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Reviews For Seized

Name: Kerichi (Signed) · Date: 06/13/15 12:46 · For: Chapter 3
Draco an Auror working with Harry and Ron? I see another reason for the Epilogue? What Epilogue? tag. :D Trying to get my head around it. Will focus on Ron and Hermione. His holey shirt was as over the top as the Malfoy engagement notice. One thing I've noticed about people who grow up poor is when they are successful and buy their wardrobe, they tend to buy only nice things and give them away before they have holes in them.

Hermione's characterization as the superwitch who works long hours and does the cooking and cleaning at home, I can see happening if she's trying to overcompensate for an increasing lack of affection for her partner. Her placating Ron and feebly attempting to change the conversation don't ring as true as when she's exasperated and finally calling him out to say what he'll do if she doesn't learn to separate life and work.


Name: Kerichi (Signed) · Date: 06/13/15 12:34 · For: Chapter 2
Hermione brush floo dust carelessly onto a rug and break her word to attend a family dinner just to prepare for an upcoming meeting. Inconceivable! I see why you want to set up that she and Ron are having problems (makes her attraction to Draco less 'you slag' and more 'Ron drove her to it', and them hardly seeing each other in months and Ron not being playful about her washing dishes the Muggle way anymore, or preferring to help George in the shop on weekends when she brings work home show that in a real, sympathetic way that's much more effective than having her slip into bed beside a "loudly snoring" Ron. Making Ron an anger management case (and snoring!) git isn't necessary. And it's cliche. Showing why Hermione can't help feeling jealous of what Harry and Ginny have is more than enough.


Name: Kerichi (Signed) · Date: 06/13/15 12:21 · For: Prologue
Have you ever seen the film Fargo? When I read that the wizards passed through the wards "effortlessly" I wondered if Draco was arranging the kidnapping of his wife so he could use the ransom money to pay off gambling debts. Then I wondered if Lucius had given the kidnappers the counter wards. JKR said he and Narcissa found their daughter-in-law disappointing (due to her tolerance for Muggles and Half-bloods, no doubt).

Astoria's rather passive and fatalistic, which if you're setting up a Draco/Hermione romance, is effective in making her not very sympathetic.

The kidnapper's yellowing teeth and filthy beard make me wonder if he's a werewolf. Nicely done.


Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 06/05/15 12:51 · For: Prologue
Good start. I look forward to reading more. Why is Astoria sitting home alone. If anyone can get her back it would be Draco.

Author's Response: Thank you :) I've written a good deal of the story so the updates will come as quickly as validation allows :)


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