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Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For "The Family Man"

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 12/28/16 21:35 · For: "The Black Box"
This story was sad but it was good. I could feel the love radiating through. I could see Amelia being happy and still wearing her wedding ring. I have one tiny criticism that has to do with format. If you ever go back and edit I think you should put the time that a scene is being written in, in bold or italics. I think this last section is twenty years later or something like that so maybe bold 'twenty years later.' Those headings disappeared into the story and I wanted more notice of the time change. Very good job otherwise. You took an obscure character and wove a story around him.

Author's Response: Fynnsmom Thank you so much for pointing that out. Yeah, I go back and edit all of the time in my pieces. There's one fan fiction site that has reapproved my pieces so many times I bet they find it all a bit wearing: luckily here, I don't bombard MNFF with rewrites. Yeah, my editing is never done. I apologized to a beta once, and she actually approved that I continued to edit. I take your suggestions. In fact, in a recent review - because you guys are right - I rewrite this piece and went back to a previous edit. Thank you so much for pointing out the formatting thing. I never would have caught that. Thank you for reading. I've fallen in love with this Benji Fenwick character. I am glad you enjoyed it. And thanks again for the suggestions. whichone

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 12/28/16 9:10 · For: "The Black Box"
"She didn’t hear the footsteps as she stepped out of the shower. " I found this sentence confusing and had to read the end several times to understand where the story pointed too. Well done anyway.

Author's Response: I thought about that, too, after reading this. I reedited this without really considering it. I will probably- actually I will- clean this up and take a step back. Thanks for pointing that out. Jenn

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 12/21/16 14:58 · For: "The Family Man"
I did enjoy this first chapter. It as a great beginning. It's stories like this, though, that make me glad I'm a Muggle. I guess being a Muggle is no defense against Death Eaters either. Hope you update soon.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed the first chapter. I enjoyed writing it. I remember you from when I used to be under another username, so this this truly a surprise and an honor. Yeah, the death scene made me cringe while I wrote it, erased it, and wrote it again. You know when you don't want to kill a character? That happened here. I just finished redrafting the second chapter, so hopefully it can be updated soon. Thanks for reading. Jenn

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 12/19/16 16:29 · For: "The Family Man"
Different style. powerful ending. What next?

Author's Response: Im glad you like it. Thanks for reading. I should have the next chapter posted soon. Thanks for reading.

Name: Kerichi (Signed) · Date: 12/19/16 16:07 · For: "The Family Man"
You're teaching yourself the joys of writing, and I hope your next chapter posts soon. It's so different to see a chapter on the site. I get to appreciate the details more. Benji is such a tragic character trying to save his family from being hurt by not telling them about joining the Order, which just compounds Amelia's pain before, during, and after the events of this chapter. Sigh.

Author's Response: Paige thanks for the response or the review. Thanks for your help throughout the piece. The omission was totally what I was trying to get across in this. Thanks for your reponse. I only hope I put your suggestions to good use.

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