MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Only One

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 09/08/17 19:06 · For: Chapter 1
was really good. I'm glad there's a second chapter. I think you really had the characters written well. I think you captured Draco's feelings exactly when he discovered a mass. Also the crying baby. My oldest cried a lot--probably because of her stomach. She was always waking up until she was about six weeks old. We didn't have to suffer for too long:D

Author's Response: Thanks for writing a comment, Liana. There are eight chapters in this story. So many of us writers write stories about Draco, there must be a hundred concepts of what he was like in the post-Hogwarts years. This story is my vision of one series of events in his young adulthood.

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 09/08/17 15:33 · For: Chapter 1
I am hooked.

Author's Response: The story is complete, and chapters will be posted steadily. :)


Name: whichone (Signed) · Date: 09/08/17 6:45 · For: Chapter 1
This was really well written. The flashback might have been more effective if presented first; I am always curious as to why writers choose to go back instead of following Order. JKR usually went in order. Maybe that's hust a thing. Even if Draco were remembering something, you can still step back without going back. Does that make sense?

I like that Draco remembers while it's a new experience for his son. Maybe the flashback is there to give Astoria life on the page? Maybe that's it. I appreciate that you actually take the time to illustrate scenes instead of doing a one-liner or a zinger, which is what I have seen in fanfiction of late.

The shower scene is common place, which makes it relatively relatable..the only thing is you mess up on the words "though" and "thought" so one more read over ought to do it.

The illustration of time on the platform is done with a master stroke. I like how Draco is momentarily annoyed and recovers..that's awesome so the son can enjoy the experience through fresh eyes.

Well done.


Author's Response: Hi, Jenn. Thanks for commenting! Actually, the opening paragraphs of this chapter are a flash-forward, rather than the final paragraphs being a flashhback. As the further chapters are posted, you will see how this works out.

I got a new textbook at the Willamette Writers Conference in Portland, Oregon, about a month ago. It is entitled The Emotional Craft of Fiction, and I am trying to incorporate its lessons into the writing of this story.

I re-read the shower scene, looking for the place where I had made a confusion of 'though' and 'thought', and I didn't see it, so maybe you can send me a PM citing the specific sentence. It's so hard to catch all the typos, and I really try to create clean copy.

You must login (register) to review.