MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/24/17 22:15 · For: Chapter 16 - To Oblivion
OK. I found another author. I couldn't remember the name off the top of my head. It was Ryan Jenkins. There is one story on this site. You might want to run through that story and see if there's something of interest to you. Ryan (in the story) went to a different school in the United States and has a Native American friend who brings in a lot of different spells and ways of teaching. Check it out. The story may be of interest to you.

Author's Response: Great! Thanks for helping me out, Fynnsmom. I'll definitely check that out as well.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/24/17 22:09 · For: Chapter 16 - To Oblivion
I wish it were longer. I think you could've settled some more issues. Or maybe you didn't because it's a fan game. I'm older and don't have any experience with that sort of game. I need to finish a couple of stories and then I've toyed with the idea of a school in Hawaii or Samoa but that's as far as I've gotten--I thought of it. I'll keep track of you and see if you write more. There is another story I'm thinking of that involves a school in the United States. One problem you may see is that it involves the people from the US going to England to help Harry after the Battle. I found the background stories about the US magical community to be very interesting. I admit I forgot the exact name of the author. I'll go back and look it up and get back to you. I hope you write more. And, I hope Eco's dad doesn't have to go to prison for being a murderer. Couldn't he have committed a crime of passion in trying to protect Eco? Talk to you soon.

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback again! I agree that there are a lot of things that need some revision to tie up loose ends. Being a fan game isn't really an excuse, though the way I imagine it, it could be some sort of "choose your own adventure" story that gives better closure to some plot threads (out of the top of my head, in an alternate path the house animals could have done something more substantive in the ending). It will probably take me a while to come back and fix things, or to work on any follow ups. Still, thank you very much for sticking with my story to the ending!

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 08/24/17 14:44 · For: Chapter 16 - To Oblivion
I must admit I went elsewhere to read the story in full and found the last chapter a bit unsatisfactory. I thought you might do a re-write here or promise a sequel. It feels as though it is just hanging in mid air. Interesting charters, but Eco's dad seems a right wimp.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Dad! I agree. There are a lot of things I should have revised already (I noticed even basic typos as I was going through previous chapters, not to mention the unsatisfying plot threads). Still, I had come to a point when I thought it was best to just publish it and fix everything later. I intend to eventually do both a re-write and a sequel, but it might take a while. Hahaha, I tried to make the characters distinct, and Eco's dad definitely didn't turn out to be the most forceful of them. Thanks for reading!

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/19/17 22:15 · For: Chapter 15 - Enemy Within
That was quite an exciting chapter! I was so excited I read it really fast and may have to read it again. I must confess that when you first called Barb "Barb the Tard" I thought you meant the Tard to mean tardy since she had attendance problems. I really hope you go on to write more years of Eco's education. I want to know what happens to some of these people. You've set up some interesting characters.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I do think your meaning might be less problematic than mine, so maybe I'll change it in the next revision pass. Thank you very much for all your reviews. They really helped me stay motivated with the project. I just submitted the last chapter for approval, and hopefully it won't be disappointing.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/18/17 8:23 · For: Chapter 14 - A Window of Opportunity
I'll have to think about other stories I've read that don't involve Hogwarts. What comes immediately to my mind are some stories by Inverarity on this site. This author wrote several stories about a school in the United States. They were fairly detailed and very good. A few years at this school were covered but I haven't seen anything more for a few years. I think the intent was to cover the main student's seven years at this school. I wouldn't say that Eco and Barb's friendship was easy. I missed the Headmistress' last name glitch but I'm terrible with names. I just think of her as the Headmistress. Now they've all seen the tower. I hope Barb doesn't get dragged home.

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks for pointing that out to me! I'll be sure to take a look at their stories, then. Thank you for the feedback as well! The reason I missed the last name was because in my head I also thought of her as "the Headmistress"... Hopefully you'll enjoy next chapter.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/16/17 12:00 · For: Chapter 13 - The Runaway Ghost
A great chapter, as always. I'm sorry there are so few chapters yet but I'm hoping you'll write a follow-up story. I'm surprised that Eco's phone works in a magical place and that they can use the internet at the school. Is there some special reason for that? I always thought Muggle electronics didn't work with magic.

Author's Response: Thank! There are 16 chapters in total, and though I hope I'll write a follow-up story eventually (I had thought of writing one for year 4, then another for year 7), I don't have any plans of doing that soon, since I still have a lot of tweaking and revising to do in this one. I didn't really look into the reason why technology doesn't work in Hogwarts, but I had assumed it was one of the protective charms placed around it (which are absent in Saciscola). I mentioned before that I wanted the characters in this story to be distinct from the ones in the original. My idea for Eco is that he'd be the "tech kid", so giving him access to a smartphone was very much intentional. Thanks for the review!

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/15/17 20:11 · For: Chapter 12
That was a great chapter. You have this story moving along so well. I always look at updates to see if you've updated no matter how short the time period. If you can stand another small criticism, you constantly described Joaquin as the heavy Auror. You mentioned it once or twice and then I don't think we needed to read it again. Either call him by name or just refer to him as an Auror. He was the only one to say anything so I don't think we would get confused. And this time, I had no doubt that Cesar was angry as always but you never really had to say it. Don't get me wrong. I love this story, I'm just trying to give you a few hints for what I think will give you a better written story.

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback again! Criticism is always nice to get, even if it might take me a while before I revise the story again. I'll make a note to watch for repetition here as well! I posted the next chapter earlier today, so it should be approved soon. Either way, I'll be back in two days with the next chapter... Thanks for reading along!

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/12/17 13:29 · For: Chapter 11 - The Tower that Wasn't
This seems like a story that could go on to future stories. I'm already wondering--does the Brazilian school go on for seven years; does Barbara finally graduate from her first year; what happens to these students next year? I have a criticism. You always describe Cesar as annoyed or angry or etc. Maybe you could show through his action or what he says that he's angry so we can decide for ourselves how he is. For example, he "stormed into the classroom, late, and threw their homework on his desk." He doesn't say anything but we know he's not happy and friendly. You've not described the Headmistress but we know just from what she says that she doesn't seem very nice to children. I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to imply that you were talking about that Man and Boy organization. The letters were very similar. Trust me--I'm the self-proclaimed Queen of Reviews and this story flows very well. A lot better than some I've seen. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! I'll be sure to pay more attention to Cesar (and other characters that might do the same) when revising these chapters. The story could go on, if I eventually make the time to write future years. When thinking about the school, I assumed that it would go for seven years like the original, and then the students could decide whether to apply to higher education magic schools (though none would be available in the country). And again, it's not your fault that I had introduced the same organization under a different name and forgot to change it. Thanks for reading!

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/10/17 19:54 · For: Chapter 10 - Black Magic
Another cliff hanger? They are fun aren't they. Is MABRA that "man and boy, etc." organization? Or is that MABLA? I really think Eco's parents let him down by not being honest with him. Poor kid. And what's with Gabe's wand? Or is it Gabe himself who has a Dark Power? We don't know who's kid he is, do we? Update soon.

Author's Response: Updating now! I do love cliffhangers (at least writing them). The MABRA thing is the Magic Association of Brazil. This may be another instance in which I presented them under a different name earlier in the text. Thanks for the review!

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/08/17 10:27 · For: Chapter 9 - Factions
I did not see that coming! I'm getting an idea of why Eco's dad moved to Brazil. I saw the misspelling of UNKNOWN but said the word unknown anyway. Although I do hate it when I have an obvious misspelling like that. The Headmistress is extremely rude--wasn't she the one who called Eco a baby. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. You and your cliff hangers.

Author's Response: Hahaha! Thanks! I just submitted the new chapter, so it should be up soon. And yes, that was the Headmistress...

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/07/17 10:38 · For: Chapter 8 - House Animals
That was a short chapter but still good. It's strange the animals they chose to represent the Houses. Although come to think of it there is only one magical animal that represents the Hogwarts Houses--the Gryffin. The rest are just common animals we all have seen. Guess it's about a week until the next update, huh?

Author's Response: Oops, I actually hadn't thought of that! Since I wanted the Houses to have different animals with a local flavor, I immediately defaulted into thinking what magical creatures I should use. Since I also wanted to have a Magical Creatures class, I got to use the same ones for both purposes. I've actually written the whole story already, and I'm trying to post one chapter every two days (to account for the approval process). It's just that I got distracted during the weekend, and only remembered to post the next chapter earlier today (it should show up soon). I hope you enjoy the later chapters as well!

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/06/17 21:57 · For: Chapter 7 - A Surprise Lesson
Wow! That was some chapter. What is going on with Gabe's wand? I can't blame Barb for cutting classes. That Defense class is almost useless it seems and the teacher doesn't care. I think Professor Doran will get much better with time.

Author's Response: Hahaha! Thanks! The idea that I had for Professor Valkyria is that she doesn't particularly enjoy teaching, so unless the students give her something to work with, she'll only do the bare minimum to keep her job and doing research. Hopefully things will get better later on!

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/06/17 21:38 · For: Chapter 6 - A School of Secrets
I didn't even think of Queenie when you mentioned Legilimency. Was I supposed to? If Eco's dad is a Legilimens that only adds to his character. And now they have a professor who actually wandered in off the street. Are you going to show what Eco's dad thinks or is that totally not the point?

Author's Response: I'm glad you didn't think of her! I guess I was writing this very soon after seen the new movie, and since I didn't want to have the characters seem familiar, I got a bit discouraged from using similar powers. I guess it would make sense for Eco's dad to have a strong reaction to the whole situation, but I confess it didn't occur to me while I was writing. Part of the struggle between the characters at this point is that they aren't communicating very well, and this include sharing their reservations. They might be coping with the situation in other ways that may also bring problems later on...

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/06/17 21:17 · For: Chapter 5 - Sorting
Boy this school is a disappointment. I like the story and that's one of the reasons I keep reading but I also am expecting you to pull something out of your hat and say that this is all a fašade. I can't believe there's no food and I can't believe Eco's dad took this strange job. And, finally, I can't believe that Eco's mother let him go to Brazil. If I were his mother I would've sent him to Hogwarts. How many years after Harry is this?

Author's Response: This was supposed to be set in modern day (I started writing early last year). I do think I didn't do a very good job of developing Eco's mom as a character, but since her presence in the story is limited, I guess this was to be expected.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/06/17 17:56 · For: Chapter 4 - Saciscola
This gets more and more interesting. The two new characters are great, especially Barb the Tard. I love her already. I think she's failing on purpose. I keep trying to align your characters with the ones in Harry Potter. I should stop that because I don't know if that's what you're trying to do. So far the school is below my expectations for a magical school but I guess I'm comparing it to Hogwarts. I think we might see a more natural environment here. Great chapter. I'm enjoying this story.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like her! Indeed, I was trying not to make the characters too similar to anyone we knew already (including the professors as well). And the school does leave a lot to be desired, but hopefully the characters will make up for the setting.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/06/17 12:35 · For: Chapter 3 - Going to School
I forgot to say in the last chapter that I was impressed with all of the strange and different animals they had in Brazil that they could use for wand cores. The lack of security at the school is somewhat disturbing but maybe not needed?? I can't wait to learn more about the characters. Things are certainly shabby. I guess there are no wealthy, pure blood type wizards there????

Author's Response: Thanks! I tried to think of some local animals that could be used as wand cores while keeping in mind that according to Pottermore, the few ingredients used by Ollivander are known to work best. For the school, I wanted to show the people preoccupied with different aspects than the ones seen in Hogwarts, so I tried to divorce the conflicts from the separation between pure blood or Muggle-born. They still have their own prejudices, though...

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/06/17 12:13 · For: Chapter 2
Diagonal Blvd sounds like a disappointment. I am reminded so much of my move to LA with my family. I'm not sure why it was a disappointment but it was. I think because we moved for my husband's job and I felt like I had nothing to go to for myself. Anyway, I'm wondering about Eco's parents. Is this move for a job or are they breaking up. Why couldn't Eco stay with his mother and attend Hogwarts?

Author's Response: The way I thought about it while I was writing, the family situation definitely contributed to Eco's perception of his new home. There will be more details in upcoming chapters...

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/06/17 0:53 · For: Chapter I - A New Home
You're right. There are not many stories about other schools of magic. I've had to move children before--about Eco's age. I figure he must be around 11 if he's waiting for his letter of admission. We moved from Wisconsin to southern California. It was warmer but that didn't solve all of the adjustment problems, especially mine. I later moved to South Dakota where I grew up. My son ended up moving back to SD also to attend college. Funny how things worked out. I have faith that Eco will have some interesting experiences in Brazil.

Author's Response: Hi, Fynnsmom! Thanks for reading! I did imagine him around 11 as well, though I was a bit worried that he seemed either too childish or too mature depending on the chapter. It's good to hear things worked out for you! I also moved several times while growing up, but usually within the same state. I did study abroad for a year once, but my experience had nothing to do with the negative way depicted in the story. I hope you enjoy the next few chapters!

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 07/27/17 11:19 · For: Chapter 5 - Sorting
The character description is good, but the shabby state of the school is unsettling. It feels odd they could have the opening feast and find out there is no food. Deserves more reviews.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading, Dad! I think I was quite a bit heavy-handed with most of the unsettling aspects of the world in this first few chapters, but hopefully the characters will make up for that. Thank you for your support!

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 06/05/17 0:43 · For: Chapter 2
This is an interesting story, EDowser. I appreciate your apropos details that make it clear that the wizarding school in Brazil is not just a thinly-veiled copy of the school in England. The scenes are easy to visualize and the characters are well drawn. I hope that the next chapter will be posted before long!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Oregonian! I should have posted the next few chapters ages ago, but I keep forgetting to check back whether the next ones have been approved. I just submitted chapter 4, and I'll try to keep up the pace by checking in every few days. Sorry for the delay!

You must login (register) to review.