MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Pat-a-Cake

Name: werwer (Signed) · Date: 07/22/16 3:53 · For: Chapter 1

The replica watches arizona cardinals jersey michael kors outlet online gucci shoes oakley vault consensus true religion uk hogan outlet nike air force new balance uk oakley of hilfiger uk lebronjames-shoes.com fit flop gucci bags chelsea jersey opinion ugg boots timberland adidas running shoes kobe 10 jets jersey was kobe 9 orologi-rolex.it adidas-trainersuk.co.uk michael kors prada that tod's guess factory lebron james shoes oakley outlet lebron james shoes they cleveland browns jerseys kobe 9 low nike huarache fake oakleys fitflops were kobe 9 elite lebron 11 swarovski-gioielli.it timberland fit flops bad ferragamo dallas cowboys jersey toms outlet pandora rolex replica news steelers jersey jordan shoes montre femme lunette ray ban pas cher oakley sunglasses and hollister fitflops uk louboutin shoes burberry factory outlet seahawks jerseys for sale no raiders jersey marc jacobs lebron 10 polo ralph lauren mac cosmetics credit michael kors uk scarpe hogan converse hermes uk cheap oakley sunglasses to ralph lauren burberry uk hermes oakley sunglasses cheap christian louboutin shoes the michael kors nike air max pandora-bracciali.it ray ban sunglasses outlet chaussures louboutin carefully dre beats rams jersey ugg uk air max 90 new balance football restricted uggs on sale nike mercurial ray ban sunglasses cowboys jersey tommy hilfiger clientele michael kors handbags warriors jersey beats by dre lebron 10 marc jacobs of pittsburgh steelers jerseys chiefs jersey gucci handbags cheap jerseys hermes belt The true religion outlet wedding dresses jeremy scott adidas converse.org.uk michael kors outlet Everglades.

Bond new balance outlet uggs outlet lebron 12 air max uk discount oakley sunglasses and oakley omega--watches.us.com 49ers jersey toms shoes bottes ugg pas cher Leiter titans jersey gucci outlet online coach-outlet-store.in.net red bottom shoes ferragamo shoes were tommy hilfiger uk michael kors uk wedding dresses uk converse uk barcelona jersey shown asics gel bears jersey chanel fit flops jordan to burberry outlet montre-femme-homme.fr adidas originals north face jackets cheap nfl jerseys a gucci outlet michael kors handbags nike--store.fr uggs on sale airmax-95.in.net bad new york giants jerseys vans shoes cheap oakley sunglasses rolex--watches.co.uk m a c cosmetics table coach outlet tiffany jewelry jimmy choo ray ban pas cher adidas superstar near james shoes gucci outlet weitzman shoes ralph lauren polo timberland boots the uggs.org.uk stuart weitzman cheap oakley sunglasses fake rolex giants jersey service adidas uk cheap jordans new balance pas cher michael kors lunette oakley pas cher door. mulberry dansko-shoes.org gucci shoes lebron james shoes wedding dresses The mizunowave.net coco chanel nike store michael kors outlet online tiffany set nike kobe 9 fitflops.me.uk guess clothing air jordan mac cosmetics dinner oakley glasses hermes bags north face outlet michael kors outlet marc jacobs uk was uggs on sale lakers jersey nike blazer pas cher hollister-uk.me.uk adidas uk a adidas outlet louis--vuitton.me.uk sac michael kors swarovski bijoux gucci handbags string fendi belts eagles jersey ferragamo.org.uk oakley sunglasses cheap-jordans.in.net of nike outlet chanel bags oakley vault hollister clothing seahawks jerseys 2015 inflated salomon shoes michael--kors.org.uk sac--chanel.fr cheap oakley sunglasses ralph--lauren.fr English basketball shoes kobe x saints jerseys mac cosmetics uk detroit lions jerseys and weddingdresses.me.uk kate spade rolex mac makeup Nike Jordan pidgin kobe 8 kate spade uk hollister gucci handbags mac make up French. guess factory christian louboutin outlet chargers jersey tods mac makeup uk What chicago bulls jersey mac makeup uk hermes birkin adidas zx lunette oakley it christian louboutin tory burch nike free broncos jersey ugg came beats by dre north face outlet online tiffany--gioielli.it balenciaga.in.net michael kors outlet online down michael kors outlet mont blanc ugg boots clearance prada handbags flip flops to falcons jersey fitflops oakley sunglasses outlet adidas soccer air max was vans outlet ed hardy clothing michael-kors-borse.it tiffany jordan retro tomato ray ban insanity workout uk mont blanc pens asicstrainers.org.uk beats solo juice, tommy--hilfiger.fr ed hardy abercrombie lunette ray ban chicago blackhawks jersey boiled mizuno running shoes hogan michael kors outlet nike mercurial superfly tommy hilfiger fish asics seahawks jerseys dolphins jersey cardinals jersey oakley sunglasses with bulls jersey new england patriots jersey christian louboutin shoes spurs jersey mizuno running a manchester united jersey 2015 2016 hogan-outlet-online.it jerseys rolex watch louboutin shoes uk white marc jacobs swarovski fivefingers levi's jeans gucci belt sauce, cheap basketball shoes airmax-90.co.uk thunder jersey buffalo bills jerseys michael kors a new balance 574 gucci shoes true religion outlet flops true religion jeans strip packers jersey tiffany and co miami dolphins jersey redskins jersey jimmy choo shoes of jordan shoes minnesota vikings jerseys stuart weitzman shoes timberland uk ugg boots uk frozen kobe shoes mac make up ny giants jersey guess canada oakley sunglasses cheap turkey lululemon.com.co adidas store tory burch outlet online bottes ugg true religion with prada uk adidas trainers wedding--dresses.net uggs outlet online air-max-90.fr a michael kors new-balance-femme-574.fr dolce-and-gabbana.org nfl jerseys sac chanel dab real madrid jersey 2015 carolina panthers jersey hollister uk ugg-australia.fr gucci uk of new balance trainers jerseysfrom-china.us.com fendi handbags jordan sunglasses outlet cranberry, air jordans yoga pants jordans reebok shoes true religion outlet and adidasoriginals.org.uk replica watches nike store oakley pas cher oakley sunglasses wholesale a north face uk san francisco 49ers jerseys nike mercurial tommyhilfiger.us.org michael kors handbags wedge boston celtics jersey new balance shoes bracelet-swarovski-bijoux.fr ugg soldes nike shoes of adidas--superstar.fr nike blazer new balance ralph lauren outlet online uggs lemon jordan 11 dolce and gabbana puma outlet north-face.org.uk uggs curd adidas-zxflux.fr michael kors outlet insanity cowboys jerseys air max 90 surmounted salomon boots cheap oakley ugg boots oakland raiders jersey ugg boots clearance by louboutin kevin durant shoes uggs.org.uk adidas lebron 11 a chanel handbags lunetterayban.fr fitflop jordansretro.in.net converse trainers whorl michael-jordan.it philadelphia eagles jersey mizuno pandora bijoux lululemon of san francisco 49ers jersey burberry bills jerseys toms shoes burberry outlet online stiff blackhawks jersey adidas shoes cheap gucci michaeljordan.fr guess cream ugg outlet eagles jerseys oakley store gucci belts seattle seahawks jerseys substitute. lululemon uk nike roshe michael kors ray ban uk nike uk They jordan uk air max 2015 polo ralph lauren outlet online asics rayban--sunglasses.org.uk munched miami heat jersey nike-shoes.in.net mulberry uk lebron 11 dr dre beats it converse sale vikings jerseys guess shoes hollister lebron 12 down oakley sunglasses cheap tory burch outlet new york knicks jersey nikeshoesinc.net mulberryoutlet.me.uk gloomily adidas zx flux lululemon jordan pas cher fit flop burberry while louboutin uk air max tennessee titans jersey nike free ravens jersey the chanel handbags pandora charms beats headphones puma shoes new orleans saints jerseys dining-room cleveland cavaliers jersey gucci browns jerseys ray ban sunglasses burberry emptied pandorauk.co.uk chicago bears jerseys patriots jersey michael kors dallas cowboys jerseys of insanity workout airmax-90.in.net ferragamo belts bengalsjerseys.us oakley uk its guess outlet roshe run oakley sale ugg pas cher dansko outlet oldster adidas outlet uggs outlet kobe 9 high fitflops uk mizuno couples tiffany and co polo ralph lauren outlet fitflop atlanta falcons jersey adidas and nike--huarache.fr steelers jerseys louboutin air jordan flip flop the true religion jeans rolex watches for sale hollister-co.it lunette-oakley.fr omega watches table pandora uk 49ers jerseys bcbgmax.in.net lebron shoes mac makeup lights gucci outlet christian louboutin michael kors outlet online sale raiders jerseys nba jerseys went texans jerseys nike free run jordan tods shoes polo ralph lauren outlet out polo ralph lauren converse uk kevindurant-shoes.net marcjacobs-handbags.in.net nike shoes one coco-chanel.it burberry handbags hollister clothing store kobe bryant shoes five finger shoes by asics-gellyte.fr Balenciaga north face green bay packers jerseys tommy hilfiger outlet one. burberry ugg outlet louis vuitton uk chanel bag yogapants.eu.com Fingerbowls, scarpe-adidas-superstar.it toms shoes uk nike-free-run.co.uk timberland.org.uk burberry outlet in air-jordan.in.net timberland uk louis vuitton fitflop michael kors which asics gel lyte burberry outlet online dansko shoes flip flops flip or flop floated bcbg max fendi air max 95 converse shoes levisjeans.org one michael kors outlet online mac uk rolex watches michael kors pas cher air jordan pas cher hibiscus uggs adidas shoes mac makeup lebron shoes ray ban sunglasses petal, hermes handbags gucci belts heat jersey cheap--jerseys.us.com james shoes was michael kors handbags polo outlet new balance shoes mac make up scarpe-nike-store.it the ugg australia mizuno wave nike roshe run manchester united jersey michael-jordan.co.uk final burberry sale seahawks jerseys cheap air jordan beats headphones ray ban outlet gracious lions jersey birkin bag black converse ugg new balance touch united jersey michael kors nike air max 2015 michael kors canada ralph lauren outlet to colts jerseys michael kors tod's shoes asics trainers flip flops their nikefree-5.com flip flops uk nike buccaneers jerseys chanel bags meal.

real madrid jersey panthers jersey golden state warriors jersey nike free 5.0 chaussure-nike-pas-cher.fr true religion jaguars jersey rolex replica watches gucci watches abercrombie and fitch clippers jersey kobe 9 shoes james shoes baltimore ravens jersey fitflops tiffany-and-co.org.uk omegawatches.org.uk ralph lauren outlet tory burch outlet reebok-shoes.net lebron shoes oakley vault lebron 12 ugg boots cheap sunglasses michael kors outlet online sale packers jerseys nike pas cher michael--kors.fr cheap-jordan-shoes.net replica rolex new york jets jerseys louboutin omega watches new balance football boots mac uk tommyhilfigeroutlet.net insanity workout beats by dr dre tommy hilfiger uggs outlet seahawks jersey uggs uggs.org.uk stuart-weitzman.org fendi belt michael kors outlet canada rolex watches bracelet-pandora-bijoux.fr ray ban kobe ix christian louboutin uk converse chanel uk burberry-outlet-online.it new balance ferragamo mercurial superfly jimmy choo outlet gucci belt gucci handbags dolce gabbana mac cosmetics uk madrid jersey jerseys from china hogan sito ufficiale denver broncos jersey air force louboutin pas cher tory burch outlet online ray ban sunglasses oakley sunglasses mac cosmetics houston texans jerseys louboutin outlet

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 15:14 · For: Chapter 1
I can feel her pain through your writing.. It must be hard being a Squib in the magical world, especially in such a famous family. She seems to realize and take pride in the fact that Muggle things are sometimes better or just as good as magical things.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review; it's very much appreciated :)

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 07/21/14 5:45 · For: Chapter 1
Whoa, this deserves far more reviews than the one you have. I can't match the last reviewer for content, but can tell you that I thought this was quite brilliant.

I'm kind of attached to Molly (and the other NG kids, but Molly is a fav) but my version isn't at all like yours, not having the fire you've given her. Pat was a wonderful character, well-rounded and very real. She jumped off the page, to be honest.

I think what I particularly loved was seeing the Potterverse through her eyes, with the things she couldn't do and the things she could. And the way she interacted with the others was so good. I loved Charlie (I've always loved him, mind you) and here he was just as I imagined, patient and caring, but not at all condescending probably because he left the 'safeness' of the Weasleyverse for Romania and dragons. (I think Pat has more of a crush on him than Teddy - ha ha)

Great story. Well done. ~Carole

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review! Every bit of feedback is so appreciated. I'm glad you enjoyed my version of the character Molly. Also, I, too, have always found Charlie to be a very lovable member of the Weasley family (although all of them are just so wonderful).

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 06/07/14 14:57 · For: Chapter 1
Hi, Foolondahill,

This is Vicki of Slytherin House, reviewing another of your stories. Of the four you have posted, this is my second-favorite, after Bliss.

I was taken by the unique and whimsical format of this story, the twenty-one random glimpses into the early life of Molly Patricia Weasley. Some of these tiny samples are more telling than others, but they all add up to a pleasingly well-rounded image of this girl, her personality, and her life situation. Despite the seemingly lightweight format, there is a story arc here, from Pat’s early, typical jealousy of the attention paid to her new baby sister, to her slowly developing realization that she is different from the rest of her family and her anguish over this fact, to her final acceptance and appreciation of herself as who she truly is and her steps toward making a satisfying life for herself in the non-magical world.

It is interesting to see Pat’s vacillation between the Muggle and magical worlds, her strong desire to be like the rest of her family, so that even as she is beginning to commit to a Muggle career and the dream of a Muggle husband, she cannot resist one last attempt to create some magic with her sister’s new wand. I loved that line “Just for a second and I won’t ever bother you again.” Even one tiny bit of magic, performed only once, would link her to her magical family, even though it is now too late to change the trajectory of her life. She lists all the things she wants, but all these desires are summed up in ”I want to be like them.”

I can’t help thinking about Lily and Petunia Evans; was there a deliberate echoing of Lily/Petunia in Lucy/Patricia? But the parallels are not exceedingly strong. Pat seems to have grown up in a supportive family, and the existence of the magical world did not come as a surprise to her. Given that almost every one of her kin on her father’s side was magical, Lucy’s talents were not unusual or unexpected. What is similar is the heart-wrenching longing for something that will always be out of grasp, something that never can be because the magic simply isn’t there. Patricia also has the advantage of living in the present generation when the opportunities for women, magical or Muggle, are much greater than they were for Petunia.

It is satisfying to see that Pat is managing to survive during her childhood, a non-magical person in a magical world, and to carve out a place, a role for herself. Rather than being eaten up with bitterness, like Petunia, she can see the advantages of her future life: a better academic education, a fulfilling job that she doesn’t have to apologize for, and a husband who doesn’t have to apologize for her. She sounds like a sensible girl who knows what is in her best self-interest.

Your writing style, as in your other story Bliss, is pleasant to read, and has a simplicity that is entirely appropriate for the voice of a child or young teenager. I was intrigued by your final little section, about the distant relative who had been an accountant. Is she someday going to contact this relative and ask him how he has reconciled his magical family and his life in the Muggle world? Would he have insights to share with her?

I don’t usually include beta-like comments in a story review, but since you specifically asked for them, in order to be able to clean up tiny flaws in your manuscript, I will mention what I noticed.
Section 4: One that little scrap of metal Did you mean On instead of One?
Section 8: talked o her in a quiet, gentle voice. You mean talked to her…
Section 9: crush of Teddy Lupin Maybe this is just a difference in British/American idiom; in America we would say crush on…
Section 15: muttered comforting words in her ear. I think you want the present tense mutter, to be parallel with the present tense brush earlier in this sentence.

There is some confusion in the usage of who/whom in these three places:
Section 11: …they were quiet, well-behaved children whom enjoyed playing tag…
Section 16: …tiny, unnamed baby whom had never really been much more than a soul.
Section 21: …second cousin of Grandma Weasley’s whom had been an accountant.

Who is the form of the relative pronoun used as a subject; whom is the form of the relative pronoun used as a direct object. To choose quickly and accurately between them, use this trick.
First, isolate the dependent clause containing the relative pronoun:
..whom enjoyed playing tag.
..whom had really never been much more than soul
..whom had been an accountant.

Next, change these dependent clauses into little independent sentences by replacing the relative pronoun (who or whom) by a personal pronoun such as he (subject) or him (direct object); use they or them if a plural is called for.
In the first of these three mini-sentences, that would give you They enjoyed playing tag versus Them enjoyed playing tag; obviously “they” is the grammatical choice in this mini-sentence, so you know that you need “who” (not “whom”) in your story’s sentence.
If you try this with your other two problem sentences, substituting both “he” and “him” to see what sounds right, you will quickly see that “whom” in your story sentences needs to be changed to “who” in both instances.

In cases where the direct-object form “whom” is correct, this test procedure might require a little rearrangement of words in the test mini-sentences. For example:
Mary recognized the man [who? whom?] I saw in the park.
The test mini-sentences might seem a little awkward: He I saw in the park versus Him I saw in the park, but if we rearrange the words into a more normal order: I saw he in the park versus I saw him in the park, then it becomes clear that the word needed is “whom”, not “who”.

I do not mean to go on and on about this, but I sensed that you did want your stories to be as error-free as possible, so this trick can help you fix, not only this story, but other stories also.

To leave off beta-ing and get back to reviewing, I will close by saying that I really enjoyed this little story and thought that it was quite imaginative. Maybe you tried this format as an experiment. If so, it worked just fine. Thanks for writing.

Author's Response: Thank you again for your review. I love reviewers like you because I can tell that you honestly care about what you are reading, which is a tremendous compliment to the writer in itself. I'm glad you enjoyed the format (it was a bit of an experiment) and appreciate that you noticed the story arc of self-discovery. I find it interesting that you noticed the parallel of Lily/Petunia and Lucy/Patricia as that wasn't intentional, but looking back on it I can see that that would have been a clever little touch to add, had I thought of it ;). I cannot thank you enough for pointing out the little spelling/grammatical errors and I'll fix them as soon as possible. Thank you, especially, for giving me the hint about the who/whom use. I've never been able to figure that out before. Thank you for giving me a quick and simple fix.

You must login (register) to review.