MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
01/18/14 17:09 · For:
Hi Alex. This is Vicki of Slytherin House. I came across this story which you wrote for the Summer Term classes, and I hope your professors gave you high marks because it is a good little story.
I like the image of Fleur taking matters into her own hands and Bill not being put off by her frankness. The roots of her forthrightness are seen in canon: she first lays eyes on Bill in about June of 1995, goes to work at Gringott’s (where he works) shortly thereafter, summons up her boldness to approach him, as outlined in this story, and is engaged one year later. One might assume that a girl with Veela blood could have her pick of the countless young men who would throw themselves at her, but she ignores them to pursue the one man that she herself has chosen, in a planned, proactive way. Thus she is depicted as having a strong and focused character, completely at odds with the bubblehead image that Bill’s family has of her.
I will admit that I was not entirely sure what Fleur was talking about in the paragraph that begins with her saying “But only wiz some…charm.” When she says,”I wanted to be sure eet was me zis time. I wanted to be in control,” is she saying that she wanted to control who she would be in a romantic relationship with, and that she wanted to be loved for herself, not as an object? In a previous review, Lori speaks of the downside of having Veela blood, and I think that that is a point some readers can identify with; in the real world, it doesn’t take Veela blood to attract a bunch of suitors who want to feed off your success, wealth, fame, glamour, power, even, yes, beauty (if you are so lucky as to have these qualities), and trying to distinguish between the true friends and the leeches can be a real problem. It is perceptive of you to deal with this issue.
The sudden jump in the story from Bill and Fleur’s conversation on the steps of the bank to the scene, one year later, at the Delacour home works very well; there is no need to present any of the intervening courtship because everything necessary was said on the steps. Details of the courtship would have just been filler.
I was amused by the contrast between the Bill that we know, with long hair and a fang earring, and the Bill who is visiting M. Delacour with a ring box in his pocket. His behavior at this moment seems very old-fashioned; I can almost picture him going down on one knee when Fleur appears unexpectedly in the room. But for me the significant moment at the end is not the fact that Bill is about to propose to Fleur; it is the fact that she dates the beginning of their life together from the day when Bill took her on a tour of London, which was shortly after she arrived there, which was shortly after she left Hogwarts where she had met him for the first time. She obviously had the perception to recognize quality when she saw it and the courage to seize it.
This is a thoughtful piece, even though you do not spend a lot of time in the characters’ inner reflections; the story is told through their serious words and actions. I like that sort of story, because that is how we get to know people in real life: by their words and actions. Nice job.
(Signed) · Date:
09/29/13 23:19 · For:
I liked this, Alex. Bill and Fleur are a couple I love to read in fanfic, and I like your take here -- that she restrained her own charm to make sure he liked her for who she was, not because he was compelled to. The downside of Veela blood: never knowing if the man really wanted you for you. Nicely done. (Though I'm not sure I can ever feel sorry for a Veela -- haha!)
Yes, the end is a bit sugary, but it's no problem for me, as I happen to love the occasional dessert!
I see the nargles have attacked your submission. You may already know this, but if you put a space on either side of your dashes, those annoying squares will go away. Just FYI.
I enjoyed being in class with you and getting to read your drabbles and discussions. Also nice to see your name on the most recents list again. Take care! ~ Lori
(Signed) · Date:
09/29/13 23:04 · For:
I like it. I'm not very fond of 'sickly' sweet fics, but this one is just right, nothing over the top and definately not filled with cliches. The characterization was also spot on, very cannon compliant. One thing I didn't quite understand though, was Fleur about to propose to Bill? She seems more traditional to me, so it would have been helpful to know her reasoning to propose to him instead of waiting for him to propose. Overall, a well written and enjoyable fic. Good job! :)