Hi, Beth. This is Vicki of Slytherin House. I have been reading stories posted in 2013, which is why I read your story, and I must say that it is very nicely written. The sentences flow smoothly, never stilted or awkward or wooden, and there is pleasing variety in sentence structure and vocabulary. The descriptive details make the scene easy to envision.
Your characterization of Remus is definitely consistent with canon; he is patient and attentive, speaking and acting gently and supportively as Tonks lies in her hospital bed. Tonks is only partially her usual brassy, sassy self, even before she learns that her cousin is dead. Although she is waking up after a three-day coma, I feel that her speech would have been a little feistier.
It is not easy to guess where this story is going. Book five tells us that Bellatrix felled Tonks at the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, but I am not aware that they ever met face to face again. Tonks and Remus died in the first phase of the Battle of Hogwarts, before Bellatrix and Voldemort entered the fray. So perhaps the plot of this story will turn out not to be the revenge of Tonks on Bellatrix for the death of Sirius, but rather a budding romance between Tonks and Remus. As Chapter One of this story ends, the story has the possibility to go in various directions.
There were a few missed spots in editing: “tighten” for “tightened”, “quite” for “quiet”, “close” for “closed”, and a few issues in punctuation and, rarely, in sentence structure. It is easy for the author’s eye to skip over these bobbles, and Spell-Check does not flag them if they are real words, such as “quite” for “quiet”. A final slow, careful reading can catch these bobbles before the story goes to the queue.
I notice that you posted this first chapter last summer. Perhaps your school obligations have prevented your submitting the next chapter, but I hope that we will see it sooner or later because your prose is pleasant to read. What happened between Tonks and Remus after the Battle of the Department of Mysteries is definitely a “missing moment”, and I would like to see what you do with it.
This is a good beginning to what promises to be a good romance fic. It seems plausible that Tonka would end up at St. Mungo's with the memory of Bellatrix' cruel smile. You described her shock and anguish very well. It also seemed so natural for her to cry in Remus' arms and for him to comfort her. I look forward to reading more and seeing how their relationship developed.
What a sweet fic! I've always been curious as to how Tonks and Remus started becoming closer; it seems completely natural, as you've made it out to be in this fic, that they would've come together out of the pain of Sirius' death. The parallels between the two smiles was cool, too . . . the line between love and pain can be thin sometimes. Anyway, nice work!
Author's Response: Aw thank you! Sorry for the late response, I've been busy. :( I've always thought that Sirius' death would be the catalyst for them getting together, I'm glad you think it seems natural. :D Thanks again for the review!
This is such a good story :-) I'm looking forward to reading more. Please update soon !
Author's Response: Thank you so much! This is my first fic ever and its lovely to have a nice review. I'm working on the next chapter now. :D Thanks Anarane