Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 07/09/15 7:22
Chapter: Night of Reckoning

There the founders lay, under a dome of stars. He was glad that it was stars.

I'm glad, too, and glad I read (and reread to review properly instead of for nomination hunting purposes) this story. It reminds me of a Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew mystery, wizarding version, with its likeable characters, enjoyable adventure, and satisfying ending. :)

Author's Response: I'm all in favor of likable characters, fast-paced adventure and satisfying endings. I read Nancy Drew books as a young girl, and my brothers' Hardy Boys books also, and enjoyed them in my uncritical child's mindset. But I read one recently that my six-year-old granddaughter had received as a prize for some activity at the local library, and my gosh, the writing was bad! But yes, the story elements were there, the characters, the mystery, and the final solution of the puzzle. :)

Thank you very much for reading my story and commenting on each chapter. I'm glad you were glad.

Vicki

Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 07/09/15 7:06
Chapter: The Dark Past

A mysterious empty chamber from the past! This rivals the meteorite for excitement. Seventh year is ending with a blast in more ways than one. ;)

Author's Response: I love your comment: "Seventh year is ending with a blast in more ways than one." After this, N.E.W.T.s will be downright boring. Thanks so much for continuing to read and review.

Vicki

Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 07/09/15 6:55
Chapter: The Dark Gate

Curiouser and curiouser!

Author's Response: What a night! This is far beyond Scorpius's original concept of what this night was going to be like. Thank you for continuing to read and review!

Vicki

Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 07/09/15 6:47
Chapter: Look To The Stars

This chapter made me want to visit a planetarium and see all the constellations overhead. Excellent descriptions of the stars. You would have made a good astronomy teacher. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the compliment. I worried a little bit about whether the technical information about celestial mechanics would put readers off, and I am glad to know that it did not.

Vicki

Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 07/08/15 23:56
Chapter: To Bloom For Thee

Lovely descriptions this chapter. You make me wish I took better care of my roses, but then mine are wild roses and thankfully only need trimming, not greenhouse care. Enjoyed the hints about the rose being more than a gesture and Scorpius finding out what a tangled web he's weaving by trying to deceive Sinistra.

The only concrit I have is words and phrases like "gonna", "gotta" and "little kids" make Scorpius sound younger than a seventh year and very informal for someone used to formality and things of beauty and skilled craftsmanship.

I smiled at the thought of him enjoying his parents thinking him insane to look at the stars too.

Author's Response: Thanks for the concrit. One thing that I am learning while writing for this site is that there are surprising regional differences in how people use language and, in the case of poetry, how they pronounce words. I used the forms 'gonna' and 'gotta' because that represented how I heard my characters talking, rushing quickly over the syllables as they spoke. But perhaps it is a feature of the Pacific Northwest Accent, which my linguist daughter clued me in on, the speech patterns found in a stretch of territory extending from the Napa Valley in northern California to Vancouver in British Columbia. We tend to elide syllables, pronouncing three-syllable words as two syllables, and so on. This has caused humorous moments when people were criticizing the meter of my poetry, and I answered, "Of course I pronounce that word as two syllables. Doesn't everyone?" Apparently not.

Yes, the web gets more tangled than he intended at the beginning, but he is still confident that he can carry it off.

Thanks again for reviewing.

Vicki

Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 07/08/15 23:38
Chapter: Dark Enough To See The Stars

Hi, this is my second try at a review. I had a brain fart when I tried before and accidentally used bold instead of italics for a couple of quotes and it looked bloody awful, like shouting when I was just trying to make the quotes stand out from the rest of the review. So here I go again.

I've begun a couple of Scorpius and Rose stories with owls delivering letters or packets, so of course I said, "Oh, excellent choice, classic beginning" when I read yours. :) I liked the hint that the summer solstice is important to the story by the almost casual mention. I loved the description of Professor Sinistra's office. It's one of those offices that you want to look and touch everything because everything is awesome.

Your characterization of Scorpius is interesting. His age isn't told right away, so I had the impression that he was young since he gave a thumbs up to Professor Longbottom and envied the professor's personal telescope. But you reveal he's a seventh year wanting to see the constellation he's named after before he leaves school.

Since he hasn't been one of Sinistra's students for the last two years, hasn't even been in her office before, I wondered why he would be so blunt in responding to her statement about the tower being locked to prevent trysts. He says,“If I just wanted some snogging and groping, I could do that anywhere, anytime. I wouldn’t have to come up here with you as a chaperone. And if all I wanted was snogging and groping, I wouldn’t be worth much as a boyfriend. which comes across as protesting too much. He could have just said, "I could do that anywhere, anytime." and followed it with the ending part "I want to get a good look at Scorpius, including through the telescope. And I want to share it with her. I want her to see what I see and know what I know.” and it would have been as effective without the jarring bluntness.

In the end, I think Sinistra did respond to the sincerity of his desire, if not the sincerity of his words, and readers also hope he finds what he's looking for.

Author's Response: I see Scorpius as having enough self-confidence to be blunt when he wants to be, and he could sense that Professor Sinistra was deeply suspicious of his intentions at first, so that he did not want to jeopardize his chances by p****-footing around the issue. In fact, he is stealing some of her thunder by being blunter than she is.

Interesting that you see his giving Neville the thumbs-up signal as the action of a younger person. I saw it as the action of someone who is treating Neville as an equal rather than as a superior. And as regards Professor Sinistra's telescope, I see Scorpius as old enough to know what he really wants, and he really wants a telescope like hers, although he has no practical plans for one. He can see that, after all these years, and after being out of Astronomy class for two years, he still really loves the subject; it is a part of who he is, not just a passing whimsy. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Vicki

Reviewer: Arnel
Date: 01/10/15 22:59
Chapter: Night of Reckoning

I'm so glad I read this story after reading "The Skeletons' Tale" because I can see the development of Scorpius' maturity between the stories. What I really like about this story is that, while he's so sure of how his plan is going to play out just as he envisioned it, when faced with obstacles and complications arise, he rises to the occasion, modifies his plan and works to stay cool on the outside when he's paddling like crazy to restructure his vision and work with the authorities. That's real maturity in my books, and when all is said and done, not only does he have a memorable evening to remember his last month at Hogwarts by, he has the added reward of sharing a historical evening with Rose and the two professors.

I'm looking forward to your next Scorpius story, whatever it may be.

Author's Response: Thank you for saying that this story co-ordinates well with "The Skeletons' Tale". I hadn't really thought of writing a series of Scorpius stories, but that's not a bad idea. As you say, he plans everything out (which most of us do), but when things go in unexpected directions, he rapidly restructures in order to keep on top of the situation and get back into control. I guess we could learn a lesson from that. Even when I write a story outside the timeline of the seven books, I like to tie it back into the previously known Potterverse history; it's kind of fun to do that. And spooky to think of having to keep that secret for the rest of your life! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.

Vicki

Reviewer: CharmAccio
Date: 01/10/15 7:24
Chapter: Night of Reckoning

Thnk you for such an amazing read.

Author's Response: I am so glad you liked it, Raeka, and welcome to the MNFF archives! Thank you for writing a review.
Vicki

Reviewer: Jadecadence
Date: 10/26/14 7:44
Chapter: Night of Reckoning

Aww,.. you do know how to keep us on tenterhooks! But I really would like to know more about the bug. Any alternate pairing story to this?

Author's Response: Yes, the bug was intriguing, but at least they knew enough about it to leave it alone. It seemed to be serving a function which they did not want to disrupt by testing it. I'm not sure what you mean by 'alternate pairing story'. Do you mean a story of these events, told from someone else's point of view, at a different point in time? That would be interesting! Thank you so much for your reviews and comments.

Reviewer: Jadecadence
Date: 10/26/14 7:40
Chapter: The Dark Past

Whoa,.. you're a wonderful writer! Have I left any reviews on your stories before? I've been an HP ff reader for more than 10 years!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and appreciating my story. I don't recognize your name, so I don't think you have reviewed any of my other stories or poems, which are all on my author page, of course. You must have read quite a lot of stories in 10 years. Do you write stories yourself also?

Reviewer: Jadecadence
Date: 10/26/14 7:35
Chapter: The Dark Gate

Whoa,... why had I not come across this story before? Have you heard of TPP? I'm usually there! Why don't you post it there? :D

Author's Response: Perhaps you did not come across this story before because I posted all the chapters in a big hurry, one after another, to meet the July 31 deadline for the TV Challenge, so the story did not spend as much time in the Most Recent posting as it would have if I had spaced out the chapters a little more.

No, I have not heard of TPP. What is it? I post my work only on MNFF because some of the other sites I have looked at have a lot of low-quality work, but I don't know about TPP. Enlighten me.

Reviewer: Jadecadence
Date: 10/26/14 7:27
Chapter: To Bloom For Thee

Whoa,... this is a hopeful and very very nice positive chapter! I like!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it. Some people have thought that the first two chapters were kind of slow, compared to the rest of the story, but I hoped that these chapters revealed a lot about Scorpius as I envisioned him and that they tossed out hints of good stuff to come. I see that you are recently registered on this site. Welcome to MNFF!

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 08/01/14 16:15
Chapter: Night of Reckoning

What a great little story and all wrapped up with a bow. And, what a great ending. I think that night alone would bind Scorpius and Rose together for all time. I was kind of disappointed that they didn't find Slytherin's grave too but at the same time I didn't expect them to. I would've liked to see them all there.

Author's Response: Yes, Scorpius was disappointed too. But no one realistically expected it. The three who stayed with the school until their deaths were doubtless initially interred on the grounds, so it was easy to move them, but Salazar breathed his last in some faraway place, and people may well not have known where his final resting place was.
When I was studying, some years ago, about John Wycliffe, who translated the Bible into English for the common man to read in the 1300's, thereby incurring the wrath of the established church, I learned that after Wycliffe's death, the church disinterred his body, burnt it up and threw the ashes into the Severn River, to avoid having his tomb become a shrine. But Wycliffe's followers were not dismayed; they said that the church had shot itself in the foot, because now the Severn River would wash Wycliffe's ashes into the Thames, from which they would be washed into the English Channel and carried by ocean currents all around the world, thus spreading Wycliffe and his ideas to all parts of the globe, And ultimately, that's what happened!
Thank you so much for reading my story and leaving reviews so regularly :)

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/31/14 19:37
Chapter: Dark Enough To See The Stars

SQUEEEEEE! You completed the challenge!!!!! Good luck! :)

And might I be allowed to say how awesome this story is? Even though there wasn't a basilisk or treasure in the chamber, in a way, there were skeletons, if we are going to say that the founders were buried there.

And the ending is so precious! I can imagine Scorpius saying it, and what better timing?

It's funny how worried you were at the start about this story being a little cliche with romance, but I think it works as a whole, and it was entertaining to watch Scorpius' carefully laid plans go awry in ways unexpected. And now he has a wonderful experience shared with Rose.

Who knows? Maybe Scorpius will grow up to be an astronomer, or maybe even decide to be an astronaut... Curse my plot bunnies!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for saying that it was awesome. And no to the treasure or basilisk, but yes to the skeletons and even the dusty old equipment if you count the bug. I enjoyed seeing Scorpius change and grow from the beginning to the end, and I think he has much more respect for the competence of his "old lady" professors than he did at the start.

Yes, I was worried at the beginning about how to avoid some major cliches, so I turned around 180 degrees and drove in the opposite direction, and it was a great ride. Thanks for your unceasing support.

Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 07/31/14 18:08
Chapter: Look To The Stars

Wow, that was an awesome ending to the chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks to Google for giving me the information as to what these events are like when they really occur! I'm glad you are enjoying my story.

Reviewer: Dad
Date: 07/31/14 12:10
Chapter: Night of Reckoning

Enjoyed it.

Author's Response: I'm glad you did. Did you see that coming? (Tell me you didn't.)

Reviewer: Dad
Date: 07/31/14 11:42
Chapter: The Dark Past

What have we found?

Author's Response: We'll soon find out! (Cue the scary music.)

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 07/30/14 13:49
Chapter: The Dark Past

I'm not sure whether a large, empty chamber was worth all that or not. I understand Scorpius' decision to not turn back until he came to the end. I was feeling physically nervous as Scorpius went down the dark staircase. I chuckled at his observation that he didn't realize "old ladies" could walk that fast.

Author's Response: I dragged the descent out as long as I could, to reflect the long period of time it took him to do it, and it gave me a lot of opportunity to reveal his inner thoughts, which tells us something about what he is like. Yes, he thinks his professors are "old ladies", but oddly enough, they don't feel that way themselves. :)

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 07/30/14 12:35
Chapter: The Dark Gate

I did not expect for them to find a hidden staircase leading to the astronomy tower. I can't imagine what's down there. I'm glad you're updating quickly.

Author's Response: I'm updating quickly because the deadline for this entire story is July 31. In this story, almost nothing is going exactly as planned, but wouldn't life be dull if we got only what we were expecting!

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 07/29/14 14:40
Chapter: Look To The Stars

That was interesting. Who would've guessed that would happen. One night my nephew and I were driving home in the night (we live in a rural area) and there was no one around. All of a sudden we saw a bright light going across the highway and sloping toward the ground. The light went out in a field not too far from the highway. It happened so fast--we just watched it and when the light went out we both asked each other "Did you see that?"

Author's Response: Well, it's actually a pretty common event, as you yourself can attest, although only a minority of them reach the ground. Still, they gotta fall somewhere, and one place is as good as another, right?

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