Reviews For Lily and Alice
Reviewer: ProfPosky
Date: 09/29/14 21:52
Chapter: Chapter 3 The Order

Ah... here we see it.... now how much more of Moody's romance will we see in this story?

Not that I am anyone to complain. I have unfinished things from... er... yes, well, children not yet born at the time are reading now, but let's move on - I like that we're seeing the girls become friendly, and having Alice be a bit older makes it more likely that they'd be friendly now but that we would not have heard of them being friendly at school.

I do wonder what Sirius is heading off to do.

Author's Response: So I've got writer's block with this particular story. I don't know when I'll pick it up again. BUT, I'm currently writing a one-shot about Moody and Dorcas Meadowes. You seem excited about the idea, so I thought I'd give it a go. Wish me luck!

Reviewer: ProfPosky
Date: 09/29/14 21:37
Chapter: Chapter 2 A Celebration and A Contest

HMMM... Well, what sort of review would you like?

I like how you've characterized everyone except Moody... He's no social butterfly, but walking off and then walking back to give Alice her note, all that - I think he'd have done it more smoothly - not because he is or isn't smooth socially, but because he's very very slick at being an Auror.

The drinking game got a bit confusing. Then again, it's late, and I'm old and tired, so possibly it's not the game itself.

So far this is worth reading, and nothing annoying is happening with the writing, and I intend to keep reading. :-)

Author's Response: Yeah, you're right about Moody's characterization. Having him come back and tell Alice about the Order meeting was an afterthought on my part, and it shows.

Reviewer: ProfPosky
Date: 09/29/14 21:20
Chapter: Chapter 1: Published

Nice job of working in Lily's Muggle knowledge as well as giving a bit of backstory totally painlessly for the reader.

Very nice so far - I think you've got everyone in character, and I love the bezoar having a furry little problem...

Reviewer: ProfPosky
Date: 09/29/14 21:16
Chapter: Prologue: November 2, 1981

Very interesting.

I know this is the prologue, but I think it would be even better if you showed Alice playing with Harry, possibly even Dudley doing something - was he a bully already? Or did Vernon teach him to be a bully by making him hit Harry - I never thought of any of that...

I might show a little of the fight between Petunia and Vernon, too, but it's not my story, so I will sigh and just read on... :-)

Author's Response: You are absolutely right. On both counts. This is my very first attempt at writing fanfiction. One of my shortcomings is my neglect of detail. I'm working on that...

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 06/17/14 11:23
Chapter: Chapter 3 The Order

I liked the addition of the whoopee cushions. Yes, I'm a grown woman who laughs hysterically at any mention of flatulence. :D The thought of Moody and a female is pretty funny. I always took him for someone who didn't really care about the opposite sex, or the same sex either. When you mentioned Lily using data to predict future Death Eater activities I had visions of her running regression equations. I've always thought Arithmancy was kind of an upper level math class.

Author's Response: As a fellow grown woman who laughs at flatulence, I appreciate your review. =) Yeah, we'll see if I end up doing anything Moody/Dorcas. It might not work its way into this story, but it could be a fun one-shot or short story later. I got the prediction idea from a TV show from a few years ago called Numb3rs, which I absolutely love. I thought the same about Arithmancy. In real life, I'm an engineering student, so I felt the most connection Arithmancy out of all the fields of study in JKR's wizarding world. (Hence my penname - Bridget Wenlock was a Wizard of the Month famous for Arithmancy.)

Reviewer: SilverDoe_IsoBell
Date: 06/16/14 17:57
Chapter: Chapter 3 The Order

Great story, keep it up!

Author's Response: Thanks! I appreciate your encouragement.

Reviewer: sam1
Date: 05/04/14 11:39
Chapter: Chapter 2 A Celebration and A Contest

It is a good start but I think u should speed it up a bit .

Author's Response: Thanks for the advice. I hope I can keep a good balance between not going too fast and not getting boring.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/04/14 1:23
Chapter: Chapter 2 A Celebration and A Contest

It's probably a good thing Moody left since I'm sure he's done so many things. I'm curious how Alice knows one of the Lestrange boys. Did she arrest him once? He seemed kind of familiar though like he knew her from somewhere. I'm liking your writing style.

Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for all your reviews. I am really appreciating your feedback. =) I hadn't thought of that. Moody left because he had Order business, but you're right. He definitely would have won if he had stayed. She knows Rabastan Lestrange (not Bellatrix's husband, but his brother) quite well. They went to Hogwarts together, and, as she said, he's the reason she became an Auror. He also had a huge impact on Alice's relationship with her mother. I don't want to give too much away though. =)

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/03/14 23:21
Chapter: Chapter 1: Published

It sounds like Lily is doing very well for herself. She sounds like a typical grad student.

Author's Response: Good. That's what I was going for. I've always seen Lily getting more education after Hogwarts.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/02/14 19:18
Chapter: Prologue: November 2, 1981

Wow! This is a very powerful first chapter. It was short but said a lot.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked. To be honest, I was kind of nervous submitting it. This is my first story.

Reviewer: Ethan_May
Date: 04/19/14 3:48
Chapter: Prologue: November 2, 1981

Very interesting idea. I'm excited to see where the story progresses!

Author's Response: Thanks. I'm having a lot of fun with it so far.

Reviewer: Ethan_May
Date: 04/19/14 3:47
Chapter: Prologue: November 2, 1981

Very interesting idea. I'm excited to see where the story progresses!

Reviewer: Ethan_May
Date: 04/19/14 3:45
Chapter: Prologue: November 2, 1981

Very interesting idea. I'm excited to see where the story progresses!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Chocolate Frog by L A Moody 3rd-5th Years
Amid the desolation of Diagon Alley, a tiny ray of hope lay buried. Nothing...
I Suspect Nargles by foolondahill17 3rd-5th Years
“No one’s ever kissed me before…. What is one to do now?” An extensive...
The Life and Times of Linnea Potter by Cantatrix 1st-2nd Years
Linnea Potter has lived under the tyranny of her relatives for the better part...
FEATURED
Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Sybill Trelawney and the Unexpected Gift by Squibstress 3rd-5th Years
Sybill Trelawney learns to live with her Inner Eye, cooking sherry, and Minerva...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
Wood by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
Marcus Flint, the infamous Super Seventh Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch...
CATEGORIES