I kind of got bogged down with all the description and the letters in the front of the chapters. That's me though. I feel uncomfortable reading someone else's mail:D
This first chapter has made me curious. What is wrong with Ariana? I don't think that even JKR told us a lot about he Dumbledore family so that makes them a good choice to write about. I'm interested in seeing how this story unfolds.
Good lord. I’ve forgotten how beautiful your writing is. I’m only just getting back into fanfic and I have to say, the first chapter of this alone is enough for me to nominate it for at least one QSQ. I'm sure I've said this before, but your style is so stunning. You have this amazing way with words that make me cling on to every sentence, and at the end of the paragraph, I often go back and reread so I can take in that gorgeous phrasing again.
There is so much to love about the characters here. The opening letter from Grindlewald encapsulated his voice - so lyrical and yet arrogant at the same time, with an undercurrent of bitterness and resentment that made me shiver. I generally find time jumps confusing, but because of how grounded these events are in canon (Kendra and Ariana’s deaths), it was very easy to follow.
You’ve got Albus down to a tee, too. It is definitely not an easy thing trying to portray him at such a young age, because you have to have the right combo of how we see him in the books and also the younger, more naïve and dark version of him that we only really got a peek at in canon. But you struck that balance so well. I found it so interesting how Ariana viewed him, as the person who is “unimpressed, bored” and even blind, because it’s so refreshing to see Albus portrayed as something other than perfect, or always kind. That colder side to him is so fascinating, and I am going to enjoy seeing what dark turns his character takes from here.
Anyway, I’m off to the next chapter. This is such a lovely and gorgeous fic, Nicole, and I can’t wait to read more! :)
"All things that are beyond him are useless."
How interesting. Of course we know Voldemort is like this. One wonders - are they just kindred souls, or did GG help shape him? I don't think so - V was evil enough when he went...
We know what Grindlewald did. We have some small idea of why he did it - but only a small idea, and we do not know why he was that way...
You have a very interesting take on exactly what happened to Ariana. That her father had to leave because of her does not affect her, or does she only think it does not? Why a wood-worked box? How accurate is her perception of herself? Any why do you have her getting worse?
I am very intrigued and want to see what you do with this.
An interesting approach, a sympathetic and detailed description of Aberforth, of a younger, colder Albus, of a sister we do not get to know in Canon, and a mother we know little of as well.
Brilliant to begin with Grindlewald playing mind games.
So Bathilda's memory has been altered, and Albus doesn't realize it? Or has Aberforth hit her with something from the sidelines?
Albus making the potion a bit too strong... can we believe that of the young Albus? Can we believe that the emotionless, judgemental, self-involved creep we see here becomes the Albus Dumbledore of the books? Perhaps. Some people go through terrible phases as they grow up...
We have to see, don't we? I'd say you have a very good start here.
Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to read and review! :) I've never tried writing such a story before, in this particular and era and with this complex set of characters, and I do hope I manage and do them justice. Your feedback really means a lot to me! We already know how the whole thing ends from DH, so I'm trying to flesh out the story a bit more, and the characters, and at some point, this fic's going to be treading the dubious waters between canon and AU.
Albus is indeed a lot more unsympathetic, colder and selfish here. In the books he's such the epitome of perfection, isn't he? Brilliant, witty, wise, never wrong, powerful etc. etc. Until DH, at least, where his backstory was revealed, and he suddenly became a more flawed and more human character. I've possibly taken that a notch further and am trying to do something with young!Albus here.
We do have to see, indeed. :) Once again, thanks so much for reading and commenting on both chapters!
I will say this, that I have never read a story about the Dumbledore family, especially about when Albus was younger. There are so many things I have wondered. Also, you write very well. I look forward to learning more as this story progresses.
Wow, thanks for taking the time to read and leave a review! :) Your feedback means a lot to me! There are indeed a lot of things about the Dumbledore family worth exploring, and I am a little nervous trying this out. We already know how everything turned out in the end for Albus, but I'm interested in exploring how everything reached that endpoint. There's the chance that things might be a little strange further on in the story, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything will work out.
Thanks again for your lovely review, and I do indeed hope that you'll stick around! Chapter Two will be posted to the queue very soon!