Hi I'm one of wierdest of the weird (second to Schmergo). My family is one of the biggest and weirdest you will find out there, and we all take that as a compliment so be careful what you say to me.
A Quest For Ice Cream by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 122]
Summary: Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters?
Lord Voldemort is on the quest to find the best, evilest flavour of ice cream, and he will stop at nothing to get it.
This is a very short, very silly and quite OOC little one-shot written as consolation for the fact that "E-Journal" is on hiatus. It's based on a prompt given to me by the ridiculously talented Inigoenigma.
Nominated for Best Humour fic in the Quicksilver Quills awards!
The E-Journal of an Evil Janitor by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 256]
Summary: It's the sequel to "The Dark Lord's Blog," guys! (And girls... and, I don't know, gender-neutral people and centaurs and walruses and parameciums and shrubs and stuff.)
Several months have passed since Filch came into possession of Voldemort's magical powers, and he has taken over Hogwarts.
With Filch serving as The Dark Lord Snoogerblossom, the position of Hogwarts caretaker/janitor is open. Seeing as Voldemort wants his magical powers back, he and his extremely attractive new sidekick, Mungo Phelps, go undercover at Hogwarts, with Mungo posing as a transfer student and Voldemort posing as the new janitor. Wacky high-jinks ensue.
Join Voldemort as he tries to get back his magic, kill Harry Potter, steal Gryffindor's sword to make a shiny new Horcrux, romance Minerva McGonagall, discover Sirius's secret to becoming a chick magnet, and swallow a teaspoon of his pride to mop up spills the Muggle way and wear an unflattering uniform! WARNING: Extremely silly and very out-of-character.
If you haven't read "The Dark Lord's Blog," well, what are you doing? GO READ IT NOW! Just click on my author name and you'll be directed to my chaotic author page, which lists all my wacky stories.
This is on hiatus, dudes. Ooh! But it was twice nominated by nice (and insane) people for the Best Humour Fic award in the Quicksilver Quills thingy!
Also, some wonderful loony nominated Mungo Phelps for Best Male OC, making him if possible even more conceited! (No one had the heart to tell Mungo that he was designed as an example of a terrible OC.)
EXCITING NEWS! "The E-Journal of an Evil Janitor" is now continued as a Twitter blog! Go to Twitter dot com and find thedarklord666. Voldy's waiting!
The Dark Lord's Blog by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 1352]
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
