Sorry I didn't put quotation marks around your request for reviews in mine - didn't mean to fail to recognize your words as not!mine. I just stupidly forgot.
I know exactly what you mean about reaching a point with something where it has to be "Finished" or the head will splat like a paintball. BTDT have the tee-shirt...
Do you read Gerard Manley Hopkins? There is something about this poem - not the sound, because he uses a lot of alliteration - perhaps the subject matter, or not the phrasing, because his stuff is incredibly densely phrased, but maybe the approach to the phrasing, which reminds me of him, so if you haven't read him, you might like to. There is a sense of "Ahhh, Bright Wings!" here, not a literal sense, but a similar meaning???
Well, whatever. If you've read him, you like him, and if you haven't read him yet, break all ten fingers googling his stuff... you will feel, when you find it, that you still did not type fast enough to get there, that you should have used a time turner to get to it before you heard of it...
Well, I like his work that much. I suppose there is a chance your mileage will/does vary, but based on this poem I suspect not.
Now it is up to you to choose to leave behind a review! :)
This is good, I think it says what you mean, I might argue with the evil being conquered forever, because so long as the world exists there will be evil in it, but if you mean that it is vanquished forever, then you said what you mean and I can't exactly argue it. ;-)
Personally, I think it could be even better if you tightened construction, took out words which are not entirely necessary, went for a bit of compressed meaning. I think you could ratchet the impact up a little that way.
My favorite line is "The great mysteries/Tip in favor of the light" I've just copied it into my commonplace book which, until I copied this in, was just a small, blank notebook. Please be impressed and gratified. :-)
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I never thought of my stuff as that kind of note-worthy, and I am really impressed and grateful. :) And your comments are really good--I was not particularly fond of this poem because it seemed still too wordy, but I could no longer fuss with it, or my head would have exploded. And, ultimately, I believe that evil will be destroyed, but yes, in this case, it was vanquished and beaten. Nice catch. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!