You are insane if you continue reading
Ohkay well my name is Niki, and im writing for my two friends Jules and Ari since they dont have a comedic bone in their bodies..
Were 20 ish and female! *yeah, idk if you could tell by the blondisms...*
Im like obsessed tofu & sushi but for some reason, Ari doesn't like bacon. I mean, come awn, who doesnt like bacon?!
I'm totally obsessed wit harry potter (DUH!) otherwise, I wouldnt be writing..
I have a dog named Cookie and Jules has another named Angela!
My favorite Comedic Movies are Legally Blonde (Love ya elle!) Blades of Glory, and Bring It on!
My fav. book series are Harry Potter *another big fat duh!* and the Clique *yea yea yea, what-evs*
Ari and Julie also like the Inheritance trilogy*its totally AWESOME*
Ships I J'adore:
Ships I tolerate:
Draco/Ginny (except for tales of a matchmaker! I love that!)
Ships that are just WRONG!:
'“Thank you very much,” she said, giving a small smile. “I would have done it myself, but I’m guarding the other wall so that the Hippogriffs won’t escape. What is your name?”
Remus knew what Sirius was going to say.
“Romeo,” he whispered, as if the name Sirius Black may offend her, before running off in search of the item for his love.'- Hogwarts, Meet The Marauders! By Kelsid..... LOL soooo funny!
This is my first attempt at a humor fic. i know its not funny, but itll be lovely if you could help me!
REALLY Strange Beginnings
Okay, Well I, N¡k¡, Queen of Bizarreness, Hereby declare a royal diclaimer: none of this belongs to me. Other wise, i would sleep on matresses filled with money..oh wait, im a queen...i can still do that..but o well...hp doesnt belong to me!
Vernon Dursley let out an elephant like roar, as was his custom everyday before he left with Petunia and Dudley to go to some luncheon or whatever it was he did on such occasions.
"Boy! I'm going out with Dudley and Petunia! If you so much as touch the fridge and get your disgusting hands on it, I will rip you limb for limb!" Uncle Vernon managed to spit out."Oh, Uncle Vernon, I don't know if you've noticed lately, but you've been giving me the SAME SPEECH FOR THE LAST 16 YEARS!!!!" Harry said with a bit of a smirk on his face.
"I WILL NO BE SPO-" he started off great but stopped midsentence rather abruptly as Harry lazily caused a china doll to circle his uncle's head. "Oh, did I mention that I can do Magic now without being kicked out of school?"
Uncle Vernon waited for the owl to come..and waited..and waited... (a/n: well theres gonna be a really long wait so everyone pull up a chair read the newspaper. Yes, I am Serious, I also am Sirius Black *crickets chirp* Oh Come awn! How is that NOT Funny?! Ugh, Fine, Lucky for you, the wait ended) Vernon finally decided there was no point in waiting and let out a frustrated-but mostly terrified- whimper."Fine then. PETUNIA! DUDLEY! WERE LEAVING TO MAJORCA RIGHT NOW!" His family did not dare question him and sprinted out the door.
"Muahaha! Finally! I thought they would be here forever!" Yelled out Harry. He often waited for the Dursleys to leave just so he could watch television, use the computer, eat food from the fridge and the pantry. Bringing out a couple of provisions, young Mr. Potter made his way upstairs to log in on Dudley's computer.
However, today was no ordinary day for Harry (when was it ever?!). Today, the computer started up as usual, but when he logged on to the internet, the computer made a sound it had never before and a little balloon popped out of nowhere. "You've Got Mail!" Harry hesitantly clicked on it, even though he knew full well that he would not be attacked by anything. As soon as he clicked it, something sinister popped up. Something that had definitely never popped up had just popped up. (a/n: i know, real eloquent of my right?) e-mail.
"What the F-" He just realized something. This little "email" thingy as it was called, would allow him to communicate to others quicker than ever before in the wizarding world! Figuring that the Dursleys wouldn't care if he used the phone, he dialed Ron and Hermione's numbers, as over the summer, the Weasleys had a phone installed and finally figured out how to use it and Harry had already gotten Hermione's number two days ago.
The words "Harry! Whats up mate?" and "Harry! The muggles let you use the phone, finally?!" from Ron and Hermione respectively clashed horribly. "Guys, I have something important to tell you. Today, I snuck onto Dudley's computer and something happened. A little balloon popped up and said You've got Mail! In an overly cheery sound! Do you know what this means? Ron offered up "Maybe you're beginning to hallucinate and your losing your mind?". However, being the smart one, Hermione gasped and unknowingly raised her hand as she said "Oh My Gawd! Harry! You've just discovered AIM! I have one too!"
In unison, Harry and Ron inquired,
"What the bloody hell is aim?!"
"Not aim, AIM!"
"Whats the big difference?!"
"AIM is a muggle device used to chat with people on the internet in a chat room!"
"Hermione, why didn't you tell us before?!"
"I didn't think it would be important!"
"Look, can you just explain how to make our own account?"
"Harry, you want to join this hellhole?!"
"Uh yeah Ronald! In case you haven't noticed, I don't have to owl you anymore, I can send you messages easier!"
“And no one else need to intercept the messages you send to someone coughcoughlavenderbrowncoughcough!* because you have your own password!” The two young men could practically hear Hermione smirking over the phone.
“Erm yes you’ve got a good point Hermione. It would be nice if, uh, if Fred and George didn’t look at the letters that I send to Lavender, and add extras like ‘proclaim my love to you in the following poem’…”
“ok, Now that everyone is convinced, are there anymore questions?”
"Can I apparate to your house and raid your kitchen?"
Well tahts the first Chapter...its pretty weak, so please help me!
Love ya! *wink!*
[Peter Pettigrew, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and the logic of fives. Dark, some disturbing imagery. One shot.]
Nominated for a Quicksilver Quill for Best Romance-Non Canon 2007, 2008, and 2009. In 2010 mods changed the rules (they got tired of the same fics being nominated ^_~) so no more QQ hopes, but that's okay. No proof is needed that Draco/Ginny = love.
* Written before the HBP, this tale presents an alternate sixth year in which Dumbledore lives, Draco is more than a foil to Harry, and Blaise Zabini is a girl. I hope readers who ship Draco/Ginny will enjoy the story which includes dancing with faeries, Celtic and Norse mythology, school holidays in London and Spain, and loads of fantasy and romance. "Is this a kissing book?" (to quote the Princess Bride) Yes, it is. *
(Warnings were added for safety, due to brief allusions in later chapters, not graphic content.)