I think you did a good job of conveying characters through dialogue. I missed everything that wasn't in the story, though. What's missing is the difference between an overheard conversation between people you don't know and can't see and people who are "real" and who you can see and know what they think and feel that gives context and depth and emotional weight to what they say.
Author's Response: Thanks, it is rather difficult to write in all dialogue. But when I tried to write something other than dialogue with the first story I wrote of this series, I found the descriptive writing to weigh the story down and I wasn't going anywhere. So, I wrote out all the dialogue, because that is what I heard in my head. One day, I will go back and add descriptions, but I thought for having never done an all dialogue story, it worked the way I wanted it to. It works better as a script for a play, though. ;) Thanks for reviewing!