please do not delete
Facts About [my name goes here-still not telling]
my favourite color is green
animal-frog and chinchilla
food- chocolate (duh!)
song- harder to breath by maroon 5
school subject- science
dream occupation- medical examinar
favorite ship-Snape and Hermione
Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 266]
Summary: A companion piece to the Potter's Pentagon trilogy... it's better if you've read the Potter's Pentagon trilogy, but you don't necessarily have to.
It's five years after Emma Weasley and her chums graduated from Hogwarts. Ted and Ivy are married, Haley is working at Madame Puddifoot's while trying desperately to break into show business, Jordan's doing whatever it is he does, and Emma is an Auror trainee working as a guard at the Chudley Cannons' stadium. The Cannons have actually been doing much better lately, due to their new star Beater, Tyrone Thomas. Unfortunately, Tyrone is Emma's ex-boyfriend. OH, THE AWKWARDNESS.
Follow Emma through her awkward adventures told in her usual insane way, as she experiences angst, hilarity, obnoxiously strange people, misadventures involving a deceptively dashing cad, Haley's wedding, the birth of Ted and Ivy's baby, and her own eventual descent into LURRRVE.
Written for the marvellous Vindictus Viridian's Pride and Prejudice NEWTs class on the Fanfiction Beta Boards, based on Jane Austen's fantastic novel, "Pride and Prejudice.".
Nominated in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance Story! And its lovely (haha) heroine, Emma Weasley, received two nominations for Best Female Original Character, while Haley Potter and Ivy Potter each received one! Thanks so much, guys!
Summary: A face from the past returns and changes everything for Remus. But this wasn’t supposed to happen! After all, he likes his life just the way it is...he couldn’t ask for anything more...could he? Eventual RLSB.
Summary: What happens when Luna challenges her friends to a game of Truth or Dare?
Summary: After losing a bet, Professor Severus Snape is forced to accompany Professor Filius Flitwick on a speed-dating event. Will he manage to survive the witless witches and the maddening MC? Or will he leaved with more than he bargained for?
Summary: This is book two in the "Potter's Pentagon" trilogy. Read "Potter's Pentagon: The Five" first, myesss? Cool.
WARNING: This story contains French people, an internal monologue about a blue orange, adolescent facial hair, good old-fashioned snogging, superstitious truck drivers, a portrait who calls everyone "Mavis," a zoo break-in, some very strange clothes, romantic conflict galore, and Ron Weasley's caffeine addiction. And worst of all, Professor Zabini!
Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament, and when one of the members of Potter's Pentagon is selected to represent the school, much excitement ensues. Simultaneously, elections are being held for Minister of Magic, and things are getting busy at the Ministry.
Not to mention the fact that Jordan's made a new Muggle friend without informing her of the itty-bitty fact that he's magical, Haley has found an enchanted diary of dubious origin, Ted's met a werewolf from Beauxbatons, and Emma... well, Emma's not having a good year.
And what exactly is Ivy up to, anyway?
Everyone has secrets. But in the end, the truth will have to come out.
Starring Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character Nominees Ivy Potter, Emma Weasley, Haley Potter, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards!
Summary: It's Remus Lupin's fifth year at Hogwarts, and too much is happening at once! James loves Lily, Sirius is all for having a laugh, Peter's beginning to resent his friends, Lily need a real friend, and Remus, he's a werewolf, what other problems does he need? More than expected, that's for sure...
Extract from Chapter 4: Detentions and Deceptions
As I am writing this, I have noticed that there is a large box of Honeydukes chocolate underneath James’ bed. Why has he not shared them? We always share our stuff.
Or maybe, he has told Sirius and Peter, but is keeping them a secret from me. Why would he do that?
Oh yeah, he knew I would eat them at the first opportunity. I think I may have one, just out of spite.
Whoops, James just discovered me eating his chocolates, and, to be frank, there were not a lot left when he found me, though I am sure I only had one or two… He says I have to pay for a new box, the original having been a birthday present for Sirius. I do not think that I can afford a new box, not if I get Sirius a present too. Oh, no.
Summary: What if Harry and Draco were really friends behind all the insults and fights with each other? When would it have started and where would it end? Major spoilers for books 3,4,5,6. HPDM, FGL, BZSF, OWOC, poss RWHG, rating may go up
Summary: The whole wizarding world is in uproar after the death of Dumbledore. All Death Eaters have a price on their heads. During these troubled times Hermione finds Draco Malfoy practically on her doorstep- with no memory of who he is or what he's done. Why is he there? Why does he wake screaming every night? And how can she deal with a Malfoy who regards her as his best friend... or maybe more?
Summary: Love a duck! Will he stop at nothing? Voldemort is rapidly taking over, and his Death Eaters are killing Muggle-borns every day. The good news? A mysterious man, known only as The Phoenix, is rescuing people in the nick of time all over England.
Meanwhile, newlywed writer Lily Potter has troubles of her own. For one, her marriage is not turning out to be as great as she'd thought... for another, she's been blackmailed by an old "friend" into turning spy and discovering the Phoenix's true identity.
Thrills, spills, laughs, gasps, song lyrics, and good old swashbucklin' intrigue.
Inspired by Baroness Emmuska Orczy's excellent novel, "The Scarlet Pimpernel," and Frank Wildhorn and Nan Knighton's AMAZING musical by the same name.
But if you're not familiar with either, the story's just all the more suspenseful! All song lyrics used in this story are based on those by Wildhorn and Knighton
Summary: After a potion goes awry, Draco finds himself as the newly appointed babysitter of one Hermione Granger, age: 4. As if that wasn't humiliating enough, his wand is confiscated by Potter and he is forced to do everything the dreaded Muggle way.
Note to my readers: This story has been on hiatus forever due to a variety of factors. I do hope to finish it some day, but don't hold your breath. Also, this is NOT a Dramione nor will I change it to be one. Lastly, I am in the process of rewriting this story so bear with me.
Summary: WARNING! This story contains a jingle-bell antler headband, a shower of potatoes, boy/girl mushiness, underwear karaoke, family trouble, an excessively adorable werewolf, death, the song "Werewolves of London," betrayal, and the word 'Jordan' five times in a row near the beginning of chapter seven.
Twenty-one years after Voldemort's defeat, five fourth-years are faced with a new threat. Will all of the five stay true to the light side? Will they all emerge whole in the end? Will Jordan Potter ever get a life? You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gasp, you'll sigh! Part one in a trilogy!
Well, after much deliberation and consideration, I've decided to submit my future-gen trilogy! This particular installment is three years old, so it's definitely different from my current writing style, but I'm quite fond of the characters.
DH is disregarded. It's a total coincidence that one of the main characters is named Ted Lupin.
Starring Quicksilver Quills 2008 Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, and Emma Weasley, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin!
Five times nominated (once for each member of Potter's Pentagon!) for the Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards, and nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards...
Summary: A view into Hermione's diary shows the human that resides behind the bookworm. PG-13 for language. Note: This fic was completed before the release of HBP, so it will only follow through OOTP canon.
Summary: In post-war England, the Ministry of Magic is closing Azkaban Prison, and prisoners are being released to family members. What will happen to Severus Snape, who has no family? Hermione Granger has a notion of what can be done.
Summary: Sequel to the parody 'Tom Riddle and the Half Blood Prince', which I am proud to state won the 2006 Quicksilver Quill award for best humor. Prior reading is advised, but not absolutely necessary.
Summary: It's the sequel to "The Dark Lord's Blog," guys! (And girls... and, I don't know, gender-neutral people and centaurs and walruses and parameciums and shrubs and stuff.)
Several months have passed since Filch came into possession of Voldemort's magical powers, and he has taken over Hogwarts.
With Filch serving as The Dark Lord Snoogerblossom, the position of Hogwarts caretaker/janitor is open. Seeing as Voldemort wants his magical powers back, he and his extremely attractive new sidekick, Mungo Phelps, go undercover at Hogwarts, with Mungo posing as a transfer student and Voldemort posing as the new janitor. Wacky high-jinks ensue.
Join Voldemort as he tries to get back his magic, kill Harry Potter, steal Gryffindor's sword to make a shiny new Horcrux, romance Minerva McGonagall, discover Sirius's secret to becoming a chick magnet, and swallow a teaspoon of his pride to mop up spills the Muggle way and wear an unflattering uniform! WARNING: Extremely silly and very out-of-character.
If you haven't read "The Dark Lord's Blog," well, what are you doing? GO READ IT NOW! Just click on my author name and you'll be directed to my chaotic author page, which lists all my wacky stories.
This is on hiatus, dudes. Ooh! But it was twice nominated by nice (and insane) people for the Best Humour Fic award in the Quicksilver Quills thingy!
Also, some wonderful loony nominated Mungo Phelps for Best Male OC, making him if possible even more conceited! (No one had the heart to tell Mungo that he was designed as an example of a terrible OC.)
EXCITING NEWS! "The E-Journal of an Evil Janitor" is now continued as a Twitter blog! Go to Twitter dot com and find thedarklord666. Voldy's waiting!
Summary: Ron wonders why he and Hermione have yet to start a romantic relationship and he takes drastic measures to find out.
Summary: It's been six years since Harry and Ginny have come face to face. Different career oprions led them in different paths than they had hoped but now at the wedding of Ron and Hermione they are forced back together. Will their fragile love survive the troubles that haunt their pasts? Rated "R" for Sexual scenes, Teen Pregnancy and Spousal Abuse in this story.
Summary: Hogwarts graduation nears. A drunken night. A wild night. Was it just a drunken night or is Snape gettings is heart's desire, his forbidden desire?
Next chapter is in progress. 100% done. I will now proceed to typing it p and sending it in for editing.
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
Summary: Lily thought she was in for a boring summer... but James Potter had other ideas. Love Letters, with a rather bizarre twist.