I love what the speaker (Hermione?) says about sometimes hating with more passion than loving. It often holds true for me too. It's so much easier. The last line was a perfect ending. So much courage in it. The speaker was so sure of themself.
I’ve read your work before, and I liked it, so here I am again. :) I also liked this one-shot, and maybe you’ll see exactly why as I go on and on about the beautiful simplicities—*cough*—I mean, review. Yeah.
At the beginning you jump right into the story without an introduction other than the poem from Robert Frost. My simple reader’s brain went, “What? Who’s talking?” but that was probably what you were aiming for. As I read more, I realised that the mystery of the speaker was really intriguing and sparking my curiosity. Then of course, when I figured out it was Hermione, I appreciated that you didn’t hand it to me on a silver platter, which would have ruined the mystery, of course.
You make use of short, to the point sentences to grab our attention and keep it, and I have to applaud. They have a tendency of being overused all. the. time. But your diction kept them from being repetitive, although in some places, it was the repetition that kept it from getting old. In this part where it says, “He won’t take Ron. He won’t take Harry. He won’t take me,” the anaphora kept it fresh and drove the meaning in deeper. (Yay for me for paying attention in English, LOL.) You also use this in other places, and I did nod along as the sentences progressed.
I love my friends. I love this magical world in which I live. I love the freedom I have to be myself. I love a great many things, but I daresay that sometimes I hate with more passion than I love. Two things about that. Once again you use the repetition to great effect. Each sentences expands on the one before it, which I noticed since it’s so, well, noticeable. ;) The other thing was the last sentence. It’s a very different perspective that earned my respect. It definitely sounds like something that Hermione would say. Throughout the fic, her voice is also very casual and informal; I feel like Hermione is standing next to me talking, glancing at me every few moments. A good job on that.
Also, kudos on the paragraph following that. After repeating “I love,” the appearance of “I hate,” “I hate,” “I hate,” draws out a nice contrast. The words are stronger too, backing up that Hermione does hate with more passion than she does love. The ideas are much stronger too, as she actually contemplates attacking him. That’s obvious, of course, but it’s also kind of subtle. It takes a second glance to catch that, methinks.
The end builds to a nice climax. Even the length of the sentences build up to a climax, as they’re all in separate paragraphs. The last statement is beautiful and strong, like Hermione. I really liked this, even if it was short. It was powerful, and that was what mattered. Yet another time I’m very happy to read your work, and I will definitely keep reading more (and perhaps reviewing). Great job and I believe you still write consistently, so no need to poke you to do that. ;)
First of all, I'd like to say that I loved this piece of writing. It was very poetic. Every word just melted with the rest. Very well put together. Something that stuck out at me, however, was towards the end, when you made it clear the Hermione was the one who was thinking all of this. I thought it was Ginny. The lines "If it wasn’t up to Harry to finish this war, I’d do it myself. In a heartbeat. Without batting an eye. I would do to him just as he’s done to us." were very fiery, very feisty; extremely Ginny. And seeing as she had that encounter with Riddle in her first year, I felt like it was her speaking. Other then that, there was nothing else wrong with it. Good job, I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future.
I picked this story because I love the poem by Robert Frost. I don't usually approve of poetry or lyrics at the beginning of chapters or stories, but in this case I'm very glad you included it.
I like the way you've told the story. Interior monologue can be fascinating, and it's slightly unusual to see it from a perspective other than Harry's. It's nice to get a view inside someone else's head. I especially like Hermione, so it was an added bonus to discover something new from her perspective.It did take me a while to figure out that this was definitely from Hermione's perspective. Intellectually it is like her to wonder about things, and it is like her to be loyal about her friends. It's not out of character, but it's not in character either. The speaker does not think anything which is OOC for Hermione, but pretty much everything she thinks could go for many characters. There is nothing that is definitively Hermione. If you take a couple of lines that tell us which characters she cares about most, this interior monologue could come from one of several characters. I can see Luna, in particular, thinking these same thoughts. The characterization is not bad, but there is room for growth. It is not Hermione through and through.
Your use of structure and paragraphing really adds to the tension and dramatic effect. However, it's to the point of being slightly overdone. You should use paragraph breaks and unusually short paragraphs for special moments. They mean more that way. They slow the reader down, making him or her pause and really notice whatever you chose to highlight in this way. They also create a visual emphasis. But when you have many, many one sentence paragraphs it takes away from the effectiveness and from the story. You have the reader going slowly, but no part is remarkably slower than the others, so there is no contrast to create the effect. The visual emphasis is also lost. It's a wonderful technique for creating tension and emphasis, but you shouldn't overuse it.I really liked the tone. It is somber and reflective, and really reaches out to the reader. Your use of short sentences helps to create this sense for the reader. It was great. Also, the way the speaker questions her world is very real. It helps the story hit home for me as a reader. And the repetition of the beginning at the end is perfect. I see a lot of good stories with flat endings. You created a sense of finality and conclusion, which is always important. It makes your readers remember your work ;) Good job, and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Excellent! I really enjoyed this story. I just noticed that you have several more, so I'm going to check those out. If they're as good as this one, I think I'm in for a real treat. :) Great job!
I love all your stories and this is yet another well written one
Shivers! Why do you insist upon doing to me? Oh, I love all your stories! They're so passionate, especially this one. I liked you putting Robert Frost into it -- my favorite poet. I love your portrayal of Hermione. It's mind-boggling. Amazing.
very well written. I like the repeating part where she says she won't believe it's the end.