This is your fellow Slytherin Vicki. It’s been a while since I have seen you here in MNFF or in the Beta Boards, and I hope you will be back someday, even if only to read this review. I saw this poem when it was first posted, and I thought it was so clever and imaginative.
It certainly sounds like James speaking; you have captured his voice so well. He thinks that if he can be goofy and charming, then surely no one can hold anything against him. This poem shows his humor, his teasing, his pleading, his cocky self-confidence, his conviction that, no matter what he does, all will be forgiven in the end.
I like the structure of this poem, with the little asides in parentheses. They really are asides; if you read the poem without them, it still makes perfect sense. They are like little sprinkles of spice.
James says that he will teach Lily how to tame lions, but in the eighteen-line poem (not counting the parenthetical asides) only three lines are actually devoted to teaching her how to do it: “try to get to know us,” “Forget our past offenses,” and “and focus on the good inside us.” The rest of the poem is self-aggrandizement, teasing, coaxing, typical James stuff. I doubt that he wants to be “tamed” at all.
The layout of the poem on the page adds to its appeal visually, and I have no suggestions for how it could be improved in any way. It was fun to read. Well done!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Vicki! I hadn't been on MNFF lately, as you said, and it was mostly due to lack of time and motivation. Your reviews have given me the push i need to start writing again, and hopefully put some more stories on here. I'm glad that it sounded like James to you. This poem was really fun to write because of who's voice it was in, but it was also a bit hard to figure out how to get the point across. Yes, James definitely doesn't want to be "tamed!" Thanks much Vicki! -Georgia