MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Wenlock (Signed) · Date: 04/06/14 11:18 · For: Reunion
Oh and I forgot to mention that, as usual, your humor is great. I loved Charlie's line " Hey, Ginny, are you going to introduce your boyfriend to your brothers - Barry isn't it?"
In this way you've really captured both Rowling's world and the Weasley family specifically.

Author's Response: There's lot's of humour in Harry Potter and I like to put it in my wok too. Thanks for the review

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 04/02/14 12:17 · For: Reunion
Very moving chapter with a kick at the end.

Author's Response: thanks

Name: Wenlock (Signed) · Date: 03/27/14 13:12 · For: Reunion
Hi! Its me again. I hope you're not getting sick of my reviews...
So as usual you understand your characters well. But this isn't meant to be a character essay. I still think you're over-expaining a bit.
I like where this story is going but I think you need to be a bit more subtle, especially because it seems like your villain will be the subtle, calculating type.
For example, when you introduce your villain, you could say something like this:
Percy turned his eyes from the happy reunion to gaze upon the crowd. He saw (describe the crowd). Standing alone was a tall, menacing figure, quietly appraising the Weasleys Oliver Grantham, senior partner of the old Wizarding legal firm of Bellbocks, Grantham and Popplefrock and member of the Wizengamot. Percy thought to himself, "I'm glad he fought on our side. He would be a formidable enemy." How right he was.

Author's Response: Hi Wenlock, I very much appreciate your reviews and the time and thought you put into them. Constructive criticism is the best type of review to receive because it enable me to improve my writing and the story. I guess I am over explaining somewhat. Part of why I am writing this story is to process my own feeling and thoughts at the end of Deathly Hallows and finish it off properly for myself. That does mean some rehashing and over explanation at this stage until the new story properly opens up. There are 26 more chapters planned and I hope you stay with it. Eric

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 03/21/14 10:32 · For: Heroes
Nice chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks again for your comment.

Name: Wenlock (Signed) · Date: 03/21/14 1:06 · For: Heroes
I liked the way you set it up so the trio could have a little time together before facing the real world. I think JK would have done the same thing. I liked the line "All three dreaded leaving that room." It really summed up the feelings quite nicely.
I think sometimes you could explain the characters' feelings better if you used fewer words. I found myself just skimming over the long paragraphs talking about what we all know the characters are thinking.
Other than that, its a great start.
Oh and I noticed a minor grammar mistake: 'one's" in Ginny's letter should be "ones" (no apostrophe.)
Keep up the good work.
I look forward to see where you're going with this.

Author's Response: Thanks again for your detailed review. I appreciate it. I'll bear in mind what you say about wordiness. It is difficult to know what to leave in and what to leave out. Different readers want different things. You should have seen the first few drafts, far more wordy. Thanks for pointing out the grammar mistake. I will fix it.

Name: Wenlock (Signed) · Date: 03/21/14 0:31 · For: We're Alive
Good writing.
I liked your room service joke.
I will be following this story. I hope you keep writing.
I also hope you handle this time well. Most authors either don't give their characters enough time to mourn or they over-do it.

Author's Response: Thanks for your comments. I'll let you be the judge of whether I give the characters enough time to mourn or if I over-do it. The characters actually have a lot to be celebrating as well as mourning and I hope to reflect that, as well as the fact they have been through a lot of trauma and need time to recover.

Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 03/14/14 19:37 · For: We're Alive
I was drawn in almost immediately!! Fantastically written and you made me cry at several moments which is a great thing because you brought the emotions to life! Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for you generous review. In my view, at this time, just after the battle, the emotions would be raw and very close to the surface and with the sheer exhaustion of the situation barriers would be down. I have tried to depict that here, and in the next few chapters and I am happy if I have succeeded to some degree. Thanks.

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 03/14/14 12:38 · For: We're Alive
Not original, but very well done.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and the complement. I hope you will the find the story more original as it progresses, though the early chapters necessarily traverse ground well travelled by other writers. I intend to introduce the first truly new element at the end of chapter 3 The story plan currently calls for 29 chapters in all.

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