Reviews For Remembrance Day
Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 04/16/14 17:55
Chapter: Remembrance Day

Hi, Bibi,

This is Vicki of Slytherin House, commenting on your lovely little poem Remembrance Day.

It’s a short poem, not lots of words, but with a controlled structure that does not ramble. Each of the five verses has a clear and distinct focus, so that you say a lot in twenty short lines.

The repetition of “One year ago” at the beginning of each verse ties the verses together, and then it is topped off by the sudden change in the expression of time, from “one year” to “a thousand years”, and from “ago” (in the past) to “on” (in the future). This sudden change is a signal of what all the preceding lines meant, and leads us directly to the conclusion that we must draw.

Your style is simple, direct, and completely accessible. At a time like this (the one-year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts), plain language is more appropriate and has more force than flowery or convoluted language would have had. You use plan but forceful words and phrases, such as “ruined”, “maimed”, “tatters”, “dismal”, “and finally good came out [on] top”. (I think you meant to have the word “on” in there, no?)

There are no absolute rhymes, but the poem has several cases of similar sounding words: forces-ashes, dismal-tunnel, top-job, and, best of all, apart-hearts. By having the best rhyme at the end, you give the end a little more punch. It feels as if the poem is wrapped up.

This was a nice job, and it deserves a review, so that you will know that the people who have clicked on your poem have also appreciated it. I hope that you will write more.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
Never Let Go by majestic_ginny 3rd-5th Years
DAUGHTER OF MINISTER FOR MAGIC FOUND DEAD Lucy Weasley, eldest daughter of...
Black Death by Northumbrian 3rd-5th Years
Three renegade Blacks, Alphard, Andromeda, and Sirius, must find ways to mourn...
FEATURED
Thank you for your time, Professor by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
It is April 1976, and Minerva McGonagall sits in her office, arranging biscuits...
Heat of the Moment by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Professors
A night of paperwork, coffee, and burning the midnight oil... it wasn't...
A Splendid Fate by hestiajones 6th-7th Years
One failed photograph, two halved souls, and the numerous, marvellous machinations...
CATEGORIES