Reviews For Goodbye
Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 04/15/14 23:22
Chapter: Goodbye

Hah! And I was going to write this review for no rewards at all, but now that I see that you’re really handing out cookies…

Hi, Abi. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, and I’m not just cadging for cookies when I say that your poem has a sparkle, a spirit that gives it life. It has a lively pace, with plenty of active verbs. And it tells a lot of story within twenty compact lines. There are no wasted words here, no unnecessary redundancy (hence the lively pace).

We see Ted Tonks’ essential nature in these lines:

“You tell them to run; you tell them not to wait.”
“You will not give them the satisfaction of a win, so you turn to face them with a defiant grin.”
“You try to buy your friends some precious time.”

All those lines reveal Ted’s character. He is brave, gallant, down-to-earth. He recognizes when his time is up, he makes his last moments count for something, and he hopes his wife will survive to see the dawn of the peace that he has been fighting for.

Your poem has a very storytelling nature: a few details to set the scene, a rapid series of events, tension and danger, a climax and inevitable bittersweet ending. There is a strict rhyme scheme, but not a strict meter; that adds to the narrative feel of the piece.

And I liked the tie between verses two and five, where Ted mentions “those to whom your blood is a sin” and then again “your supposed crime”. Referencing the first phrase with the latter phrase helps keep the poem from having a rambling feel.

All in all, I enjoyed this poem; this tiny moment in the Harry Potter history is a good choice for a poem. Perhaps there will be another poetry class this summer and you will be able to work on your poetry some more.

(Will accept cookies now.)

Author's Response: Oh wow, I've only just seen this! Thank you so much for the kind words, and I'm very glad you enjoyed it as poetry is not something I'm used to writing. You are very much welcome to some cookies now =)

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/25/13 2:46
Chapter: Goodbye

Cookies!

Hello, Abi. ;) I am so happy to see other people branching out into poetry, and I really liked your poem. I loved the type of narrative it was in, and especially found the rhyme scheme to be very effective. Great job! Perhaps I will see more from you...

~Nagini, fellow poet

Author's Response: Hi, Nagini =) Thank you for the lovely review! Hopefully there may be some more in the future.. As promised, here are you cookies ;) ~Abi~

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
James and Me by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Annabel is having a bad day. Her sudden and unexpected meeting with a face from...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
FEATURED
It Takes Two to Tango by lucca4 3rd-5th Years
They cannot keep doing this; it is only a matter of whose resolve will break...
In The Heat Of The Morning by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Summary: In the heat of the morning, Katie and Leanne lie in the grounds...
Can't Fight the Moonlight by Acacia Carter 6th-7th Years
A life-changing disaster at work drives Neville Longbottom to seek aid from...
The History Teacher by iLuna17 6th-7th Years
Maybe he didn’t just love history, maybe he loved being a history teacher.
white on white by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Three vignettes about scars, love, and sex.
CATEGORIES