary: Voldemort knows it's great being the Dark Lord; it's a position he wants to keep. But even the most malevolent maniac can't stand when the forces of fashion conspire against him! A tale of organized mayhem.
Summary: Love a duck! Will he stop at nothing? Voldemort is rapidly taking over, and his Death Eaters are killing Muggle-borns every day. The good news? A mysterious man, known only as The Phoenix, is rescuing people in the nick of time all over England.
Meanwhile, newlywed writer Lily Potter has troubles of her own. For one, her marriage is not turning out to be as great as she'd thought... for another, she's been blackmailed by an old "friend" into turning spy and discovering the Phoenix's true identity.
Thrills, spills, laughs, gasps, song lyrics, and good old swashbucklin' intrigue.
Inspired by Baroness Emmuska Orczy's excellent novel, "The Scarlet Pimpernel," and Frank Wildhorn and Nan Knighton's AMAZING musical by the same name.
But if you're not familiar with either, the story's just all the more suspenseful! All song lyrics used in this story are based on those by Wildhorn and Knighton
Summary: Fred is dead.
But that's just the beginning! Because one of George's ears is up in heaven, and the other is down on earth...
Oh, the possibilities!
Written for the Next Great Adventure challenge on the MNFF beta boards. I am Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff House.
Twice nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts Story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards!
Summary: It's baaaaaack...........
As the name implies, the ever-wacky, ever-evil Power Of Suggestion has returned to Hogwarts! What insanity will occur this time?
Note that this is a sequel (duh), so it's strongly advised to read the first part first. Just check my author page for a link!
Chappie nine is UP! Enjoy!
Summary: In this sequel to Harry's Our What???, James and Lily have time-travelled to the past and finally found out the truth about who their son is. Meanwhile, in their true time-frame, the Marauders have concocted a plan to rescue James and Lily. But when they arrive in Harry's time, they realize they can't get back and must seek the aid of their older counterparts.
Summary: This fanfiction writer laments the loss of her favourite dark lord in a re-donk-ulous poem.
This is not very complimentary to Volders, so don't tell him about it if you see him around, okay?
Deathly Hallows spoilers.
Four times nominated for Best Poem in the Quicksilver Quills Awards!
Summary: Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters?
Lord Voldemort is on the quest to find the best, evilest flavour of ice cream, and he will stop at nothing to get it.
This is a very short, very silly and quite OOC little one-shot written as consolation for the fact that "E-Journal" is on hiatus. It's based on a prompt given to me by the ridiculously talented Inigoenigma.
Nominated for Best Humour fic in the Quicksilver Quills awards!
Summary: It's the sequel to "The Dark Lord's Blog," guys! (And girls... and, I don't know, gender-neutral people and centaurs and walruses and parameciums and shrubs and stuff.)
Several months have passed since Filch came into possession of Voldemort's magical powers, and he has taken over Hogwarts.
With Filch serving as The Dark Lord Snoogerblossom, the position of Hogwarts caretaker/janitor is open. Seeing as Voldemort wants his magical powers back, he and his extremely attractive new sidekick, Mungo Phelps, go undercover at Hogwarts, with Mungo posing as a transfer student and Voldemort posing as the new janitor. Wacky high-jinks ensue.
Join Voldemort as he tries to get back his magic, kill Harry Potter, steal Gryffindor's sword to make a shiny new Horcrux, romance Minerva McGonagall, discover Sirius's secret to becoming a chick magnet, and swallow a teaspoon of his pride to mop up spills the Muggle way and wear an unflattering uniform! WARNING: Extremely silly and very out-of-character.
If you haven't read "The Dark Lord's Blog," well, what are you doing? GO READ IT NOW! Just click on my author name and you'll be directed to my chaotic author page, which lists all my wacky stories.
This is on hiatus, dudes. Ooh! But it was twice nominated by nice (and insane) people for the Best Humour Fic award in the Quicksilver Quills thingy!
Also, some wonderful loony nominated Mungo Phelps for Best Male OC, making him if possible even more conceited! (No one had the heart to tell Mungo that he was designed as an example of a terrible OC.)
EXCITING NEWS! "The E-Journal of an Evil Janitor" is now continued as a Twitter blog! Go to Twitter dot com and find thedarklord666. Voldy's waiting!
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
Summary: What happens when Dumbledore has his latest "brilliant" idea, to start an advice column, and call it 'Dear Dumby'? Letters from some of our favourite Hogwarts students, some of our not so favourite Hogwarts students, some not even Hogwarts students at all, and, of course, lots of madness!
Pre-HBP for obvious reasons!
Nominee for the Best Humour Award in the Quicksilver Quill Awards! Many thanks to all who voted for it!
Summary: "Be careful what you wish for," the old adage goes. So what happens when Hogwarts is under a spell where what you say is what you get?
Chappie 14 is UP! And while it is the end, let us not be sad, but instead read the insanity that has driven so many to review and nearly wet themsleves with delight.
Summary: *Last chapter is up!* Due to a mishap in Charms class, James and Lily are taken away to Harry's time, only to meet Ron and Hermione. Kept hidden away from Harry by his two best friends, Ron lets something slip about Harry, James and Lily's relationship. Will James and Lily find out about their son, or at least before Remus, Sirius and Peter in the Marauder era figure out a way to bring them back? Includes people turning into ducks, Monty Python quotes and lots of Marauder goodness. PLEASE R & R- Hint, this does not mean read and run!
Summary: COMPLETED! When Harry goes to Uncle Vernon's work for the summer, odd things happen, including beating Ron at drill questions, sending millions of letters to Vernon and making Dudley wear a cotton candy outfit!
Summary: (Hi, I wrote this when I was 16, please keep that in mind. I'm keeping it up because people still like it.)
So, you want to be an evil villain? In this handbook that a certain Hogwarts student purchases, all of the rules, techniques, and frequently asked questions about evil villainy are explained. Do you have what it takes? And what will happen to the student who purchases the book? Another story from the strange, twisted, and slightly unfortunate Hermione's Revenge.