MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Name: dongbei (Signed) · Date: 05/14/17 0:14 · For: Sorry to Leave, But I Had to Go
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Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 01/28/14 18:36 · For: Sorry to Leave, But I Had to Go
Hi, Megs. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, commenting on your well-written story, with its interesting premise.

I would like to say that your story has a sparkle due to your fresh use of language with many good and original turns of phrase, such as “..offering food to anyone who dared linger in the kitchen,” and “You peck them good and hard until they answer my questions.” You strike that pleasing balance between dull cliche on one hand and excessive striving for effect on the other hand. There were a very few places where the word you really wanted was not the word you actually used (change “incredibility” to “incredulity”, “taunt” to “taut”, and “flicked” to “flickered”). But that is a minor point. Your scenes are easy to visualize because of the vivid and appropriate details.

Your treatment of the wizarding government echoes much of what we saw in the seven Harry Potter books: it can be clueless and heavy-handed. One is left wondering if they can do anything right. Hermione expresses the problem succinctly when she says, “They never think before passing these horrible discriminating laws.” Requiring werewolves to find spouses within two weeks is unreasonable, and I am wondering if a further plot development will be that the Ministry is setting up the werewolves to fail, in order to have an excuse to snap their wands and send them to Azkaban. (Does anyone believe Diggory’s denial?)

But your treatment of anti-discrimination measures in the workplace reminded me strongly of the civil rights measures that were undertaken here in the United States in the 1950’s and 1960’s. The extending of civil rights to minorities and women was met with strong resistance by a certain segment of the population, and the individuals who dared to claim those rights had to face a mountain of prejudice and resentment; their bravery, dignity, and persistence is legendary. But as the decades go by, and the people who cannot accept the changing times die off, and the new generation grows up with the experience of seeing women and minorities in positions of influence, change slowly comes about.

But in your story Remus cannot see himself as a courageous soldier in the vanguard of werewolf rights. He says, “Just because I can get a job doesn’t make the prejudice any less real Now they’ll just hire me because the Ministry is forcing them or they’ll be written up. I’d rather not have that hanging over my head every day.” No James Meredith or Jackie Robinson is he. He’s not even acting like a Gryffindor at this point.

I also liked your discussion of the interface between the Muggle and wizarding worlds. Remus states that he has moved back and forth between the two worlds for employment. And yet the general wizarding opinion seems to be that living in the Muggle world is some kind of catastrophe, as Hermione expresses when she says, “They’re still going to take your life away when they force you to live as a Muggle…” Funny, we don’t seem to mind living here.

I hesitated over your characterization of Hermione at first; she seemed to be very atypically emotional, still crying two years after the Battle of Hogwarts, a bit overwrought compared to the Hermione we know. But by Chapter Two you had her back in rare form again, coming up with a perfectly easy solution, reminding Remus that he can’t buy Wolfsbane in Muggle grocery stores, and ultimately browbeating Remus into co-operating.

Your characterization of Remus is very good. He always did have a certain element of self-pity and moments of refusing to strive hard, along with all his virtues and good points. I can see him being willing to acquiesce with a force that seems stronger than himself and seems to know where it is going.

The timeline of Chapters Three and Four threw me off a little bit, until I realized that Chapter Three was the marriage scene from Remus’ point of view, and then Chapter Four backed up in time a little and replayed events from Hermione’s point of view. Once I figured that out and re-read the chapters, everything was fine.

I appreciated the amusing points in your story”the multiple marriage proposals, the horde of reporters and their shouted questions as Hermione tried to get into the lift.

This is an intriguingly original story with lots of well-developed scenes, especially at the Ministry, with the long lines of werewolves and fiancées. Hermione, true to form, studies up on wizarding marriage ceremonies beforehand and is irritated that the imperfect textbook did not prepare her perfectly for the rite. But where will the story go from here? Why does the thought of kissing her new husband turn her head around? Why is her stomach liquefied with fear and “some other emotion”? Maybe this solution is not so “perfectly easy” after all.

Your story shows that, even without Voldemort on the scene, life is still difficult. I will enjoy reading the upcoming chapters. Good job.

Name: Wolfsbane394 (Signed) · Date: 09/04/13 22:08 · For: Don't Need a New Love or a New Life
And the plot thickens. I'm loving this, good job! :)

Author's Response: Ha ha indeed. Thanks so much! More on the way...

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 09/04/13 13:50 · For: Don't Need a New Love or a New Life
Ron's funeral made me cry.

Author's Response: Oh wow! Good, I think. The atmosphere for this story is quite sad. I'm glad it is an emotional ride.

Name: Wolfsbane394 (Signed) · Date: 08/31/13 17:25 · For: You'll Forget Me Again
I was so excited when I saw this story had been updated! I can't wait to see how everything unfolds, but as of now it is very good. Please don't abandon this! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and encouragement. This is nowhere near abandoned! Currently working on it. Hope you like it! :)

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 08/13/13 10:56 · For: Sorry to Leave, But I Had to Go
I am not sure what the relationship of Hermione and Remus is. Forcing werewolves to marry seems odd.

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