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Potter's Pentagon: The Past (Book Three) by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Summary: The final installment in the Potter’s Pentagon Trilogy. Read “The Five” and “The Truth” first, myess? Okay!

WARNING! Contains Muggle adventures in Diagon Alley, unusual eyebrows, cheesy clichés galore, psycho Ted, the not-so-lost years of Merlin, a school-wide singalong, the old potato joke, Tyrone’s Princess Bride obsession, Emma’s stubborn denial of the existence of Tyrone’s mustache, a graphic death, a joke shop product as a major plot device, hobo Jordan, Jordan hugging, Jordan pulling pranks, time travel, the Love Shack, angst, and worst of all, Professor Zabini.

It’s the sixth year for Potter’s Pentagon and company, and our heroes learn that in the wizarding world, coming of age has a somewhat weightier significance. Students are busy with an Inter-House Unity Project, Jordan is having weird dreams, Pansy and Ophidias Malfoy have been released from Azkaban, Professor Zabini has a mysterious project of his own, and almost everyone is acting strangely. Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic, a man with a vendetta against Ron Weasley is trying his hardest to get him in the biggest trouble possible. Is the only way to save him to travel into the past?

New talents are discovered, new friendships form and old ones change, pasts are dredged up, and, of course, there’s lots of good old-fashioned snogging. And one of the five kills for the first time… while another becomes a casualty of war.

Starring 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, Emma Weasley, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Post-Hogwarts Story.
Ratings: 1st-2nd Years [ - ]
Category: Next Generation
Characters: None
Canon Compliance: None
Warnings: None
Serie: None
Chapters: 28 Completed?: Yes
Wordcount: 183223 Viewcount: 107559
Published on: 07/09/08 Updated On: 03/15/10

1. Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Has A Bad Experience With A Hobo by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (4042 words)
YAY! Here it is! If you like Potter's Pentagon, there's a spinoff called "Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story" up on my profile. It's from Emma's point of view, based on "Pride and Prejudice" and in the romance category, but it's much funnier than the PP trilogy, so don't expect pure mush. You'll find some familiar faces, as well as some interesting new ones.

This particular installment, "The Past," is much longer than either of the other two in the trilogy, and rather different in scope and pacing, so it's slower in pace than the other two. But I think it's still very interesting!

2. Chapter 2: In Which Tyrone Makes Dorkiness Cool by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (5863 words)
This chapter was too much fun to write! I love Giorgi, don't you? PLEASE tell me you spot the Beatles reference. Incidentally, Eraser Mart is an inside joke with my friend... all I will say about it is... Estonian adult bookstores. Speaking of my friend.. some of you who frequent the Crow's Nest (the awesome website YOU TOO can join off of the link in my profile!) may recognize the president of the Students for Snape thingy as everyone's favourite moderator!
3. Chapter 3: In Which Ivy Avoids Attack Chickens, But Not Hadrian Bellowes by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (6638 words)
I totally had way too much fun coming up with the names in this chapter. Pansy's middle name is 'Lacerta,' which is the name of the lizard constellation. Hadrian Bellowes is named after a Roman emperor, hence the middle name Augustus. He took in a future emperor named Antoninus Pius, the name of the scribe. Lampetia Hilcox is named after the giantess who was Helios' daughter and guarded his cattle. Ophidias means 'of or relating to serpents'-- it's a name I thought I made up, but it seems to get a lot of results on google. His middle name is 'Ophiuchus,' which is the constellation called 'the serpent holder.'

Ivy's middle name is Cassiopeia, which is the name of a constellation named after a vain queen. This does not represent her personality, but Pansy's personality in choosing this as a name for her and what her expectations were. However, my favourite name I made up was Draco's! His middle name is never given in canon, so I made it 'Putorius!' That means 'stinky' in Latin, but also, the species name for the ferret is 'mustela putorius.' Oh, the cleverness of me!

4. Chapter 4: In Which An Old Adversary Slouches Back Onto The Scene by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (4471 words)
I said I'd announce the winners for my Reader Art challenge. I lied. Pweez be patient?

Remember Charybdis Nott? Yeah, unfortunately, her part is much larger in this story. The adversary I was referring to in the title is Ophidias, but Charybdis is worse. We also meet a new OC in this chapter, Tabitha Thomas! She also plays a role in "Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums," so look out for Tabby in that.

5. Chapter 5: In Which Professor Zabini Hatches A Diabolical Plan by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (4681 words)
Hey, kids. Sorry I haven't updated "Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums" in awhile-- I have two more chapters written, but I got Chapter Six rejected for being a silly goose. I'm not eager to submit it to humour, so I have to find a way to be less of a silly goose so I can get it accepted sometime.

Anywhoo! I went to New York City to see "The Little Mermaid" on Broadway (TWAS AMAZING... CAST WAS EXCELLENT) and then to Disney World. By the way, I got to meet/get an autograph from/get a photo of NORRRRM LEWIS, who plays King Triton in Little Mermaid. He is one of my idols, and I almost wet my pants with glee. Check out his voice on youtube, because it makes my ears vibrate. He has exciting pecs, too.

6. Chapter 6: In Which Anatoly Matches Giorgi In Sheer Eccentricity by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (4699 words)
Not a very good chapter title. Hmm. I love Anatoly. A lot more than I thought I would when I started writing this. Must say-- he's very different in this story from in "Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums." That story's set seven years from now, when Ani's much more confident and happy about life in general. He's a bit more edgy in this story. As per usual, I don't own Harry Potter. I wish I did, though. I'd make him be my personal chambermaid and wear fluffy aprons. Jordan would die of shame.
7. Chapter 7: That Obligatory Hospital Wing Chapter by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (6080 words)
Sorry to keep y'all waiting... I've just started my junior year of high school, and I've been rather busy. After this, updates will be MUCH more regular.

8. Chapter 8: In Which Emma Has A Birthday Adventure by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (4045 words)
Yes! Time for another chapter! I don't own Harry Potter, or Aladdin, or the B-52s, or Hello Kitty, Anyway, Emma's birthday is October 30th and Tyrone's is November 1st, so she's two days older than him.

9. Chapter 9: In Which Jordan Loses His Marbles by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (6571 words)
Sorry about the wait! Junior year is haaaaard. I just finished acting in“Alice In Wonderland,” as the Mad Hatter and “Guys and Dolls” as Arvide Abernathy, and both were outrageously fun. So now that my plays are over, I’ll have time to return to my other love: fanfiction. Incidentally, you might want to check out my new Gauntlet story, “Nott On Your Life!”
10. Chapter 10: In Which Ivy Has A Very Malfoy Christmas by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (7900 words)
Whoot, update! Very timely chapter, seeing as it's the holidaytime and all that jazz. Ted is cute, and... I still don't own Harry Potter.
11. Chapter 11: In Which Giorgi Smells A Rat, And Ophidias Isn't One by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (5998 words)
Ah, well, here you guys go! And have lovely holidays, all of you.
12. Chapter 12: In Which Charybdis Is Nott Happy by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (6551 words)
Ahhh, I love winter break! I got like over a hundred dollars worth of iTunes money from various loving relatives for Christmas, so I've bought myself like a million showtunes, and more Broadway cast albums than you can imagine.
13. Chapter 13: In Which Ted and Merlin Chat With Some Professors by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (5841 words)
Surprise, guys! I'm back! Sorry about the hiatus. It really shouldn't happen again. I don't even have a good excuse for this.
14. Chapter : In Which Jordan is Unnecessarily Dramatic by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (9086 words)
Welcome to yet another fascinating chapter! In case you forgot, "Duckling" is Anatoly's nickname... Anyway, the song is "Crystal Ball" by Keane!
15. Chapter 15: In Which Tyrone Is Unpleasantly Surprised by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (7144 words)
Oh my gosh, you guys! Jordan won second place for Best Male Original Character in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills! Thanks so much for your lovely nominations!
16. Chapter 16: In Which Emma and Ted Are Just A Tad Cranky by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (9742 words)
Submittin' this chapter for the second time around... I don't own Harry Potter, the Spanish Inquisition, Superman, the Wizard of Oz, Charles Dickens, or Frankenstein and probably never will.

17. Chapter 17: In Which Haley Puts On A Show by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (9690 words)
The songs quoted in this chapter are by the Beatles, not me. They are property of Paul McCartney and John Lennon. This is my cheesiest chapter yet.

18. Chapter 18: In Which Jordan Sits and Sulks... So What Else Is New? by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (5918 words)
I don't own Harry Potter! Anyway, the next several chapters will be short. Sorry, but that's just how they're written.

19. Chapter 19: In Which Ivy Finds Fun In The Unlikeliest of Places by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (5305 words)
I still don't own Harry Potter. This chapter's short and kind of slow, but the climactic sequence is coming soon!
20. Chapter 20: In Which Things Start To Heat Up by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (5310 words)
I own nothing to do with Harry Potter. If I'd written the books, there would be no such thing as Albus Severus. Well, this is probably my least favorite chapter of the story, but it's important, so there we go!

21. Chapter 21: In Which Haley Takes The Plunge by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (8925 words)
So, I don't own Harry Potter, Wizard of Oz, or any of that stuff. But... it would mean the world to me if you guys nominated me for Quicksilver Quills. Also, I recently updated my Potter's Pentagon spinoff, Pride and Prejuiced Plums, which is a delightful romantic comedy from Emma Weasley's point of view, loosely based on Pride and Prejudice but with added werewolf warfare.

22. Chapter 22: In Which Our Heroes Suffer Boo-Boos by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (4810 words)
This is a weird, very short, and very overdramatic chapter. It'd be better read in context, since this is only the first half of a much longer 22 that had to be chopped in half to make the word limit fit. I promise more cool stuff happens later.

23. Chapter 23: In Which All's Fair In Love And War by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (5774 words)
I don't own Harry Potter or The Princess Bride.

24. Chapter 24: Is This A Kissing Book? by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (8946 words)
Sorry, this took me ridiculously long. Senior year is crazy. And I’ve been in a play of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe playing Fenris Ulf (the evil wolf, usually known as Maugrim), which has sucked up my whole life. Happy holidays, everyone.!

25. Chapter 25: In Which (Almost) All Is Revealed by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (7511 words)
(Oh my Godric, you guys, it's that chapter I've been waiting for... lots of crazy stuff in this one. Just forget everything you read about the Final Battle in Deathly Hallows, okay? Anyway, I hope you all had fabulous holidays! I know I did!)


26. Chapter 26: In Which Loose Ends Are Tied Up by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (5835 words)
Just remember, I did write this before the seventh Harry Potter book came out!

27. Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (6755 words)
It's the penultimate chapter, guys! Also... I apologize for the sliiiight "A Very Potter Musical" reference that I edited into this chapter. I promise, it was originally something very, very similar, but I tweaked it after AVPM came out! ______________________________________________

28. Epilogue: There And Back Again by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (9092 words)
OH MY GOOD GRACIOUS, THIS THING IS OVER! I've been writing this trilogy since I was thirteen, and now I'm nearly eighteen! Holy smokes, this is the strangest feeling ever! Uh... here, have an epilogue! Lyrics are from Grease the musical and by Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey, not me.